PhD申请：如何在PS里面比较到位的表达出对方老师已经说要我了？

金帅帅杀G真帅UID: 3631223

事情的经过是这样的：
目前在写PS, 基本写完了，也找人改了几遍，但是在写“我跟你们老师已经邮件联系过了，老师也觉得要我了”的时候，意思总感觉用英语表达不到位。我把我写的放在这里，希望大家能改正。谢谢！
From Penn State website, I have known that professor Derek Elsworth, Russell T Johns, Shimin Liu and many other highly-respected professors in Penn State were concerned about the unconventional reservoir, with which my academic interests closely aligns since my graduation thesis was also working on unconventional reservoir extraction. Specifically it focused on both nano pore characterization and CBM transportation. In order to finely develop a mathematical model to simulate desorption and diffusion characteristics of CBM, I spent over 5 months staying in different laboratories to implement experiments including SEM studies and mercury injection. It turned out that my hard work paid off as my thesis was finally graded “A”. Viewing in this, Professor Derek also kindly encouraged me to apply for the Energy and Mineral Engineering (EME) Program in Penn State.（就是这位尊敬的Derek让我在PS里面提他的名字，让我申请进他团队的）
这样写是不是表达的不够充分，但是又怕表达地过于充分导致对方审核的时候会觉得我这有点高调了。问问寄托好友们怎么才能写出比较好的效果呢？

王sirUID: 3599773

My past research experience is on unconventional reservoir extraction, with an emphasis on Nano Pore Characterization and CBM Transportation. I conduct numerous SEM studies and mercury injection experiments to develop a mathematical model for simulating desorption and diffusion characteristics of CBM. My hard work led to an “A” grade on my thesis.

The research topics of Prof. Derek Elsworth, Prof. Russell T Johns and Prof. Shimin Liu parallel to my research interests. I am particularly interested in the research of Pof. Derek and I have contacted with him/her in advance. I am looking forward to working with him/her and new discoveries in my PhD studies.

金帅帅杀G真帅UID: 3631223

王sir 发表于 2015-10-9 17:43
My past research experience is on unconventional reservoir extraction, with an emphasis on Nano Po ...

谢谢王sir, 我觉得你写的很不错诶。不过这样写的会不会影响其他老师接受我呢？因为这个老师说要我的时候还没有明确说一定给funding，他就说看申请的情况给funding.我考虑的是他应该能给我offer,但是万一只给我offer但坚持不给我我奖学金，这样写很大程度就让我失去了拿到offer之后再找其他老师要奖学金的机会了。如何写能同时兼顾这个情况呢？

王sirUID: 3599773

金帅帅杀G真帅 发表于 2015-10-18 17:07
谢谢王sir, 我觉得你写的很不错诶。不过这样写的会不会影响其他老师接受我呢？因为这个老师说要我的时候还 ...

你的需求有两个，一个是“如何在PS里面比较到位的表达出对方老师已经说要我了？”另外一个是“不影响其他老师接受我”。考虑到这两个需求可以有以下两种写法：

（1）只对一个老师感兴趣并且表达强烈兴趣。
（2）同时表达对几个老师研究的兴趣并期待与他们工作。这样可以使得你的“被考虑”可能性最大化。

但是我觉得你在PS里面可以多提几个老师，正像你所考虑的那样，并不会让你现在联络的老师感觉你“有贰心”，因为毕竟还在选择阶段。

金帅帅杀G真帅UID: 3631223

王sir 发表于 2015-10-18 23:03
你的需求有两个，一个是“如何在PS里面比较到位的表达出对方老师已经说要我了？”另外一个是“不影响其他 ...

受用了，谢谢。