独立作文求指导批改

荆潇UID: 3189673

Subject：Nowdays, fold has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.求求大牛高手指导啊，非常感谢。

A glimpse of this topic reminds me an unforgettable picture, parents and children, all of the family members, busy in the kitchen, cook a satisfied and wonderful meal with laughing and chatting. The query whether the prepared food could improved our life is still controversial. But from my perspective, everything improved does not come without a price, the easier prepared food too.

My initial reason, conspicuous and ubiquitous, associates with the point that cooking used to be an art. Most of the cookers enjoy the cooking. And if they cook a pretty delicious meal loved by the family or guest, it is a honor. Since people eat the easier prepared food, the art of cooking is slowly vanishing. If fast food and preserved food replace cooking, we could not experience the fun of that.

To avoid a simplistic argument, here arises another essential factor that cooking is a good way to release our pressure and considered to be a chance to get together for the whole family. We usually could be easy from the intense work which we do from Monday to Friday, when we cook. And the weekend is good time for family members meeting and chatting. We talk what we hearts want and laugh what we couldn’t at ordinary times. However, the preparation of food would detain us. Thus the junk food even could be termed as a resistance for family dinners.

Admittedly, multitudes of people would assert that the easier prepared food advanced our live, given that we could save the cooking time and would do some meaningful things. Persuasive as it seems to be , a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. These fast food are lower in nutritional value and contain less minerals and vitamins. Further, they have added flavors, colors and preservatives that are sometimes harmful to our health. So we probably lost much more in order to save a little time.

Therefore, we could draw a conclusion from what we have discussed, if we pay so much cost for the easy prepared food, it is not a good step for us.

jiang08UID: 2391146

粗略看了一遍，论点上没有太大的问题，当然也没什么出挑的地方。
1，请把论题的关键词拼对。。。
2，第2点里面，你混淆了cook和eat together的概念，微波个东西然后大家坐下来一起吃吃笑笑为啥不可以呢？为什么一定要cook呢？而且你说工作了很累cook可以减压，，，如果你全职工作了独立生活，你就知道下班以后做饭是最累最麻烦的事情……这个point不太普适，但如果你把它改成你自己的经验，那无可厚非，每个人不一样。
3，句子结构。不要写那些seemingly big words，没用的，和你文章其他部分完全脱节，比如conspicuous and ubiquitous，你要表达什么意思。。。以及To avoid a simplistic argument, here arises another essential factor that 这种冗长繁复的东西都删了。
4，用词。语法错误很多。最简单的，cooker是指炉灶，不是厨子。另有satisfied和satisfying分不清。honor钱的不定冠词应该用an。还有很多我不一一指出了，自己好好看看。

需要努力的地方还挺多的，再多练练吧。

荆潇UID: 3189673

2# jiang08
谢谢，刚开始写，不知道该怎么下手，堆砌了一些词，反而造成有失偏颇。