issue同主题写作-第二类 8月10-11日

Herio_HKeKeUID: 3657363

完整题目

It is primarily through our identification with social groups that we define ourselves.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第2/3种  从不同角度分析同时对关键问题的分类，具体来说，就是考虑其他define ourselves 的方法

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
As such a gregarious group, people tend to be close to congenial flocks with similar purposes or hobbies so that they can easily get a sense of identity and achievement. For this reason, defining oneself by identification with social groups he/she belongs to seems to be a significant and primary method. On the contrary, in my point of view, I disagree with this stereotype because of lack of a comprehensive consideration in the statement.


主题句1
Apart from social groups, however, several other ignored ways of definition are also need to be emphasised for the different kind of characteristics they can shape.
具体例子或细节
1.history,
2.traditional theories, confucianism
3.other one's experiences.

主题句2
The capability of definition by ourselves, without any external forces, is impossible to disregard as well.
具体例子或细节
1.in social contacts, wear masks, hypocritical
2.performances in social groups are trustless
3.self-assessment, no one knows you better than yourself

主题句3
Besides, the social-group method is invalid for those people who are not part of any groups.
具体例子或细节
1.enjoy solitudes
2.can find suitable groups
3.didn't accepted by any group

关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑
逻辑线很难找，自己写的有点混乱，但是不知道怎么下手。开头也很难写...
每段主题句总觉得自己写的很简单，没有层次....


我写的全文 （建议在修改提纲后再写）



我来点评其他网友
楼层： 62

1）____网友提纲的框架是否合理？
按照不同职业分其实是合理的，感觉分类逻辑有点混乱，并没有明确的分类界限，前面说为了全人类福利的职业，最后面又说科学家，但是科学家其实也是为了wellfare的...

2）____网友提纲所用的例子是否合适？
感觉不用全部具体到人，有个别细讲就行，大部分说出因为什么原因或者职业的特性考虑或者不考虑结果，而后有什么结果应该这种程度就行了。

3）____网友开头段语言方面有哪些问题？
并没有按照要求明确提出自己的观点，agree or disagree，
然后，总感觉normal people 用得很怪，如果是想表达普通人就people就行了，或者想表达average people（一般人）的意思？

Dover999UID: 3808377

cc271793784 发表于 2017-8-11 23:56
Issue 61 
People should undertake risky action only after they have carefully considered its ...

谢谢楼主点评，不过楼主没有认真看吧？我说了urgent和  not grgent， important和not important的情况。

丽丽酱香饼UID: 3764419

【辅助思路】
61
People should undertake risky action only after they have carefully considered its consequences.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

第一步；请利用同意转换(paraphrase)的方式介绍要讨论的问题作为文章的开头
It is argued that, in order to avoid the bad results, thinking twice is vital before undertaking risky action.

第二步；用一句话概括三个论点为主旨句
Whether the statement holds true or not depends on what kind of risk people should undertake. When the risk is well known and fairly easy to manage or the risk can be assessed quantitatively, careful consideration can greatly manage the risk. On the opposite, under emergency situation, the risky action out of instinct is the best move people should take.

第三步：将三个主题句用自己的话复述
1. When the risk is familiar to people and can be handled easily, there is no reason to refuse to consider its possible consequences.
2. Deliberation is also necessary for dealing with situations in which the risk can be analyzed quantitively.
3. On the other hand, under emergency, it is better to take risky action just out of the first response, because in that condition instinct could make the best choice for you.

第四步：每个主题句下加一行例子和例子能支撑论点的理由
1. For instance, every person should have known the importance of safe sex, which is crucial to people’s health and even crucial to life safety.
        If people surrender to the lust of sex and forget security measures, the possibility of pregnancy and Sex Transmitted Diseases, including incurable Aids, would roar. Considering these consequences, which are familiar and easy to prevent, people should take measures like wearing condoms to reduce the risk.
2. Risks are always bond to financial management and investment, this kind of actions just deal with risks, to specific speaking, calculating the risk to avoid loss and win profits.
        Only after reviewing financial statements and using sophisticated model dare the manager take action to spend money. Otherwise, the big loss because of careless treat to risk could lead to bankrupt or even personal ruin.
3. Being in danger, risky action can help human body release endorphins and adrenalins that can help the person to perform physical acts that are not possible under normal situation.
As a result, the unconscious behavior may offer a better chance to survive.

第五步；写一小段做这个练习的感想和思考
同意转换最好既换句式又要换单词吗？换起来有点费力。。。
“You, I, our…”是否合适在文章里使用，如何使用较好？


点评22楼：
第一步：its不应该出现在action之前，指代不清。
第二步：没有概括三个论点
第三步第一句：指代不清
第三步第二句：句意有歧义
第三步第三句：理解有误，应是阐述此情景下本能反应带来的好处，而不是必须用本能

huan19880122UID: 2657720

sweepyou 发表于 2017-8-12 00:26
11.People's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
Write a response in w ...

谢谢点评，我写的时候 写着写着也觉着第三段不大好写，因为题目里要求了要考虑到issue里容易被反驳的论点，就加了第三段，great men and wonderful people 是想指历史中的伟人和身边的牛人，确实没写清楚，感觉可以按你的建议改成一边儿倒，就不要这个让步了，超级感谢

咱俩写的是同一主题，我也看了看你的，大概说说我的想法，人天生的本质和内在驱动，人可以克服环境做自主选择，例子中多是伟大的科学家艺术家这些人，要不要把观点的地方加个人的分类，比如普通人确实很少有自主决定权，但是对于一些非常卓越的人，是可以以自身意志决定行为的。再分析原因，分成本质区别和兴趣两点分别讲述和举例。分下类，后面论证感觉就更能切入自己观点。

另外语言方面，ts中 When it comes to human behaviors, the author believes。。。。the author 我刚读以为是作者的自称，另外题目中的statment 称为author 感觉也不是特别贴切，建议改成比如the statement claims这类的句子。另外，主题句里的still，我会感觉语气有点儿弱，我个人建议去掉，不过我去查了查字典，确实也没找到啥根据，可能就是自己的感觉了。

youzi42UID: 3806028

61.People should undertake risky action only after they have carefully considered its consequences.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第2种  从三个角度看待这个命题 out of curiosity ;the failure caused by the action ; the  bad effect to the society ;  

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
  Well goes the old saying , "think twice before action" . I firmly in favor of the advice that ,before doing something risky , one should take the following consequences into consideration. Thus , we can avoid taking risky actions , those that are merely out of curiosity , and those that are deceptive or maybe do harm to the harmony of the society.

主题句1
具体例子或细节
When deciding to take part in something that may sound really cool , but indeed dangerous , one should have carefully take the outcomes into consideration.
Example : rock climbing , diving  and other extreme sports;
reason: Exciting as those sports may be , they are not suitable for those participants , rarely exercise , to enjoy a fantastic time . Since those extreme sports are dangerous  , those who is willing to take it are required to have basic training . Thus , think twice before take it  , if not sufficient in strong will and the ablitity to fight the difficulites .Or you may find yourself be in a situation which may harm your health , or live.
  

主题句2
具体例子或细节
Carefully weighting the advanteges and disadvantages in the begining when you are going to take something deceptive , for the reason that it's against the rule of honesty .
Example : cheating in the exams ; fraud cases ;
Reason : Those actions may sound very profitable , once you made it , you can get a lot of benefits from it . However , once  involved in deceptive incidents , you will regret what you have done : very few people will trust you again .  

主题句3
具体例子或细节
Think twice before you are going to do something which may be harmful to the society .
Examples : spread rumors to cause chaos ; destroy the eqquipments which are used to save people's live ; revenge by killing someone
Reason : Doing illegal actions , whatever reasons you give , will put you into prison . However , if you think twice before action , calm down , and you will remind you of the terrible consequeces . Thus , if you have fully consideration , you won't put yourself in something dangerous.

关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑
  我觉得这三个分论点没有环环相扣，递进的关系。可以再修改一下。第二次写提纲感觉顺了一点，但是很多简单的词汇和表达反倒忘了。

我写的全文 （建议在修改提纲后再写）



我来点评其他网友
楼层： 79

1）丽丽酱香饼网友提纲的框架是否合理？
我觉得第一个和第二个分论点有点重叠了，或者说是两者没有很好的区分度。

2）丽丽酱香饼网友提纲所用的例子是否合适？
丽丽酱香饼用的例子好像是老师的。老师之前在视频里讲过，提纲的例子简写就行~

3）丽丽酱香饼网友开头段语言方面有哪些问题？  
我觉得开头点的不错，还提到了为什么要三思的原因。但是没有总结三种情况的句子。建议看看老师的视频再写啦~

太学文肤UID: 3829290

tesolchina 发表于 2017-8-7 14:25
Issue 99/11

ISSUE 11
“People’s behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making”
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. ...shape your position.
提纲：
开头段：正如speaker所言，人的行为其实不可避免地要受到外部环境的影响，但其实人的内在因素也是一股不可忽视的力量，其实人的行为是内因和外因共同作用所产生的结果。
正文第一段：外部环境对人的行为确实有影响。
正文第二段：人的内在因素也可以对自己的行为起到控制作用。
正文第三段：共同作用。

DesertRiverUID: 3829528

People's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.



11) Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

99) Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

用第三种方法：针对force进行分类：natural principle，social code，influence from nearby people

第一段：Is it that people's deed is dominited by outside forces or their iner power? As in my view, in the modern sociaty,workers' work behavior is largely dominited by their job, customer's consumption behavior would be affected by advertisments, yet,people could choose their behavior in some extent.

ts1: Worker's behavior is largely arranged by their work. In the assemble line, workers repeat fixed movement. Even white corners life during work time is determined.
  
ts2: Even the consumption behavior will be affected by advertisment.Choose suit.

ts3: However, people indeed could determine their behavior in some extent.Quit job to do independent work. To creat a new enterprise, be their own boss.

困惑：其实，我首先想到的是对force进行分类，而不是从不同角度来论证。我对force的分类是physical force，social code，influence from people nearby。进来来论证人的行为是被周围的force决定的。我是不是太悲观了？ 的确，我已经被现实打脸，有点悲观...

amber_123UID: 3830001

People's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.

11) Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

According to a psychological theory, human’s behavior is either generated by inner forces or outsider ones. Psychologists are always passionate to explore which one plays a more important role and under what situation it can realize. Weather people’s behavior is decided by inner forces or outside forces depends on different contexts they are in. Employees in manufactural industry have to obey established rules. Shopping websites also persuade people to buy things they don’t really need. But when it turns to painters, they are driven by their spontaneous feelings.

To begin with, behaviors of employees in manufactural industry are fixed regardless of their will. Managers of big corporations would try to find the most effective working cycles for each work. The cycles cut down all the superfluous moves and make the working time as short as possible. Once the cycle is determined, operation workers must obey the pattern and cannot randomly change any moves. These workers’ effective working patterns are aimed to produce more products in a given time zone, and finally make more profit.

In addition, shopping websites would implicitly influence people’s online shopping behaviors. It is surprised to find what we like on the first page of a website when doing online shopping. The fact is that when we are shopping online, the website would record what we have searched and bought. Next time when we open the page again, related goods would show on the first page. However, we may have already bought a similar one or just searched for fun. According to some scientific researches, the more frequently merchandise shows in front of you, the more possibly you would buy it. The implicit persuasion would result in unnecessary shopping which would not happen if there is none, from which the sellers would benefit.

On the other hand, though the behaviors of operation workers and online buyers are determined by outside forces, artists tend to behave what they like. Painters, for example, paint what they like on the paper spontaneously. They would paint every single detail of human body like Leonardo da Vinci. They would as well use simple lines to delineate bulls like Picasso. They would pour paints over paper randomly to form an abstract painting. They would also take much care of deciding lines and colors. Painters express their opinions and feelings freely though painting.

To draw a conclusion, weather people’s behavior is forced or by themselves depends on the situation they are in. Operation workers must obey established working patterns to earn more profit. Online buyers tend to buy more things because of implicit persuasions made by shopping websites. But painters would freely express their opinions and feelings through painting.

AngelyyyUID: 3625119

38.It is primarily through our identification with social groups that we define ourselves.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

我采取了第三种必杀技，分类讨论。

TS：People always want to figure out the background and the ancestry of ourselves.Partly because everyone has a robust demand to define themselves.It is true in the theory of development psychology that defining who they are is the most important task in their 20-30 age period.However,whether it is the group around us defined ourselves?It depends on the tendency of your personality.For the independent people,they tend to define by themselves.For the other,they are more rely on the definition from arounds.

ts1:To begin with,I want to introduce one of my close friends Leo.He always independent and confident,I once asked him why he takes others comments as inconsequential and stay so calm,he told me that he think he lives for himself,not for anybody else.Indeed,there are so many people just live like Leo,and they give the opinions themselves even though they also connected to their friends,family and lovers,they won’t be affected a lot.

ts2:When it comes to the people don’t used to stick to their own ideas,and live whatever they like,they possibly be defined by their arounds.The opinions,taste to cloth,even the future plans,are largely shaped by their parents or grandparents.

ts3: One may challenge that the people who live agreeable are not always listen the opinions pressed on them,I won’t deny that.Nevertheless,it depends on what extent they obey,the future influenced idea could be so gradual and will affect people’s whole life,even if they don’t rely on the suggestions for the most time.