issue同主题写作-第二类 8月10-11日

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

8月10日和11日这两天请大家参加issue第二组的同主题写作。写之前，请先看我针对第一组issue提纲写作的视频和讲义，尝试遵循我提的8条意见，争取避免犯同样的错误。

1. 从issue范文与提纲目录帖第二组选取一道issue题
2. 在回帖中复制粘贴完整的题目和自己写的提纲 （请按照视频讲解的提纲写作方法写提纲）
3. 注明自己所选用的构建框架的方法
4. 选择一个楼层点评（原则上是自己楼上还没有人点评的楼层）

反馈PDF下载

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Issue 99/11

People's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.

11) Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

99) Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

Issue 38

It is primarily through our identification with social groups that we define ourselves.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Issue 61

People should undertake risky action only after they have carefully considered its consequences.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

Issue 78

People’s attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Issue 93

Unfortunately, in contemporary society, creating an appealing image has become more important than the reality or truth behind that image.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Issue 141

It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

第二类issue题目共计7道题大多涉及人的行为与认知。issue11和99关注人的行为是否受自己控制的力量支配，这和issue 78所关注的人的态度是由社会整体还是周围环境决定的问题相映成趣。issue93关注的是外表形象和内在实际的关联，由于主要关系到人的认知和态度，所以也分到这一类。

上述这几道题都是描述性的命题，关心的是“世界是什么样的？”这个实然问题。而接下来两道题则是关心“世界应该是怎样？”这个应然问题。

issue 61讨论人们应不应该在仔细思考后果后才冒险。
issue 141则专注于人们应否坚持信念。注意这道题的题干It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them.表面上是一个实然命题，但是harmful这个具有价值倾向的字眼就暗含了应然的意图。

分辨实然和应然命题对于GRE写作是很重要的。因为应然命题的论述需要我们选择一个价值体系来做出判断，而实然则不需要。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

建议初学者不要选38和141，可以考虑从61入手。另外，建议模仿我的范文和提纲。由于我需要准备argument的视频，这一期练习会从前25篇提纲中随机(www.random.org)抽10篇点评。

为降低参与同主题写作活动的门槛，鼓励更多的版友参加，现提供第二组题中issue 61的思路，同学可以选择按照这个思路来完成开头段、主题句及提纲的写作。如果按照这个思路写提纲请在回帖时注明『辅助思路』。

People should undertake risky action only after they have carefully considered its consequences.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

第一步：请利用同意转换的方式(paraphrase)介绍要讨论的问题作为文章开头。
第二步：用一句话概括下面的三个论点作为主旨句。

- the statement is true when the risk is well known and fairly easy to manage
- the statement is also true when the risk can be assessed quantitatively
- the statement may not be true under emergency situation when people take risky action out of instinct  

第三步 将上面的三个主题句用自己的话复述（提示：可以不用statement这个词）
第四步 在每个主题句的下面加一行列出要举的例子并在下一行简述这个例子能支持论点的理由  
第五步 写一小段做这个练习感想和思考

阿之UID: 3452972

Issue 93

Unfortunately, in contemporary society, creating an appealing image has become more important than the reality or truth behind that image.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第3种: through classification of key terms in the issue statement，具体来说，将reality or truth定义为工作上的ability and working ethics，再将此句针对的人分类为models, scientists, white collars.

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
Not only in contemporary society, but also in ancient time, people naturally appreciate and celebrate attractive images of others. There is no doubt that there are professions which value the significance of appearance more than reality or truth, such as actors, models, or stars. However, in the current society, for most people working on other fields, like the scientists or white collar workers, the actual ability and working ethics behind the superficial imaging is what actually important.

主题句1
In order to be successful in the fashion or entertainment industry, in which beauty is one of the most direct source of profits, it is understandable that some actors, models, or stars value appearance more than the truth behind that image.
        Example 1: Celebrities have scandals, but as long as they remain attractive, there are always fans support them. (eg. kim kardashian)
        Example 2: Most companies won't care the truth of models, as long as they have the ideal body type and ability to attract people’s attention in selling.

主题句2
Despite the fact that beauty is cherished in the entertainment industry, it is not generalizable for other industries, which are actually the major part of contemporary society. In academia, people care about the reality of other’s working ability and the integrity toward their work; appealing image is not weighted heavily in people’s mind, if it had any.
        Example 1: As long as your work is significant, people do not care about your appearance. (eg.Stephen Hawking)
        Example 2: If anyone plagiarizes, no matter how attractive s/he is, the result is devastating for her/his career in science. (eg. the value of blind peer review)

主题句3
In addition to academia, a lot of other careers, such as white collars, also require working ability and ethics, instead of attractive appearance.
         Example 1: For most jobs, in the hiring process, people list requirements for abilities.
         Example 2: background check instead of “appearance check”
         ...etc.


关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑：
其实有点犹豫需不需要让步的一段，毕竟其实models这种类型的工作也是很需要work ethics的。有点担心有没有跑题？
老师的视频还没传上来，我按照文字的建议写了这个。看了视频之后可能可以再修改一下。

GoldenStringUID: 3787185

People's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.



11) Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

99) Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

第三种方法：对People's behaivor进行分类

Whether the stament holds true depends on the social role of the people who produce the behaviors and the kinds of behaivors. For the industrailization of modern society,  the behaviors of  industrail workers have largely determined by the different production department which they belong to.  And the white-collar have to follow prescribed order according to the companies' rules and regulations. Nevertheless, not all people's behaviors are controled by the factories or corporations, when people change their roles from common workers to parents, they will do everything for their children even they are willing to sacrifice their lives for their children in times of crisis. What's more, In the face of natural disasters, such as earthquake, countless celebrities are competing for donations, and many ordinary people volunteer to go  the disaster area to give a hand to the affected people without asking for any return.These behaivors are simply voluntary without any enforcement.

ts1: Industrail workers who are working on the assembly lines do the same tasks determined by the machines  day by day without thinking.
        the workers lost the ability of thinking and relearning and the passion of their occupations.
       they becomes machinery accessories without lives
  
ts2: Although the industrail workers are enforced to repeat the same behaivors all day ,they are willing to do everything for their childre when they change the social roles from workers to parents.

Parents will spare no efforts to offer the best things to their children, like education ,food and others.

In face of risks ,parents will sacrifices their lives without reluctance to search for one hope that their childrn can survive.This kind of behaviors just derives from an instinc of parents ,no one can enforce them to do that.

ts3: More celebrities are passionate about philanthropy to return the society.
    Many college students volunteer to teach in the west.
In face of earthquake, numberous people volunteer to go to the disaster area to help the affected people ,which is not organized by the goverment.

困惑：觉得我自己的行为的分类是不是太common，老师的那个广告消费行为好新颖。
  我是理解的题目是：人们的行为大多是被迫的而不是自主的。我着重强调自主、自愿，这是我第一印象，没有立马联想到自由。

点评5楼
1）作者的思路很清晰，条理有序，框架OK，对于把reality& truth 分类为ability and ethic我很认同。就是最后一个白领那段我觉得仅仅把image 理解为appearance是不是有点窄了，它也可以代表礼貌，穿着整洁得体，落落大方，这对于白领其实也很重要。

2）作者使用的例子很合适，尤其是霍金那个例子。

3）在语言方面没有什么太大差错。因为自己本身就不知道所用语言是否地道，就不过多评价了。

mzlgjgUID: 3804664

61.People should undertake risky action only after they have carefully considered its consequences.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

frame使用第二种方法，在三种perspectives看待这个问题：individual，company and nation.
TS:Risky actions, whose influence is probably to get you “rich” in a night or to reduce you to "homeless", usually force people to vacillate. I think nobody, except the iconoclastic mavericks, will doubt the importance of consideration before risky action is taken. From individual, corporation and nation’s perspective, this principle applies.

TS1:Every single choice an individual makes is closely associated to his destiny, so for the sake of a better life, risky action should be fully assessed to take.
example:Bill Gates didn’t finish his college, but that was not a result of an impulse.
reasoning:Gates confessed in later years that decision cost him several sleepless nights....

TS2:For company managers, to take a decision is not only about their own concern, but about hundreds or even thousands of their workers' concern.
example: Umbrella Corporation in Resident Evil...
reasoning: Their risky decision of anti-humanism behavior finally perished them, their workers and brought an unprecedented disaster to the world....

TS3:In terms of individual and company, the risky action can cause harmful results, but that outcome will pale into insignificance when it comes to nation scale.
example: Chinese government's indifference attitude toward Japanese army entering the northeast of China in 1931.
reasoning: This risky decision, almost destroyed China, caused Chinese people 14 years and 20 million deaths to drive Japanese away....

But still there are cases where this principle doesn’t apply--when there isn’t enough amount of time for people to fully evaluate the consequences of risky cations. They may take it out of their instinct or intuition.

感想：这个题目我用的方法似乎不太好转折了，最后一段就显得比较格格不入。而且我不太确定我的例子是不是贴切合理。

关于5楼的作文
整体感觉还是很不错的，思路很清晰，逻辑也很通顺。
1）框架OK，我觉得基本没有什么需要太修改的，不过有个小建议，就是white collars可以改成company admin之类的，这样看起来更像是一种职业而不是一种阶级...
2）例子也挺好的，比我的例子要合理很多。不过第二段你举的盲审的例子是想说明能惩治剽窃吗还是什么，好像没有看懂...
3）开头段结尾有个小错误，应该改成what really matters.就可以了。

flhopeUID: 3823681

61.People should undertake risky action only after they have carefully considered its consequences.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

第二种方法，分角度，
1.让步，日常生活中可以预知的风险，经过思考，可以避免
2.3转折 不适用于这两种情况：
           2.在自然灾害中，即使我们意识到很危险，我们还是会奋不顾身去救人。
           3.因为每个人对社会认知有限，所以对风险的评估有限，对于超过我们认知能力的事情，即使我们做了自认为最全的考虑，可能也会得到预期之外的结果。

开头段：
There is no doubt that we have always been taught that one should think twice before taking risky actions. Only after cautious and comprehensive consideration of its consequences, one can avoid unnecessary trouble even detrimental results, which is especially true in solve problems in daily life. However, it does not always remain true when it applies to the emergency situation on which there are other values we believe more important than the risk itself. In addition, this will not be proved to be true when we are facing with problems beyond the capacity of our thought. Even if we taken a full cost-benefit analysis of the risky action, due to our limited recognition of the social environment, we also may suffer from unpleasant results.

ts1:
Admittedly, in daily life, we could avoid some well-known risks by making enough deliberation through learning the experience of people around our social environment. The suggestions and experience acquired by our friends and parents via taking similar risk before us always lead us to the right direction.
example: choose majors before going to university, choose traveling strategy we never go before

ts2:
However, when facing emergency situation such as saving people in natural catastrophe, the belief that the value of others' lives outweighs that of everything drives us to take risk even we have made cautious consideration. Even if we realized that saving people in danger may even lost our life, we also would to choose to do so.
example：earthquake,flood

ts3:
In addition, because of one's limited recognition to the complex social environment, the careful consideration may even lead us to unexpected results after taking risky action. Due to the economy and technology progress, the world we live in undergoes dramatic changes in materials and in spirits of people. Nevertheless, the distribution of wealth and resources reflects considerable difference between people, leading to different horizons of individuals about the society. It is difficult for one to acquire absolute possible results risk bringing about after careful consideration.

关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑 :
觉得思路不够清晰，所以语言表达混乱，最后一段简写了，中间的逻辑和举例时间有限，暂时没想到更好的。

我来点评其他网友
楼层：7楼

1）7楼框架是否合理？
框架，总分关系明显。

2）7楼所用的例子是否合适？
我觉得举例子是支持中心句的，应该是面对自己承担的责任，经过深思熟虑之后，做了艰难的抉择，但是抉择的影响应该提一下，即使结果失败了，也吸收了经验教训。或者作者原因写的少，所以我的理解有限。

3）7楼开头段语言方面有哪些问题？  
开头段，觉得可以点名所分社会角色所承担的责任不一样，所以面对风险时不得不做仔细的考虑。开头段论述，前后逻辑不够有说服力，可能我个人觉得逻辑不够严密。

卿本悠悠UID: 3817355

2、People should undertake risky action only after they have carefully considered its consequences.（61）

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第2种，by considering an issue from different perspectives or in different contexts。分别从3各方面来论述：学习上、生活上、工作中。（或者采用第3种框架方式，将people分为students, scientists and professionals，不过就缺少了生活方面的论述，因此最终决定采用前者）

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
Nobody could live a life without any risk or threat. Undertaking risky actions without careful consideration before, people might be trapped into a situation that could not find a suitable solution or even be forced to return to the start. Although risky actions probably lead to a magnificent result as challenge always company with chance, people shouldn’t rush to take risky action, weather in study, in daily life or at work, until they have thoroughly considered its consequences.

主题句1
Risky actions in study, which every student may take in their high school or college period, could cause a severe and far-reaching consequence.
具体例子或细节
--Changing major. (leading to another unsuitable one and have a deeply influenced result)
--Learning some course. (wasting the precious time which should be spent in more important subject)
--Dropping out. (leading to a irretrievable time and experience lost )

主题句2
Many risky actions in daily life should under thoroughly consideration as its consequence may also has a deeply impact on relatives and surroundings.
具体例子或细节
--Marriage. (causing many trouble or even divorce)
--Risky sports. (causing physical harm or even death)

主题句3
Though there is a great chance to meet risk in career, weather for scientists or professionals, people should carefully consider and analyze the consequence before taking a risky action.
具体例子或细节
--Scientists. (most scientific breakthrough are reached by lots of previous fundamental research,)
--Professionals. (losing job when taking risky career or going bankrupt when building a company by themselves)

关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑
从上一个题目开始就在考虑是否需要针对反方进行论述，通过对反方的反驳进而丰富文章的深度和内容。但是感觉Simon老师的教学论述中没有提及这方面的，不知道这样处理（加入反方论点及其驳斥）是否合适。

我来点评其他网友
楼层：8楼

1）flhope网友提纲的框架是否合理？
很合理。虽然与题目提出的观点不一致，但是总体的框架结构严谨，逻辑相扣。读起来很顺。和我的思路角度完全不同，很有启发性。

2）flhope网友提纲所用的例子是否合适？
主题句1的例子很恰当，主题句3没写例子。主题句2的例子不是很适合。地震属于极端自然灾害，在这种情况下，基本原则是先保存自身再考虑救人，不然还需要更多的资源用于救助想要帮助别人自己反而被困的人。可以把“自然灾害”换成概念更大的某些情况下，能拓展更多的内容。

3）flhope网友开头段语言方面有哪些问题？  
1、第1行，“we are always be taught”出现2个be动词，去掉后者；
2、第2行，“after caution and comprehensive consideration”中的caution改为cautious比较对称；
3、第3行，“in solve problems”中的in应该接solving。

HelloC424UID: 3815350

People's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.


11) Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

99) Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

第三种方法：对People's behavior进行分类

开头段：
From my perspective, I think we human could control our own behaviors. To illustrate my opinion, we should start about what kinds of human behaviors we are discussing on. I assume that behaviors could be divided into two classification: passive behaviors which we could accomplish without deliberation  and active behaviors which need us to pay efforts to accomplish. Passive behaviors were largely force by the environment we are position in such as eating, drinking or some kind of work do not need to thinking but mechanical repetition, while active behaviors which are controlled by individuals or groups such as study or enact a policy to improve society. Even passive behaviors we still could choose to do it or not.

Ts1:Passive behaviors, which could be considered as  reactions to surroundings, are shaped by outside environment.
e.p.1: fundamental behaviors such as eating and drinking, sustained our lives.
e.p.2:In this highly industrialize society, there are lots of jobs do not need to thinking, such as a worker in a factory. Their behaviors are immutable and forced by the machine.


Ts2:Active behaviors, which need our efforts and thinking to accomplish, are determined by ourselves without enforcement.
e.p1:study actively to cultivate and improve our spiritual world.  
e.p.2:Policy which enact by human is a production of active thinking, without which our society will fall into disorderedness and even lead to the war.


Ts3（让步）：However, human have freedom to choose to do things passively or actively, this, in another perspective, is an expression that we human have our own powers to control our behaviors.


困惑：
1.分类是否太大，不细。
2.逻辑有点绕：行为分为被动的行为和主动的行为，被动的行为也可以主动选择做不做。觉得有点自相矛盾。。
3.单词、语句过于简单，例子储备不够
4.在开头段写出了分类，在写ts的时候是否会比较重复？要如何写开头段才能写得比较多。

评价远子w：
题目：
人的态度是由短暂环境决定还是社会整体决定。
提纲：
态度分为短暂和长期。虽然社交媒体上短暂环境影响短暂态度，长期态度还是大部分由教育和文化决定的。
1.社交媒体会形成短暂态度
2.教育形成长期态度
3.文化形成长期态度
提纲比较清晰，没有什么问题。

例子：
911事件的例子我觉得不是最好的。这个例子用在了1、2两个观点上。
在第一个观点中，想表达憎恨由多到少。这里有没有更好的例子可以说明短暂时间情感从有到无？感觉会更好。
在第二个观点中，想表达虽然随着时间沉淀，教育影响会形成更理智的态度。但是我认为，恐怖分子根本上是错的，所以即使掌握了更多知识，态度也不会有什么变化（仍然是反对的）。在这里作者可能更强调态度的理性与否，但是没有注意到态度本身是否改变。如果能举例态度改变的事例可能更好。第三个观点的例子就很好。


回应下对我的提纲的评价：
因为题目就是行为by force或者自己control，所以第一个观点就是被环境控制的呀，工人无法控制自己的行为，只是机械重复，没有思考，也是by force的体现。

猜ccUID: 3828818

Issue 78

People’s attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

我的提纲采用的是第一和第二种方法，引出了一个新概念：社会的命名和分类系统，认为这是社会对个人态度施加影响的主要方式，然后这一方式讨论在家庭、学校和大众媒体等不同情境下的体现。

Intro paragraph:
There are numerous factors influencing how people think about the world and others. If we consider it in a narrower perspective, the ostensible truth may be that people’s attitude are influenced more deeply by the immediate conditions they confront than by the broader social context, like when a person is badly treated, he will think passively of others. But if we look at it from a broader view, things may be different. The whole society played a fundamental role in formulating people’s attitude by its naming and classification system, accompanied by merits and stigma added to different categories, and enforced by different institutions, including the family, the school and the mass media. But they are not taught openly, but as tacit premises hidden behind those seemingly unprejudiced rules and knowledge.

TS1: Family is the first essential place where children’s thinking is cultivated.
Here we learn how to play our role as boys or girls. Girl, mother as its prototype, is taught and expected to be gentle and kind, always do the laundry and cooking, serving the whole family about all the detailed things. Boy, exemplified by the father, has to behave bravely, bear ambitious will and be the breadwinner. If a girl disobeys those rules, she will probably get berates from her mother. As we keep practicing to be a boy or a girl, we just take all the expectations for granted and think of it as natural.

TS2: When we are at school, we learn the hierarchy of culture, from where we develop our views about the world.
2-1.Those books and teachers tells us the nobility of knowledge, together with it is the superior of mental work to physical work.
2-2. Also, the culture is divided into and lower culture. Those classical cultures, produced by the aristocrats, are tagged as higher culture, while mass culture, owned by plebeian, was thought of as vulgar.

TS3: Moreover, the mass media is also an important tool for the society to affect people’s attitudes.
As we all know, the media promised to offer us an unbiased scene about the world. However, it’s far from the truth. If we look at the advertisements, we can see that females appearing the most are those beautiful, city and young women with perfect figure and smooth skin. And males the media worships the most are those wealthy and successful entrepreneurs.  As if for female, beauty is the most pivotal thing, while for male, the money counts the most. If we are surrounded by this kind of story, how can’t our attitude be affected by it?

感想和困惑：
1.这一次写得很纠结。有特别注意老师提出的开头段要切题，还有每段主题句应该提到关键词。但是我写的时候又忘记把分论点写成关键词，不由自主就把句子写出来了。可能因为我第一段和第三段都只有一个例子，而且总感觉写出句子来也是帮助我思考的过程。下次尝试用关键词。
2.reasoning感觉还有不足，我的本意是把论证过程在第一段最后一句说了，然后接下来三段只是陈述在不同领域的表现。但是似乎还是需要论证。而且我中心句讲了命名，但是我后面一直在讲的似乎是分类，似乎可以把第一段的命名去掉。
3.因为instruction里面要讨论观点在哪种情况下能成立或不成立，不知道只是第一段那样提一句是否可行。

我的点评：六楼
框架完善，总体论证清晰，将行为分成被迫的行为和主动的行为，然后在此基础上展开论证，总体言之成理。一些小建议：
1. 首段提出问题和观点时，更好的办法是把你对issue中关键词的理解阐释清楚，具体的例子可以在中间段论证时写。可以尝试把你在第一段举的例子抽象成概念，比如你所理解的forces其实是rules and regulations，但是你文中没有讲。
2.虽然分类和论证总体言之成理，但是还有一定的改进空间。如果我来反驳你的话，第二个主题句，虽然看似是人们自己决定的行为，但父母保护孩子，其实是一种天性，这个所有的动物都会有。所以更多似乎是一种自然力（force）的影响？因为人们在作出这种选择时并不需要考虑，是一种本能的行为。第三个主题句，看起来似乎也是名人自己的决定，但实际上更多受到舆论的影响，一方面，名人希望以此塑造一个良好的形象，这就是受到他人眼光的影响了；其次，如果名人在地震中不捐款，或捐款少的话，是会被网友骂的，08年万科就是一例。
3.关于forces，还有一些别的思路，人们的行为有时候看似是自己的决定，但其实受到群体压力、社会文化、总体社会发展进程的影响。比如不同宗教群体的冲突、比如让座、比如90年代经商潮，和农民进城务工的潮流。
4. 另外，还需要注意例子和主题句之间的关联，比如主题句三讲的是名人的慈善，但例子举的却是学生和很多普通人的志愿活动。
我的一家之言，不一定有理，有不当或不同意的地方还请指出。

遠子wUID: 3788646

Issue 78

People’s attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.
relig

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


Method: different perspectives (long-term and short-term)

Nowadays, it is observed that on the social media, people tend to form their attitudes and opinions toward an unfamiliar issue in terms of their immediate judgements. And their immediate judgements seem to be substaintially influenced by their firsthand knowledge of the issue and others’ immediate responses. This phenomenon leads to a question: whether people’s attitudes are shaped by the immediate environment around them or long-term factors such as culture and education? From my perspective, even though people’s immediate attitudes can be affected by the  immediate surroundings on social media, their long-term attitudes are largely determined by social factors such as education and culture.

TS1  Social media, which provide a superfacial and inconclusive context for an issue, prompt people to form a temporary attitude deviating from contemplation and critical thinking in the short run.

-For example, after the tragic 9-11 event, many people expressed emotional abomination toward terrorists and all the Muslim on Facebook.  
-Dominated by their emotions, could form a rational attitude
-Observing other comments that instigate hate, tended to be more radical
-But this attitude is not stable and can change over time especially when the public calmed down and started to think rationally
-Contemplated and formed a less radical attitude

TS2 On the other hand, people form their long-term attitudes in terms of the education that they received.

-Same example above
- Many people started to realize it is false to generalize and blame the crime on all the Muslim
- Based on their knowledge of political science and American history, they realized that previous radical attitude might be politically incorrect and theoretically untenable
- This rational attitude is based on contemplation and objective thinking -> more likely to be stable over time

TS3 Likewise, culture factors can be equally influential in forming a long-term attitude.
-        Traditional Chinese families, negative and conservative attitudes toward independent women
-        Taught by former generations that female is supposed to take care of her family rather than pursuing her own dream
-        Strong cultural elements -> sexual discrimination in China and Japan
-        Likely to last for their whole life

10樓

1.passive的分類我感覺是反了？感覺就是人被environment而非自己控制。我可以選擇不吃飯，但是長期不吃飯生理條件不允許，我就會餓死，這樣豈不是我不能控制自己？ 我感覺要一邊倒的話從active的部分分類會不會比較好點？畢竟passive這詞給的感覺就是。。。不能control自己
2. ts1的工廠的例子我怎麼覺得反而是worker無法control自己的behavior，只能依據機器的指示，這個contradict了你的觀點吧？
3. 第一部分一起說了

遠子wUID: 3788646

Issue 78

People’s attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.
relig

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


Method: different perspectives (long-term and short-term)

Nowadays, it is observed that on the social media, people tend to form their attitudes and opinions toward an unfamiliar issue in terms of their immediate judgements. And their immediate judgements seem to be substaintially influenced by their firsthand knowledge of the issue and others’ immediate responses. This phenomenon leads to a question: whether people’s attitudes are shaped by the immediate environment around them or long-term factors such as culture and education? From my perspective, even though people’s immediate attitudes can be affected by the  immediate surroundings on social media, their long-term attitudes are largely determined by social factors such as education and culture.

TS1  Social media, which provide a superfacial and inconclusive context for an issue, prompt people to form a temporary attitude deviating from contemplation and critical thinking in the short run.

-For example, after the tragic 9-11 event, many people expressed emotional abomination toward terrorists and all the Muslim on Facebook.  
-Dominated by their emotions, could form a rational attitude
-Observing other comments that instigate hate, tended to be more radical
-But this attitude is not stable and can change over time especially when the public calmed down and started to think rationally
-Contemplated and formed a less radical attitude

TS2 On the other hand, people form their long-term attitudes in terms of the education that they received.

-Same example above
- Many people started to realize it is false to generalize and blame the crime on all the Muslim
- Based on their knowledge of political science and American history, they realized that previous radical attitude might be politically incorrect and theoretically untenable
- This rational attitude is based on contemplation and objective thinking -> more likely to be stable over time

TS3 Likewise, culture factors can be equally influential in forming a long-term attitude.
-        Traditional Chinese families, negative and conservative attitudes toward independent women
-        Taught by former generations that female is supposed to take care of her family rather than pursuing her own dream
-        Strong cultural elements -> sexual discrimination in China and Japan
-        Likely to last for their whole life

10樓

1.passive的分類我感覺是反了？感覺就是人被environment而非自己控制。我可以選擇不吃飯，但是長期不吃飯生理條件不允許，我就會餓死，這樣豈不是我不能控制自己？ 我感覺要一邊倒的話從active的部分分類會不會比較好點？畢竟passive這詞給的感覺就是。。。不能control自己
2. ts1的工廠的例子我怎麼覺得反而是worker無法control自己的behavior，只能依據機器的指示，這個contradict了你的觀點吧？
3. 第一部分一起說了

阿之UID: 3452972

mzlgjg 发表于 2017-8-10 16:46
61.People should undertake risky action only after they have carefully considered its consequences.
...

我觉得盲审是因为评论的人也不知道作者是谁，所以就不会因为这个人（的外表）来judge他的作品。所以就证明外表是scientists不想在意的？（大概是这个思路，但是没有详写><）

谢谢评论~

SilverBUID: 3790946

『辅助思路』
题目原文 Issue 61
People should undertake risky action only after they have carefully considered its consequences.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

开头：
Facing risks, some people claim that people should act only thinking it's results circumspectly. Because careful thinking leads to a better consequence and even avoid suffering great losses ,in their opinion, especially when the risk is easy to manage or they can estimate the consequences accurately. But others disagree this and argue that not every statements allow us to think carefully, especially emergency situation in which we have not enough time to ponder risks. Thinking carefully before action in risks is an encouraging idea, but only under not urgent situation.

主旨句1：
In the situation when people are acquainted with it and can control the risk easily, thinking carefully before action in risks is encouraged.
eg: fishermen go fishing in the sea
It has the risk of fishing in the rain, fishermen have experiences and can control some of the situation. So before fishing, they need to know the weather in the sea, if the rain is small and will stop  immediately, It's better to choose fishing. Because they know they can suffer the risks in the situation.

主旨句2：
When people have enough time and ability to estimate the consequences of risks accurately, it's better to ponder risks.
eg: invest in stocks
There are both incomes and risks in stocks. And most people can estimate the risks of different stocks. The estimation need lots of time to collecting information, comparing stocks and so on. For more incomes, it's better to ponder risks.


主旨句3：
Although carefully thinking is encouraged in most situations, people have not enough time to think and move spontaneously in emergency situations.  
eg: earthquake,
In earthquake, if you think for a moment, maybe you will die.

感受: 同义句转换是一个比较困难的事情，想要转换得地道需要做一些积累和练习。


点评17楼：
1）提纲的框架是否合理？
基本合理，但有一些问题。
因为分论点过于具体，直接用例子作为分论点，不利于论点的论述，会给人以一种论证有漏洞的感觉。
2）提纲所用的例子是否合适？
ts1: 柯达公司的例子是一个反面例子，通过反面例子论证分论点，较为有力。
ts2: "一国两制"的例子可以证明分论点。
ts3: 最后一个以例子作为论点，可以，但不是很好。
3）开头段语言方面有哪些问题？
The answer of this question 应该是 The answer to this question.