请大家帮我看看我的这篇作文

忘情五六月UID: 193180

下面是我的一篇雅思作文，请大家来帮我看看，我的问题在哪，写的不好，请大家多指教！

请高手赐招啦～～～不胜感谢！
:)
AB－1B 体育竞技是否可以缓解国与国之间的关系和抒发爱国感情？

Famous international sporting occasions, such as the Olympic Games, and the football World Cup, attracts thousands of millions people all the way time. Some people argue those sports games are good way to ease the tense relationship between countries. Yet, to some extend, I do not agree, I feel these occasions have nothing to do with the international tenses easity.

The relationship between two countries depends on their common or adverse interests. That is to say, one country may get well with another country since they have interactive economic connections, but not the friendship they had in the Olympic Games. Also, one country may hardly stop to fight with another just because they get praise or championship in the sports meets.

On the other hand, in the international sports competition, every countries makes strenuous efforts to win and to beat all the others. It seems like a mini military competition rather than people sometimes lose their mind sports even if their country doesn’t got the first place or the referee made some unfair decision so that a lot of troubles may be arose. So, it poses potential risks of the or the countries relationship.

Undoubtdy holding some international meetings is beneficial for releasing patriotic emotion and feeling may excellent athletes give up their opportunities to educated and devote themselves to training in order to get praise for their motherland. However, these sports meeting to nothing to improve the countries relationships. These must be winners and losers, which are symbols of county’s dignity and national power.

bqianaUID: 193168

接近6了！不错
有口语表达的地方要扣分
个别句子有语病

gamecrazyUID: 191024

我5月27号考的雅思，写作是7分～
深感庆幸的同时，回想当时写的文章，也觉得口语表达的地方不少。但是我觉得最重要的一点，是各个段落都应该有自己的主题大意，并且各个段落的主旨都要不同。

ymngUID: 181378

感觉不该错误的地方很多,我不知道雅思的 评分标准。
单从上面的文字看，还要很多努力。
语法，句子，用词，等等...
此外，感觉句子很牵强，也许是模板的效应吧。

wujingxianhereUID: 2166901

觉得有点模版化，有的地方错得怪怪的，
不过听说雅思作文并不那么在意你的单词和语法错误，所以我觉得如果基本功比较差，可能也很难短时间补上来，要把注意力放在有说服力的论点上。

第一二个论点都挺好的，论述也不错，要能再补上一个就好了。看题目的要求，楼主好像没有怎么写抒发爱国感情这一茬……