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万里追风兽UID：3526862

看了一部分，很有帮助的见解，纯干货，感谢楼主分享！建议楼主把各部分内容都编辑在第一层楼，因为是回复可见，楼层太多，一页一页找不太方便。

zhangyucaUID：3643496

该篇文件很有指导 意义，可否发给我？谢谢！

FeejeUID：3632891

赞赞赞！！

刘阳荷UID：3638494

谢谢分享！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

EricWong2015UID：3584642

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BarHarborUID：3594541

万里追风兽 发表于 2015-8-8 17:02
看了一部分，很有帮助的见解，纯干货，感谢楼主分享！建议楼主把各部分内容都编辑在第一层楼，因为是回复可 ...

无设置回复可见权限，所以只能依靠版主。

BarHarborUID：3594541

（8）        文书写作第一要素---越易读越好（3）

这一节我继续用真实的例子来解释如何增强文书句子的易读性和清晰度。下面这句话选自一位地理专业同学的PS原稿。

With the lapse of time, my curiosity developed into an obsession to probe into secrets of geographical knowledge, which can introduce a spatiotemporal perspective to me and totally change the way I understood the Earth's physical and social systems and the interactions between the two.

这位同学成绩非常好，GRE分数也很高，他在写作时明显采用了GRE阅读的写法。全句有45个单词。首先句子明显太长了，这个同学把两个意思揉在了一起，没有必要，可以分开。

With the lapse of time, my curiosity developed into an obsession to probe into secrets of geographical knowledge. Such knowledge have introduced a spatiotemporal perspective to me and totally changed the way I understood the Earth's physical and social systems and the interactions between the two.

我们先看第一句中，其中的with the lapse of time实际是多余的，因为作者无非是想表达这是渐进的过程。所以可以改成，My curiosity gradually developed into an obsession to probe into secrets of geographical knowledge.

下一步要改进的是这个句子谓语，developed into。这里用develop力度不够，意思也模糊，所以最好改为grow into 或者intensify into。此外，obsession改成passion会更自然一些。所以改成My curiosity gradually intensified into an passion to probe into secrets of geographical knowledge.

下面再来看probe into secrets of geographical knowledge, 这个说法很拗口，用更简单的表述可以改成unearth geographical secrets, 单词数减半，但是意思更加清楚了。所以第一句最后改为My curiosity gradually intensified into a passion for unearthing geographical secrets.

现在来看第二句：Such knowledge have introduced a spatiotemporal perspective to me and totally changed the way I understood the Earth's physical and social systems and the interactions between the two. 英文写作有一个诀窍，就是尽可能采用主谓宾这种简单的模式，同时将人作为主语。所以可以改成，I have acquired a spatiotemporal perspective, which has totally changed the way I understood the Earth’s physical and social systems and the interactions between the two. 为了和前句衔接，可以加上Through exploring this passion变成Through exploring this passion, I have acquired a spatiotemporal perspective, which has totally changed the way I understood the Earth’s physical and social systems and the interactions between the two.
这里totally changed the way I understood这是一个非常笨拙不优雅的表述，可以简化为reshaped my understanding。变为Through exploring this passion, I have acquired a spatiotemporal perspective, which has reshaped my understanding of the Earth’s physical and social systems and the interactions between the two.

这句话问题还没有完，什么叫做Earth’s physical and social systems？这个说法是故弄玄虚，反而把意思弄复杂了。我直白的翻译一下，其实就是earth and life。所以最后改成Through exploring this passion, I have acquired a spatiotemporal perspective, which has reshaped my understanding of Earth, Life, and their interplay.

最终效果是这样的。My curiosity gradually intensified into a passion for unearthing geographical secrets. Through exploring this passion, I have acquired a spatiotemporal perspective, which has reshaped my understanding of Earth, Life, and their interplay. 从一个45个单词的句子改成了11个单词和21个单词两个句子。不仅总长度缩短，拆分后的句子一短一长，提升了阅读中的节律感，让读者读着更轻松，而意思也更加简洁清楚了。

万里追风兽UID：3526862

BarHarbor 发表于 2015-8-9 14:16
（8）        文书写作第一要素---越易读越好（3）

这一节我继续用真实的例子来解释如何增强文书句子的易读性和 ...

我的意思是楼主可以把这些分散在各楼层的段落集中在第一层楼，第一层楼有个编辑的按钮，点进去添加内容就可以了

Vai_666UID：3584355

感谢楼主！！

xyzcjczUID：3549923

学习学习学习学习学习学习学习学习学习学习学习学习学习学习

EvelynnHSUUID：3645675

十分感谢。

Miserable`UID：3563823

谢谢楼主无私分享

LA的小小号UID：3364974

thx~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

一头2蘑菇UID：3645646

好赞！~

深海鱼-UID：3553500

楼主好棒，谢谢分享~