argument147 [sweetbox小组第一次作业]by sara

sara0522UID: 2336981

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS:383          TIME: 00:40:00         

调查并未指明是针对10-25岁群体,使得广告战可能出现失误
广告具体播放情况并没说明,可能到达不到目标顾客,效果也未说明
销售额上升受多方面因素影响

The argument has lots of fallacies which makes it unconvincing at all. After considering the reasons given by the arguer , I see no signs that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically in the next few months.
The threshold of the problem involves the survey. The arguer fails to show us detailed information about the survey to ensure its reliability ,such as the size ,the age and the background of people surveyed. As it mentioned in the argument, the advertising campaign is directed at people most likely to play video games, however, without detailed information, it is entirely possible that most people surveyed are out of such age-group. If this is true, the efforts of the company in advertising would probably be worthless and useless. That is to say, the survey fails to offer precise information to help the company. Since they conduct this survey, they start the advertising campaign based on it. If the survey itself exist some mistake, argument will undoubtedly turn out to be a failure.
Another flaw of the argument is that it fails to provide the information about how well the advertising campaign operate and function. The ads played in print medium or on TV? How often and how long does it played? Although the company started such campaign, how does it work? Can the ads reach the target customers? Can the target customers accept the products being advertised? Advertising campaign is only a tool of propaganda , the decision power is left in the hands of customers. So, to ensure that the ads can be accepted by the audience requires some efforts .Even the ads are accepted, can it really boost the sales is still hard to say. Lacking the necessary correlation between advertising campaign and the sales leaves the argument untenable.
Last but not least, the sales growth is determined by many factors. While the "improvement of game itself" is an important element in determining the sales, it is hardly the only one. Many other factors ,such as the price of the products, the products of the competitor , other expenses and costs of the company, play an equally significant role in this regard. Furthermore, considering the imprecise conclusion made by the survey and the advertising campaign whose effect hasn’t be known yet.

[ 本帖最后由 sara0522 于 2007-5-23 08:19 编辑 ]

jiangyue011UID: 2340595

The argument has lots of fallacies which makes it unconvincing at all. After considering the reasons given by the arguer , I see no signs that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically in the next few months.(简洁的开头，很好)
The threshold of the problem involves the survey. The arguer fails to show us detailed information about the survey to ensure its reliability ,such as the size ,the age and the background of people surveyed. As it（ismentioned in the argument, the advertising campaign is directed at people most likely to play video games, however, without detailed information, it is entirely possible that most people surveyed are out of such age-group. If this is true, the efforts of the company in advertising would probably be worthless and useless. That is to say, the survey fails to offer precise information to help the company. Since they conduct this survey, they start the advertising campaign based on it. If the survey itself exist some mistake,(mistakes) argument will undoubtedly turn out to be a failure.(展得很开的)
Another flaw of the argument is that it fails to provide the(删) information about how well the advertising campaign operate and function. The ads played in print medium or on TV? How often and how long does it played? Although the company started such campaign, how does it work? Can the ads reach the target customers? Can the target customers accept the products being advertised? Advertising campaign is only a tool of propaganda , the decision power is left in the hands of customers. So, to ensure that the ads can be accepted by the audience（添it） requires some efforts .Even the ads are accepted, can it really boost the sales is still hard to say. Lacking the necessary correlation between advertising campaign and the sales leaves the argument untenable.(似乎有点语法问题)
Last but not least, the sales growth is determined by many factors. While the "improvement of game itself" is an important element in determining the sales, it is hardly the only one. Many other factors ,such as the price of the products, the products of the competitor , other expenses and costs of the company, play an equally significant role in this regard. Furthermore, considering the imprecise conclusion made by the survey and the advertising campaign whose effect hasn’t be known yet.(这句没有写完哦)
(似乎楼主并没有把文章贴完或者写完哦，我觉得一个结尾，即使是简短的也是必要的)

sara0522UID: 2336981

嘿嘿,早上起来接着晚上的写的,觉得实在写不下去了,就贴上来了,发现我ISSUE可以写很多费话,但是ARGU怎么篇都很空,全是模版上句子,还不如不写,不知道有没有好方法改进,可以让我多写点

zoe797970UID: 2249886

The argument has lots of fallacies which makes it unconvincing at all. After considering the reasons given by the arguer , I see no signs that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically in the next few months.（短小精悍的开头，感觉Sara一定是个敢爱敢恨的人，两篇A都是直截了当的告诉读者就是不相信这个所谓ARGUER的鬼话，有魄力！呵呵）
The threshold of the problem involves the survey. The arguer fails to show us detailed information about the survey to ensure its reliability ,such as the size（我想这里你想说的是样本空间太小的问题吧，但是这样就变成了说人的尺寸不对了，呵呵，建议分写一句也行） ,the age and the background of people surveyed. As it mentioned in the argument, the advertising campaign is directed at people most likely to play video games, however, without detailed information, it is entirely possible that most people surveyed are out of such age-group. If this is true, the efforts of the company in advertising would probably be worthless and useless. That is to say, the survey fails to offer precise information to help the company. Since they conduct this survey, they start the advertising campaign based on it. If the survey itself exist some mistake（mistakes）, argument will undoubtedly turn out to be a failure.
Another flaw of the argument is that it fails to provide the information about how well the advertising campaign operate and function.(时态有点问题) The ads played in print medium or on TV? How often and how long does it played? Although the company started such campaign, how does it work? Can the ads reach the target customers? Can the target customers accept the products being advertised? Advertising campaign is only a tool of propaganda , the decision power is left in the hands of customers. So, to ensure that the ads can be accepted by the audience requires some efforts .Even the ads are accepted, can it really boost the sales is still hard to say（这句的结构有点小问题）. Lacking the necessary correlation between advertising campaign and the sales leaves the argument untenable.
Last but not least, （这是一个很关键的问题，就是这个短语实际上是一个口语，用在G中其实是不合适的）the sales growth is determined by many factors. While the "improvement of game itself" is an important element in determining the sales, it is hardly the only one. Many other factors ,such as the price of the products, the products of the competitor , other expenses and costs of the company, play an equally significant role in this regard. Furthermore, considering the imprecise conclusion made by the survey and the advertising campaign whose effect hasn’t be known yet.
（我是先看Sara你的第二篇A后看这篇的，感觉你真的很用心，在本身很不错的基础上又能够获得那么大的进步真的很厉害，我一定好好向你学习！呵呵）