交作业了，大家来猛拍吧！

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

Task1The table below shows the proportion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

This table illustrates the proportion of variety types of households living in poverty in Australia in 1999. The number of poverty households is 1,837,000 and account about 11 per cent of total families in Australia.

From the table we can see that the households with single aged person and aged couple take nearly similar proportion of all, which 6 per cent and 4 per cent respectively. Interestingly, compare with the families with couple and no children, account just 7 per cent, those single men or women with no children take 19 per cent, strikingly more than the former. The families with sole parent take 21 per cent of all, nearly 9 per cent more than the couple families with children. It is clearly that the proportion of the households with wife and husband but have no children is less than those who with sons and daughters, 7 per cent compare with 12 per cent, however, the population of former is dramatically nearly seven hundred thousands less than later.
(Word: 146)

[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-29 17:56 编辑 ]

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

Task 2Topic: Should sports classes be sacrificed in High School so students can concentrate on Academic subjects?
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Outline:
第一段：坚决反对学术科占用体育课的时间，并且在高中，体育课的时间还应该增加。
第二段：参加体育活动可以锻炼学生的身体，让学生在学习的时候有更大的精力和耐力。
第三段：参加体育活动可以有效的释放压力，调整学生的心情。
第四段：\长远的来看，会对学生产生不利的影响，高中的学生正处在发育阶段，缺少体育锻炼会严重影响发育。
第五段：总而言之，升学固然重要，但不是全部，拥有一个强健的体魄会让学生一生受益。
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
With the increasing emphasis on examination performance, there is a popular trend that a lot of High Schools inclined to cut down the time of sport class so that have more time for academic subjects. It seems to me that, I absolutely cannot agree with that sacrifice the exercise time of students for any reason.

First, it is benefit that take sports for students and thus make them have more energy and endurance to study other subjects. Instead of interfere the studying, proper physical exercise can promote studying significantly.

Secondly, facing with pressure coming from innumerate exams, if students only study in classroom all the way, they will inevitably generate the anti-study moods, furthermore, it is harmful for students to shoulder too much spiritual pressure since it will have negative impacts to the mental healthy of young people. To a large extent, taking exercises in spare time can appease pressures effectively.

It is cannot deny that, in this ages that job finding become a extremely difficult thing, if young students can not entrance university successfully, it is possible that he or she would be unemployment. Therefore, parents want their kids can enter the university, in the same time, for the benefits of themselves, high schools try hard and use all measures to promote the rate of students entering schools of a higher grade, even by the means that sacrifice other subjects such as sport and music。But, in the long term, it will have adverse influences on students, since the high school students are in the critical phase of maturing, lacking sport exercise will unavoidably hinder normal development, for the parents, do you want your sons and daughters low than their peers in the future?

In conclusion, it is certainly important that student have opportunity to study in university but in all senses, this is far from all for young people, who will surely benefit from having a strength body in entire life. Thus, high schools should emphasize physical training of students rather than reduce the hours of sports class.
(Word:341)

[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-29 17:56 编辑 ]

forbeckUID: 2297645

毅力~~~~~~~:handshake

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

别光说不练啊~
呵呵，听你的意见呢~
最近写了好几篇，都在努力控制时间，不过每次都还是超时，郁闷。。。:rolleyes:

forbeckUID: 2297645

我还早着呢！以后一周交一篇~~~~

你可以让我们组长改改，哪个是作文高手，对作文有独到的理解哦

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

你是说future？

forbeckUID: 2297645

小邪呀！明天应该就能见到她重出江湖了:handshake

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

呵呵，组员都这么厉害，组长一定更强了！ 期待ing~~~~:loveliness:

sunflower1207UID: 2318402

This table illustrates the proportion of variety types of households living in poverty in Australia in 1999. The number of poverty households is(was) 1,837,000 and accounted about(?for) 11 per cent of total families in Australia.

From the table we can see that the households with single aged person and aged couple take(took) nearly similar proportion of all, which was 6 per cent and 4 per cent respectively. Interestingly, compared with the families with couple and no children, accounting just 7 per cent, those single men or women with no children take(took) 19 per cent, strikingly more than the former. The families with sole parent take(took) 21 per cent of all, nearly 9 percent more than the couple families with children. It is clearly that the proportion of the households with wife and husband but have no children is(was) less than those who with sons and daughters, 7 per cent compared with 12 per cent, however, the population of former is(was) dramatically nearly seven hundred thousands less than later.
(Word: 146)
小改了一下时态。因为是1999年的数据，所以在进行描述时应该用过去时。另外觉得加一个conclusion 会更好些。

sunflower1207UID: 2318402

为什么从word上粘贴下来，红色的字就没有了呢，LZ那两个compare要用分词，我直接就改在了上面了。

forbeckUID: 2297645

都是这样的，要使用WORD，就得重新编辑下
建议你看看这个https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=729442&highlight=

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

谢谢！:handshake

futuremanUID: 2327059

revising

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

疑问第三段：It is cannot deny that, in this ages that job finding become a extremely difficult thing, if young students can not entrance university successfully, it is possible that he or she would be unemployment.
“in this ages ”，these ages?  this age?

futuremanUID: 2327059

Task 2Topic: Should sports classes be sacrificed in High School so students can concentrate on Academic subjects?
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Outline:
第一段：坚决反对学术科占用体育课的时间，并且在高中，体育课的时间还应该增加。
第二段：参加体育活动可以锻炼学生的身体，让学生在学习的时候有更大的精力和耐力。
第三段：参加体育活动可以有效的释放压力，调整学生的心情。
第四段：长远的来看，会对学生产生不利的影响，高中的学生正处在发育阶段，缺少体育锻炼会严重影响发育。
第五段：总而言之，升学固然重要，但不是全部，拥有一个强健的体魄会让学生一生受益。
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
With the increasing emphasis on examination performance, there is a popular trend that a lot of High Schools inclined [不要总用there be 句型，很多中式表达都套用there be, 可是there be却不是这么用的，改为a lot of high schools are inclined ]to cut down the time of sport class so that [so that 后面最好写完整的带主语的句子，不如用in order to舒服] have more time for academic subjects. It seems to me that,[me 和I 有些多余，去掉it seems to me that， 改however] I absolutely cannot agree with that [^statement which] sacrifice [sacrifice] [这里要么用定语从句，要么用分词，夜空兄要好好复习下语法呀]the exercise time of students for any reason.

First, it is benefit that take sports for students[it is benefitial for students to take exercise] and thus make them have more energy and endurance to study other subjects. [TS有些长]Instead of interfere [interfering] the studying, proper physical exercise can promote studying [^effect] significantly.

Secondly, facing with pressure coming from innumerate exams, if students only study in classroom all the way, they will inevitably generate the anti-study moods, [TS太长了，这里该断句了]furthermore, it is harmful for students to shoulder too much spiritual pressure since it will have negative impacts to the mental healthy of young people. To a large extent, taking exercises in spare time can appease pressures effectively.[这段论述不错]

It is cannot deny that, in this ages[at this age] that [去掉that] job finding become [becomes]a extremely difficult thing, if young students can not entrance university successfully, it is possible that he or she would be unemployment [employed]. Therefore, parents want their kids can[应为to] enter the university, in [at]the same time, for the benefits of themselves, high schools try hard and use all measures to promote the rate of students entering schools of a higher grade[higher grade of entering schools], even by the means that sacrifice other subjects such as sport and music。But, in the long term, it will have adverse influences on students, since the high school students are in the critical phase of maturing, lacking sport exercise will unavoidably hinder normal development, for the parents, do you want your sons and daughters low than their peers in the future? [这段开始的TS就很松散，到后来的论证就散了，而且最好不要用问句结尾做总结]

In conclusion, it is certainly important that student have opportunity to study in university but in all senses, this is far from all for young people, who will surely benefit from having a strength body in entire life. Thus, high schools should emphasize physical training of students rather than reduce the hours of sports class.

夜空兄对整体结构的把握在第三段出现了败笔，第三段的立意比较模糊，比较前两段来说，这里不是变的更强，而是更弱。建议每段还是要用简洁清晰的TS抓住本段的脉络，语言上要注意语法结构，避免中式的表达啊。比前面文章有很大进步了，加油啊~~