argument147

vickeyyyUID: 2106179

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argument147
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
1) 首先是survey 的问题，不代表所有玩家的意见，特别是所有有购买能力的玩家的意见

2）最有可能玩游戏的人群不一定会喜欢这种类型的游戏，
3）影响销量的原因很多：宏观经济的走势，其它同类产品的竞争，市场的需求,公司的销售方法以及管理方法。
对于过去两年销量下降的原因，作者并没有消息说明，所以非常可能是为说明的哪些方面对产品的销量由非常的影响，所以就算推出新产品也不一定能提高销量


The author seems to present a prosperous future of the sales of Whirlwind video games in the next few months. However, before reaching that prosperity, if we take a further scrutiny at the whole argument, it is easy to find that there are several flaws which render it unpersuasive.

The first problem involves the survey-the main evidence used by author-whose statistical reliability is not substantiated in the argument. We have no idea whether the number of sample is large enough; the survey process is strictly according to the principle of randomness. In addition, we are not informed how many video-game players were surveyed but did not respond. Unless the respondents of the survey are representative of the overall population of video-game players, the author cannot rely on it to predict the success of Whirlwind video games.

Secondly, even if the study is representative of the whole group of video-game players, the author relies on the further assumption that the survey exactly reflects the inclination of people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. However, the author provides no evidence to support this assumption. It is entirely possible that people 10 to 25 years old focus on other features of video games but not graphics, such as the intriguing plot, the charming roles, the extent of participation, and so forth, all of which are the major motivation of choosing a video game. Furthermore, most of those players are still students, who may not afford the video games or be prohibited to purchase any video games by their parents. Unless the author identifies that the age-group who most likely play video games also emphasize the importance of lifelike graphics and do have the purchase ability, I will not be convinced by the argument.

Thirdly, even if the new games are attractive to many players who pay more attention to the lifelike graphics, the assumption that the sales of whirlwind video games will reverse the two-year decline is still unjustified. As we all know, there are many other factors that impact the sale of a video name, such as unpleasant general economy situation, poor management, overwhelming competitors, imprudent pricing, any of which cannot be simply solved just by introducing a new product. The author does not offer any information about the cause of two-year decline, thus it is totally possible that the decline was due to those factors above rather than lacking new products. If it is the case, the sale situation may not be improved at all as long as those crucial problems are not solved.

To sum up, the whole argument is not supportive at all. Whenever a new product is introduced, both developers and companies always place much focus on it. However, any hasty prediction should be avoided. And further market investigations should be conducted in order to get a sufficient and reasonable prediction.

hokuto8UID: 2188958

你的思路和我一开始写得差不多呢。
我觉得这样写，挺符合北美范文上的风格，也的确抓住了主要的逻辑错误，但与gre官方范文相比，感觉就是差在‘具体’和‘细节’上，另外还有就是文章的内在逻辑和论证气势。

第一段论证可以更详细一些；
第二段内容不错，但主题句仅包含了前一点关于购买倾向的，没有提到购买能力，也可以说没有ts；
第三段我没什么意见；

总的来说，以我个人的能力来看，这样与北美范文风格相似的文章写到这水平感觉差不多了；这样的写法，我还不到这水平。但是，要想提高，建议仔细研究下官方范文。我的文章也是自己闭门造车出来的，不清楚好坏，所以也不能说太绝对。

我把自己的文章修改过了，我觉得对你的文章修改也类似。
看一下https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1