8月4日 关于文章的连贯和呼应

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

进入8月，我不打算发新的同主题写作了。需要点评的同学可以自己开练习帖并将具体楼层的链接回复到每天我的帖子这里。我每天可能只有时间看3-5篇。所以建议大家多读和模仿我的范文。

每天的帖子都会讨论一个GRE写作方面的问题。请发习作的同学先考虑一下这个问题，结合自己的习作谈一下自己的感受。  

今天要讨论的问题是文章的连贯与呼应。一篇文章虽然是由独立的单词、句子组成，但是这些单词、句子之间应该是连贯的。而要实现连贯主要有两种方式，一是单词之间、句子之间的呼应，二是一些衔接词的使用。衔接词很多写作老师都会教，而讲呼应的却比较少。

首先是段落之间的句子呼应。这个其实就是1+3模型的精华所在。
以issue 57的范文为例

开头段 I do not agree to this statement about how we can benefit from studying history because people nowadays are indeed very different from those in earlier times in terms of physiology and belief system. In addition, the educational value of studying history should not be ignored.   
中间第一段 Due to the fundamental changes in lifestyles, modern people are significantly different from our ancestors in terms of the shape of our bodies and other aspects of our physiology.

中间第二段 Our belief systems have also been modernized since Industrial Revolution.

中间第三段 As I illustrate clearly above, the difference between us and our ancestors is not an illusion.


中间第四段As far as I am concerned, a more important benefit of studying history is to better understand the modern world.


注意这里中间第一、二段的主题句内容分别呼应了开头段主旨句的physiology和belief system 而第四段的主题句则呼应了主旨句里的educational value


而中间第三段作为一个过渡段，一开始 As I illustrate clearly above也总结了前两段的内容。


这里强调的是段落之间通过句子的呼应来实现文章整体的连贯性。主旨句将全文的主要内容浓缩，而中间各段的主题句回应主旨句的各点，并在段落中展开讨论。这样的文章读者会比较容易理解。  

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接下来讨论一下段落内句子之间的连贯。写得比较好的文章每个段落内的句子之间都是连贯的，这样读起来会比较流畅。如果前一句写的内容和后一句的内容完全不相关，那么读者就会感到困惑了。


还是以这篇范文的其中一段为例

1 As far as I am concerned, a more important benefit of studying history is to better understand the modern world.
2 As we know, history is not reconstruction of what happened in the past.
3 In fact, it is nearly impossible to do that given the incomplete records of the past and our limited understanding of the world.
4 Instead, history is a story we invented about the past that can help us better understand who we are and what we can do in modern society.  
5 The study of Industrial Revolution, for example, would not give us a complete picture of how people in 18th and 19th century developed new technologies.
6 But a better understanding of how steam engines changed the manufacturing industries will help us predict the impact of the Internet on modern industries.  
7 Likewise, the study of WWII would warn political leaders nowadays about the dire consequences of industrialized warfares.

第1句点出全段的中心-学习历史的好处是更好的理解当今世界
第2句作为论述的铺垫 以As we know作为过渡 这是因为和前一句的衔接不够明显，所以用了过渡词
第3句的内容其实是对第2句的具体说明和解释 In fact这里不是过渡而是一种强调  这里的do that 就是指代reconstruction 通过这种指代或呼应 两句实现了连贯
第4句其实是在上一句否定历史不是对过去的重建的基础上正面的指出历史是后人编造的故事，因此invented和reconstruction是通过反义词的关系形成了呼应。而instead作为过渡词也点出了两者之间的关系。 与此同时understand who we are and what we can do in modern society也和第1句的后半部分呼应。
第5句通过for example这个衔接词进行过渡，give us a complete picture 也是对reconstruction的具体演绎。
第6句继续讨论例子，help us predict the impact of the Internet on modern industries具体解释第4句的understand who we are and what we can do in modern society.  
第7句用likewise引出了另一个例子，指出这个例子说明的是同一个道理，而句中 the dire consequences of industrialized warfares. 也和前面的predict等词呼应。

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今天的任务是选取范文和自己的习作各一篇。分析一下段落之间是如何实现连贯的。然后选取一个段落分析一下句子之间是如何实现连贯的。如果发现自己习作不连贯的地方，就考虑一下应该如何修改。完成这个任务后可附上需要我点评的习作链接。  

bairongUID: 3607808

我就选了issue57.

老师的范文分析了中间第一段和第二段，因为我中间第一段基本照范文写的，分析一下对自己的思路也好。

（1）老师范文的中间第一段分析：
1Due to the fundamental changes in lifestyles, modern people are significantly different from our ancestors in terms of the shape of our bodies and other aspects of our physiology.
2 For one thing, in our industrialized society, with the access to abundant food, we do not need to spend most of our time hunting and gathering for food to survive.
3 With more calorie intake and other nutritious food, we are in general healthier and taller than our ancestors and enjoy longer lifespan as well.
4 On the other hand, the sedentary lifestyle has also led to more health concerns such as high blood pressure and obesity that were unknown in earlier times.
第1句指出全段的中心-由于生活方式的基本改变，现代人在生理上不同于祖先。
第2句开始阐述论点，以For one thing作为过渡，引出生活方式的两个方面-food饮食和we do not need to spend most of our time hunting and gathering for food to survive坐着不动，industrialized society和以前的不同，呼应第1句论点。
第3句food 与第2句food明显衔接呼应，讲第一个生活方式，一个比较句对比现代人和祖先的不同，时刻呼应第1句论点。Taller呼应第1句the shape of our bodies，healthier和longer lifespan 呼应other aspects of our physiology。
第4句 以On the other hand衔接，讲另一个生活方式，the sedentary lifestyle呼应第2句的we do not need to spend most of our time hunting and gathering for food to survive，与in earlier times对比，时刻呼应第1句论点。

（2）老师范文的中间第二段分析：
1 Our belief systems have also been modernized since Industrial Revolution.
2 In the pre-modern world, the social positions of our ancestors were often defined and fixed at the time they were born.
3 Noblemen were born as noblemen and peasants' children were also peasants.
4 Our ancestors considered such social order as natural and acceptable.
5 Nowadays, with the introduction of public education, modern society has become increasingly meritocratic.
6 As monarchies were often replaced by democracies, people from humble socioeconomic classes may move upwards socially if they demonstrate their talents that the society need.
第1句点出全段的中心-自工业革命以来人们的信念体系已经被现代化。
第2句开始阐述论点，In the pre-modern world与第1句的since Industrial Revolution对比，表明接下来几句都是讲pre-modern world的事。social positions呼应第1句的belief systems，主要用social positions来具体阐述belief systems。
第3句接着第2句阐述，两句的were born是明显的衔接，讲了两种人Noblemen和peasants。
第4句是pre-modern world的social positions的总结，such social order既指第3句的两种人，又呼应第2句的social positions。Our ancestors与第2句的our ancestors呼应。
第5句开始讲现在的事。Nowadays与第2句的In the pre-modern world对比，也与第1句的since Industrial Revolution呼应。
第6句接着第5句阐述，两句的monarchies是明显的衔接，也与第2、3句之间的衔接形成呼应。第6句是Nowadays的总结，Democracies对比monarchies，humble socioeconomic classes呼应pre-modern world的peasants，却呈现upwards的趋势，与第4句pre-modern world的总结对比，也正好呼应了第1句的论点。

本人8月底就要考试了，所以全力以赴（ying zhe tou pi)写全文了，老师辛苦！
issue57是尽量模仿范文写的，不过我写的时间段比范文的时间段要短，不是pre-modern society和modern society的对比，大约是工业革命时期和技术革命时期的对比，但没在文中定义，就用了题目中的nowadays和in earlier times，不知道可不可以？
习作在此https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3607808

（3）习作的段落分析：
开头段I disagree with the statement in two respects. First, there are marked differences in terms of physiology and value systems between people nowadays and in earlier times, and learning about these differences can be just as beneficial. Second, studying history carries other equally important benefits as well.

中间第一段Due to the fundamental changes in lifestyles impacted by technological revolution, people nowadays are significantly different from people in earlier times in terms of the shape of our bodies and other aspects of our physiology.

中间第二段Our value systems have also evolved continually and develop different attitudes to people and things in today’s society.

中间第三段Another problem with the statement is that it ignores other equally important benefits of studying history.

中间第一段的主题句呼应了开头段的physiology and value systems，第三段的主题句呼应了开头段的other equally important benefits。

（4）习作的中间第二段分析：
1 Our value systems have also evolved continually and develop different attitudes to people and things in today’s society.
2 Formerly the attitudes in which societies treat women were focused on deprecating and unequal attitudes.
3 Nowadays, the social status of women has been largely improved and most people can respect women’s rights of freedom life and work.
4 Likewise, society's attitudes toward artistic expression, literature, and scientific and intellectual inquiry are also in a continual state of evolution.
5 A heightened awareness evolution of these cultural and scientific aspects helps us formulate informed, reflective, and enlightened values for ourselves.
第1句指出全段的中心-价值体系已经持续进化，当今社会发展出了不同的对人对事的态度。
第2句开始阐述论点，以Formerly衔接，先说过去的态度，women呼应第1句的people，attitudes呼应第1句的attitudes，说对人的态度。
第3句Nowadays与第2句的Formerly对比，说现在对女性的态度，women呼应第2句的women，respect和freedom分别对比第2句的deprecating 和unequal（不知道有没有写出来？）
第4句以Likewise衔接，说对事的态度，呼应第1句的things。in a continual state of evolution呼应第1句的evolved continually。
第5句A heightened awareness evolution of these cultural and scientific aspects呼应第4句说的内容，values呼应第1句的 value systems。

学到的东西：老师说的连贯和呼应，我觉得一定是要提炼出文章的干货，比如老师写的physiology and belief system，the shape of our bodies and other aspects of our physiology之类的，这样每段和每个句子都有可以具体展开的内容写；不然，不提炼出干货，就没有内容写，自然就东写一句西写一句，不能连贯和呼应了。

我做得不好的地方：中间第二段写对人对事的态度，但在写具体内容时是细分到了某类人和某类事，不清楚这样写行不行，主要是不知道怎么提炼才这样写的。
还有就是老毛病语言表达问题，写一个词的时候真是不知道要搭配什么词，好头疼:L

然后如果可以的话，老师不要忘了看习作哈:L 习作在此https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3607808

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

bairong 发表于 2015-8-4 00:42
我就选了issue57.

老师的范文分析了中间第一段和第二段，因为我中间第一段基本照范文写的，分析一下对自 ...

5 Nowadays, with the introduction of public education, modern society has become increasingly meritocratic.
6 As monarchies were often replaced by democracies, people from humble socioeconomic classes may move upwards socially if they demonstrate their talents that the society need.

你有没有注意到第6句其实是在解释上一句里的meritocratic这个概念

bairongUID: 3607808

tesolchina 发表于 2015-8-4 06:50
5 Nowadays, with the introduction of public education, modern society has become increasingly meri ...

老师说了才注意到，第6句的monarchies错看成了meritocratic，所以当时觉得有点怪

锤先森G330UID: 3603995

分析老师的Issue 57在这里：
55楼
按着老师的分析范例来的，可能没有老师分析的详细，这两天会修改之前的Issue,修改完了再用这个方法把自己的结构贴上来吧，今天先不贴了；

另外今天自己写了Issue 57, 借鉴了一些老师的思路和词句，在这里：
54楼

9月6号就要考试了，最近会多练一些，麻烦老师啦~谢谢老师！

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

issue 57范文 第三段

（1）Our belief systems have also beenmodernized since Industrial Revolution.

主旨句，本段要讲工业革命后人们的思想如何变化

（2）In the pre-modern world, the socialpositions of our ancestors were often defined and fixed at the time they wereborn.   

讲工业革命前， 人们的处于什么样的状态

Noblemen were born as noblemen and peasants' children were also peasants.

解释上一句人们的状态

（3）Our ancestors considered suchsocial order as natural and acceptable.

这个时期人们的思想

（4）Nowadays, with the introduction ofpublic education, modern society has become increasingly meritocratic.

说现在人们环境的变化，作为对比。

（5）Asmonarchies were often replaced by democracies, people from humble socioeconomicclasses may move upwards socially if they demonstrate their talents that thesociety need.

现在人们思想的变化


issue57 习作 分析  模仿老师范文的

开头第一段I do not agree withthe statement that studying history is to dispel the difference between peoplewho are living nowadays and people who lived in earlier times. In fact,nowadays people’s material life and mental life have indeed significantlychanged with progressions of society. In addition, through studying history wecould learn that we should not be too absolute toward some achievements of people.

中间段第一段首句To begin with, with the progressions of science and technology modern people’s life have changed greatly comparing with our ancestors.

中间段第二段首句In addition, modern people’s mental life is different greatly from the people who lived in earlier times.

中间段第三段前两句As I illustrate clearly above, the difference between us and our ancestors is not an illusion. Thus one of benefits of studying history is to recognize the differences in order to be modest towards achievement that human beings have made in that future people might develop highly in several aspects and be different greatly from our achievements today.

中间段第一、二段首句分别呼应开头段的material life 和mental life。
中间段第三段的第一句是过度句，把前两段的不同说出来，然后中间段第三段的第二句是为了呼应了开头段not be too absolute toward some achievements of people.这个的意思是用发展的眼光看问题，以后会发生很大变化，现在认为是正确的，以后不一定正确，比如科学理论的发展。不知道这个论点对不对。因为老师的第三个我觉得不好写，因此换了个。


中间段分析：

（1）To begin with, withthe progressions of science and technology modern people’s material life has changedgreatly comparing with our ancestors'.

（2）Nowadayspeople live in an easy circumstance, such as having secure place to live,owning fixed homes, having abundant food and nutrition.

（3）Especially afterindustry revolution, people’s life level improved greatly as productivity wasincreased enormously by machines.

（4）And higher the productivity is, cheaper thecommodities are.

（5）Therefore people can buy higher quality commodities thanbefore by costing the same money.

（6）It is clear that modern people’s material life isdifferent from their ancestors and changed profoundly.

第一句是主旨句：科学和技术的进步使人们的生活方式发生了变化。第二句是描述现代人们的生活状态,nowadays说明是现在
第三句是举例说明工业革命后给人们的生活方式带来的巨大变化，productivity与material life相呼应
第四句是解释这个变化 commodities也体现了material life
第五句是说这个变化如何影响人们的物质生活
第六句话总结：现在人们的物质生活跟之前的人是有不同的

issue57 练习贴https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3602968
谢谢老师~

乱羽乱舞UID: 3024572

73)Colleges and universities should require all faculty to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.

Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.
范文
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3024572
开头段 It seems to me that to require all faculty members in colleges and universities to take non-academic jobs off campus is a very bad policy for three reasons. First, many faculty members may not find suitable jobs outside the universities. In addition, such policy may increase the attrition rates of faculty members in certain fields. Finally, the policy is not necessary for certain fields where close contact with the professional world is essential.

中间第一段 To begin with, not all faculty members can easily find hobs in the professional world, especially when they are only available for a relatively short period of time.

第二段 Another negative consequence of this policy is that certain departments such as computer science and electrical engineering may lose some talented professors.

第三段 Some people may argue that in certain fields such as law and medicine it is important for the academic researchers to stay in touch with the professional world.

中间三段分别呼应了首段中的三个论点，即may not find suitable jobs, increase the attrition rates of faculty members和for certain fields where close contact with the professional world is essential。
主旨句概述了全文的三个论点，起到提纲挈领的作用，易于读者把握全文大体内容。中间段的主题句与主旨句的各部分相呼应，随后分别展开论证。


选取中间第二段分析段内句子的连贯性。
1.Another negative consequence of this policy is that certain departments such as computer science and electrical engineering may lose some talented professors.
2.Technology companies such as Google and Facebook are constantly hunting for employees with expertise in high-performance computing, data mining and machine learning.
3.Even without such policy, universities have to compete against such companies for talents in these fields.
4.The policy would provide professors in fields more opportunities to work in such companies without losing their academic jobs.
5.Once they find suitable jobs in these companies who usually offer much better compensation packages, it is likely that they might leave their university positions.
6.In other words, the policy may increase the attrition rate of faculty members in certain fields.

第1句作为主题句说明全段中心，即该政策有可能造成计算机和电子工程等相关领域的教授流失。
第2句交代背景信息，指出高科技对某些领域人才的需求。
第3句在前句基础上递进，说明了人才竞争的情况，与本段主题句向呼应。本句以让步的结构，提出政策这一关键词。句中的these fields即前一句中的相关领域。
第4句衔接上一句，说明政策可能的直接影响。教授们有更多机会在不用辞去教职的情况下在前文提到的高科技公司中任职。
第5句继续分析影响，通过Once引导的条件状语从句与第4句的内容对应，一旦教授得到了更高薪酬，就有可能辞去在校职务，回应本段的核心论点，即发生人才流失。
第6句对本段内容进行总述，段内首尾呼应，而关键词attrition rate 也与开头段相对应。

练习作业
Argument 34) The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president. 
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits. " 
"Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted."
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3024572
开头段 In the vice president's view, Climpson Industries should adopt an electronic monitoring plan in an effort to improve employees' productivity. By so doing, the clerks are prevented from using the Internet from their workstations for fear of anticipated punishment and also from wasting time. It will improve their work ethic and even the overall profits of the company. The argument, however, involves a number of unreliable assumptions concerning the purposes of employees  for using the Internet, the efficiency of the measure to prevent time-wasting as well as whether the plan is conducive to cultivating a better work ethic and increasing profits.

中间第一段 Fist of all, the vice president assumes that employees'  proper Internet use at work can be precisely discriminated from the improper one.

中间第二段 Then he makes another assumption that by installing the monitoring software, the president will be able to efficiently prevent employees from wasting time. 

中间第三段 At last, his assumption about the causal relation between the installation of the software and better work ethic or even improved profits, is also unsound. 

这里使用1+3模型，中间三段主题句中的内容proper Internet use, efficiently prevent employees from wasting time和the causal relation分别与主题句中的内容向呼应，保证段落之间逻辑的连贯性。


选取中间第三段分析段内句子间的连贯性
1.At last, his assumption about the causal relation between the installation of the software and better work ethic or even improved profits, is also unsound.
2.There is no evidence suggesting that undue Internet use during work time is the principle issue existing in the company.
3.Maybe the workers seldom use the network for purposes unrelated to their work., thus the installation of the system is not going to make a difference for sure.
4.Further, by installing the monitoring system, it can result in a resentful sense of mistrust among the employees towards the management board.
5.It is extremely hard to get top performance out of any employee who does not trust the manager. 
6.The employee might spend time to watch out of being punished while working, which takes away from their production and creativity., thus they will not fully devote themselves into their work, nor will they come up with better ideas to keep the company ahead of its competitors.
7.In this respect, the company is likely to lose profits.

第1句作为主题句说明本段中心，安装软件不一定能改善职业素质，提高盈利。
第2句交代argument背景信息中相关证据的缺乏。
第3句提出一种可能情况，即员工上网问题很少发生，进而采用监控方案并不一定产生影响，回应主题句内容。
第4句以Further衔接词过度，提出另一种可能情况。
第5句交代上一句的条件下会发生的情景，即产生信任问题。
第6句承接上一句，进一步分析信任问题的影响，会产生工作投入度和创新能力的减弱，进而削弱公司竞争力。
第7句总结第二个例子的造成的影响，并与主题句相呼应。

Argument 77练习作文，由于是上周新加入，故选择的是老师以前的同题作文题目。
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3024572

牛奔奔UID: 3232412

Issue 62
Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.
        
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

范文在此

1+3模型：

开头段：Are leaders created by demands placed on them? In most institutional settings, leaders are not created by the demands because a person can become a leader before meeting any demands if s/he masters strong communication skills, holds suitable qualifications and has extensive experiences. Nevertheless, in certain exceptional circumstances, usually in emergencies, ordinary people may become leaders in response to the demands.  

中间第一段：Without being tested by demands for leadership, people often assume leadership positions by demonstrating strong communication skills that are important for dealing with situations in which they have to lead others to solve problems.

中间第二段：In addition to communication skills, leaders also have to receive relevant training to acquire the professional qualifications and expertise that are necessary for the leadership positions.

中间第三段：On the other hand, there are exceptional circumstances in which ordinary people may become leaders while trying to address the demands at the moment.

这里中间三段都回应了开头段的主旨句。
其中，第一段中Without being tested by demands for leadership回应开头段leaders are not created by the demands，demonstrating strong communication skills回应开头 if s/he masters strong communication skills。

第二段中In addition to communication skill承接第一段的主要论点，acquire the professional qualifications and expertise回应开头段holds suitable qualifications。

第三段中，On the other hand 回应开头段中 Nevertheless， 表示观点的转折。there are exceptional circumstances回应开头段中in certain exceptional circumstances。ordinary people may become leaders while trying to address the demands at the moment 回应开头段中ordinary people may become leaders in response to the demands，是主题句的同义重复。


然后选取该范文的第二段来分析段落间的句子衔接
1. Without being tested by demands for leadership, people often assume leadership positions by demonstrating strong communication skills that are important for dealing with situations in which they have to lead others to solve problems.
2. In the field of academic researches, for example, senior researchers have to communicate their research findings and the vision about how the discipline would advance clearly and persuasively to the fellow researchers in order to take up leadership positions such as editors of top journals and chairpersons of the academic societies.
3. They also need to demonstrate their willingness to listen to other members of the research community and understand their ideas and concerns about the field.  
4. Such strong communication skills would enable them to become leaders in the field and help others to meet the challenges.

第1句：主旨句，说明成为leader可以不依靠demand, 而是通过很强的沟通能力。
第2句：For example 举例来论证为什么沟通能力可以帮助学术界的人成为leader.这里整个例子的表达都在回应主旨句的内容。senior researchers回应people, communicate their research findings and the vision about...回应demonstrating strong communication skills，take up leadership positions 回应 situations in which they have to lead others。
第3句：从另一个方面即不仅要清晰得传达还要善于倾听说明沟通能力的重要。Also用来与上句衔接。
第4句：总结句，说明强大的沟通能力可以create leaders. 用such总结上述对沟通能力的讨论，enable them to become leaders in the field and 回应开头主旨句people often assume leadership positions; help others to meet the challenges回应they have to lead others to solve problems.

自己的习作：Issue 78 修改版

段落分析：

开头段：People form their attitudes toward every issue encountered in life by interactions with both their surroundings and immediate situation and whole society. I agree with the statement that immediate situation or surroundings such as individual's family environment, circles of friends and atmosphere of working or studying places play a more vital role in influencing people's attitudes than society.

第一段：Family environment where people grow up have a huger impact on their character and thus their basic attitudes than society.

第二段：Also, people's attitudes are more determined by their surrounding friends than the general view of the society.

第三段：Lastly, atmosphere in an environment where people work or study are powerful in forming people's attitudes toward future plans.

这里每个中间段都回应开头段。

第一段中Family environment对应开头段中的individual's family environment, have a huge impact on their character and thus their basic attitudes回应 play a more vital role in influencing people's attitudes.

第二段 surrounding friends回应开头段中 circles of friends，people's attitudes are more determined by...than the general view of the society. 回应开头段中 ... play a more vital role in influencing people's attitudes than society.

第三段 atmosphere in an environment where people work or study 回应开头段中的atmosphere of working or studying places，are powerful in forming people's attitudes 回应play a more vital role in influencing people's attitudes.

可知在回应主旨句的时候要尽量回避直接重复，要多变化句式和表达方式。

选取中间第一段进行句子间的分析
1. Family environment where people grow up have a huger impact on their character and thus their basic attitudes than society.
2. Take a child who are raised in a family with domestic violence for example.
3. If he or she grows up in a environment where parents usually shout and fight with each other, they are deprived of sense of security and integral love as a result.
4. They are very likely to have trouble trusting others from the bottom of their hearts, even though society always encourages us to love and trust each other.
5. In this case, people will rely more on their personal surroundings especially in the early age than society to generate some of their basic attitudes.

第1句，主旨句，说明家庭环境对于形成一个人对事情的态度更重要
第2句，举例，通过一个在有家暴环境中的孩子来论述观点。in a family with 回应第1句Family environment，who are raised in回应where people grow up，child回应People
第3句  具体阐述例子，在家暴环境中长大让孩子缺乏爱和安全感。in a environment where parents 回应Family environment， parents usually shout and fight with each other回应第一句domestic violence。
第4句 继续描述对attitudes可能产生的影响， even though society...回应第1句...than society.
第5句 总结，重复主旨句。will rely more on their personal surroundings回应Family environment have a huger impact on...

自己的习作,找了之前的同主题练习issue 62
issue 62

作业交迟了。。。谢谢老师点评！！

jingyuege1UID: 3598309

ISSUE57 全文已写
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... xtra=#pid1779608263

Zoe4346UID: 3621760

https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3621760

老师，我对连贯性的解读还没写，现在有事我先把作文贴在这，我晚上回来补上~谢谢老师~

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Zoe4346 发表于 2015-8-8 11:27
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=redirect&goto=findpost&ptid=1860207&pid=1779802831&fromuid=3621760 ...

你要是没时间就不用写那么详细 写一下感受就好了

毉易-牧羊人UID: 3458186

以issue 5的范文为例  分析文章的连贯和呼应
issue5：
Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.

Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.


首段：Due to the development of modern technology, many people are concerned about how to preserve their nations’ cultural traditions and promote their national identities for the new generations who have been exposed to globalised culture with little local flavour.  Since government resources are limited, it is argued that major cities should be the top priority for financial support because the cultural traditions are generated and preserved here.  While I agree that major cities are important for preserving and generating cultural tradition, other areas are equally important in many countries.  Since cultural programs in major cities can receive support from different financial sources such as advertising, donation of city residents and big corporations, government money should be invested to programs in small towns and rural regions where resources from private sectors are not available.

第二段第一句：There is no doubt that major cities are important sites for preserving, generating and celebrating cultural traditions.在这里这一分论点呼应了首段的让步内容 （作者的观点）While I agree that major cities are important for preserving and generating cultural tradition；这段也是题目的claim；

第三段第一句：Despite the importance of major cities for cultural traditions, government funding should not be heavily invested here because there are other funding sources available. 这一句，首先前半句呼应了上一段，下半句 呼应了作者的首段内容：Since cultural programs in major cities can receive support from different financial sources such as advertising, donation of city residents and big corporations，讲不应该支持政府应该给大城市财政支持；

第四段第一句：On the other hand, other preservation programs for cultural traditions in small towns or rural areas should be supported by taxpayers’ money.这一句一方面承接上一段，继续讲不应该给大城市财政支持的原因，另一方面呼应首段的other areas are equally important in many countries和government money should be invested to programs in small towns and rural regions where resources from private sectors are not available；

下面再来看内容的呼应：
在这里以第二段为例：
1 There is no doubt that major cities are important sites for preserving, generating and celebrating cultural traditions.  
2 Take the well-known Statue of Liberty in New York City as an example.  
3 This giant copper statue was a gift of France to the US and has become a popular icon for freedom and democracy inspiring people all over the world.
4 In late 19th century and early 20th century, Statue of Liberty had welcomed nearly 14 million immigrants who entered the United States through New York.
5 For these immigrants and their descendants, the Statue of Liberty was a symbol of hope and freedom.  
6 For the rest of the United States, the Statue of Liberty celebrates diversity and tolerance, the core values that define the cultural tradition of a young republic.

第一句承接首段While I agree that major cities are important for preserving and generating cultural tradition，亦是题目的claim；
第二句是对第一句TS句的具体阐述，在这里是举例；引导下文；
第三句This giant copper statue...首先是承接第二句的the Statue of Liberty;接着具体阐释并引出下文讲 freedom and democracy及all over the world；
第四句对第三句的...all over the world进行具体的阐释，讲述其规模；
第五句承接第三句的Statue的freedom and democracy；
第六句讲其他方面的情况，the rest of the United States 呼应第四句和第五句的immigrants和their descendants.
另外本段还为下一段做了铺垫；
现在好像有点理解，为什么小学的时候总是让学着分析文章的段落和中心大意，英文原来也是如此，只是阶段是如此之低，只能呵呵了。

Zoe4346UID: 3621760

tesolchina 发表于 2015-8-8 11:52
你要是没时间就不用写那么详细 写一下感受就好了

嗯，我会好好思考一下的