第一次写A,请多指教

yanmuhengUID: 3491577

SORRY一开始题目放错了，题目：题库162
The following appeared in a memo from a budget planner for the city of Grandview.
"It is time for the city of Grandview to stop funding the Grandview Symphony Orchestra. It is true that the symphony struggled financially for many years, but last year private contributions to the symphony increased by 200 percent and attendance at the symphony's concerts-in-the-park series doubled. In addition, the symphony has just announced an increase in ticket prices for next year. For these reasons, we recommend that the city eliminate funding for the Grandview Symphony Orchestra from next year's budget. We predict that the symphony will flourish in the years to come even without funding from the city."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

我的作文：
This recommendation of cutting the government funding to the Grandview Symphony Orchestra seems unpersuasive and without deliberation.  While it may be true that the symphony would survive through the funding cutting that implicated by the author, however, this argument does not have enough evidence.

As claimed by the author, personal contribution to the orchestra tripled this year, right after its financial struggle for years, indicating these private investments offered essential money to help the orchestra put an end to its troubles.  Obviously, this reasoning may be not representative to the real circumstances, under which there remains proper possibilities that the tripled investments does not demonstrate its total amount, that is, it could be still little in number, or even though it was huge in sum, more money may be demanded to compensate the debt of the orchestra.  Therefore, losing support from the government may eventually destroy the finance of the orchestra.

Leading to the same negative consequence, the haphazard of the orchestra living only on its ticket income is risky.  Although mentioned by the author that the orchestra had released rising in ticket price for the next year, similar to the previous argument presented in the paragraph before, however, the difference of price could be subtle, and consequentially not essential for the orchestra.  Thus, it is irresponsible and unstable to cut off the government funding as an income of the orchestra.  To exam whether the income from increased ticket price could pillar the orchestra, more researches required according its financial books.

Furthermore, the author implied the high-rocketing fame among the city by listing the fact that the attendance at its concerts-in-the-parked was 200% in scale than before, and this celebrity would lead to a result of augment in earning. Not only we must discern the increasing-in-rate from the increasing-in-number as before that a two-hundred-percent boost in attendance makes no sense in proving the booming in fame of the orchestra, but also, income rising is not the only necessary consequence that celebrity leads to.  Ironically, artists never die from the earth that were, or are decent in repute but wicked in economy.  Consequentially, cutting off government budget, without which the orchestra may be ruined rather than flourish in the future, is not discerning and not fair to the city orchestra.

Thoroughly, as argued, leaving funding from the city, it is more possible that the Grandview Symphony Orchestra would die in history than it would spark in the city only according to the given reasons and reasoning in the recommendation. This article remains immature and ignorant to support its suggestion to eradicate funding to the orchestra. A well-founded orchestra would not only inspire the spirit of the city, but transmits and introduces it out as well. For that reason, the governors of the city should not take the conclusion of the article wrote before and not stop to offer economic aids to the orchestra.

ok111222333UID: 3490817

Your writing doesn't match the topic.