大家来拍我的作文吧 拍死了也不要紧

cai5582UID: 2261123

Agree or disagree: high schools and universities should spend more time on preparing students for jobs and careers, not on general subject.

Nowadays, there is more and more drastic competition in finding jobs. Some people feel that we should prepare for jobs as early as possible, they even thinks that high schools and universities should focus on preparing students for jobs and careers. But, in my opinion, high schools and universities should spend more time on general subjects. By studying the general subjects, we can develop various ways of thinking, the team spirit and the learning ability.

First of all, various ways of thinking will be developed by studying the general subjects. For example, when we study mathematics and economics, the method of solving problems is quite different, mathematics can make you moreprecise while economics can make your thinking more general. What's more, it will be useful to creative thinking. We can use the different ways of thinking to solve the same problem and then some new ideas may be generated.

In addition, it will help us cultivate team spirit which plays a very important role in our future job. During the study, we have to do a lot of work with our classmates, and we will learn how to cooperate well with them. For instance, we often have to do presentation in groups. Meanwhile, it is helpful to develop the interpersonal ability. In order to do the job well, we have to communicate with the members well and have a good relationship with the members.

Last but not least, the most important thing that the school should teach is learning skill. We have to learn a lot of things in the course of our lives. With a good learning skill, we can catch up with other person more easily. For example, if you are working in a French company, it is better for you to learn French. You will find that it is easier for you since you have the experience of learning English.

In conclusion, there are also some advantages of preparing for jobs and careers earlier, but the virtues of learning general subjects are more prolonged. And the abilities cultivated by learning general subjects will put us in a favorable position in the future job markets.

hyacinthUID: 2184492

结构挺不错的
文章可以再specific一点

最好自己能先检查一遍语法错误

这个题目我记得之前有人练习过的  你可以在论坛上google下题目 看下其他版友的文章 呵呵~~

没有你说的那么不堪啦~~ 加油~~ :)

cai5582UID: 2261123

可是我觉得用的句子都好简单啊 都不会写长句:confused:

hyacinthUID: 2184492

表达清楚自己的意思最重要.

想写长句需要多积累,或者练习合并句子...:)

gabby19832004UID: 2461820

Agree or disagree: high schools and universities should spend more time on preparing students for jobs and careers, not on general subject.
      
Nowadays, there is(are) more and more drastic competition (competitions因为你用了more and more) in finding jobs. Some people feel that we should prepare for jobs as early as possible, they even thinks (think) that high schools and universities should focus on preparing students for jobs and careers. But, in my opinion, high schools and universities should spend more time on general subjects. By studying the general subjects, we can develop various ways of thinking, the team spirit and the learning ability.(划线句是不通的various ways 不能修饰team spirit和learning ability)

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First of all, various ways of thinking will be developed by studying the general subjects. For example, when we study mathematics and economics, the method of solving problems is quite different, mathematics can make you more precise while economics can make your thinking more general (while连接两个并列结构，所连接的两个成分主语要一致). What's more, it （it指代谁？最好用一个具体名词）will be useful to creative thinking. We can use the different ways of thinking to solve the same （one）problem and then some new ideas may be generated (这句蛮奇怪的。用不通的方法解决问题，然后又产生一些新想法？).

寄托家园'ax^_D-K6Y
In addition, it（主题句里面不要轻易用代词it。这样的话主题会非常模糊） will help us cultivate team spirit which plays a very important role in our future job. During the study, we have to do a lot of work with our classmates, and we will learn how to cooperate well with them. For instance, we often have to do presentation in groups. Meanwhile, it is helpful to develop the interpersonal ability. In order to do the job well, we have to communicate with the members well （well这个词语用得太过笼统了。用frequently或者effectively更好一些。我没有词霸，不知道拼写是否正确。）and have a good relationship with the members（to creat a better relationship with them.后半句这样写句子更紧凑一点）.
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Last but not least, the most important thing that the school should teach (teach用太多了。instill会不会好一些？) is learning skill. We have to learn a lot of things in the course of our lives. With a good learning skill, we can catch up with other person more easily. For example, if you are working in a French company, it is better for you to learn French. You will find that it is easier for you （easier干什么？for you是不完整的。）since you have the experience of learning English.留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA4YR        Hx#s

bbs.gter.net6LJac9\m
In conclusion, there are also some advantages of preparing for jobs and careers earlier, but the virtues of learning general subjects are more prolonged（overwhelmed拼写还是不知道是否正确sorry）. And the abilities cultivated by learning general subjects will put us in a favorable position in the future job markets.

段落论述还是清楚的。就是有一些语法错误，还有就是感觉文章有些单薄，我指词汇变化和句法。我也注意到你用了一些被动句，这个蛮好的。学习了。
我有一篇作文，能麻烦你也帮我看看吗。谢谢！~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-858799-1-1.html

harrykiaUID: 2409057

既然楼主说拍死了也不要紧，那么我就不客气了。
首先，值得表扬的是楼主的每段开头的主旨句和每段的衔接都做得到位，但是我读下去，我就总觉得楼主总是在重复一些表达，例如for example,team spririt等等，这样显得你的语句变化单一，而且在你的长短句配合不好，而且恕我直言，你的长句和语法还要需要继续加强。
再者，我发现了你的一些词的单复数没有认真检查，例如a lot of work.以及用词不是很恰当，感觉有些别扭。
最后，从文章的立意，我觉得你写的还可以再深入再挖掘，而且观点有点重复，就是刚才说的teamwork，有2段在重复，我觉得你应该有一个主的核心观点，然后再分几个核心的观点去为它服务。
最后的最后，我本人作文也一般，以上片面之词，望大家互相交流，不拍不相识。
既然拍了你，那你也来拍下我，解解心头之恨！
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-859523-1-1.html

yanheUID: 2135513

确实句子过于简单，有些用词还要斟酌，文章还要更有深度一些。

cai5582UID: 2261123

恩。。。 帮你们改了 不过我改得不是很好哦