14年秋季提纲互改小组 - Issue 39

max940623UID: 3559548

本帖来自"14年秋季GRE提纲+全文互改小组"，欢迎关注！你还可以查看更多小组、创建小组

I 39高频 成长学习教育
相关： 20、32、129
College students should be encouraged to pursue subjects that interest them rather than the courses that seem most likely to lead to jobs
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.
请回帖时按照指引链接列出英语提纲并用汉语解释并根据指引点评楼上的提纲。 第一个回帖的同学不必点评。
指引链接：https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1777364-1-1.html

max940623UID: 3559548

KW: college student, pursuit subjects, interest/ jobs
V1
TS
Indeed, college education becomes increasingly linked to employability, therefore encouraging all the undergraduates to pursuit study only based on their interests is unacceptable. For students under poorer condition, the possibility to get jobs in fierce HR market should be their first criteria to choose field of study. For undergraduates who can sustain themselves even without a job, without doubt they are welcome to pursuit any subjects that attract them. Moreover, sometimes a student’s interest may not necessarily conflicts with his occupation plan and he could grasp two at the same time.

感觉文章被我写成了偏右。。。遇到左派老师改卷就死硬。。。
Ts1
For students who and whose family is in urgent need of money and their interested field of study may not be lucrative in short term, pursuing the subject which is closely related to their prospective vocation should be the best choice.
个人层面 家庭或个人经济状况不佳，可能完成学业后马上要承担起家庭的经济负担（还助学贷款、付家庭日常支出、支持兄弟姐妹的学业。。。）。
社会层面 虽然在自己不感兴趣的领域可能不会大有作为，但是社会同样需要这些中坚力量。
因为已经限定在普通人不太好举例。。。这种情况可以说家人吗

Ts2
On the contrary, the richer students are supposed to make an opposite choice when facing with the same dilemma.
个人层面 没有经济压力，学习感兴趣的学科能更好地发觉潜能，成功的几率性更大
社会层面 社会需要精英在不同领域的贡献，而不是只关注于热门专业（工作机会最多的）。 举例：奥巴马主修政治学与国际关系学，这并非世俗定义的好找工作的专业，而他在这个领域给予了美国社会极大帮助。

Ts3
Furthermore, some may even find that the relationship between their interest and prospective job is not “either-or” at all. Instead, they could pursuit both of them simultaneously. 兴趣与能产生工作的学科不一定冲突。有些个人在某领域天赋极高，本人也有兴趣的话，很可能就能做到顶尖，工作自然不在话下。举例：霍金从牛津转学到剑桥修读宇宙学，不久就拿到学位并获得科研工作。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

max940623 发表于 2014-11-9 12:51
KW: college student, pursuit subjects, interest/ jobs
V1
TS

I 39高频 成长学习教育
相关： 20、32、129
College students should be encouraged to pursuit subjects that interest them rather than the courses that seem most likely to lead to jobs
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

KW: college student, pursuit subjects, interest/ jobs
V1
TS
Indeed, college education becomes increasingly linked to employability, therefore encouraging all the undergraduates to pursuit study only based on their interests is unacceptable. For students under poorer condition, the possibility to get jobs in fierce HR market should be their first criteria to choose field of study. For undergraduates who can sustain themselves even without a job, without doubt they are welcome to pursuit any subjects that attract them. Moreover, sometimes a student’s interest may not necessarily conflicts with his occupation plan and he could grasp two at the same time.


你的题目有个单词拼错了 请编辑一下 pursue  

under poorer condition这个表达有问题
facing financial difficulties 可能好些

who can sustain themselves even without a job 这个表达也要调整
from well-to-do families

感觉你最后一点似乎可以放到第一个中间段  
对于那些兴趣和求职不矛盾的人 这个问题就不必担心了  然后举个例子说明一下






感觉文章被我写成了偏右。。。遇到左派老师改卷就死硬。。。
Ts1
For students who and whose family is in urgent need of money and their interested field of study may not be lucrative in short term, pursuing the subject which is closely related to their prospective vocation should be the best choice.
个人层面 家庭或个人经济状况不佳，可能完成学业后马上要承担起家庭的经济负担（还助学贷款、付家庭日常支出、支持兄弟姐妹的学业。。。）。
社会层面 虽然在自己不感兴趣的领域可能不会大有作为，但是社会同样需要这些中坚力量。
因为已经限定在普通人不太好举例。。。这种情况可以说家人吗


举例不必是名人或真事 可以假设性的举例


Ts2
On the contrary, the richer students are supposed to make an opposite choice when facing with the same dilemma.
个人层面 没有经济压力，学习感兴趣的学科能更好地发觉潜能，成功的几率性更大
社会层面 社会需要精英在不同领域的贡献，而不是只关注于热门专业（工作机会最多的）。 举例：奥巴马主修政治学与国际关系学，这并非世俗定义的好找工作的专业，而他在这个领域给予了美国社会极大帮助。


感觉你这个主题句写得不是很清楚
很难说应该做相反的选择
这里的choice和dilemma都比较抽象 还是具体说明比较好

students who do not have to worry about personal finance can pursue subjects that interest them and get jobs that require generic skills or start their own companies.  




Ts3
Furthermore, some may even find that the relationship between their interest and prospective job is not “either-or” at all. Instead, they could pursuit both of them simultaneously. 兴趣与能产生工作的学科不一定冲突。有些个人在某领域天赋极高，本人也有兴趣的话，很可能就能做到顶尖，工作自然不在话下。举例：霍金从牛津转学到剑桥修 读宇宙学，不久就拿到学位并获得科研工作。

这个例子不太合适 因为宇宙学的工作并不好找
你可以说 students interested in programming can pursue a major in CS or EE which can lead to plenty of jobs

gzc405933323UID: 3574833

Thesis: For students from high-income family or with job offers, it is feasible for them to choose courses that interest them instead of restricting their choices to the classes for their career goals. However, for the students in vocational schools or from low-income family and without job offers, it is not desirable to choose courses purely based on their interests.
1.        It is reasonable for colleges to encourage students from high-income family or with job offers to take courses according to their interest rather than restrict their choices to the courses for future career opportunities.有钱的或者已经拿到offer的学生通常不需为毕业后的工作问题担心，因此选课不需过多考虑就业的因素从而选不上自己喜欢的课程
2.        However, it is not advisable for colleges to prod students from low-income families without job offers to select subjects according to their interest instead of future job opportunities. 还没拿到工作的底薪家庭学生应该为自己的前程和家里人的生活着想，因此选课时需要考虑就业的因素。
3.        Furthermore, for the students in vocational colleges, the recommendation is not effective because the students need to pursue subjects for their careers.职业学校的初衷就是让学生培养专业技能。
4.        Someone will argue that low-income students should have the right to select the courses they are interested in just like wealthy students; however, the argument above does not deny this right of low-income students. It is recommended that they need to consider more on their future jobs than their interest when choosing courses. It is possible that they can select the courses that are both conducive to their professional development and in accord with their interests.
5.        Conclusion

以下是全文：

      The business manager of Happy Pancake House restaurants recommends that the restaurants should replace butter with margarine in the branches in southeast and northeast. He or she invokes the evidences about the percentage of the customers who complain about the replacement and the reduction in cost due to the replacement in the southwestern part in the United States. However, in order to enhance his or her argument, the business manager needs to answer further questions about the actual degree of satisfaction of the local customers on the cost-saving change, the attitude of the northeastern and southeastern customers on the change, the relative cost between margarine and butter in northeast and southeast and the effectiveness of cost reduction on ameliorating profitability.
     To begin with, the manager needs to answer the question how many customers who do not murmur about the replacement of butter with margarine are actually satisfied with the change. Although 98 percent of customers do not complain about the change from butter to margarine, it is not for sure that those customers are happy about the replacement. Probably many of them believe that it is a waste of time to complain about the switch because the Happy Pancake House might not change its strategy based on the customers' feedback. Therefore, a large proportion of those customers might turn away from Happy Pancake House and abandon its products. Therefore, it is significant for the manager to understand the thoughts of customers when evaluating the impact of the change from butter to margarine on customers' satisfaction.
      Even though the business manager demonstrates that many of the customers without complaint are satisfied with the replacement, he or she still needs to answer the question whether the customers in southeast and northeast can accept the change. It is possible that customers from different areas have different preferences on food. Perhaps the residents in southeast and northeast pursue healthy lifestyles and think that margarine is less salubrious than butter. Therefore, they will be dissatisfied with the replacement of butter with margarine. In this case, Happy Pancake House will encounter a huge difficulty in expanding their market share in those areas.
       Even if the business manager proves that the people in southeast and northeast can accept the replacement as well, he or she still needs to confirm that butter is more costly than margarine in southeast and northeast. It is possible that the margarine is more expensive than butter because southeast and northeast have a large number of producers of margarine but a small number of suppliers of butter. If this is true, applying margarine instead of butter will not help Happy Pancake House to realize to goal of curtailing expenditures.
       Given that the business managers offer solid evidence that margarine is indeed cheaper than butter in southeast and northeast, he or she needs to check that reducing cost effectively increases profit in the new target market. Probably the competition in the pancake industry is more intense in southeast and northeast and encroaches the demand and revenue of Happy Pancake. If the decrease in revenue is larger than that in cost, the profit of Happy Pancake House will not increase.
        In conclusion, the business manager can strengthen his or her argument about the effectiveness of supplanting butter with margarine on cost reduction and profit improvement by answering the questions above about the preferences of customers, relative prices of butter and margarine and the competitive landscape of the new market. Many other factors can influence the cost and revenue in the new market. Hence, it is essential for the business executive to consider all those important factors to figure out a feasible strategy to boost profits in the new southeastern and northeastern market.

gzc405933323UID: 3574833

Thesis: For students from high-income family or with job offers, it is feasible for them to choose courses that interest them instead of restricting their choices to the classes for their career goals. However, for the students in vocational schools or from low-income family and without job offers, it is not desirable to choose courses purely based on their interests.
1.        It is reasonable for colleges to encourage students from high-income family or with job offers to take courses according to their interest rather than restrict their choices to the courses for future career opportunities.有钱的或者已经拿到offer的学生通常不需为毕业后的工作问题担心，因此选课不需过多考虑就业的因素从而选不上自己喜欢的课程
2.        However, it is not advisable for colleges to prod students from low-income families without job offers to select subjects according to their interest instead of future job opportunities. 还没拿到工作的底薪家庭学生应该为自己的前程和家里人的生活着想，因此选课时需要考虑就业的因素。
3.        Furthermore, for the students in vocational colleges, the recommendation is not effective because the students need to pursue subjects for their careers.职业学校的初衷就是让学生培养专业技能。
4.        Someone will argue that low-income students should have the right to select the courses they are interested in just like wealthy students; however, the argument above does not deny this right of low-income students. It is recommended that they need to consider more on their future jobs than their interest when choosing courses. It is possible that they can select the courses that are both conducive to their professional development and in accord with their interests.
5.        Conclusion

以下是全文：

      The business manager of Happy Pancake House restaurants recommends that the restaurants should replace butter with margarine in the branches in southeast and northeast. He or she invokes the evidences about the percentage of the customers who complain about the replacement and the reduction in cost due to the replacement in the southwestern part in the United States. However, in order to enhance his or her argument, the business manager needs to answer further questions about the actual degree of satisfaction of the local customers on the cost-saving change, the attitude of the northeastern and southeastern customers on the change, the relative cost between margarine and butter in northeast and southeast and the effectiveness of cost reduction on ameliorating profitability.
     To begin with, the manager needs to answer the question how many customers who do not murmur about the replacement of butter with margarine are actually satisfied with the change. Although 98 percent of customers do not complain about the change from butter to margarine, it is not for sure that those customers are happy about the replacement. Probably many of them believe that it is a waste of time to complain about the switch because the Happy Pancake House might not change its strategy based on the customers' feedback. Therefore, a large proportion of those customers might turn away from Happy Pancake House and abandon its products. Therefore, it is significant for the manager to understand the thoughts of customers when evaluating the impact of the change from butter to margarine on customers' satisfaction.
      Even though the business manager demonstrates that many of the customers without complaint are satisfied with the replacement, he or she still needs to answer the question whether the customers in southeast and northeast can accept the change. It is possible that customers from different areas have different preferences on food. Perhaps the residents in southeast and northeast pursue healthy lifestyles and think that margarine is less salubrious than butter. Therefore, they will be dissatisfied with the replacement of butter with margarine. In this case, Happy Pancake House will encounter a huge difficulty in expanding their market share in those areas.
       Even if the business manager proves that the people in southeast and northeast can accept the replacement as well, he or she still needs to confirm that butter is more costly than margarine in southeast and northeast. It is possible that the margarine is more expensive than butter because southeast and northeast have a large number of producers of margarine but a small number of suppliers of butter. If this is true, applying margarine instead of butter will not help Happy Pancake House to realize to goal of curtailing expenditures.
       Given that the business managers offer solid evidence that margarine is indeed cheaper than butter in southeast and northeast, he or she needs to check that reducing cost effectively increases profit in the new target market. Probably the competition in the pancake industry is more intense in southeast and northeast and encroaches the demand and revenue of Happy Pancake. If the decrease in revenue is larger than that in cost, the profit of Happy Pancake House will not increase.
        In conclusion, the business manager can strengthen his or her argument about the effectiveness of supplanting butter with margarine on cost reduction and profit improvement by answering the questions above about the preferences of customers, relative prices of butter and margarine and the competitive landscape of the new market. Many other factors can influence the cost and revenue in the new market. Hence, it is essential for the business executive to consider all those important factors to figure out a feasible strategy to boost profits in the new southeastern and northeastern market.

qinjichunUID: 3544209

Issue 39College students should be encouraged to pursue subjects that interest them rather than the courses that seem most likely to lead to jobs
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

When it comes to whether college students should be recommended to select subjects that intrigue them rather than the courses that seem most likely to lead to jobs, it is arbitrary choosing one option without considering different circumstances. The primary factors are the types of jobs that they prefer and the financial pressure they sustained.

For students who desire to be freelancers, they should encouraged to choose interesting subjects. Since they are willing to create jobs for themselves, there are numerous possibilities about their future career. It is impossible to determine which courses are truly related to their future jobs. In other words, all courses possess equal possibilities in terms of increase on employability. So they should choose the subjects which they have passion on, then they are able to fulfill their potential and make the full advantage of college education.
  
For students who pursue to be employed by companies, government departments and other institutions, their financial burden should be considered. If they are from a well-to-do family, it is advisable that college grants them more freedom to choose subjects. 即使他们因为学了自己喜欢的课程而对找工作产生不利影响，可能也不需要为bread-and-butter issue而担心。而没有了这种压力，因为他们选了自己感兴趣的课，他们可能会有更好的学术表现以及更大的成功机会。

However, if they are from a low-income family or suffer from the pressure of student loan, it is a wiser choice for them to choose courses leading to jobs. This might seem superficial but pragmatic. 如果毕业后找不到工作，而且面临巨大经济压力，大部分人可能会选择一些跟专业无关的服务行业来偿还债务。而这显然不是学院教育的目的。

没有举一个实例，不知道这样文章会不会单薄，但也实在想不出来实例了。。。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

qinjichun 发表于 2014-11-21 07:47
Issue 39College students should be encouraged to pursue subjects that interest them rather than the  ...

Issue 39College students should be encouraged to pursue subjects that interest them rather than the courses that seem most likely to lead to jobs
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

When it comes to whether college students should be [recommended] <dic> to select subjects that intrigue  them rather than the courses that seem most likely to lead to jobs, it is [arbitrary] <dic> choosing one option without considering different circumstances <vag>. The primary factors <vag> are the types of jobs that they prefer and the financial pressure they [sustained] <dic>.

请按照1+3模型的格式写主旨句和主题句
dic选词不恰当
vag意思不清晰  
g 语法问题



For students who desire to be freelancers, they should <g> encouraged to choose interesting subjects. Since they are willing to create jobs for themselves, there are numerous possibilities about their future career. It is impossible to determine which courses are truly related to their future jobs. In other words, all courses possess equal possibilities in terms of increase on employability. So they should choose the subjects which they have passion on, then they are able to fulfill their potential and make the full advantage of college education.

For students who pursue to be employed by companies, government departments and other institutions, their financial burden should be considered. If they are from a well-to-do family, it is advisable that college grants them more freedom to choose subjects. 即使他们因为学了自己喜欢的课程而对找工作产生不利影响，可能也不需要为bread-and-butter issue而担心。而没有了这种压力，因为他们选了自己感兴趣的课，他们可能会有更好的学术表现以及更大的成功机会。

However, if they are from a low-income family or suffer from the pressure of student loan, it is a wiser choice for them to choose courses leading to jobs. This might seem superficial but pragmatic. 如果毕业后找不到工作，而且面临巨大经济压力，大部分人可能会选择一些跟专业无关的服务行业来偿还债务。而这显然不是学院教育的目的。

没有举一个实例，不知道这样文章会不会单薄，但也实在想不出来实例了。。。

为什么不试着找实例呢 比如说计算机专业和IT的工作  

qinjichunUID: 3544209

tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-21 22:30
Issue 39College students should be encouraged to pursue subjects that interest them rather than  ...

老师我第一段用circumstance概括了一下，然后之后三段分别对应三种不同情况，这样不算1+3是吗，是必须在第一段详细指出来三个论点吗？还有老师反驳别人对之前论点的质疑可不可以作为第三个论点点段？

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

qinjichun 发表于 2014-11-22 18:18
老师我第一段用circumstance概括了一下，然后之后三段分别对应三种不同情况，这样不算1+3是吗，是必须在第 ...

回复较迟见谅
以后提问的时候可否将相关的练习段落和我的评语摘抄过来
这样会比较方便一些
我的微信账号和寄托用户名是一样的 可以直接找我