issue29 名人的隐私，各位斧正

guoya_2008UID: 139505

Issue29 the privacy of the public
By the benefit of today's technology, public figures such as actors, politicians, and athletes are more approachable to common citizens, for instance, most the people who care them know almost everything about them such as their background, marriage, education, habits and the like. Sometimes it is annoying to the public figures whey they are reported by the media excessively and sometimes it seems to be unreasonable for the fans to stupendously adore the public figures. In my opinion, the public figures and the fans or the media should develop a correct attitude toward the privacy of the formers.
To the public figures, it is inevitable to lose some of their privacy, which means that they are "public" or popular. For years I have tried to explain why the fans put so much of their time and energy on the pursuit of the public figures but without any fruit. Sometimes they seem enjoy more when they acquire a tiny trivia about the public figure whom they care than they achieve a full mark, if they are students. And some of them must distain you if you don't know something about the public figures. No matter whether I can explain why the fans do that or not, sure enough, they do that, interesting in nearly everything relevant to them. Except the fans, commercial value is another drive to uncover their privacy. We all know that a famous public figure’ advertising for a company will probably bring much profit to them and of course the famous figure earn much. So it is important for the company and the famous people to make the famous more famous. Even sometimes, the famous people's leaders love to make their employees more popular by the way to expose their privacy to the public in order to make their company or group or products more popular. Considering the merchants and the fans' interest to the public figures, the media such as magazine, newspaper, TV, radio and etc provide many programs to cater them, which involve the privacy of the public figures for their own profits. To the public figures, losing privacy is their fate, which brings them honor and profit and which also takes them annoyance. There is no free supper in the world. They should be ready for losing everything before they become public figures.
The public figures privacy losing sometimes is a good thing. Not only it can make the famous more famous, which is the exact thing that the famous love but also it supervises the famous people, which prevents them from doing harm to the society because the famous people often have chance to break the laws such as tax evasion. Every people in the commercial world hopes to make the famous public to the world, which will benefit to him or her and of course benefit the society.
The famous are also human beings who want to keep something to themselves even to the best friends of themselves and they need quiet life, which means that they want to keep some privacy from the public. The society or the government should make relevant rules to refrain the fans and the media from excessively report the public figures. It does good to the famous people and it also do good to the society, for the famous impact the society a lot and they are only famous in one field which means that excessive reports about them may bring negative influence in other fields. For example, we all love the famous actors but among the famous actors, many of them marry several times during their lives. To the fans, maybe it is common and forgivable, which in some sense means that they will mimic that and develop irresponsible attitude toward love.
In conclusion, the public figures should expect that they would lose privacy. For them, it can be good and it also can be bad. If the public figures want to keep something from the public, they should be careful in their everyday life avoiding be traced by the fans or the media. The government should make some rules to protect the private rights of the famous people and to avoid some negative influence produced by excessively reporting the famous.

fortitudesagUID: 139374

29"Public figures such as actors, politicians, and athletes should expect people to be interested in their private lives. When they seek a public role, they should expect that they will lose at least some of their privacy."
注意每段空行，给出标题，提纲更好，以利批改者把握你的思路。

By（这个介词不合适） the benefit of today's technology（mass media好吗）, public figures such as actors, politicians, and athletes are more approachable to common citizens, for instance, most the people who care them know almost everything about them such as their background, marriage, education, habits and the like. Sometimes it is annoying to the public figures whey they are reported by the media excessively and sometimes(重复） it seems to be（to be去掉） unreasonable for the fans to stupendously adore the public figures. In my opinion, the public figures and the fans or the media should develop a correct attitude toward the privacy of the formers.（是不是应该明确一点，点明态度。）

To(AS FOR) the public figures, it is inevitable to lose some of their privacy, which means that （when 从句好一点）they are "public" or popular. For years I （people 更客观一点）have tried to explain why the fans put so much of their time and energy on the pursuit of the public figures but without any fruit（不如try in vain to  合适）. Sometimes they seem enjoy（怎么两个动词原型放在一起） more when they acquire a tiny trivia about the public figure whom they care than they achieve a full mark, if they are students.（more...than 连接的两个成分应该对等，而且我没见过比较when从句） And some of them must distain you if you don't know something about the public figures. No matter whether I can explain why the fans do that or not, sure enough, they do that, interesting（应该过去分词吧？） in nearly everything relevant to them. Except （加for）the fans, commercial value is another drive to uncover their privacy. We all know that a famous public figure’ advertising for a company will probably bring much profit to them and of course the famous figure earn much. So it is important for the company and the famous people to make the famous more famous. Even sometimes, the famous people's leaders love to make their employees more popular by the way to expose their privacy to the public in order to make their company or group or products more popular. Considering the merchants and the fans' interest to the public figures, the media such as magazine, newspaper, TV, radio and etc provide many programs to cater them, which involve the privacy of the public figures for their own profits. To the public figures, losing privacy is their fate, which brings them honor and profit and which also takes them annoyance. There is no free supper in the world. They should be ready for losing everything（太绝对化了） before they become public figures.（论证的松散，建议使用 privacy of those public figures would be influenced by people of certain group. .............at the public's level............ at the figures' level................... at the merchants' level..................)

The public figures privacy losing sometimes is a good thing.(太白了，可以改一改） Not only it can make the famous more famous, which is the exact thing that the famous love but also it supervises the famous people, which prevents them from doing harm to the society because the famous people often have chance to break the laws such as tax evasion. Every people in the commercial world hopes to make the famous public to the world, which will benefit to him or her and of course benefit the society.（从开头读到现在，感觉语序一直不顺，不舒服。）

The famous are also human beings who want to keep something to themselves even to the best friends of themselves and they need quiet life, which means that they want to keep some privacy from the public. The society or the government should make relevant rules to refrain the fans and the media from excessively report（动名词） the public figures. It does good to the famous people and it also do good to the society, for the famous impact the society a lot and they are only famous in one field which means that excessive reports about them may bring negative influence in other fields.（怎么突然方向一转，说到群众了，开始不是要说名人的隐私应该保护吗？） For example, we all love the famous actors but among the famous actors, many of them marry several times during their lives. To the fans, maybe it is common and forgivable, which in some sense means that they will mimic that and develop irresponsible attitude toward love.

In conclusion, the public figures should expect that they would lose privacy. For them, it can be good and it also can be bad.（可以改一改，as any coins have two side, whether privacy of figures would be taken into granted remains under discussion due to the positive and negative effects of this matter.) If the public figures want to keep something from the public, they should be careful in their everyday life avoiding be traced by the fans or the media. The government should make some rules to protect the private rights of the famous people and to avoid some negative influence produced by excessively reporting the famous.

语言和词汇的选择需要改进，感觉每一句似乎都需要改一改，特别不舒服的我改了几句，未必合适，可以参考。可以多模仿范文和别的同学的作文，Ivy0929，I-sunshine的都不错。
论证方面也有缺陷，注意自己的攻击点，全文是指向一点的。而且中途修改自己的论点，会严重削弱你的论证。
第一次贴文章吧，新手有优惠啊，当日可得批改，下次可以先给别人改一改，这样也能提高很快，而且也会有高手光顾你的文章。：）

guoya_2008UID: 139505

谢谢fortitudesag