【issue】【argue】zzwcsong的作业贴-issue 4

zzwcsongUID: 3494449

4th issue 3.6
Issue4 by zzwcsong.doc (19.5 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2014-3-6 18:00:51 上传

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Issue4
Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.        

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

Other issues about scandals , political figure and the role of media : issue 5 ,issue 16 ,issue 72, issue 93
(北美范文的顺序)

Outline:
Positon : pro
1.Scandals do help us focus on some political problem ,such as watergate scandal , Nixon
2. However ,sometimes the scandal can distract us from more important issue. It's the human nature and profit-seeking media make us focus more on scandals.
3. If a society always need the scandals to focus , it would be dangerous. The legal system , the mass media should be the normal way to operate .

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3rd argument 3.4
Argument 113 by zzwcsong.doc (22 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2014-3-4 20:20:17 上传

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Argument 113

The following is a recommendation from the personnel director to the president of Acme Publishing Company.        

Many other companies have recently stated that having their employees take the Easy Read Speed-Reading Course has greatly improved productivity. One graduate of the course was able to read a 500-page report in only two hours; another graduate rose from an assistant manager to vice president of the company in under a year. Obviously, the faster you can read, the more information you can absorb in a single workday. Moreover, Easy Read would cost Acme only $500 per employee—a small price to pay when you consider the benefits. Included in this fee is a three-week seminar in Spruce City and a lifelong subscription to the Easy Read newsletter. Clearly, to improve productivity, Acme should require all of our employees to take the Easy Read course.        

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the advice and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the advice.

提纲：
1.unreliable survey :many other companies is such a vague term.
2.Hasty generalization : only two graduate is too small for a sample . Are these two employee representative ?
3.Even so , is it appropriate for all the employees ? Is 500 dollar a suitable price ?  Is there another better choice?

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2nd issue 3.1
Issue 63_2.28_zzwcsong.doc (20 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2014-3-1 18:08:57 上传

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Issue 63.
There is little justification for society to make extraordinary efforts—especially at a great cost in money and jobs—to save endangered animal or plant species.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

issue果然要比argument难好多，憋了好久1个多小时哎。想不出具体的例子，只能泛泛去说
看完北美范文后更加失望，差距好大好大

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1st argument 2.27
Argument 108_zzwcsong.doc (19 KB, 下载次数: 4)

2014-3-1 18:01:34 上传

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Argument 108

The following appeared in a memo from the owner of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, all of the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

准备这么久G来写的第三篇argument，还远不能在规定时间内完成唉。。
3月9日的一战，最近鸭梨好大
吐槽完了，第一次参加作文互改，还望大家多指点

timohuuUID: 3213764

闲来等offer无聊，刚才在寄托AW版看到这个argument，就帮楼主拍了，也顺便攒点RP，我的offer快快来。
In the argument, the owner of a chain of cheese stores suggests to reduce the stocking of varieties of imported cheese and focus mainly on domestic cheeses, in order to cut the expense and improve the profits. The owner points out the best performance of newest stores last year come from domestic cheeses stores from Wisconsin. Furthermore, the owner cites the survey from Cheese of the World magazine to prove that the preference for domestic cheeses is increasing. It seems plausible for the owner's argument . however , there is something that needs to be further considered.

第一段模板性很强。其实刚开始写AW都有这个毛病，就是比较喜欢用模板，但是到了后来就千万不要用模板了啊，ETS对模板的打击力度还是很强的，我脚得你完全没有必要将文段中的内容再复述一边，直接开门见山的。。当然这个也跟各人的行文风格有区别

timohuuUID: 3213764

First of all, all the five best-selling stores are just evaluated within the newest stores. What's more, all these stores come from the same region Wisconsin, comparing to the national spread chain of their stores, which significantly weaken the argument. For example, maybe the newest store simply has better environment or located in a CBD area where more people pass by. Whether the preference for domestic cheese play a primary role remains further investigation. And just focusing narrowly on the Wisconsin region may lead to one-side argument. We cannot determine whether the preference in Wisconsin has a typical representative. It's likely that the people in other part still favor the imported cheeses more than the domestic ones.
本段的这个不错，攻击点也到了

timohuuUID: 3213764

Furthermore, the survey the owner cites remains questionable. We are not sure how large samples the survey use. Moreover,it is possible that this magazine relatively prefers the domestic cheese to others, and its subscriber has a large portion of domestic cheese fans. In other words, to get a more reliable result, we need more investigations.
当然样本过少是一方面，你还可以说这个调查是否公正客观，是否受到了权力和利益的驱使等等。。

timohuuUID: 3213764

Finally, even if it turned out that the preference for domestic cheese is increasing nationally, it doesn't mean that cut the stocking of imported cheeses and sell more domestic ones are profitable. The imported cheeses may have lower cost and inelastic demand, which make them more lucrative.
我认为，你这个论点只是指出了一个bug的所在，但是没有深入的攻击和细写。可以从这个cut the stocking of imported cheeses之后会带来什么后果，比如由于某种广告效应，消费者对这个 imported cheeses很喜欢了，但是这些连锁店没有这个卖了，也就亏大了。还有在价格和这个营养质量上，这个 imported cheeses算是比较牛B的，有优势了，可以balabala的说一堆。我赶脚总这样子但比楼主好一点。。;d:

timohuuUID: 3213764

In conclusion , the owner's suggestion to concentrates more on domestic cheeses is unwarranted.  The hasty decision to cut the stocking of imported cheeses may lead to great loss.
结尾是中规中矩，没话可说。。

timohuuUID: 3213764

总结：楼主的文笔还不错，这是实话。anyway，这个逻辑上，攻击点也基本上找到了，但是具体的没有说清楚，这个需要注意了。还有在这个请楼主注意这个写作要求：Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument. 这个的重点是说：explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument，这方面要注意啊。具体的你可以看看那李建林写的那本新GRE写作5.5。

timohuuUID: 3213764

本吊AW渣+GRE渣+学渣。所以能够看得就只有这些如有不到之处，还请见谅。祝好

早上好_十三姨UID: 3440837

下载半天也下不下来……

早上好_十三姨UID: 3440837

First of all, all the five best-selling stores are just evaluated within the newest stores. What's more, all these stores come from the same region Wisconsin, comparing to the national spread chain of their stores, which significantly weaken the argument. For example, maybe the newest store simply has better environment or located in a CBD area where more people pass by. Whether the preference for domestic cheese play a primary role remains further investigation. And just focusing narrowly on the Wisconsin region may lead to one-side argument. We cannot determine whether the preference in Wisconsin has a typical representative. It's likely that the people in other part still favor the imported cheeses more than the domestic ones.
觉得楼主理解题目好像有点偏差，题目是说最新的店，买的做好的前五种cheese是来自W的。所以好像不应该是 all these stores ，另外处于繁华路段这个论证好像没有特别到位，感觉楼主的理解是，买来自W的cheese 的新店是销量前五名的店。而且W这个地区只是说是C的产地，而不是店铺的位置，我是这么理解的，不知正确否

早上好_十三姨UID: 3440837

后面两端同意timohuu ，如果楼主能把文章再展开谢谢相信会更深入和有说服力。今晚不知道电脑砸了，下了好几便没下下来，不知timohuu 发上来的是否是全部，如果是全部的话，字数似乎有点少~anyway,楼主的基本功很强，词汇量也够大了。相信可以成功杀G!期待你的点评~（我也是3.9亚历山大）

早上好_十三姨UID: 3440837

timohuu 发表于 2014-2-28 13:59
本吊AW渣+GRE渣+学渣。所以能够看得就只有这些如有不到之处，还请见谅。祝好

T神闲时是否可以帮看看文~:loveliness:

timohuuUID: 3213764

早上好_十三姨 发表于 2014-2-28 20:59
T神闲时是否可以帮看看文~

额，本吊我学渣，非神。论坛上大神很多，你把这个发给我吧，我明天帮你看看。邮箱私信你了。

sunlhaoUID: 3479183

一点意见

zzwcsongUID: 3494449

timohuu 发表于 2014-2-28 13:57
总结：楼主的文笔还不错，这是实话。anyway，这个逻辑上，攻击点也基本上找到了，但是具体的没有说清楚，这 ...

多谢批评指正，受益匪浅~:loveliness: