刚写完了一篇motivation letter，大家帮忙瞅瞅 [复制链接]

Flyingd
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发表于 2015-12-21 21:01:27 |显示全部楼层

本帖最后由 Flyingd 于 2015-12-23 11:53 编辑

楼主第一次写不知道写得怎么样，学校要求不超过一页，已经写到上限了，大家看看哪儿需要删哪儿需要改，谢谢啦！
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I am XXX, a 4th year student of XXX of Technology of XXX.

I became deeply concerned about fire safety issues in my country when the horrific explosions in Tianjin, which is only 80 miles from my hometown, killed 173 people, including 95 firefighters. Since China's rapid urbanization has fueled an enormous building boom, there is a huge demand for skilled professionals in FSE field to ensure fire safety in buildings. And this is why I decided to pursue my Master degree in the field of fire safety engineering.

I have long been determined to pursue my career in FSE field as I consider it to be one that can save lives. After going through information of this program and reviewing the course curriculum with great carefulness, I became deeply intrigued by the chance to experience the most recent research findings in this field of engineering. And with my efforts, I hope I can make contributions to this field in future.

I have a strong interest in engineering mathematics, physics and chemistry and my efforts on these subjects have paid off by receiving good grades. Understanding that programming skill is a powerful tool for engineers, I took Fortran language class in my second year. I used my programming skills later in the practice in Computer-aided Calculation of Structural Mechanics. After seeing the convenience it can bring to solving engineering problems, I also familiarized myself with other languages such as VB and MATLAB.

I understand that an expanded worldview is important for future engineers, which motivated me to achieve a full scholarship to study in Monash University, Melbourne for one semester in my third year. At Monash, one of my course projects was Steel Framed Multi-storey Car Park Design, in which I worked as the team leader and was responsible for the fire considerations. After learning about the severe damage that fire can cause to steel structures and referring to the building code, we successfully designed a car park that met the fire-resistance requirements. It was a very rewarding experience as it deepened my understanding of fire-related knowledge. While collaborating with culturally diverse students, I also improved my communication skills as well as leadership qualities. I have been working on my undergraduate thesis which is about fire safety in high-rise buildings since returning to my home university.

I am applying for this program with careful and thorough consideration. I believe that being a student in this program would not only empower my career development, but would give me the framework to utilize my full potentials.

刚写完了一篇motivation letter，大家帮忙瞅瞅 [复制链接]

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