Argument123,求拍，有拍必定认真回拍！！

StrayCrowUID: 2348763

123The following appeared in a health newsletter.

"Eating a heavy meal may increase the risk of heart attack. A recent survey of 2,000 people who had had a heart attack revealed that 158 of them said they had eaten a heavy meal within 24 hours before their heart attack, and 25 of them said they had eaten a heavy meal within 2 hours before their heart attack. Eating and digesting food releases hormones into the bloodstream and temporarily increases heart rate and blood pressure slightly. Both of these things put stress on the heart. Therefore, people who are at risk of having a heart attack can lower that risk by not overeating."
---------------------------------------------


In this argument, the arguer proposes that in order to lower the risk of having a heart attack, people with heart problem had better not overeat. Mainly based on a recent survey, the argument is well presented but far from satisfactorily reasoned. Indeed, the thread of the argument is based on unsubstantiated statistics, hasty generalizations and overlooks other factors (potentially more significant) related to the issue.

To begin with, the threshold problem involved in this argument is unwarranted survey. There is no information about how the statistics were collected, whether the samples were randomly chosen and representative enough, which render the survey vulnerable. If samples in this survey are all the fat and usually overeat, it is no wonder that a high percent of heart attack sufferers had eaten a heavy meal within 24 or 2 hours before their heart attack. For this matter, when overeating is just heart attack sufferers' living way and they overeat everyday, why were they all right after most of overeating otherwise had a heart attack everyday? Even samples in this survey advocate a health eating way and overeat occasionally, overeating can not be proved to be the only reason of heart attacks. The cause which is behind the overeating, a great business success or a sad feeling, may be the real murderer of heart attack. Therefore lack of detailed information about the samples in this survey, I would refuse to agree with arguer's claim.

In addition, in this argument author claims that hormones in the bloodstream released during eating and digesting food would temporarily increases heart rate and blood pressure slightly which both put stress on the heart. However, is it really so serious? Yet logic and common sense inform me that these situations are normal physiological phenomenon happened in every person's body each day. That arguer's overmuch emphasize on these normal physiological reaction may mask the key reason caused people's heart attacks.

Furthermore, even if overeating is really bad for persons with risk of heart attacks and somewhat responsible for having heart attacks. I am still doubtful if not overeating can really lower the risk of having a heart attack. Because we all know there are so many factors related to heart attack, such as poor air environment, intensive feeling effect, overload sport and so on. All factors mentioned above are fatal and far more dangerous than overeating. If one always play overmuch sport games everyday and merely not eat too much, can he or she lower any risk of having a heart attack? So it is entirely possible that it is not overeating itself but many reasons behind overeating which cause overeating play key role in having a heart attack.

In sum, the poor survey and hasty generalization are both tenuous to support arguer's conclusion. In order to bolster the proposal, we must know more detailed information of samples in the survey to rule out other alternative reasons. And at the same time, the arguer must provide more strong evidence in science to convince me that there is really a causal relationship between overeating and having a heart attack.


已经不知道自己在写什么了 快口吐白沫了 好不容易把题库过了一遍
大家狠狠改语法和语言问题
另外就是攻击点的展开 我看了下自己以前的文章 发现我总是把很简单的事情表达得很复杂
~~~~~

有一个疑问 考官打分的时候有半分吗？ 能打诸如5.5 4.5这样的分数吗？
还是只有6 5 4这样 半分纯粹是在I和A之间加权平均的结果？

[ 本帖最后由 StrayCrow 于 2008-10-3 13:35 编辑 ]

kingploughUID: 2492921

这篇我限时写一遍再来拍你的
我断了几天网。

[ 本帖最后由 kingplough 于 2008-10-5 13:57 编辑 ]

wattwangUID: 2553745

123The following appeared in a health newsletter.

"Eating a heavy meal may increase the risk of heart attack. A recent survey of 2,000 people who had had a heart attack revealed that 158 of them said they had eaten a heavy meal within 24 hours before their heart attack, and 25 of them said they had eaten a heavy meal within 2 hours before their heart attack. Eating and digesting food releases hormones into the bloodstream and temporarily increases heart rate and blood pressure slightly. Both of these things put stress on the heart. Therefore, people who are at risk of having a heart attack can lower that risk by not overeating."
---------------------------------------------


In this argument, the arguer proposes that in order to lower the risk of having a heart attack, people with heart problem had better not overeat. Mainly based on a recent survey, the argument is well presented but far from satisfactorily reasoned. Indeed(我查了字典,indeed,你这里取甚至的意思, 但似乎这层关系不强)the thread of the argument is based on unsubstantiated statistics, hasty generalizations and overlooks other factors (potentially more significant) related to the issue.

To begin with, the threshold problem involved in this argument is unwarranted survey. There is no information about how the statistics were collected, whether the samples were randomly chosen and representative enough, which render the survey vulnerable. If samples in this survey are all the fat and usually overeat, it is no wonder that a high percent of heart attack sufferers had eaten a heavy meal within 24 or 2 hours before their heart attack. For this matter, when overeating is just heart attack sufferers' living way(a way of life 我看到的大多数这么表达,当然,我这也是吹毛求疵了) and they overeat everyday, why were they all right after most of overeating otherwise had a heart attack everyday?(这里估计就是你说意思简单但表达晦涩的地方了) Even samples in this survey advocate a health(+y) eating way and overeat occasionally, overeating can not be proved to be the only reason of heart attacks. The cause which is behind the overeating, a great business success or a sad feeling, may be the real murderer of heart attack. (perhaps 的好)Therefore lack of detailed(应该是further,这里不是细节二是深层隐藏原因) information about the samples in this survey, I would refuse to agree with arguer's claim.

In addition, in this argument author claims that hormones in the bloodstream released during eating and digesting food would temporarily increases heart rate and blood pressure slightly which both put stress on the heart. However, is it really so serious? Yet logic and common sense inform me that these situations are normal physiological phenomenon happened in every person's body each day. That arguer's overmuch emphasize on these normal physiological reaction may mask the key reason caused people's heart attacks.

Furthermore, even if overeating is really bad for persons with risk of heart attacks and somewhat responsible for having heart attacks. I am still doubtful if not overeating(whether avoid the overeating) can really lower the risk of having a heart attack. Because we all know there are so many factors related to heart attack, such as poor air environment, intensive feeling effect, overload sport and so on. All factors mentioned above are fatal and far more dangerous than overeating. If one always play overmuch sport games everyday(删) and merely not eat too much, can he or she lower any risk of having a heart attack? So it is entirely possible that it is not overeating itself but many reasons behind overeating which cause overeating play key role in having（causing，因为主语是音素，不是人） a heart attack.

In sum, the poor survey and hasty generalization are both tenuous to support arguer's conclusion. In order to bolster the proposal, we must know more detailed information of samples in the survey to rule out other alternative reasons. And at the same time, the arguer must provide more strong evidence in science to convince me that there is really a causal relationship between overeating and having a heart attack.

我怕的不够狠，还请见谅。我认为你把这篇的主要攻击点都已经找出。包括1。样本代表性。 2。分泌物的影响性。 3。其他因素的作用。  逻辑很清楚的，有个别语句正如你所说，稍加改动即好）



另附:怎么标记的颜色没有显示在预览

StrayCrowUID: 2348763

:loveliness:  谢谢了 改得很好 你有需要回拍的吗？
顺便问句 why were they all right after most of overeating otherwise had a heart attack everyday?
这句话是不是把otherwise后半部分去掉 就足够清楚了？

kingploughUID: 2492921

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-882394-1-1.html

wattwangUID: 2553745

客气.  我目前还没有,写的不多,找了几个美国同学在帮我改. 不过感觉这么互相帮助挺好的

kingploughUID: 2492921

In this argument, the arguer proposes that in order to lower the risk of having a heart attack, people with heart problem had better not overeat（改写得真好，我都黔驴技穷了）. Mainly based on a recent survey（还有那个荷尔蒙呢）, the argument is well presented but far from satisfactorily reasoned. Indeed, the thread of the argument is based on（based on有些重复了，改个说法吧） unsubstantiated statistics, hasty generalizations and overlooks other factors (potentially more significant) related to the issue（不错的开头，PF）.

To begin with, the threshold problem involved in this argument is unwarranted survey. There is no information about how the statistics were collected, whether the samples were randomly chosen and representative enough, which render the survey vulnerable. If samples in this survey are all the fat and usually overeat, it is no wonder that a high percent of heart attack sufferers had eaten a heavy meal within 24 or 2 hours before their heart attack（这句逻辑好像不明显阿）. For this matter, when overeating is just heart attack sufferers' living way and they overeat everyday, why were they all right after most of overeating otherwise had a heart attack everyday? Even samples（可以用sample吗，我老觉得把人说成样品不合适） in this survey advocate a health eating way and overeat occasionally, overeating can not be proved to be（我看的教材上说，尽量避免用prove一词，用serve as怎么样） the only reason of heart attacks. The cause which is behind the overeating, a great business success or a sad feeling, may be the real murderer of heart attack. Therefore lack of detailed information about the samples in this survey, I would refuse to agree with arguer's claim（告诉我这句是模板吗？我不确定好不好）.

In addition, in this argument author claims that hormones in the bloodstream released during eating and digesting food would temporarily increases heart rate and blood pressure slightly which both put stress on the heart. However, is it really so serious? Yet logic and common sense inform me that these situations are normal physiological phenomenon happened in every person's body each day. That arguer's overmuch emphasize on these normal physiological reaction may mask the key reason caused people's heart attacks.

Furthermore, even if overeating is really bad for persons with risk of heart attacks and somewhat responsible for having heart attacks. I am still doubtful if not（whether） overeating can really lower the risk of having a heart attack. Because we all know there are so many factors related to heart attack, such as poor air environment, intensive feeling effect, overload sport and so on. All factors mentioned above are fatal and far more dangerous than overeating. If one always play overmuch sport games everyday and merely not eat too much, can he or she lower any risk of having a heart attack? So it is entirely possible that it is not overeating itself but many reasons behind overeating which cause overeating play key role in having a heart attack（这点我没想到，很不错）.

In sum, the poor survey and hasty generalization are both tenuous to support arguer's conclusion. In order to bolster the proposal, we must know more detailed information of samples in the survey to rule out other alternative reasons. And at the same time, the arguer must provide more strong evidence in science to convince me that there is really（really是口语用词，听native说的） a causal relationship between overeating and having a heart attack.

写这篇之前我查了些关于心脏病触发因素的资料，写的时候也快口吐白沫了。
我们的论证思路都差不多，我觉得应该注意的是，题目中只是说吃得多会增加心脏病发的风险，并没有说是心脏病的直接病因，所以，我很费劲地避免用caused people's heart attacks. 这样的词句，拼命造higer risk of heart attack, increase the risk of heart attack, boost the heart attack，等等。这个问题我们可以讨论讨论。
还有一点，overeat 对某些病人，如糖尿病人，胃癌病人，确实有可能是致命的，所以在论述中，对overeat 的影响也不要一棒子打死比较好。你一直在强调，别的原因才是key，在论证的时候，第二段和第三段一直揪着说，有些重复了。
语言上，我注意到你已经很少用晦涩的长句子了，很清楚很强大，呵呵。

希望考试的时候不要碰到这么专业的题目！！！

StrayCrowUID: 2348763

关于那个评分的 分值刻度问题 你知道答案吗？

oyhdUID: 2490181

我记得上新东方的时候老师说过这样一句话＂评卷时老师会有个大致的评判你在几分档（假如是５分档）然后看你的语言，如果也好就是５分，如果不太好就是４．５．＂

不过这有什么关系吗？

StrayCrowUID: 2348763

我记得是不是说过 5.5+4.0=9.5
平均以后总分往上递 算5分？

porpoise803UID: 2539384

The cause which is behind the overeating, a great business success or a sad feeling, may(could) be the real murderer of heart attack. 这样不好一些吗？