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本帖最后由 panmingming2008 于 2012-10-29 13:42 编辑
70 Claim: Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's major field of study.
Reason: Acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated.
BEN补:Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
BEN:原题理路(line of reasoning):
大学应要求学生选修大量非专业课程(政策论点)-->获得众多学科的知识(理由)-->接受良好教育(预期后果)
可以问一下:选修课除了获得知识,还有什么?
答:还有思考方法、看待事物的角度。比如哈佛公正课,对待同样一件事,不同的人有不同的行为选择和理由;耶鲁死亡课,对待死亡会有种种不同的看法和思考角度。这些思考方法会很有用,有时比知识更重要。
针对题目要求,可以分别针对论点及理由提出自己的见解和理据。
学校应不应当要求学生选修大量非专业课--这可以从三个方面考虑。
0 这样的政策有没有必要?(比如说出实际难题,原来缺乏选修课学生视野狭窄等)
1 这样的做法会造成什么后果,有没有可能实现预期效果[truly educated]?
2 有没有其他更好的做法(或将原方案改进,以便获得预期效果)?
这样围绕原题核心争议点来展开,才能中心明确、前后一贯,才不会造成前后矛盾、论点模糊的问题。
It is true that learn more knowledge will never be a bad thing, but forcing undergraduates to take a variety of courses outside their major cannot lead to the result people are expected to. On the contrary encouraging students to sign up courses, outside their major, according to favor allows students to become truly educated. (首句立论。但第二句表达不清晰。在不擅长复杂长句的情况下,不妨用简洁的短句把思想表达清楚。)
Many subjects are closely related to another. Taking a variety of courses enables students to broaden their horizon and more importantly, a variety of knowledge gives students’ ability to analyze and tackle problem in different perspective and ways. For example, the literature class teaches students major in chemistry how to write a good dissertation. The theory, quantitative change leads to qualitative change, we learned in philosophy class teaches students in biology department to continue their experiments which seem to be tedious and useless, and they will finally make the progress when they get accurate results after numerous experiments. (呼应中心论点:大量选修课有利于学生...。第二句是分论点,后面加上两个例子。简洁明了,没有废话。很好!)
Nonetheless, it may be impossible for some college to open a variety of courses for students. Some colleges like engineering college are not capable to open the course like philosophy and literature. These colleges may devote large amount money on increasing the facility in engineering experiment and inviting more professionals in specific realm, which provide the engineering major students a chance to learn in depth in their major. And thus to some extent, these engineering college lack the fund to open courses which has little relevance with engineering such as economy and history. Therefore, providing various courses for students may not be an easy thing for some colleges. (本段考虑到各个学校的具体情况:某些专科学校没有实力开设大量选修课。举例。这段与中心论点联系不大。应当思考的是:学校应不应当要求学生选修大量非专业课?有没有必要?会造成什么后果?有没有可能实现目标效果[truly educated]?)
In addition, undergraduates spend only four years in university that they cannot even do well in their majors not to mention the courses which are outside their major. As we all know that students nowadays are already under considerable pressure and course load, extra courses will add their burden and also distract them from studying in major courses. Being required to take various classes will finally lead students only get to know the surface of all subjects, because they do not have time to study in depth in their major. After four-year-studying, students lack the comprehensive understanding of their major.
(本段继续探讨:大量选修课会使学生从专业课程中分心。问题:没有举出具体的例子来证明。要补上。)
Furthermore, students, after graduated, will go on becoming professionals in their own field, is it justified for them to take out their precious time to study subjects that have no relevance to their career and major? For example, is it wise to force someone who major in biology to study art? As knowledge students learned in art classes will never be applied to their biology experiment, it is waste of time for those students who are forced to learn art.
(非常严重的问题:你的第二段已经证明选修课有利。为何本段又说不利呢?这犯了inconsistence即前后不一致的问题。)
There must be some way else that can let students to become truly educated in university. For example, university should encourage undergraduates to choose the subjects which are outside their major according to their interests in the first two years. Giving the right of choosing, students may have more interests when learning a subject when compared with forcing them to. A variety of knowledge learned in a variety of classes allows students to widen their horizon and analyze problems in different perspective. Furthermore, university should provide more freedom and chance of learning their major in depth after first two years, which benefits students to become professional in their realm.
(本段试图从原题reason角度来反驳。但是理由和例子都不如第二段明确和具体。什么才是实现良好教育的最佳办法?除了选修课,是否实际做事、检验所学理论知识也是不错的方法?可以发散来想,再举相应实例,要具体,不要笼统。)
Learning various subjects is not an ideal method for students to become truly educated, and combine the depth and width in students’ learning might be a good choice.
(对比下首段的中心论点,你的结尾段要表达的意思与首段一致吗?consistence的问题。
提示:偷换概念。题目要处理的是Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's major field of study是否合理。而你结尾段只是针对原因,并没有回应学校是否应当要求选修大量非专业课程。)
写的时候完全被托福附身了好么!!写的真是。。我写完都不想再看第二遍
求意见。。只是大概翻了下aw5,5。。对issue的了解很少。。。不知道这样写的布局,逻辑等等什么的对不对、、语言更挫。。求指正!!主要批下逻辑 布局 论证等方面!!多谢各路大神啊啊~~
BEN总评:
全篇文章,只有第二段分论点清楚,有具体的相关例子支撑。3分水平。
全文七段,太多了。造成的后果是后面的几个段落脱离了中心论点。要打的鸟儿太多,结果,一个都难打到。
需要重新梳理。首段中心论点--二到三个理由及其相应例子支撑中心论点--结尾段重述中心论点。
要问问自己:我写的这一段与中心论点有没有联系?如果没有,就不要浪费时间了--没有联系,就是多余的废话。
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