[作文] 【独立写作】lazysheep的作业贴！ [复制链接]

wuxiang0220
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发表于 2012-8-14 16:19:42 |显示全部楼层

已改

traveling or save money revised by wuxiang.doc

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mresc
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发表于 2012-8-15 10:48:46 |显示全部楼层

lazysheep 发表于 2012-8-14 12:59
8.14独立 easier to be educated

【rev. mresc】easier to be educated.doc (31.5 KB, 下载次数: 17)
改好了！

世界虐我千百遍，我待世界如初恋

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skyslywd
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发表于 2012-8-15 15:31:26 |显示全部楼层

作文已改好，是在word里面加了备注，但是我级别不够，附件发不了啊。。。楼主要不给我个邮箱发给你吧~

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skyslywd
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发表于 2012-8-15 15:58:24 |显示全部楼层

那还是这样直接贴上来吧
Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educatedthan in the past?
Nowadays with the high pace development （of society?）and the more(建议删除) competitivemarket, education plays an irreplaceable role foryoung people to get lucrative jobs and (to) pursue future goals(感觉可以写得再大一点，教育的作用应该不仅限于个人可以找个好工作吧). Hundred years ago, hardly can ordinary peopleget well educated considering their poor living environment and limitedlearning resources. However, in recent thirty years, education is no longer adream. It's much easier to get educated now because of the better facilitiesand schools, abundant recourses, and more attention paid by the society.
(开篇总起得不错，但是better facilitiesand schools 和 abundant resources 的逻辑关系值得考虑一下，是不是后者应该是包括前者的。)
First and foremost, more schools are established, which areequipped with better teaching facilities. There is no doubt that hundred yearsago, education is luxury, which is only offered to noblemen through privateschool. Farmers and workers seldom had the chance to be educated. Whereas moreschools are established in recent years, and children, even in(rural areas), are able to absorb knowledge fromschools. Moreover, thanks to the thriving of economy and technology, betterteaching facilities are brought in to schools. For example, my school was in asmall village, and it already had an e-learning system. We can access to classby internet and participate in class (with)multimedia. Such convenient and hi-tech facilities are obviously beyond mygrandparents' imagination. Thus, it is much easier for people to be educated,on account of more schools and efficient facilities.
In addition, there are more resources for people to learnbesides schools in the present. Educational programs in TV provide a more vividway for people to get educated in their free time. Zoos are perfect places forchildren to not only play with animals, but also learn zoology. Museums alsoplay an important role in the education of history and culture. Such places didn’t exist in the past(这句话略显绝对了).Therefore, it is easier for people to pick up knowledge and be educated now,even in their daily life.
Last but not the least, governments and society pay more andmore attention to education. As is known to all, youngsters will take charge ofthe world in the near future. How could a future governor make policies withoutbeing educated? How could a future general succeed in war without knowledge ofstrategies? To well educate the young is just like to sow seeds, whichcontributes to blossom of flowers in the future. Thus, more money and humanresources are put into education because of the awareness of its importance.Governments provide more opportunities for scholars to study abroad. Newactions are carried out to propagate education. As a result, more people areeducated than before.
All in all, from my point of view, it is much easier forpeople to get education than in the past.

结尾略显简短，可以简单总结一下上面论证的三点，跟开头呼应。
总体而言文章结构很清晰观点也很明确但是感觉在观点本身的逻辑组织上感觉不是很清晰，better resources, more abundant resources and socialattention这三者之间并不是简单的并列关系。
学习了很多啊，谢谢亲的文章，以后多多交流，一起进步哈~~~

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