交作业了，大家来猛拍吧！

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

感谢菠萝兄！
语法确实是我的弱项，很久没有看了，得好好复习一下！:handshake

forbeckUID: 2297645

休息下，我也来~~~:loveliness:

forbeckUID: 2297645

This table illustrates the proportion of variety types of households living in poverty in Australia in 1999. The number of poverty households is 1,837,000 and account/困惑，这个主语是NUMBER还是HOUSEHOLDS about 11 per cent of total families in Australia.

From the table we can see that the households with single aged person and aged couple take/took nearly similar proportion of all, which was 6 per cent and 4 per cent respectively. Interestingly, compared with the families with couple and no children, accounting just 7 per cent, those single men or women with no children take/took 19 per cent, strikingly more than the former. The families with sole parent take/took  21 per cent of all, nearly 9 per cent more than the couple families with children. It is clearly that the proportion of the households with wife and husband这是不是也得用复数阿？我也糊涂了 but have no children is/was less than those who with sons and daughters, 7 per cent compare with 12 per cent, however, the population of former is/was dramatically nearly seven hundred thousands less than later.
字数不够哦~~~~~;d:

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-8-30 16:51 编辑 ]

forbeckUID: 2297645

With the increasing emphasis on examination performance, there is a popular trend that a lot of High Schools inclined to cut down the time of sport class so that/so taht后边好像都是跟个整句的吧？ have more time for academic subjects. It seems to me that,这句有点累赘了，一句话里提到两个我？ I absolutely cannot agree with that得跟个名词或分词吧？这个sacrifice在这是作动词的 sacrifice the exercise time of students for any reason.

First, it is benefit that？？？it is benefitial for students to吧？ take sports for students and thus make them have more energy and endurance to study other subjects. Instead of interfere/interfering不过我觉得最好把insteas of 换掉，用compared with? the studying, proper physical exercise can promote studying significantly

Secondly, facing with pressures coming from innumerate exams, if students only study in classroom all the way, they will inevitably generate the anti-study moods,用我那个喜欢抓别人标点的表妹的话说，这个影响很大阿！ 都好不可能了，句子结束，要不就是；要不就是。 furthermore, it is harmful for students to shoulder too much spiritual pressures since it will have negative impacts to the mental healthy of young people/用我们的专外吧，adolescents. To a large extent, taking exercises in spare time can appease pressures effectively.

It is cannot deny that, in/at this ages that这里用那个啥意思呢？ job finding becomes a extremely difficult thing, if young students can not entrance/这个做动词是使人陶醉的意思 university successfully, it is possible that he or she would be unemployment/unemployed. Therefore, parents want their kids can/to enter the university, in the same time, for the benefits of themselves, high schools try hard and use all measures to promote the rate of students entering schools of--with?? a higher grade???, even by the means that sacrifice other subjects such as sport and music。But, in the long term, it will have adverse influences on students, since the high school students are in the critical phase of maturing, lacking sport exercise will unavoidably hinder normal development, for the parents, do you want your sons and daughters lower than their peers in the future? 问句结尾要小心哦

In conclusion, it is certainly important that students have opportunity to study in university but in all senses, this is far from all for young people, who will surely benefit from having a strength body in entire life. Thus, high schools should emphasize physical training of students rather than reduce the hours of sports class.

建议：
1、既然你的body部分用了first,secondly这样的八股文字，那后边一段完全可以在选用一个类似的
2、还有第4段的问句，为让人觉得，你提出这样的句子时时没有底气的，因为前边的论述不完整，有散乱的感觉；
3、另外就是这篇的语法问题，真有点多。
4、还是字数问题，你说你现在化的时间长，可能是你的文字实在太多了，341~~~~写在250-280 为正常，250-260为佳。并不是越多越好，而是越精越好。

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

仔细又看了一遍！
受益匪浅！:handshake

sunflower1207UID: 2318402

谢谢菠萝蒙牛～，看修改的作文也能发现自己的不足。LZ加油。