雲靉玥 作文练习贴

雲靉玥UID: 2888572

7/30
Argument 34

The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.

"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits. "

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted."


用了将近30m，是想好三个assumptoin才开始计时写的。写的不太多，每一段都没有写总结句，最后还有6个typo。觉得自己有点退步啊T T不知道是不是因为这道题题干没有给什么data反倒不会写了。另外开通结尾对于三个assumption的总结还是不太会写，总觉得写的不合适。



In the passage, the vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries recommends installing software to monitor employees’ Internet use on company computers at working time and punish those who are doing personal things in order to enhance employees’ productivity. To evaluate the recommendation provided by the vice president, we need to reexamine several assumptions on the employees’ time management, the company’s work ethics, and its profitability.

assumption about选词  

To begin with, the vice president assumes that the detecting and punishment for spending time on personal activities can prevent employees to waste their working time. Nevertheless, it is possible that because they are punished, the employees might be angry with the company and decide to waste their working time more than before. Additionally, the monitor might not identify every behavior that is not related to work. Maybe those employees install some anti-monitoring software, so the managers will not notice when the employees are doing their personal activities. It is also likely that there are other ways for employees to waste their time one, such as playing with their cellphones and iPads, or even sitting their and doing nothing.

prevent ... from ... 搭配
写的不错  这段  


Another assumptions that the vice president mentioned is that the application of the monitor system will foster a better work ethics for employees at Climpson. This assumption might also be invalid. The employees might be uncomfortable with the monitor software, because it might mean that the company does not trust its employees. In this case, the employees might become less enthusiastic with their work not to say improving their work ethics. What is more, working all the time without any entertaining might not be called a good ethic itself, because without a proper amount of relaxing, employees might be too stressful and lack of creativity. If the work ethic that the vice president holed is not beneficial to the company and its employees, the proposal he or she provided cannot offer a better work ethic to Climpson either.


assumption 单数 mentioned 搭配
not to say improving their work句子结构
too stressful- too stressed 选词  
holed - typo
the proposal he or she provided- 搭配






Furthermore, it is also assumed that the company can be more profitable by monitoring employees’ Internet use at Climpson. However, the monitor system might instead cost the company more money. Probably the company will spend thousands dollars to implement and maintain the monitor software. In addition, monitoring employees’ personal activities might be illegal. Hence, Climpson might need to pay for the lawsuit of violating the employees’ privacy. Even if the monitor system does not violate anyone’s legal right, many employees might choose to leave the company instead, and the company might pay for the turnover of high-intelligent employees.

pay for the lawsuit 这个point好  
high-intelligent employees- well-trained 选词


In conclusion, it is necessary for the company to evaluate the assumptions related to the time wasting, good work ethics, and the profit improvement before deciding whether to adopt the vice president’s recommendation or not.

雲靉玥UID: 2888572

8/3
Issue 62

Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


今天在家模考了一下，顺便把以前没写的写一下，因为感觉这篇挺难得。。。
30分钟没写完结尾，typo还是有3，4个。。。写作速度仍然上不来


Whether the statement if valid or not depends on what type of leader we are talking about. For most of the leaders, I do not agree that they are created because of general public's demands. In the fields of politics and business, people become leader because they can properly deal with the political and business issues. For leaders in academia, they should be experts in their research fields and have great presentation skills. Nevertheless, in some exigent cases, the leaders may create by the demand placed on them.

if - is
may be created



To begin with, instead of because of the public demands, leaders in the fields of politics and business become chiefs because of their abandon experience and skills to solve the problems that others cannot. For political leaders, they need good communication and persuasion skills to deal with a plenty amount of issues among the members within his or her party, among other parties, and concerning the general citizens. Leaders in business, whether a CEO or a manager, are assigned because they are familiar with the business and the market, and they can come up with proposals to attract customer as well as profit to their business. In these cases, political leaders and business leaders are rather voted because they have specific skills instead of because the public needs them.

abandon- abundant
attract profit 搭配  
leaders are voted 搭配 (selected)

Furthermore, the leaders of academia are also assigned or voted as they have skills that others do not have-their expertise in their own fields and communication skill. For example, a research leader need at least a Ph.D. degree in the relevant field in order to gain the power to lead a lab or a research institute. Additionally, they should also have a good communication skill to present their result to the public both in writing and oral presentation. They also need some intelligence in order to deal with some minor issues with other researchers. Therefore, without the professional expertise and communication skill, scientists cannot become a qualified leader in the scientific field only depend on the public demand placed on them.

some minor issues 是指什么？
scientists cannot become a qualified leader in the scientific field only depend on句子结构  


However, in some emergence cases, some leaders might be created because of the need of the general public. The disastrous earthquake in Sichuan, China seven years ago could be a proper example. When the earthquake first broke out, the solders and doctors ruched there to rescue the victims could not reach the area and could not even get any information from the area. In this case, there must have been several leaders that created by the public demand to guide the victims to stay safe before other people get their way to rescue those victims. Without the demand from the people, there would not have been such leaders.

the solders and doctors ruched there (sent there)  
several leaders that created句子结构  


In conclusion, the validity of the statement depends on what kinds of leaders we are talking about. For most of the leaders, such as political, business, and scientific leaders, having specific skills related to their fields is the most possible reason why they are selected as leaders. Nevertheless, ordinary people can become leaders in some emergence cases because of the demand of the general public.

写得还不错
但是有些语言表达的硬伤 你尝试回顾一下为什么会犯这些错误吧 到底是不小心还是不会啊  

雲靉玥UID: 2888572

8/6
Argument 135, 137, 140

135）The data from a survey of high school math and science teachers show that in the district of Sanlee many of these teachers reported assigning daily homework, whereas in the district of Marlee, most science and math teachers reported assigning homework no more than two or three days per week. Despite receiving less frequent homework assignments, Marlee students earn better grades overall and are less likely to be required to repeat a year of school than are students in Sanlee. These results call into question the usefulness of frequent homework assignments. Most likely the Marlee students have more time to concentrate on individual assignments than do the Sanlee students who have homework every day. Therefore teachers in our high schools should assign homework no more than twice a week.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


30分钟刚好写完的，有3个typo
简单看了一下之前的文章很多都是不小心打错了，或者检查一下就能发现的错误。。。怎么能提高正确率呢
不过搭配问题还是得靠积累的


In the passage, the author recommends all high schools to assign homework less than twice a week, as a survey shows that students in Marlee who have less frequent homework assignments perform better in schoolwork than those in the district of Sanlee. In order to examine the proposal provided by the author, we need more evidence related to the survey, the reason for getting good grade, and the possibility of applying the result to other subjects and schools.

To begin with, it is necessary for us to get enough information to prove the reliability of the survey. In other words, we need to know whether students in Marlee truly be assigned homework less frequently than students in Sanlee. Probably the science and math teachers in schools of Marlee misreported the average number of homework they assigned to students every week. For example, they might not consider some required after school academic activities related to math and science as assignments for the students. Additionally, students in Marlee might have more math and science classes each week than those in other districts. In this case, they might use their class time to do the activities that will be assigned as homework in other schools. Therefore, unless we have the evidence to justify the result of the survey, we cannot claim that the recommendation is worth of consider.

Another evidence we need is that the lower frequency of homework assignment is the only reason why students in Marlee get better grades and are less likely to postpone their graduate date. There might be other factors that lead to the difference. Maybe students in Marlee have a better knowledge base regarding science and math, or the teachers in Marlee might be more professional than those in Sanlee, causing the fact that the students can master the knowledge in the class and do not even need to do a lot of homework to perfect their skills. Another probability is that the grading guidelines in Marlee are easier than those in Sanlee, resulting in the better average grade in Marlee. If any of the cases above is true, the proposal will not work well as the frequency of homework assignment is not the only factor that caused the different average grades.

Furthermore, the evidence regarding the effectiveness of applying the result in other subjects and schools is also needed to evaluate the recommendation. Probably when applying to other subjects and schools, less frequent homework assignments might not resulting in higher grades among students. Language classes, for instance, require students to practice frequently. If teachers do not assign homework to their students everyday or every two days, it is highly possible that the students cannot learn the language well. What is more, as students in different schools treat their schoolwork differently, it is likely that students will not use their time to study spontaneously if the teachers do not assign homework to them. As a result, their grades might not be improved.

In conclusion, we need to evaluate some evidence regarding the validity of the survey, the reason for better grade in Marlee district, and whether the result can apply to other subjects and schools before deciding whether to adopt the recommendation provided by the author or not.