argument145 [spring小组] 第2次作业

shanxinhpUID: 2311857

argument145[spring小组第二次作业]

In this argument the author suggests that people who snore should try to eat less and to exercise more. To support it, the author points out a study showing that people who snore probably gain weight than people who do not snore. He or she also reasons that people who snore are likely to suffer from sleep apnea leading to frequent wake during the night, which leave the person too tire to exercise during the day. However, this argument is flawed in several critical aspects.

字数：485          Time:1 hour

In this argument, the arguer recommends that people snore should try to exercise more and to eat less than the average person to keep weight from fat. This recommendation is based on the observation that a new study collected data that show that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than those who do not snore. In several aspects, however, the evidence lends little credible support for the argument.

A threshold assumption upon which the recommendation relies is that the data in which the study collected, however, there exist many problems. The author attempts to establish a causal relationship between the fact that people snore and gain weight. This argument, nonetheless, is based on an oversimplified analysis of the cause of the two matters and the presumptuous correlation accordingly is unacceptable. Moreover, from the survey quoted in this argument, we find no sign of such procedure for  samplings, and have good reasons to doubt whether the survey method is reasonable and the samples is so widely to covered all people. What is more, whether the reply is definitive is unproved. Actually, it is equally possible that the survey is false to reflect the general altitude of people’s condition. Without accounting for these and other possible to conclude is unreasonable.

Even assuming that the survey is precise and the relationship between them is as same as the auger said , the assumption that interruption of breathing wakes the person lead to one tired is unjustified, for it is entirely possible that one or more other factors responsible for it. Comparing with so briefly that unnoticed wake, a large number of people wake up to go to the toilet in sense may be more tired and could not do anything in the coming daytime. Furthermore, whether some one decide to exercise depend rather on his/her intention than on whether he/she is tired. On the other hand, do some exercise is a good way to release strain tension.

Even assuming that tired in daytime is attributed to the wake during sleep at night, if follow the auger’s recommendation that beside some one is too tired to exercise when he/she is so hungry, not only be helpless to healthy but also harmful to one. What is more, eat less than average is not a good way to keep weight. According to a research by Dr. Li reported that through longtime hungry, the cells in our body are greeting to glucose, they can store tripled than before, as a result his/her body become fatter than even before.

In sum, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands, to strengthen it the argument’s proponent must provide evidence that other factors affecting snore and gain weight .What is more every snore should make plans based on individual condition, however before any final decision are made we should evaluate all possible alternatives and causes for avoid snore and keep weight.

mcdobyUID: 2403019

麻烦改一下issue标题，格式不对，被锁了，我回复不了

In this argument, the arguer recommends that people snore should try to exercise more and to eat less than the average person to keep weight from fat. [ keep weight from fat 好像没有这种说法吧，keep fit 吧]This recommendation is based on the observation that a new study collected data that show that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than those who do not snore. [这句话感觉不太流畅This recommendation is based on a study that shows people who snore are more likely to gain weight than those who do not. 改成这样会不会好一点] In several aspects, however, the evidence lends little credible support to the argument.

A threshold assumption upon that [what  主语从句应该用what 引导] the recommendation relies is that the data in which the study collected, however, there exist many problems. The author attempts to establish a causal relationship between the fact that people snore and gain weight. This argument, nonetheless, is based on an oversimplified analysis of the cause of the two matters and the presumptuous correlation accordingly is unacceptable. Moreover, from the survey quoted in this argument, we  find no sign of such procedure for  samplings, and have good reasons to doubt whether the survey method is reasonable and the samples is so widely to covered all people. [新东方老师说不要出现第一人称代词，可以用被动式] What is more, whether the reply is definitive is unproved. Actually, it is equally possible that the survey is false to reflect the general altitude of people’s condition. Without accounting for these and other possible [possibilities] to conclude is unreasonable.

Even assuming that [assuming that去掉吧，要不然语法不对] the survey is precise and the relationship between them is as same as the auger said [says 作文里一般都用一般现在时], the assumption that interruption of breathing wakes the person lead to one tired is unjustified,[原句出现了两个谓语动词，改成the assumption is unjustified that it leads to one tired that interruptions of breathing wake the person, 好像也不太好，你再看下吧] for it is entirely possible that one or more other factors [没有谓语动词] responsible for it. Comparing with so briefly that unnoticed wake, a large number of people wake up to go to the toilet in sense may be more tired and could not do anything in the coming daytime. Furthermore, whether some one decides to exercise depends rather on his/her intention than on whether he/she is tired. On the other hand, doing some exercise is a good way to release strain tension. [最后这句话好像和题目有点偏]

Even assuming that [去掉assuming that]being tired in daytime is attributed to the wakes during sleep at night, if follow the auger’s recommendation that beside some one is too tired to exercise when he/she is so hungry, not only be helpless to healthy but also harmful to one. [这句话我看不懂，汗] What is more, eating less than average is not a good way to keep weight. According to a research by Dr. Li reported that through longtime hungry, the cells in our body are greeting to glucose, they can store tripled than before, as a result his/her body becomes fatter than even before.

In sum, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands, to strengthen it the argument’s proponent [改成 arguer吧] must provide evidences that other factors affecting snore and gain weight .What is more every [each] snore should make plans based on individual condition, however before any final decision are made we should evaluate all possible alternatives and causes for avoiding snores and keeping weight.

我觉的你的语法问题比较多，建议系统复习下。
你有一点出现问题比较多，要注意下：很多可数名词既没有加a/an, 又不是复数形式
另外，我觉得正文第一段质疑它的调查的可信性很好，第三段感觉没有展开，对他犯的逻辑错误说的不是很清楚。
另外，再汗一下，你的词汇量比俺大好多，俺都要开着金山词霸，翻着牛津大部头看你的作文，惭愧下再崇拜下！！

[ 本帖最后由 mcdoby 于 2007-11-3 20:28 编辑 ]

cinda2020UID: 2371432

;d:   学习学习  两位都很认真。