【独立写作】monkey121作业帖

monkey121UID: 3238740

第一次参加作文互批，准确地说是第一次决定好好弄作文了~不管是不地道的表达还是菜鸟级错误，还请战友们多多费神了，抱拳啦！我也会尽力而为给出我的意见哒！（刚花了一个多小时写完这篇，觉得中文话都说不顺口了。。）
大家加油！

咦，附件在哪里加。。

monkey121UID: 3238740

因为用户组几分不够，这次我就先纯文本复制在下面了，要麻烦大家自己粘贴在word里了，抱歉~也希望大家告诉我下邮箱什么的，我把改好的发过去吧，因为word标注起来比较好~
以下是我的第一篇作文，加油^^：

0823 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
An effective leader should try to make others feel that they are part of decision making.

Among many attributes to build up an effective leader, one of them may be the ability to involve everyone else in making the decision. Some people may doubt whether it is necessary to spend time on things not so relevant to work itself. However, I regard it as with high efficiency.

On one hand, to make others feel they are part of decision making really has something to do with the sense of belonging, which plays a big role in every community. Not only the senior worker feel valued, the new comers will also find respect and confidence in themselves and blend into the unite more quickly and easily. With emotional links between employers and employers becoming tighter and tighter, the leader can naturally develop his prestige and achieve much support from others. Actually, this does good to the operation as well as the efficiency of the whole team.

On the other hand, participation stimulates motivation. The employers who do not gain enough emphasis tend to easily ignore their own roles in the process and become reluctant to tap his latent potential and the loss of the employers' growth is a horrible thing for every leader. By putting emphasis on everyone's opinion, the leader is making an open stage for everyone's outstanding performance.

Nevertheless, some people may argue that too much space for the individual staff may lead to chaos in decision making since it's hard to get an idea that everyone concurs. Once the situation goes out of control, the result may not be solitary but conflicts. But from my point of view, things are not too bad today. Many enterprises have their Human Resource section develop good regulation mechanism and help the leaders solve the problem. The "Six Thinking Hats" pattern, for instance, is a popular pattern for everyone efficiently participating in decision making.

Anyway, encouraging everyone to take an indispensible part in decision making has everything to do with the equal and open working atmosphere. The resulting high efficiency did worth the effort.

Word Count: 336


Chel_sea：
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1424207&fromuid=3359346
maoqiu007：
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1406476&fromuid=3023523

Chel_seaUID: 3359346

楼主，我一看你的作文字数就泪奔了，336明显不够的啊，至少写到400吧, 不过没关系，下次加油！~
明天我们一组，我的邮箱405069444@qq.com

monkey121UID: 3238740

Chel_sea 发表于 2012-8-24 00:10
楼主，我一看你的作文字数就泪奔了，336明显不够的啊，至少写到400吧, 不过没关系，下次加油！~
明天我们一 ...

是吗！我以为比要求字数多就可以了。。之前一直看范文，真没自己好好练过~所以我要做好被喷的准备。。如果喷，请深喷:p

Chel_seaUID: 3359346

已改 不好意思有点晚

monkey121UID: 3238740

Chel_sea 发表于 2012-8-24 21:04
已改 不好意思有点晚

首先谢谢你的批改哦，又让我发现了更多不足~
然后我feedback一下：1.第一段的attribute有属性、特性的意思，我在阅读里看到的~这里是想表达“成为一名优秀领导者所具有的要素”想了想把这句改成among many attributes of an effective leader吧，是不是好些~
2.倒数第二段“两个谓语”的问题（have their Human Resource section develop ...），我是用了have sb. do sth.的结构啦~
非常感谢你的建议哦！我的确是例子展开不够以及主旨模糊，这两个缺点要好好改正~

maoqiu007UID: 3023523

欢迎和我交流

monkey121UID: 3238740

maoqiu007 发表于 2012-8-25 16:17
欢迎和我交流

看了你的批改，很有一针见血之感啊，觉得中了好几枪，还都是要害，厉害！“抓住一个点，然后深入挖掘” 我会努力改正哒！
我可不是GRE大神哈，词汇的话其实是这几天集中做阅读积累的，也算是一个训练方法吧~