Argument187【0806G-Sunbird小组】第一次作业

wode56585759UID: 2305566

In this argument, thespeaker said that “A new discovery warrants a drastic change in the diets ofpeople living in the United  States. It is important for all people inthe United Statesto increase their consumption of fish in order to prevent depression.” Thisclaim seams to be too extreme.
First, the O3FA pay animportant role in prevent the depression in the pass time in our ancestors time,but now for modern people the O3FA is work or not is open to doubt. As thespeaker said that more PF and less O3FA diet structure made the people have resistanceto depression. The level of urbanization of the ancient times is much lowerthan it is today, that is what causes the depression, many factors such likeunemployment, high pressure of finance, the risk of have a baby, which exitmore common in the modern time than it in the ancient period.

The second evidence thatin Japan and Taiwan where people take more fish instead of meat which containless O3FA had lower risk of depression uncovers the speaker not consideringother factors that such as other food they take such like in these areas peopletake more fresh vegetable instead of meat, basic the majority of residentsthere is Asian people their heredity is different in some aspects, may be theless O3FA diet structure success cannot be popularize in the western word suchlike the US society. The life style is much different between east and west asI know the east people a born ability to endure huge pressure. Thus, seldompeople in the east rebel against their boss though they had been treated disgustingly.Furthermore, the speaker claim that it is reported that modern societies  suchas those in Japan and Taiwan depression rates lower than that in the UnitedStates，the reporttake based what survey, if the survey is credible is unknown to us. Regard asthe regional diversity these areas such as Japanand Taiwanin modern societies are just a part cut off from a main body cannot stand forthe whole.        

Though these linkbetween O3FA and depression is tenable. There is no enough evidence prove thattake less O3FA can reduce the possibility to suffer from depression.
If all people in the United Statesto increase their consumption of fish hardly can they prevent depression withother unhealthy live methods in other aspects, such as over intake of caloriewhich may be the first reason cause fatness who will take the responsibility forthe depression to a large extent.
In sum, if the speakerwant to result this conclusion that need to provide us more details about thediscovery.



时间紧，没怎么修改，裸写真实水平，大家使劲拍吧！                                            

liyue24UID: 2350787

In this argument, the speaker said that “A new discovery warrants a drastic change in the diets of people living in the United States. It is important for all people in the United States to increase their consumption of fish in order to prevent depression.”(如果用了引号了，最好就要原文照抄，否则就直接不要引号的复述。) This claim seams to be too extreme.(extreme这个词不知道用在这里是否合适……extreme是表示一种极端或是极限的，原文只是说要多吃鱼减少depression，又不是说从今以后只能光吃鱼不吃任何其他所有食物来避免depression...)

First, the O3FA(如果原文没有这样的缩略语，哪怕即使有，在文章中第一次出现也要在后面给出完整含义。) pay an important role in prevent the depression in the pass time in our ancestors time, but now for modern people the O3FA is work or not is open to doubt. As the speaker said that more PF and less O3FA diet structure made the people have resistance to depression. The level of urbanization of the ancient times is much lower than it is today, that is what causes the depression, many factors such like unemployment, high pressure of finance, the risk of have a baby, which exit more common in the modern time than it in the ancient period.(这句中，如果that is what causes the depression是插入语，则后面和前面的句子不衔接；而且从第一个分句后的各逗号分隔中，不是从句就是没有谓语的短语。逗号可以分隔两个分句，但是要是有相关性，而且有各自谓语。)

The second evidence that in Japan and Taiwan where people take more fish instead of meat which contain less O3FA had lower risk of depression uncovers the speaker not considering other factors that such as other food they take such like in these areas people take more fresh vegetable instead of meat, basic the majority of residents there is Asian people their heredity is different in some aspects, may be the less O3FA diet structure success cannot be popularize in the western word suchlike the US society.(如果纯看标点的话，这句话从段首到这里。这么长的长句我几乎没见到过……从中很难找到主语谓语……sorry...) The life style is much different between east and west as I know the east people a born ability to endure huge pressure. Thus, seldom people in the east rebel against their boss though they had been treated disgustingly.(没太明白这句话是啥意思……反抗老板和压力大或是depression有啥关系？…) Further more, the speaker claim that it is reported that modern societies  such as those in Japan and Taiwan depression rates lower than that in the United States，the report take based what survey, if the survey is credible is unknown to us(这里也是，如果是逗号后面的分句，和主句的关系不清楚。). Regard as the regional diversity these areas such as Japan and Taiwan in modern societies are just a part cut off from a main body cannot stand for the whole.

Though these link between O3FA and depression is tenable. There is no enough evidence prove( to prove/proving ) that take( taking ) less O3FA can reduce the possibility to suffer from depression.

If all people in the United States to increase their consumption of fish hardly can they prevent depression with other unhealthy live methods in other aspects, such as over intake of calorie which may be the first reason cause fatness who will take the responsibility for the depression to a large extent.(这一段只有一句话，句子过长，看不出主要要表达的意思……)

In sum, if the speaker want to result this conclusion that need to provide us more details about the discovery.( if the speaker want to result this conclusion he should provide us more details about the discovery.)

长句的运用要多加注意。只是关注了一下语言，没太注意逻辑结构和文章组织。如果有时间，是否可以多参考一下范文写作？GRE考试不是考写长句的能力。要长短结合，对题目观点分析清楚明白。

[ 本帖最后由 liyue24 于 2007-11-5 16:18 编辑 ]

demonXhunterUID: 2420492

In this argument, the speaker said that “A new discovery warrants a drastic change in the diets of people living in the United States. It is important for all people in the United States to increase their consumption of fish in order to prevent depression.” This claim seems to be too extreme.

First, the O3FA play an important role in preventing the(这里不是特指一般不用the了，名次前面不一定都要有冠词) depression in the past （in our ancestors time两个时间状语重复，删去一个）, but now for modern people（从句的关系代词好像除了that其他都能省去这里省去了whether活着if）the O3FA is work or not is open to doubt. As the speaker said that more PF and less O3FA diet structure made（时态有点乱，这里是将真理性的东西应该用一般现在）（the去掉，原因同上） people have resistance to depression. The level of urbanization of the ancient time is much lower than it is today, that is what causes the depression（1首先我觉得应该用破折号隔开，不应用逗号，我觉得破折号一般可以避免从句嵌套混乱的语法错误，2句意模糊，老外看文章好像比较不喜欢句意模糊，这种情况对我们来说都比较难避免，以后多注意吧）, many factors such as unemployment, high pressure of finance, the risk of having a baby, which （exist） more commonly in the modern time than it did（好像是应该加） in the ancient period.

The second evidence ，that in Japan and Taiwan where people take more fish instead of meat which contain less O3FA had lower risk of depression ，uncovers the speaker‘s lack of（作者缺乏但不是没有）considering other factors that such as other food they take such like in these areas people take more fresh vegetables instead of meat. basic the majority of residents there is Asian( people 删去)whose heredity is different in some aspects。 may be the less O3FA diet structure success cannot be popularize in the western word suchlike the US society. The life style is much different between east and west as I know the east people a born ability to endure huge pressure. Thus, seldom people in the east rebel against their boss though they had been treated disgustingly. Further more, the speaker claim that it is reported that modern societies  such as those in Japan and Taiwan depression rates lower than that in the United States，the report take based what survey, if the survey is credible is unknown to us. Regard as the regional diversity these areas such as Japan and Taiwan in modern societies are just a part cut off from a main body cannot stand for the whole.        

Though these link between O3FA and depression is tenable. There is no enough evidence prove that take less O3FA can reduce the possibility to suffer from depression.
If all people in the United States to increase their consumption of fish hardly can they prevent depression with other unhealthy live methods in other aspects, such as over intake of calorie which may be the first reason cause fatness who will take the responsibility for the depression to a large extent.
In sum, if the speaker want to result this conclusion that need to provide us more details about the discovery.
自己完成的写这么多字很不容易了。由于时间原因只改了一半的语法问题，结构问题没有深入考虑。希望Ｇ友找几篇范文来背背，就有感觉了，加油，fighting!!!
有的可能是书写错误 有的可能是粘帖的时候电脑产生的错误，都注意下，小错毕竟好改。

wode56585759UID: 2305566

Inthis argument, the speaker said that A new discovery warrants a drastic changein the diets of people living in the United States. It is important forall people in the United  States to increase their consumption of fishin order to prevent depression. This claim seams to be too arbitrary

First, the omega -3 fatty acids play an important role in preventing the depression in our ancestors’ time, butnow for modern people the O3FA is work or not is open to doubt. As the speakersaid that more PF and less O3FA diet structure made the people have resistanceto depression. The level of urbanization of the ancient time is much lower thanthat today, which   causes much of the depression. Many factorssuch like unemployment, high pressure of finance, the risk of having a baby,which is more commonly in the modern time than it did in the ancient period.

The second evidence, the author mentioned that in Japan and Taiwan where peopletake more fish had lower risk of depression without given the evidence thatweather the fish the people take there in Japan and Taiwan contain omega -3fatty acids or not. Still the speaker no consideringother factors affect people’s life situation such as other food they take, ormaybe in these areas people take more fresh vegetable than other areas, basicthe majority of residents there is Asian people their heredity is different toa certain extent, may be the less O3FA diet structure success cannot bepopularize in the western word suchlike the US society. The life attitudes aremuch different between east and west for I know the east people a born abilityto endure huge pressure. Further more, the speaker claimed that it is reportedthat modern societies  such as those in Japan and Taiwan depressionrates lower than that in the United States，whichcredibility is unknown to us. Regard as the regional diversity in these areassuch as Japan and Taiwan inmodern societies is just a part cut off from a main body cannot stand for thewhole.

Though these link between omega -3 fatty acids and depression is tenable. Thereis no enough evidence proving that taking less omega -3 fatty acids can reducethe possibility to suffer from depression.

If all people in the United  States to increase their consumption of fishhardly can they prevent depression with other unhealthy live methods in otheraspects--over intake of calorie which may be the first reason cause fatness whotakes the responsibility for the depression to a large extent.

In sum, if the speaker wants to result this conclusion he should provide us more details about the discovery.