Internet, good or bad? 请大家修改

雁之子UID: 2119573

Topic：84. Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

ANSWR:

When it comes to the value of the Internet, different people have various aptitudes toward it. Many people may high light it as the most valuable invent in the last century, because it provide people with a lot of information. However, there is another group people who think access to so much information creates problems, and they criticize it.

Admittedly, the emergency and popularization of Internet have changed our life greatly, and the development of world society is in pace with the development of the Internet. Without Internet, we cannot get so much information form the entire world in seconds. Without it, it is impossible for us to chatting with people from everywhere and every race. Without it, transnational business may be obstacle, because businessman can hardly transmit information instantly and easily. How indispensably it is! And the era is worthy the name of information time.

However, on the other hand, there is a large group of people who criticize and worry about the popularization of Internet for its negative efforts on society. For example, Politicians may point out that access to so much information may threaten the national security. Educators and parents may worry about that students may read some unhealthy stuff, such as blue information, by surfing Internet. Businessman may worry about the possibility that their business secrets may be acquired though sophisticated Internet technology.

In my viewpoint, every thing is a double-sided coin. So we cannot reject anything just for its so-called negative side. Although there are some ill efforts of the useful thing which we cannot ignore, yet, undoubtedly, Internet brings us so many conveniences in every aspect of our daily life, such as entertainment, work, shopping, learning and so forth. And with its development, our society has changed and human beings have progressed. So I still value it as the greatest invent in human history, and we can resolve its existing problems by the rule of law to make it a better servant.

In conclusion, although there are some problems unresolved, I agree with the opinion that Internet brings us so much benefits that we cannot live without it nearly. And thanks to the great invention, our life is becoming more convenient, the whole world is becoming like a family, and the human beings have progressed.

雁之子UID: 2119573

请大家给点意见

雁之子UID: 2119573

都快到底了，怎么还没有人改啊~急！

goodgoodstudyUID: 201753

1. 你确认aptitude的使用正确吗？我还是建议你用“态度attitude”;
2. it provide people-->应该是it provides people;
3. group people-->应该是group of people;

4. emergency of Internet是什么意思？请解释;
5. form-->from;
6. world society is in pace with the development of the Internet作何解？请解释;
7.  to chatting with people-->to chat with peopel;
8. from everywhere and every race用法有错，everywhere 是副词，可以这么改：去掉from， everywhere后加上all over the world；
    同时，every race和every where的概念有重合的地方，你这里这样写不合适，比如可以改成 at any time；

9. blue information请教下lz，什么意思;
10. though-->through;

11. 最后一句话的并列结构被你的最后一个分句的have打乱了，很糟糕。

对于文章的建议：
1. 观点不明确，如果不是你在倒数第二段阐述了你个人的观点，我想你的观点是很不鲜明的，即所谓的“墙头草，两边倒”；你的态度句子改成反面的意思，你的文章照样不错；
2. 布局不合理，你的态度应该在第一段就show出来，而不是“犹抱琵琶半遮面”；
3. 句子的书写比较随意，有很多不合理的句式以及自己创造的句式，让人看不懂你想表达什么；不过倒数的3段语言上还是很不错的；
4. 我在之前提出的问题，希望lz能给我回答，可以看得出lz有一些写作的才能，但是不知道怎么show出来，一些俚语的使用若恰当是很不错的。

tea！

kevinliu6883UID: 2338522

People always have different opions on new things. Internet is with no exception. I strongly support the development of internet, because it provides us great convinience and significantly changes our work and life.

First of all, internet makes communication much convient. You don't have to get to a postoffice to send out you mail. You can have an on line meeting, which does not require attendants to be physically sitting in a room. Businessmen have alread made the use of internet for advertising their products and services. Govenment also use internet to announce current policies and laws though internet, let alone the weather predictions. If you seek something, GOOGLE give you a shortcut if you have access to internet.

Second, internet makes communication more efficient. It may take a couple of days to mail a letter to receivers through post services. But sending a electronic mail needs only seconds or less. You can receive feedback from people who concern about the product or your idea of any kind quick through internet. You can get book you airline ticket or reserve a hotel through internet. You can get a map for your vocation trip bu just click Yahoo Map.

Third, internec has a wealth of information for your work. I can get the latest published journal articals and can collect the relavent papers in short time and in a more complete way. I can contact the authors immediate if I desire to. Withough internet, I feel I have been isolated, as if I lived in stone age.

Due to its high efficiency in communication, problems also arise with the internet. Children may be exposed to the unpropriate sites like violence, blooding scenes or pornography. Government may face hacker attack and secter leakage. However, we can develop new rules and technology to prevent these disadvantages. Website can be classfied and parents suppervisation is involved in the opening of webpage. Firewall can protect user's safety somewhat.

By comparison of both advantage and disadvantage, the benefit of using internet obviously overweight its negative effects. By developing new technology and rules, I believe, human can make better use of internet and make it better servent for human.

雁之子UID: 2119573

1〉我想用blue information表达淫秽信息的意思，经你这么一说我觉得用adult information是不是地道一些，求教！
2〉我对于这类文章的布局是：开头段陈述现有的所有观点，正文第一段详细阐述一部分人的观点A，第二段详细阐述另一部分人的观点B，第三段将前两段综合后阐述自己的观点。你觉得呢？ 这样是不是不好？ 你的写作思路是怎么样的？求教！
3〉aptitude使用不正确，我是想表达attitude的，单词打错了！
4〉emergency of Internet也是拼写错误，我想表达emergence of Internet
5〉最后一句是不是应该改成human being is progressing?求教！
6〉对于你提出的第8点，我本来想表达不同地域不同种族的人，若我想表达不同地域不同信仰的人该怎么表达？求教！


非常感谢你这么仔细地改我的文章，你提出的问题也非常中肯，再次感谢！
另外冒昧地问一句：我以后能把握的文章发给你改吗？谢谢！

goodgoodstudyUID: 201753

是这样的，你的几个问题你自己看懂了就好了
其实我当时也是有些不懂才提出来问你的

我个人认为英文考试文章，还是不要采取你的布局，让人看不清你的观点
你可以去参考下og里面的阅读文章，我想，写成那样的结构肯定得高分

你的文章可以发上来让大家一起改
到时候给我发个地址提醒我就好了

原帖由 雁之子 于 2007-5-30 15:58 发表
1〉我想用blue information表达淫秽信息的意思，经你这么一说我觉得用adult information是不是地道一些，求教！
2〉我对于这类文章的布局是：开头段陈述现有的所有观点，正文第一段详细阐述一部分人的观点A，第 ...

雁之子UID: 2119573

非常感谢