Issue141 【LOVEAW小组】第3次作业

小猫儿UID: 2297873

141. "Most people recognize the benefits of individuality, but the fact is that personal economic success requires conformity."
虽然大多数人都承认个人的利益，但是事实上个人的经济成需要的是合作。个人和整体
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平衡观点
1、   团队好，分工合作最大限度的共享信息资源、节省搜集资料的时间；互相学习优点，弥补自身缺陷，共同进步
2、   团队不好，互相默契合作必然需要一段磨合的时间，在不好的团队中会使有才能的人慢慢堕落，存在分工不均问题，从这一点来说个人竞争好，不存在以上问题，且给个人最大的激励追求自身的完善
3、   个人竞争不好，容易滋生嫉妒等不良情绪，阻碍人的健康发展


When it comes to the dispute of individuality and conformity for personal economic success, I tend to hold the point of view that one should strike a balance between them. It is true that the benefits of individuality is recognized by most people for personal economic success, while conformity helps quite a lot for that success as well.

Common sense indicates that conformity brings about maximized communion of the information which economizes every member’s precious time expended on searching for background information. For example, a group of members can launch on searching the defects of their opponent, while the crew of another group devotes themselves to investigating the strongpoint of their opponent to enrich company of themselves. Time, in this way, is saved by a half, which gives the company predominance strategically. Moreover, cooperating members can dig out and learn merits of their companions to optimize themselves. Any person who does not learn from others for the whole life will never base himself upon the economic world filled with scorching competition. It can be drawn that the conformity does have plenty of advantages for one’s economic success.

On the other hand, conformity has its own flaws at the same time. In the first place, excellent cooperation calls for privities, which requires long-time adaptation to each other. Otherwise, unskillful cooperation will cause a series of aftermaths devastating to the whole company, such as delay, unilateralism, and even misjudgment. Taking this into consideration, conformity in turn takes up tremendous time for acquainting each other before it works. In the second place, talented person in a depraved organization tends to be degraded gradually, which as the going says that if you live with a lame person you will learn to limp. To turn away this situation, one should obtain sufficient understanding for a unacquainted organization, which is frequently unattainable. In addition, it is ineluctable for a organization never to involve in inequable distribution of income, which frequently brings about unwanted dissention and encumber the economic success either for the company or for the individual. In these cases, individuality can successfully avoid the unwanted aftermaths instead of conformity. Considering these three factors, individuality has its own superiority.

When we turn to individuality, there are still flaws with it. For example, blind pursue for profits of individuality can easily lead to jealousy, which can distract one from focusing in the truly important things. Moreover, individuality frequently leads to unilateral cognition of the intricate conditions and mistaken judgment. Taking these aspects into consideration, it is improper of entire individuality.

To sum up, one should skillfully strikes a balance between the individuality and the conformity to get a perfect cooperation while preserving one’s own personality. Only in this way can one achieve personal economic success.

iq28UID: 2152875

When it comes to the dispute of individuality and conformity for personal economic success, I tend to hold the point of view that one should strike a balance between them. It is true that the benefits of individuality is recognized by most people for personal economic success, while conformity helps quite a lot for that success as well. (经典的骑墙观念~嘿嘿)

Common sense indicates that conformity brings about maximized communion of the information which economizes every member's precious time expended on searching for background information. (conformity brings about maximized communion of the ....很好的句式,只用来引出time似乎有点可惜了) For example, a group of members can launch on searching the defects of their opponent, while the crew of another group devotes themselves to investigating the strongpoint of their opponent to enrich company of themselves. Time, in this way, is saved by a half, which gives the company predominance strategically. (最好再加上一句省时间如何会造成economic success.) Moreover, cooperating members can dig out and learn merits of their companions to optimize themselves. Any person who does not learn from others for the whole life will never base himself upon the economic world filled with scorching competition. It can be drawn that the conformity does have plenty of advantages for one’s economic success. (论证有点问题,估计下面还会有,到最后再说~)

On the other hand, conformity has its own flaws at the same time. In the first place, excellent cooperation calls for privities, which requires long-time adaptation to each other. Otherwise, unskillful cooperation will cause a series of aftermaths devastating to the whole company, such as delay, unilateralism, and even misjudgment. Taking this into consideration, conformity in turn takes up tremendous time for acquainting each other before it works. (这个分析的还算充分一点) In the second place, talented person in a depraved organization tends to be degraded gradually, which as the going says that if you live with a lame person you will learn to limp. To turn away this situation, one should obtain sufficient understanding for a unacquainted organization, which is frequently unattainable. In addition, it is ineluctable (大生词...不错) for a organization never to involve in inequable distribution of income, which frequently brings about unwanted dissention and encumber the economic success either for the company or for the individual. In these cases, individuality can successfully avoid the unwanted aftermaths instead of conformity. Considering these three factors, individuality has its own superiority. (比上一段好一点)

When we turn to individuality, there are still flaws with it. For example, blind pursue for profits of individuality can easily lead to jealousy, which can distract one from focusing in the truly important things. Moreover, individuality frequently leads to unilateral cognition of the intricate conditions and mistaken judgment. Taking these aspects into consideration, it is improper of entire individuality. (这一段明显就是糊弄了...)

To sum up, one should skillfully strikes a balance between the individuality and the conformity to get a perfect cooperation while preserving one's own personality. Only in this way can one achieve personal economic success. (第一句话基本重复开头~第二句话从反面说了一遍第一句...)

(说实话全文论证都不怎么深入,都是泛泛而谈.
可能是因为赶着赴宴吧嘿嘿.
但是主要原因我觉得你的提纲里面列的点太多了
每一个点要说清楚其实最起码都应该分出来一段.
字数段落没有增加,论点一下子这么多,当然会每一个都说不清楚.

issue的题目尤其是抽象的一定要学会从一个小的点切入
然后再把别的点兼顾)

iq28UID: 2152875

你的argu修改我就放在这里了呵呵

To draw to the conclusion that snorers should eat less than the average person and exercise more, the arguer cites a new study whose data shows the greater possibility for snorers, compared with the non-snorers, to gain weight and the fact that many snores stop breathing frequently, which leaves them too tired to exercise during the daytime. (改写的漂亮,但是今天其实在怀疑这种新东方八婆式开头是不是真的有用...) A close scrutiny over them reveals the argument unconvincing.

In the first place, the arguer provides no detailed information about the validity of the study. We can not draw to any practicable conclusion without that. Is the size of the sample large enough to make sense at the statistical level? Are the responders (好像一般都用respondents) representative of the whole population of snorers? Is the process measured up to the statistical regulation? If not, the study does no help to bolster the conclusion. (这段模版痕迹太严重了吧...稍微写一点跟这个题目match的内容会好很多)

In the second place, the argument is on basis of the assumption that the so-called sleep apnea results from snoring, while it is probably not the case. The arguer simply cites the fact that many snorers suffer from this sleep apnea to get the conclusion, which is apparently lacking in evidence. It is fairly possible that many snorers not opening their windows during the night coincidentally, because of which dreggy air jams the bedroom and leads to their sleep apnea. (虽然例子有点让我看不懂...但是明显要强于上一段^_^) Or there is other unclear reasons left to investigation resulting in the sleep apnea. (other unclear reasons left to investigation 这种空话imong前辈好像是最反对的...明天起来去看下三部曲吧呵呵) Anyhow, it is completely unfair to base the argument on the unsubstantiated assumption when lacking the reasonable and scientific illation.

Last but not least, the suggestion given by the arguer that people who snores should try to eat less and to exercise more does not quite sound helpful. If one lacks sleep and thus gets too tired to exercise during the daytime, common sense tells that he should supplement sleeping and try to keep mettlesome during working, while eating less and exercising more, apparently, does no help but get him much more effete during the day. Even if they need more exercise to lose weight, the suggestion is still not appropriate for them, perhaps even deleterious for them, because the overcharge of the physical force may get their resistibility descending and ultimately drives them down with an illness. The most urgent need for them should be changing the posture during sleep or seeing a doctor to avoid snoring during night, instead of eating less and exercising more as the arguer suggests.
(这段分析又强于上一段,不过还可以更清楚一点, 就是说白了solutions 应该要target the cause)

To sum up, the arguer's suggestion based on the dubious study and unsubstantiated assumption does not make sense to convince me. To better bolster the suggestion, more detailed information about the study and the reasoning for the suggestion are requisite.


(偶现在a的水平真的还不怎么样呵呵
看法也不一定正确 参考下啦
多多去琢磨ets给的范文)

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-2-14 00:40 编辑 ]