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[主题活动] 3月AW作文互改+嘉宾点评小组招募中~3月杀G的同学请进 [复制链接]

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

发表于 2015-2-7 15:30:03 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-2-28 20:57 编辑

前段时间辅导了几位12月考试的同学,有1个4分、若干个3.5分。现在开个帖子重点帮助3月份要考的同学。总结之前的教训,有点过于重视提纲和思路而忽略了计时写全文,以致部分同学在考场上未能按时写完。另外,之前基本上是我一个人辅导,没有安排互改。接下来,我打算邀请小绿版主和我一起点评,同时要求参与的同学点评楼上同学的作品。最后要注意的是,很多同学练习写了文章收到反馈后没有自己修改,这样也不利于学习提高。

总的来说,在这里招收几位3月考G的同学互改练习,有兴趣的同学请回复本帖报名,请注明考试时间、地点、希望考到的分数、未来几周的可投入的时间、以前考过的GRE作文或托福雅思作文分数。如果对本次活动有任何要求或建议也请提出。


我和小绿版主会关注各位的进展、答疑并不定期点评习作。


3月考试的同学可按以下路径复习准备

1. 认真阅读我的6分博客的内容,包括1+3模型及我的部分范文
2. 在这里或6分博客回帖表达希望我指导的意愿并简单介绍自己的情况,是否考过、预期分数等等
3. 尝试写issue 45、102、149 发在论坛上并将链接回复到这里 我会尽快提出意见
4. 同时看https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1805728-1-1.htmlhttps://bbs.gter.net/thread-1805446-1-1.html 看看自己有没有类似的问题
5. 我点评后请务必自己继续修改并写反思文字  
6. 关于argument 稍后会更新内容

issue 45/102/149练完后 请练习ScoreItNow上的真题
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1807055-1-1.html


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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

发表于 2015-2-7 15:30:14 |显示全部楼层
学习任务会在这一层楼更新,参与的同学请在这里回帖完成。

2月7-9日的任务

回帖贴一篇完整的issue 注明字数和所用时间(记得抄完整的题目),然后点评楼上的issue,点评的时候回答以下问题
1. 作者的观点是否明确?有没有充分回应题目的要求?
2. 作者的中间第一段分论点是否明确?有没有支持总的观点?作者举的例子是否恰当,有没有充分支持分论点?
3. 作者这一段有没有偏离中心的句子?
4.作者这一段有没有需要修改语法或表达不清的句子?如果有请指出。
4. 针对其他中间段回答回答2-3题。

收到点评后,请编辑自己的习作的楼层,总结主要的问题,并修改原文。请保留原文并将修改稿贴在原文上面。这个练习的重点是确保你会根据要求修改文章。  

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

发表于 2015-2-7 15:32:38 |显示全部楼层
帮ee_stone贴一篇在此  


Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

Cultural traditions, which are accumulated throughout the history of a nation, should be preserved and passed from generation to generation.

In the statement, financial support for major cities is given top priority based on the reason that the cities preserve and generate the cultural traditions. It seems tempting to agree with the statement, since we can't imagine how the Unite States will be with a rotten Big Apple, or how disappointed tourists will be if Beijing is a fallen city. However, since cities have different functionality, history and even location, traditions are well preserved in some cities while they are actually disappearing in other places. Moreover, even we want to make cities to thrive for the protection of traditions, financial support may not be the prerequisite.

Every nation has its unique footprint in the field of language, clothes, food, poem and music. In Beijing, you can have a nice tour in the Forbidden Palace, the Summer Palace, watch some traditional talk shows and opera, or have a taste of various Chinese food. All these will make you exposed in the shining cultural history of 5000-year history. Flying to the other side of the earth, from the ladies on the streets, coffee shops on the corner, and nice architectures, Paris has been always showing the elegance and spirits of freedom, which are the essential part of French culture. Besides, Beijing and Paris are brooding numerous artists which are the creators of the future cultural traditions.

But not all the cities are like that.  Shanghai are mixing the cultural traditions with the impacts from all over the world. Traditional items are barely preserved here as they are in the original hometown. That is mainly due to the location and functionality of Shanghai. There are too many foreign products, business men and companies in Shanghai to preserve the pure Chinese traditions, since Shanghai is a center of trade and one of the biggest ports in the world. There are even many English words in Shanghai dialect.

用英文写着写着就像全文了,最后一段用中文写。。。
即使我们需要让城市繁荣以保存文化传统,政府拨款也不是绝对必要的条件。现在的文化产业本身就能够提供大批的资金,而且有很多人有热情推动文化产业的发展。城市自身的造血机制也不容忽视。 从某种角度来说,政府更应该从政策和宣传的角度来引导传统文化的继承和发展。例如在中国很多的大学里政府开展了传统戏剧的定期演出,培养了大批的年轻观众。为从事传统手工业的艺人减免税收,并在媒体上进行宣传,也有助于保留文化传统。

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

发表于 2015-2-7 15:34:28 |显示全部楼层
帮3012208238帖一篇在此 两位可以互改一下

TS:  Lots of significant discoveries or creations are found abound with luck,because those discoverers and creators were actually searching for some other fruits.These phenomenons which are full of serendipities, could be observed in many fields.
      主旨句表明赞成Issue观点,表面将从不同领域像工程和医疗领域举例说明这类幸运偶然的科学发现。

ts1:For instance,the invention of microwave oven comes from a scientist called Spencer who was actually,at that time,trying to apply microwave into military radar usage
     主题句举例在工程领域中发明微波炉的例子,是在为了应用雷达的过程中偶然发现微波产生的热量使Spencer的巧克力划掉,因此利用热量研发出了微波炉

ts2:When it comes to the invention of Penicillin,everybody would think of the brilliant yet notoriously absent-minded biologist Fleming who find out the of importance bacteria.
     主题句举例在医疗领域中发明青霉素的例子,Fleming偶然扔掉的一个盘子里面长出了青霉素,并且发现其他的细菌不敢靠近,于是发现青霉素有杀菌的作用。

ts3: Nevertheless,some people may argue that those kinds of creations aren’t actually “many”,instead,it’s rarely happen in the long history of human lives.Admittedly,the amount of these windfalls may be really less than of goals people are intending to find,but it’s a very high possibility to reap side-products
      主题句攻击可能的反面观点,有些人可能认为这些发现并不多,很少出现,我们可以表面事实上虽然这些发现可能不如直接带有目的性的发现多,但是通常我们发现那些产品的同时,经常会有很高的几率产生此类的副产品

附上原文
“Nothing is impossible”,this proverb is perfectly explicated in the science society.In the long history of human science,lots of significant discoveries or creations are found abound with luck,because those discoverers and creators were actually searching for some other fruits.These phenomenons which are full of serendipities, could be observed in many fields.

  Engineers are always making their efforts to improve people daily life,and hence so many breakthroughs take place accidentally along with this exacting journey.For instance,the invention of microwave oven comes from a scientist called Spencer who was actually,at that time,trying to apply microwave into military radar usage.During the experiment,Spencer operate the manufacturing magnetrons to produce microwave signals that were integral to radar use.All of a sudden,Spencer surprisingly find out that his chocolate bar in his pocket melted.Soon he realized this owes to the heat radiated by the microwave,thus,he make use of microwave heat and invent microwave oven which already become a necessary part of our lives.Not only this fortuitous accidents happen in the engineer field,but also we can find similar windfalls in other fields,like medical field.

  When it comes to the invention of Penicillin,everybody would think of the brilliant yet notoriously absent-minded biologist Fleming who find out the of importance bacteria.Upon returning from holiday one time,Fleming noticed that a glass culture dishes he had accidentally left out were already contaminated with a fungus.It wasn’t until later that he noticed that other bacteria can’t survive around that fungus mold.Immediately after this fact,he published a paper about this fungus.And later other scientist exploit the invaluable merit of this fungus,and develop it into our current medicine.

Nevertheless,some people may argue that those kinds of creations aren’t actually “many”,instead,it’s rarely happen in the long history of human lives.Admittedly,the amount of these windfalls may be really less than of goals people are intending to find,but it’s a very high possibility to reap side-products,which may turn out to be great breakthroughs in the future,during the process of producing some intended products.Such as Spencer find out microwave oven during applying it into radar usage,Roentgen found out X-rays when he test the emission sent from tubes.The number of these findings is anything but few.

Ultimately,concerning the examples such as Spencer and Fleming,and the possibility of reaping these unintended benefits,we really could draw the conclusion that many significant discoveries and creations are fortuitous.

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发表于 2015-2-7 18:11:39 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 ee_stone 于 2015-2-7 18:21 编辑

多谢王老师,这里重新报个到。
30+大叔一枚,去年1220一战,164+170+3,已报0329 上海开放大学考场,希望有160+170+4
因为已经有娃了,到考试之前应该每天只有两个小时左右加上班偶尔开小差,微信可以长挂,希望可以多交流。

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

发表于 2015-2-7 18:43:24 |显示全部楼层
ee_stone 发表于 2015-2-7 18:11
多谢王老师,这里重新报个到。
30+大叔一枚,去年1220一战,164+170+3,已报0329 上海开放大学考场,希望有 ...

好的 你先看看你楼上的文章

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发表于 2015-2-7 23:05:26 |显示全部楼层
tesolchina 发表于 2015-2-7 15:34
帮3012208238帖一篇在此 两位可以互改一下

TS:  Lots of significant discoveries or creations are fou ...

抄题:
Many important discoveries or creations are accidental: it is usually while seeking the answer to one question that we come across the answer to another.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


总体来说这个题目好像很难写的有逻辑,除了找一堆例子来证明。。。没看过之前提纲的讨论,但是感觉要写的好,还是要有些推理的,要回答为什么会有/不会有那么多的意外,不知道对不对。

“Nothing is impossible”,this proverb is perfectly explicated in the science society.In the long history of human science,lots of significant discoveries or creations are found abound with luck,because those discoverers and creators were actually searching for some other fruits.These phenomenons which are full of serendipities, could be observed in many fields.
“Nothing is impossible"这句话好像跟意外发现没有什么相关,是不是换一个?我也没想出来
其实没觉得主旨句是赞同了题目的观点,只是说重复了题目而异。
Phenomenon 好像不太会这么用,要我估计就换cases,大叔比较土。


  Engineers are always making their efforts to improve people daily life,and hence so many breakthroughs take place accidentally along with this exacting journey.For instance,the invention of microwave oven comes from a scientist called Spencer who was actually,at that time,trying to apply microwave into military radar usage.During the experiment,Spencer operate the manufacturing magnetrons to produce microwave signals that were integral to radar use.All of a sudden,Spencer surprisingly find out that his chocolate bar in his pocket melted.Soon he realized this owes to the heat radiated by the microwave,thus,he make use of microwave heat and invent microwave oven which already become a necessary part of our lives.Not only this fortuitous accidents happen in the engineer field,but also we can find similar windfalls in other fields,like medical field.
如果要分领域说的话,第一句应该算是回应了题目。
大叔是个工程师,我表示努力改善人类生活应该跟accidental没啥因果关系,为啥用hence.
Typo: Exciting.
语法:"thus, he makes" "which already becomes"


When it comes to the invention of Penicillin,everybody would think of the brilliant yet notoriously absent-minded biologist Fleming who find out the of importance bacteria.Upon returning from holiday one time,Fleming noticed that a glass culture dishes he had accidentally left out were already contaminated with a fungus.It wasn’t until later that he noticed that other bacteria can’t survive around that fungus mold.Immediately after this fact,he published a paper about this fungus.And later other scientist exploit the invaluable merit of this fungus,and develop it into our current medicine.

“notoriously absent-minded” 不确定是不是真的这样用
感觉后面发paper和其他科学家之类的事情跟主题没啥关系。有点像记叙文了。
强调accidental,好像至少要说明他原来的目的是什么。

Nevertheless,some people may argue that those kinds of creations aren’t actually “many”,instead,it’s rarely happen in the long history of human lives.Admittedly,the amount of these windfalls may be really less than of goals people are intending to find,but it’s a very high possibility to reap side-products,which may turn out to be great breakthroughs in the future,during the process of producing some intended products.Such as Spencer find out microwave oven during applying it into radar usage,Roentgen found out X-rays when he test the emission sent from tubes.The number of these findings is anything but few.
分论点放到了段落中间,应该不是特别好吧。
只举一个例子就说明其他还有很多,好像不是很成立唉。而且伦琴的例子也没说明本来的目的是啥


Ultimately,concerning the examples such as Spencer and Fleming,and the possibility of reaping these unintended benefits,we really could draw the conclusion that many significant discoveries and creations are fortuitous.

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

发表于 2015-2-9 10:49:19 |显示全部楼层
tesolchina 发表于 2015-2-7 15:32
帮ee_stone贴一篇在此  

你这篇的语言表达挺清晰,但是在结构和内容的安排上还是有些问题
比如你第一段只有一句话是不太合适的
然后你好像没有看到你回应题目的观点
你的几个中间段的分论点之间涉嫌互相矛盾  
比如先说大城市重要 后来又说不是所有的城市都是这样  



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发表于 2015-2-9 15:16:23 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-2-9 21:03 编辑
tesolchina 发表于 2015-2-9 10:49
你这篇的语言表达挺清晰,但是在结构和内容的安排上还是有些问题
比如你第一段只有一句话是不太合适的  ...



Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.


你这篇的语言表达挺清晰,但是在结构和内容的安排上还是有些问题
比如你第一段只有一句话是不太合适的
然后你好像没有看到你回应题目的观点
你的几个中间段的分论点之间涉嫌互相矛盾
比如先说大城市重要 后来又说不是所有的城市都是这样

汗,第一句话本来要删掉的。。。
下面试着改改,感觉要不矛盾一定要限定好城市的范围,分类的标准要确定好,这样才好分类讨论,否则就是有些是,有些不是,不知道是不是应该这么理解。

In the statement, financial support for major cities is given top priority based on the reason that the cities preserve and generate the cultural traditions, which are thought to be important to a nation. It seems tempting to agree with the statement, since we can't imagine how the Unite States will be with a rotten Big Apple, or how disappointed tourists will be in China if Beijing is a fallen city. However, traditions are well preserved in some cities with long histories while they are actually disappearing in other emerging cities. Moreover, even we want to make cities to thrive for the protection of traditions, we need to focus more on the ancient cities which are not economically energetic.

Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

我觉得你的第一段还是没有直接回应题目  你需要明确地讲政府应该活在不应该首先支持major cities  同时也要回应城市是不是文化传统保存和产生的主场


Every nation has its unique footprint in the field of language, clothes, food, poem and music. In the ancient cities all over the world, these gems of cultural traditions are easily found and enjoyed by the tourists. In Beijing, you can have a nice tour in the Forbidden Palace, the Summer Palace, watch some traditional talk shows and opera, or have a taste of various Chinese food. All these will make you exposed in the shining cultural history of 5000-year history. Flying to the other side of the earth, from the ladies on the streets, coffee shops on the corner, and nice architectures, Paris has been always showing the elegance and spirits of freedom, which are the essential part of French culture. Besides, Beijing and Paris are brooding numerous artists which are the creators of the future cultural traditions.

这一段也没有回应题目 是否应该financially support the cities



But not all the cities are like that.  Shanghai are mixing the cultural traditions with the impacts from all over the world. Traditional items are barely preserved here as they are in the original hometown. That is mainly due to the location and functionality of Shanghai. As one of the major ports and commercial centers in east Asia, there are too many foreign products, business men and companies in Shanghai to preserve the pure Chinese traditions. There are even many English words in Shanghai dialect. A lot of restaurants serving Chinese food are decorated in European styles to attract foreigners. Not mentioning the traditional Chinese music is remixed and played in discos and bars. Such young cities like Shanghai, with only about two hundred year history, do not have deeply rooted cultural traditions at their very beginnings. Instead, people are going there to find new excitements rather than to preserve the traditions.

同上  financial support 在哪里


When considering the government financial support for the historical cities to protect cultural traditions, the economical status of the city should be well considered. Some ancient cities are preserving traditions while developing the economy at the same time. The cultural traditions are not the burden for the development, instead, they make the city more attractive not only for tourists but for investors. Cultural industries in Beijing are quite a good example. Theaters of talk shows are full of people every night, Starbucks is open in the Forbidden Palace and stars of traditional operas are even more welcome than pop stars. In this case, the city can take advantage of cultural traditions to further develop and thrive, and government financial support is not a must to have.


如果你想说不需要政府支持 那么钱从哪里来 如果是借助私企 你就要明确指出如何实现 比如你可以说博物馆可以和咖啡店联营
这也是一种模式


Alternatively, in other old cities, which are not well developing economically, government support is by all means important for the preservation of traditions. In these cities, businesses about traditions are generally not lucrative, more and more young people want to go to cosmopolitan cities for better jobs and exciting adventures. Without being passed from generation to generation, traditions will die out sooner or later. A lot Chinese traditional handcraft skills are facing such problems, lacking the successors willing to learn and preserve the skills. In these cities, government financial support is very important to keep the city prosperous, so that younger generation will be willing to stay there and broaden the potential market of the cultural industries.

In summary, to protect the cultural traditions, a nation should focus the corresponding financial support mainly on the ancient cities which are not well developed and losing the young people. For other cities, the support is just a nice to have, or does not help at all.


我觉得你其实语言功底挺好 就是思路方面还没有上道 可以考虑多跟周围的人交流一下 首要任务是确保切题

这里有个提纲 你可以试着写一下


Thesis statement: While there is no doubt that financial support is essential for the preservation of cultural tradition, I believe that rural areas and small cities deserve more support from the government as in major cities  support from other sources such as corporations and individual citizens is readily available.

P2: first discuss why financial support is important for preserving cultural tradition. Here you need to discuss some more concrete aspects of culture, e.g. museums and cultural centers and link those to financial support from the government.

P3: discuss why major cities can get support from alternative sources; use your example of Starbucks in Forbidden City to illustrate how large corporations can help; you may also talk about how major cities often attract tourists from all over the world


P4: then talk about why small cities and rural areas need more money from the government; discuss why big corporations are less likely to sponsor cultural activities in these areas; you may come up with some specific examples in small cities; also mention why tourists may not visit some remote areas where infrastructure for transportation is not highly developed

then you can conclude your essay and reiterate the main opinion


I hope this outline can help you write an essay that directly address the issue
also think about how you can learn some techniques that can be used in other essays as well


已有 1 人评分寄托币 声望 收起 理由
tesolchina + 20 + 5 已点评 并写了一个英文提纲供参考

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发表于 2015-2-10 22:40:26 |显示全部楼层
嗯嗯,我对题目的理解是城市是文化传统的载体,所以政府需要用财政支持主要城市的繁荣。本来的想法是先讨论reason,然后再讨论claim。下面先尝试用老师的提纲写一下。

In the statement, financial support for major cities is given top priority based on the reason that the cities preserve and generate the cultural traditions, which are thought to be important to a nation. It seems tempting to agree with the statement, since we can't imagine how the Unite States will be with a rotten Big Apple, or how disappointed tourists will be in China if Beijing is a fallen city. While there is no doubt that financial support is essential for the preservation of cultural tradition, I believe that rural areas and small cities deserve more support from the government as in major cities support from other sources such as corporations and individual citizens is readily available.

Every nation has its unique footprints in the field of language, painting, food, poem and music. Most of them are well preserved in the museums, which are mainly financially supported by the government. Besides the museums, the promotion of traditional arts requires a lot effort and money as well. In China, the government pays a lot of money on free shows of traditional operas in universities to attract younger audience, on the allowance for traditional craftsmen to find people who are willing to learn the skills, and even on the maintenance of traditional dialects. These works are barely lucrative and hard to find support other than the government support.

However, in major cities, where the cultural business is usually prosperous, government financial support is not the only choice for the people who want to protect traditions. People with good sense of business are piled into the field of culture. In Beijing, there is a Starbucks in the Forbidden City where there are numerous tourists every day and many of them are foreigners. The coffee shop not only makes the foreigners feel at home, but make money both for the corporation and the maintenance of the Palace. Actually, in major cities, the big local population and attractiveness for foreign tourists are the basis for such reciprocal cases. With good promotion, theaters of talk shows are full of people every night, and stars of traditional operas are even more welcome than pop stars.

On the contrary, there are also some traditions preserved in small cities and rural areas, which need financial support more urgently. In China, there are more than fifty minorities, most of which are living in counties far away from cities. These minorities all have special and historical traditions, such as marriage ceremonies, religious rituals and delicious food. Sadly, more and more young people want to go to cosmopolitan cities for better jobs and exciting adventures. Without being passed from generation to generation, traditions there will die out sooner or later. Since businesses about traditions are generally not lucrative in these remote areas, lacking of alternative financial support, we can only depend on governpreserve these precious traditions.

In summary, to protect the cultural traditions, a nation should focus the corresponding financial support mainly on small cities and rural areas which are not well developed and losing the young people. For other cities, the support is just a nice to have, or does not help at all.

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发表于 2015-2-12 00:00:02 |显示全部楼层
3月底考现在刚开始练习作文...打算issue argument都各写几天提纲(看题目,迅速按1+3的结构列大纲),然后刷刷范文,赶紧开始写全文,时间紧迫啊...打算开始写全文之后贴上来。老师有什么其他建议吗?
(之前考雅思其他分都挺高的就是被作文拉下去,当时是作文几乎没复习,考察重点是语言还是逻辑都不知道就上了,才6.5我都不好意思说。。。听说雅思国内会压写作分,但是还是非常低。。)
对了之前看其他贴说贴全文可能后续会被ETS查抄袭?= =这个要怎么办

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

发表于 2015-2-12 10:21:22 |显示全部楼层
orange28 发表于 2015-2-12 00:00
3月底考现在刚开始练习作文...打算issue argument都各写几天提纲(看题目,迅速按1+3的结构列大纲),然后刷 ...

你可以考虑发attachment  

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发表于 2015-2-12 18:33:48 |显示全部楼层
老师好~~ 来报到
3月15日考,北京,二战。一战2012年10月,156+170+3。
一战时下了挺大工夫的,所有的issue 和argument都列了提纲,还各练了20多篇,并且准备了很多例子。可是最后分数那么低实在是太打击了…… 感觉还是不得法,很需要人帮改文章……
希望这次作文可以上4。v160或者更少一点都可以。
寒假全脱产备考,除了过年一些杂事,基本可以每天练作文。

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发表于 2015-2-12 19:12:40 |显示全部楼层
殇沫 发表于 2015-2-12 18:33
老师好~~ 来报到
3月15日考,北京,二战。一战2012年10月,156+170+3。
一战时下了挺大工夫的,所有的iss ...

好的 这个帖子里的同学可以互相认识一下 安排一下互改 我也会参与点评
你可以看看10楼的作文
然后帖一篇你的习作 请ee_stone 看看

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发表于 2015-2-12 20:44:16 |显示全部楼层
ee_stone 发表于 2015-2-10 22:40
嗯嗯,我对题目的理解是城市是文化传统的载体,所以政府需要用财政支持主要城市的繁荣。本来的想法是先讨论 ...

读了您的文章,一点点建议哈!也欢迎对我的习作尽情拍砖!

In the statement, financial support for major cities is given top priority based on the reason that the cities preserve and generate the cultural traditions, which are thought to be important to a nation. It seems tempting to agree with the statement, since we can't imagine how the Unite States will be with a rotten Big Apple, or how disappointed tourists will be in China if Beijing is a fallen city. While there is no doubt that financial support is essential for the preservation of cultural tradition, I believe that rural areas and small cities deserve more support from the government as in major cities support from other sources such as corporations and individual citizens is readily available.

Every nation has its unique footprints in the field of language, painting, food, poem and music. Most of them are well preserved in the museums, which are mainly financially supported by the government.
这一句初读觉得有点跑了,说政府资助,还说well preserved。其实我想作者是想强调政府资助的重要性吧,不如说necessary或者need,表示一个需求和必要性,而不是现在时的这种表示状态。感觉没有强调到点上。
Besides the museums, the promotion of traditional arts requires a lot effort and money as well. In China, the government pays a lot of money on free shows of traditional operas in universities to attract younger audience, on the allowance for traditional craftsmen to find people who are willing to learn the skills, and even on the maintenance of traditional dialects. These works are barely lucrative and hard to find support other than the government support.
这些例子好像是大城市,感觉自相矛盾了。大城市里的这些活动既然需要政府支持,那为什么后面又说不需要。

However, in major cities, where the cultural business is usually prosperous, government financial support is not the only choice for the people who want to protect traditions. People with good sense of business are piled into the field of culture. In Beijing, there is a Starbucks in the Forbidden City where there are numerous tourists every day and many of them are foreigners. The coffee shop not only makes the foreigners feel at home, but make money both for the corporation and the maintenance of the Palace. Actually, in major cities, the big local population and attractiveness for foreign tourists are the basis for such reciprocal cases. With good promotion, theaters of talk shows are full of people every night, and stars of traditional operas are even more welcome than pop stars.

On the contrary, there are also some traditions preserved in small cities and rural areas, which need financial support more urgently. In China, there are more than fifty minorities, most of which are living in counties far away from cities. These minorities all have special and historical traditions, such as marriage ceremonies, religious rituals and delicious food. Sadly, more and more young people want to go to cosmopolitan cities for better jobs and exciting adventures. Without being passed from generation to generation, traditions there will die out sooner or later. Since businesses about traditions are generally not lucrative in these remote areas, lacking of alternative financial support, we can only depend on governpreserve these precious traditions.

In summary, to protect the cultural traditions, a nation should focus the corresponding financial support mainly on small cities and rural areas which are not well developed and losing the young people. For other cities, the support is just a nice to have, or does not help at all.

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RE: 3月AW作文互改+嘉宾点评小组招募中~3月杀G的同学请进 [修改]

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