谢了一个Argument ..新手来着 求各位大神指点一二啊！！！！

沉默好动听UID: 3634352

题目：In an attempt to improve highway safety, Prunty County last year lowered its speed limit from 55 to 45 miles per hour on all county highways. But this effort has failed: the number of accidents has not decreased, and, based on reports by the highway patrol, many drivers are exceeding the speed limit. Prunty County should instead undertake the same kind of road improvement project that Butler County completed five years ago: increasing lane widths, resurfacing rough highways, and improving visibility at dangerous intersections. Today, major Butler County roads still have a 55 mph speed limit, yet there were 25 percent fewer reported accidents in Butler County this past year than there were five years ago.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.









我的作文：

Aiming at eliminating the unsafety on highway in Prunty County, the writer proposes that Prunty County should adopting road improvement strategy rather than lowering the speed limit on highway. This statement is based on two assumptions: firstly, the previous attempt, lowering the speed limit from 55 to 45 mph was considered as a failure since the number of accidents increased. Secondly, road improvement strategy was proved to be effective in Butler County because the accident rate is lower in last year than five years ago. Although the writer's statement seems to be plausible, the flaws in the reasoning process in obvious.

Increasing amount of traffic accident does not necessarily means the worsening of traffic condition and instead, only the traffic accident rate can be seen as creditable in measuring the highway safety. Consequently, the claim that lowering speed limit does not beneficial to highway safety is not cogent enough. There might be an increase in total number of traffic during the period of lowering the speed limit which resulted in the illusion that this method was not working.

The drop in reported accident rate in only one year cannot sufficiently support the claim that the highway is safer. Since the accident rate in the other four years since the road improvement plan implanted remain unknown, the decrease in last year might be a coincidence or influenced by other factors other than the road improvement. To illustrate this, Butler County may conduct serious punishment on those drivers who break traffic rules which efficiently decrease the accident rate.

Even if the road implement did improve the road safety in Butler County, it does not necessarily works in the same way in Prunty County since the traffic situation might be distinct in these two counties. Prunty County may have already had broad lane width, plain road surface and visible intersections. As a result, road improvement would become needless for Prunty County. Additionally, Prunty County might have much larger population and more private cars than Butler County. Thus, remaining the speed limit as Butler County would not be a reasonable choice.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

楼主首先要学会按照题目的要求来答题
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.  

沉默好动听UID: 3634352

tesolchina 发表于 2015-8-18 11:05
楼主首先要学会按照题目的要求来答题
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is ...

您好。。。我今天做了一点修改。。不知道这样会不会好一点


Aiming at eliminating unsafety on highway in Prunty County, the writer proposes that Prunty County should adopting road improvement strategy rather than lowering the speed limit on highway. Although the author’s statement seems tempting, the argument can be weak without enough supporting evidence. To evaluate the soundness of it, detailed evidences should be added which would potentially validate or sabotage the statement.
The record of accident rate during the period of lowering the speed limit can be one of the determining evidence that should be adduced. The only proof we have is the number of accident; however, Increasing amount of traffic accident does not necessarily means the worsening of traffic condition and instead, only the traffic accident rate can be seen as creditable in measuring the highway safety. For example, if the evidence shows that there is no rise in accident rate during that time and the only reason for the increase in accident amount is due to the increase in total traffic, it would be arbitrary to claim that the method of lowering speed limit is ineffective. Consequently, the necessity to adopt another strategy is questionable.
The other evidence that would be necessary in evaluating the claim can be the record of accident rate in Butler County in all last five years since the road improvement strategy is adopted. The drop in accident rate in last year cannot be convincing enough to prove that the improvement in road safety since the sudden decrease might be only a coincidence or influenced by other factors other than the road improvement. If the record of accident rate in the last five years demonstrates a continuous decline, it would support the assumption that this strategy can be actually working in Butler County.
In order to make the statement more solid, we should also include demographic data and road condition of both towns to evaluate that whether the success in Butler County can be imitated in Prunty County.  To illustrate this, we should at least take the number of private cars and the road condition into account because these factors can significantly influence the decision making. The two counties might have similar amount traffic and the road condition is in similar level before improvement. In that case, the argument that Prunty County should follow the same strategy used in Butler County can be more cogent.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

沉默好动听 发表于 2015-8-19 13:43
您好。。。我今天做了一点修改。。不知道这样会不会好一点

嗯 看上去比之前好些 起码有提出几个需要收集的证据
如果需要更详细的点评可以发来https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1873272-1-1.html
记得点评楼上的习作以及比对我的提纲或范文

沉默好动听UID: 3634352

tesolchina 发表于 2015-8-19 16:27
嗯 看上去比之前好些 起码有提出几个需要收集的证据
如果需要更详细的点评可以发来https://bbs.gter.net ...

好的！谢谢老师！！