bqiana推荐我来这里找斑竹，我写了篇作文请斑竹狂批！谢谢！

水水先生UID: 2112520

bqiana庄主让我来这里找斑竹，说斑竹好热心的：） 这篇文章请斑竹狂批，看看我能得几分？谢谢！！

Topic: Do the negative effects of some international media such as TV and magazine for example overweigh the positive effects?

It has been often said that we live in an information age. Information technology developments have brought people many benefits as well as negative effects, among which the international media such as TV, internet or magazine might be the most remarkable one.

One of significant advantages of international media is that it boosts culture communication among different people and groups around the world. For instance, people in Britain can also receive CCTV9, a television channel that consists China’s cultural and political news. As a result, British people can appreciate Beijing opera or China’s traditional custom and modern fashion so that they know China’s culture much better than ever before. Another merit lies in the international media makes our life become easy and convenient. Messages are sent instantly around the world via the satellite TV; a bargain is made between a gentleman in England and a lady in Russia through the Internet; a traveling magazine can provides you a lot of exotic scenery pictures at once.

However, while the competition are becoming increasingly furious in the global media area, some of media expose their drawbacks and even lead to negative effects to adults and children. Particularly, children and teenagers are easy to influenced by the violent and pornographic scene, which are showed on media. On the other hand, there are quite a few media controlled or supported by the government and some organizations. It is inevitably believe that the objectivity of those media should be called into question. In addition, if a report’s opinions were not clearly separated from the facts, it would probably lead to the spread of misinformation.

Personally, I consider both of negative and positive effects of international media are exist and it is not necessary to compare which one is overwhelmed. What we should do is reduce the negative effects meanwhile develop it’s positive role.

lucy_zq2002UID: 177408

楼主第一贴,欢迎以后常来写作.

本文最大的优点是:语法很少有错,说明写作基础不错;还有就是词语变化还算丰富.

说说缺点:也是我认为最大的缺点:第一段,应该清楚的阐明你的观点.而你只是介绍了一个写作背景.
第三段,你说到了三小点.其中第一小点,有暴力色情,第三小点记者的职业规范,都是媒体的通病,不能准确突出是international media 的缺点.有点irrelevent.写作的时候一定要抓住题目中心词.
最后一段,are exsit两个动词了.

建议:写的再稍微长点.注意使用高级词汇.我先给6.苛刻点:)

蜻蜓切UID: 201589

Welcome to GTER, I am preparing for the IELTS test too. So I just can give you some personal suggestions, take what it's worth.:)

Do the negative effects of some international media such as TV and magazine for example overweigh the positive effects

I think it should be "outweigh"

It has been often said that we live in an information age. Information technology developments have brought people many benefits as well as negative effects, among which the international media such as TV, internet or magazine might be the most remarkable one.

I suggest that you can use "via" to replace "among" .

One of significant advantages of international media is that it boosts culture communication among different people and groups around the world. For instance, people in Britain can also receive CCTV9, a television channel that consists China’s cultural and political news. As a result, British people can appreciate Beijing opera or China’s traditional custom and modern fashion so that they know China’s culture much better than ever before. Another merit lies in the international media makes our life become easy and convenient. Messages are sent instantly around the world via the satellite TV; a bargain is made between a gentleman in England and a lady in Russia through the Internet; a traveling magazine can provides you a lot of exotic scenery pictures at once.

culture communication ----cultural communication or culture exchange
consist of (consist is an intransitive verb)
Personally, I prefer to put out the sentence like this:" people in Britain enjoy the programmes on CCTV9, which consists of Chinese cultural and political news, as well as their Chinese counterparts"

However, while the competition are becoming increasingly furious in the global media area, some of media expose their drawbacks and even lead to negative effects to adults and children. Particularly, children and teenagers are easy to influenced by the violent and pornographic scene, which are showed on media. On the other hand, there are quite a few media controlled or supported by the government and some organizations. It is inevitably believe that the objectivity of those media should be called into question. In addition, if a report’s opinions were not clearly separated from the facts, it would probably lead to the spread of misinformation.

is
scenes
or
I don't feel quite well with "call into"

Personally, I consider both of negative and positive effects of international media are exist and it is not necessary to compare which one is overwhelmed. What we should do is reduce the negative effects meanwhile develop it’s positive role.

existed
identify
the last sentence is not correct:
What we should do is that try to reduce the negative effects and develop its positive role at the same time.


Overall, I believe it's a well written essay with good structure.
I guess it should be band 7.

水水先生UID: 2112520

谢谢LUCY和蜻蜓切两位斑竹的批改和建议，（尤其蜻蜓切把整个文章详细的改了，真的谢谢！）我认真的把文章改了一遍，确实很有帮助。另外想问LUCY，你说的那个INTERNATIONAL MEDIA题眼的问题我注意到了，不过我实在想不出INTERNATIONAL的什么特别的特点，所以干脆就写了泛泛的MEDIA的缺点。我觉得MEDIA的缺点在INTERNATIONAL MEDIA的身上也能看到。这样算跑题吗？如果在考场上有想不出的地方 能不能用我这种方法代替呢？ 谢谢答复。

lucy_zq2002UID: 177408

注意到就好.其实你也写到一些了.那些媒体通病写上去也可以的,如果实在没东西写,就凑数.相比之下,结构更重要.
偶随便写几句,比如有些很大的新闻,只有一些能力强的媒体才能报到,然后发布全球.他们有影响的能力.那如果他们报到有误,后果严重.汗,越来越觉得自己写的不象那么回事了,俺睡觉去了
有些媒体是政府的代言人....

upstudioUID: 124777

我觉得没有什么影响，看样子题目并不是强调international
而且媒体的通病，internationanl当然也有了

lucy_zq2002UID: 177408

nod,nod,,