请大家帮忙提些建议-TPO23的综合写作， 6/15就要考试了

ilovewljiaUID: 3365033

一些typo已经稍微modify过了。先谢谢了
  We can clearly learn from the reading passage that there are 3 hypotheses advanced by the scientists to explain the decline of the populations of the yellow cedar. However, in the lecture, the professor states that currently people don't know the exact cause and none of the three hypotheses is adequate to explain this decline.
  In terms of the first hypothesis, the professor opposes the claim by bringing up the fact the yellow cedar are much more resistant to beetle than other species. Since they can secrete a kind of powerful chemical substance which is poisonous to the insects, and beetle typically attacks the species which are already damaged, sick or died, the yellow cedar is less likely to vulnerable to the damage of the insects.
  Moreover, the professor also disagrees with the second hypothesis which attributes the decline to brow bears. He mentions that the population of the yellow cedar both declined on the mainland and island of this area, but actually there is no existence of bear in the island. Since there is no bear which can destroy the cedar, he concludes that the brown bears cannot be responsible for the decline.
  At last, the reading passage forgets to account the fact that the temperature itself cannot cause the decline of the population. He states that more trees die in the low elevation areas with higher temperature while much less trees die in the high elevation areas with lower temperature. Thus, the 3rd hypothesis is also untenable.
By these means, the professor repudiates the 3 hypotheses proposed in the reading passage.

EnolateUID: 3283311

我觉得你的第一段有点像argument；我记得综合写作的introduction大概是要我们简要概述speaker说了什么，怎么和阅读相对应，那么你第一句大可不要
然后第一点那段，第一句最好把这个claim点出来，你写到最后也没有说beetle不是decline的原因
我觉得这一段写得不是很好，没有把speaker推翻reading的过程还原，
the yellow cedar is less likely to vulnerable to the damage of the insects. 这句病句
beetle typically attacks the species 这里的species应该是cedar trees

第二段， island of this area这个。。把this改成some好了

第三段，开头最好换个说法把lecture换成主语，这一句的意思和reading好像有点出入；紧接着就说he....有点突兀，缺少必要的连接。这段最大的问题就是没有挑明这个事实怎么和reading相对。

请看秋雨的讨论帖
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3283311

最后祝明天考试顺利。。！！！

ilovewljiaUID: 3365033

Enolate 发表于 2013-6-14 21:18
我觉得你的第一段有点像argument；我记得综合写作的introduction大概是要我们简要概述speaker说了什么，怎么 ...

非常感谢，我的确在指出文章和教授关键之间的联系部分比较薄弱。。。。。。俺明天一定加油！

EnolateUID: 3283311

ilovewljia 发表于 2013-6-14 21:36
非常感谢，我的确在指出文章和教授关键之间的联系部分比较薄弱。。。。。。俺明天一定加油！

明天给力喔！！！