5T互助小组 第二组 专用贴

duowqUID: 196783

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duowqUID: 196783

5.A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

Whether or not a company should built its factory near our community is (at)应该是a吧 big issue at the moment. In my opinion, this company should think twice.
This company has a good argument that a large new factory would definitely introduce great energy and passion into our moderate community. There would be a huge number of new faces around the area. People come （with）应该改为from吧 diverse backgrounds, knowledge, and different lifestyles （than）不是比较及啊，不能用than的， the original residents here. 感觉改成 compared with the original residents here, People come from……….比较好。
Besides these changes the factory can do to our community, it could even improve our life. Along with the construction of this factory, there would （come）感觉用bring比较好 a lot of job opportunities, and a higher demands of groceries, retail trade, social services, et. al. Therefore ，要有逗号的a growth in economy and improvement in social services and supports would be expected if this factory is built.

However, despite the changes and improvement this factory might bring to our community, there are several issues which cannot be neglected. Firstly, pollution is always the greatest problem a factory has with its neighbors, especially such a dense residential community like us. The factory could poison water sources under ground, release dangerous gases into the air in which we live for 感觉去掉for比较好every minute of our life. Even worse, it might cause constant noises that would turn into a long-term nightmare, and ruined peacefulness of peoples’ daily life. We should not （open our residents）不太懂什么意思，为什么用open? to any of such risks.

Secondly, the opening of a factory might threaten the security of our community. When new people are pouring into our neighborhood, the vulnerability of us is (obvious)如果想表达我门的弱点就会暴露的话，感觉应该用show up. Dangerous people may disguise themselves among the newcomers and take full advantage of people’s trust.

Considering the pros and cons of bringing a new factory to the neighborhood of our community, I am greatly against this proposal. In order to keep our environment clean and clear, and to ensure the safety of every resident here, this company should find another place to locate their factory.
总结：说实话，green兄好象写TWE有点写G的作文的影子哦，用词很丰富，但是我个人意见好象不是很准确的，开头感觉应该内容更多点，感觉虽然是开门见山式，但是意思有点单薄，另外这片作文表述了正反两种观点，感觉没什么主次，重点不突出。以后要注意哦。感觉在写反方观点的时候，比较好，但是在开始介绍正反观点的时候，感觉写的不是太理想，其实我也说不出来，是种感觉。加油。 大家共同进步。 一定要回拍哦！

duowqUID: 196783

Topic 166 by czj_swufe     Words: 360   Time: 42
People recognize a difference between children and adults. What events (experiences or ceremonies) make a person an adult? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

Outline:
1.        To state my opinion. (list some events which will be discussed below )
2.        More details about the events and why they are important to recognize a difference between children and adults.(3 paragraphs)                                                                  
a. doing housework→know the meaning of life self-independent  b. 18-year-old birthday→be responsible for what they do  c. studying → learn how to be an adult
3.  To sum up.

While a child will grow up to be what we call an adult, there are several differences between them. How to distinguish a child from an adult?感觉是个名词短语，应该改成句子的形式 The events such as doing housework, having 18-year-old birthday party and going study outside may give us some criteria.

In the first place, doing housework will make a child self-independent. As self-independence is one of the most important characters of an adult, doing housework such as cleaning the house which is your mother’s work before, doing the laundries which you never thought (about)感觉去掉 when you were having your dirty clothes throw all around your bedroom, and washing dishes which you recognized as your sister’s duty will give you special experiences and will make you understand the meaning of life, （that every little thing should be done everyday）是想表示meaning的同位语吗？感觉形式上有点不对劲，但是不会改. So, as a criterion of self-independence, doing housework can make a child an adult to some extent.

In the second place, having 18-year-old birthday party will indicate your stepping into the group of adults. For example, in China, after having 18-year-old birthday party, you can have your ID card to show that you have the ability to be responsible for whatever you do. It’s a boundary between a child and an adult which is recognized by the whole society. Thus, as a criterion of self-responsibility, having 18-year-old birthday party is a paramount way to be an adult.

In the third place, going study outside can give you a chance to learn ways of how to be an adult. As the saying goes, knowledge is power. With the knowledge we learn from classes, we know how to feed ourselves in society; with the work we do as a team with others, we understand we should work together to achieve our goals; with the exercises we take , we can finally have a body strong enough to accept any challenge. （From）感觉应该改为in this aspect, going study outside is also crucial to get a child an adult.

To sum up, doing housework, having 18-year-old birthday party and going study outside are extremely important to be an adult. We should put them into practices感觉去掉S in order to be an eligible adult.
总结： czj_swufe战友的文章从语法角度来说，感觉蛮流畅的，我没发现什么语法上面的错误的，而且在有些同意词的运用上感觉不错，如crucial, paramount等，值得我学习。希望大家互相交流。 一定要回拍哦！

dr_greenUID: 193584

谢谢阿duo~~ ^_^
请问那个twe的题库和范文 就是所谓的185吗

这个 用词的问题。。。我都是凭感觉写的。。。看来要好好注意一下//
at issue我是想说“正在争论中的话题”的意思
那个open sb to the risk 是我昏了。。。那个短语是不是应该是expose sb. to the risk?
different than是美国人说different from的另一种方法 (从lsat上看到的。。。)  不过那整句话读着确实有问题。。。谢谢你耐心帮我改的说~~

duowqUID: 196783

原帖由 dr_green 于 2006-4-22 09:30 发表
谢谢阿duo~~ ^_^
请问那个twe的题库和范文 就是所谓的185吗

这个 用词的问题。。。我都是凭感觉写的。。。看来要好好注意一下//
at issue我是想说“正在争论中的话题”的意思
那个open sb to the risk 是我 ...

是的,就是那185篇的.
issue是可数吧,at issue 我知道,但是中间应该不能加修饰词,好象没看过这种用法, 估计是我水平不够.  呵呵
关于open sb to the risk 可能是我的词汇量不够, 不知道有这个短语的说, 查个字典先,呵呵.
关于different than 的用法,我好象只知道different from的 , 查个字典确认一下先.
由于水平有限,有改错的地方请包涵下. 但是我的态度是认真的.~~~ 大家共同学习.

czj_swufeUID: 199954

Nowdays, the media such as TV and movies are playing an important part in our life and undoubtedly, taketaking a great impact on our behavior
   First of all, movies and television is are the windows of the world outside. They can bring us whatever message we want有点绝对了. We can know the most recent latest sport news which we pay attention to; we can get the information about foreign countries’ culture; we can get the reaction of all the people around the world to the global political issues. 感觉三个排比有点独立了，似乎加几个小词会更流畅些。To be more important more importantly, we can learn more advanced knowledge we need at a  high speed. In sum, by the means of watching movies and television, we can get many valuable things and they help us a lot.
Secondly of all, both movies and television probably isare probably a good way to relax us .We will have an entertainment through them. In the highly competitive society, each of us may be busy with everything太绝对了吧. Take students for an example, they need to study almost every day and have heavy assignments the school require. After we finished our work, of course, we need to (let out) stress in some way. Watching movies or television may be a good choice. We can see some comedy programmes or funny things with some friends. We will surely have a good time.
Admittedly, movies or television also can show us something not good enough such as violent acts, racial discrimination. However, I believe these acts far away civilization can be refused by uswhy,再加一句吧.
In conclusion, movies and television have a role in our lives as a source of information and a good way to recreate ourselves. Both of them have a strong influence on our behavior.

总结：观点清晰，条理也清楚，优点我就少说了，不要见怪;)
         注意之处：语法方面有些须需要注意的（文中部分标出）
                        有几句话太绝对化了，不太合事实
我的TOPIC 7
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[ 本帖最后由 czj_swufe 于 2006-4-22 17:12 编辑 ]

czj_swufeUID: 199954

用时：17分钟（小心翼翼得做）
错误：第38题
原因总结：没见过类似错误的改法，当时没细细考虑，改为acting and a
解决办法：重做做过的题，分析各类错误，每天6个单元

duowqUID: 196783

原帖由 czj_swufe 于 2006-4-22 16:48 发表
Nowdays, the media such as TV and movies are playing an important part in our life and undoubtedly, taketaking a great impact on our behavior
   First of all ...

肯定狠狠的批缺点的, 有利于大家的进步啊.  恩, 好的,晚上就回拍上来.还有就是,如果是贴连接上来的话,那怎么修改啊,是把别人的作文重新在回复里面打一遍吗? 好象直接复制不行的说. 我不会啊. 指点我一下.

czj_swufeUID: 199954

可以复制的吧，不过有很多乱码需要删除

duowqUID: 196783

那就先复制试试看了.

duowqUID: 196783

Movies and television have been widely used through out the world. When it comes to their influences on people’s behaviors, I hold the opinion that there are negative effects as well as positive ones.

Firstly, acts filled with sexy and violent scenes may adversely affect people’s behavior, especially to those young ones. For instance, after watching one film full of violence, the youth are likely to put （it）感觉指代不明啊，是film吗？不如换成violent acts into practice. They would think such violence as beating someone who is against you, kicking the beggar who lies on the ground, （hungry）是adj好象应该换为starving吧, and even killing anyone they dislike are nothing but interesting games. What they see is that people who are killed in the film can get killed again in another film if the editor of these films like加to do, however, they may never realize that once a person in the real world is killed, it’s irreversible.

Secondly, the （virtual）如果想强调虚拟的话，建议用fictitious world created by these movies or television may, to some extent, drag people away from the normal state of life. Take the cartoon as an example, when a child is addicted to cartoons, he is probably to forget a series of things, including doing his homework, going for a walk with his parents after dinner, and playing with his friends. He would be so absorbed (in)建议改成into,因为有动作的趋势 the cartoon that he is possibly to be late for school, as he might stay up all night to watch the programs. Thus, the virtual 改为fictitious world strongly attracts him, the real world is abandoned by him.|
In fact, with those adverse influences above, movies and television can also be a（terrific）如果是强调的话，感觉有点过了，用positive或active感觉比较好 way to rest oneself. By listening to music from the TV or appreciating some beautiful scenes like flowers, trees, mountains or places of great interest, we can get a leisure time after a whole day’s hard work. （I myself）好象看你在前面的作文用用过的，我有点迷糊，可以这样用吗？指点下。 will be frequently （galvanized ）想表示什么意思啊？电镀？？by speeches of some famous people on TV when I am （overwhelmed ）感觉用的不准确，它有被打倒的意思，有点消极，但不知道该怎么用，还有就是 be overwhelm 后面应该是by 吧，可以加with吗？with homework. So, the positive aspects of movies or television is 建议改成are also apparent.

To sum up, as every coin has two sides(谁给推荐个名言吧….), the influences of movies or television can be both positive and negative, which is determined by what you watch and your reaction to it.
总结： 首先看了你的几篇作文，总体感觉各段论点清楚，例子也不错，  只有一下用词需要注意下，其实我改的时候有时候也是靠感觉的，也许一些是对的，好的短语，但是我没看过，改错了，请包涵。如果这种情况出现，请回帖告诉我啊，我再去查查资料，共同进步啊。 另外，感觉论坛的作文进度太慢啊，我建议一天写一篇，你觉得呢？ 这样可以多练习一下。多改改啊。

czj_swufeUID: 199954

原帖由 duowq 于 2006-4-23 00:20 发表
Movies and television have been widely used through out the world. When it comes to their influences on people’s behaviors, I hold the opinion that there are negative effects as well as positive o ...

谢谢，你改的很仔细，我也觉得要多写了，但我自己选题没经验哈。
要不你隔天出个题，我们一起来写了互改吧

yogurt4UID: 198389

原帖由 hakeemchoi 于 2006-4-20 00:54 发表
从周一到现在ＭＳ大家作文发的比较多　其他部分也应该多多讨论啊　　大家加油　有问题大家一起商量　

和我们组的完全相反= =||||||||||||||

czj_swufeUID: 199954

Movies and television have been widely used through out the world. When it comes to their influences on people’s behaviors, I hold the opinion that there are negative effects as well as positive ones.
Firstly, acts filled with sexy and violent scenes may adversely affect people’s behavior, especially to those young ones. For instance, after watching one film full of violence, the youth are likely to put violent acts into practice. They would think such violence as beating someone who is against you, kicking the beggar who lies on the ground, starving, and even killing anyone they dislike are nothing but interesting games. What they see is that people who are killed in the film can get killed again in another film if the editor of these films like to do, however, they may never realize that once a person in the real world is killed, it’s irreversible.

Secondly, the fictitious world created by these movies or television may, to some extent, drag people away from the normal state of life. Take the cartoon as an example, when a child is addicted to cartoons, he is probably to forget a series of things, including doing his homework, going for a walk with his parents after dinner, and playing with his friends. He would be so absorbed into the cartoon that he is possibly to be late for school, as he might stay up all night to watch the programs. Thus, the virtual 改为fictitious world strongly attracts him, the real world is abandoned by him.|
In fact, with those adverse influences above, movies and television can also be a active way to rest oneself. By listening to music from the TV or appreciating some beautiful scenes like flowers, trees, mountains or places of great interest, we can get a leisure time after a whole day’s hard work. （I myself） （晕，我只是想表强调自身）will be frequently galvanized(受鼓舞的意思啊，老鱼讲的) by speeches of some famous people on TV when I am swamped with homework. So, the positive aspects of movies and television are also apparent.

duowqUID: 196783

原帖由 czj_swufe 于 2006-4-23 04:40 发表

谢谢，你改的很仔细，我也觉得要多写了，但我自己选题没经验哈。
要不你隔天出个题，我们一起来写了互改吧

我也是没什么选题目的经验啊,反正今天的作文又出来了,先把topic14写出来再说吧. 今天摸了下0301,听力大退步了,上个星期没怎么听的,居然错了10+, 前10题就错了6个,郁闷啊. 马上写好作文就回复听力去.