考完托福了，跟大家分享一下有帮助的网站（响应版主号召，本帖现在开始为大家改作文）

cwxa99UID: 2533774

能否给偶修改一篇  模板很明显  写的很不好  但是由于作文底子不好 只能如此了  麻烦了  谢谢

TOPIC:   Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy them and replace them with modern buildings? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.  

Regarding the much-debated issue of whether a city should change the old and historical buildings into modern ones, due to people's distinct backgrounds and personal experiences, some of them may prefer one to another although some may have no opinions about it at all. From my perspective, I am inclined to select that a city is supposed to preserve the old buildings. In the following discussion, I would like to reason and provide concrete evidences to support my viewpoint.

The first and foremost reason is that the historical and old buildings have some meaningful significance for the offspring. There is a clear-out instance which is very pervasive: the monuments of heroes established hundreds of years ago are of great benefit to students. When we take the little children to the monuments, they will understand and absorb the patriotism deeply. So, as far as I am concerned, to opt for preserving the old buildings is a wiser choice.

Another reason for my propensity is that to preserve the old and historical buildings will be helpful to the local residents. A good case in point is that visiting to the historical buildings will bring large-scale revenue to local government, which can be used in other municipal affairs such as social welfare and improvement on public transportations. It also helps to explain why I make such a choice.

As an old saying goes, "Everything has two sides." I admit that there may be a couple of disadvantages of preserving the old and historical buildings. To some extent, this may hinder the development and layouts of the city. However, we can make a long-term and careful plan which can lead to a city full of modernization and classicality. An appropriate example is my capital, Beijing, which is an international city including some historical scenes like Forbidden Palace and many modern constructions such as Olympic Stadium. Hence the drawbacks are too faint to weaken my point. Taking all of these into account, to be frank, I would like to choose to preserve the old buildings as my first choice.

If all factors are considered, we may find out that the benefits from preserving the old and historical buildings outweigh those of destroying them. To sum up, due to the above-mentioned reasons, I strongly agree with the notion of preserving the old and historical buildings, but not changing them into modern ones.

[ 本帖最后由 cwxa99 于 2009-1-13 19:09 编辑 ]

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

大家的文章先放一下，我明天上午给大家改，媳妇闹事……得哄哄……:)

cwxa99UID: 2533774

不急
媳妇更重要:loveliness: :loveliness:

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

你的文章毛病我在之前都已经给你讲过了，这里没有什么要讲的。感觉还是上一篇的水平。我考虑你的文章好久，给你以下建议，感觉这些建议应该可以帮助你提高：
1，尽量少用长句子。你的英语水平不是非常棒，如果对英语不能够轻松驾驭，长句子只能是累赘。
2，多用身边的离子，看了你好几篇文章，感觉空话太多，离子太虚，没有什么实际的用处，比如你能用我朋友小黄，就不要用比尔盖茨……
3，如果你真的要着魔般，我建议不要单抄模板，总结以下段落结构，那个才是英语作文的精髓。Last but not the least 和 Finally,根本没有实际区别，好文章都是段落组织得好。
4，在文章的时候最好提一下这个离子的反面，比如这篇文章，你就完全可以提一句”虽然过度的自信容易对人……，但是，自信仍然对人非常重要……“

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

兄弟又问尽管拿来，只要俺家媳妇不跟我玩真人PK或者上演真实韩剧，我就准时给大家改作文……:)

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

重申不该语法……
1，第一段标准模板……貌似这个班子我以前还背过……但是记住，模板主要背的是他的全文写作结构，而不是简简单单的被几个词就好了……这是我经过实践总结出来的规律……我朋友和我一起考试，我们俩都用我总结的模板，结果他作文成绩不好（当然过23是肯定了……）主要是文章结构没我的好。
2，第一段严重脱节，好像是脱了模板不会写一样……如果这里能加上一个”for example, in my city, there is a A. It is ……. My friend and I……“如果能把自己的经历加入到文章中，你的文章会更加报满。
3，基本和第二段相同。你第三段一共就三句话……如果你没东西写，就编离子，例子也不会，就分句子，你本来什么都没有，还写长句子，感觉第三段更加干瘪了……
4，不知道出处的句子不要瞎引用，弄不好就是抄袭……事物的两面性你查不到是谁说的？搞笑……你非得给google气死……还是懒的查把。
5，你北京那个离子总结的不错，相当精彩。但是结尾不好，如果是段落结尾最好之总结这一段，你最后哪句话根本就是全片的总结句……放在最后一段吧，要不然冲突了……
总结：真正的模板猛士……找的模板相当不错，离子也很好，但是说明太少了，感觉文章都是框架，然后几个例子，就好想葡萄只有架子和果子，没叶子一样。我承认叶子不能吃，但是那是长葡萄的基础。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

光顾着看文章了，把版主忘了……我今年申，也照得美国过小站，我这人懒……没辙。哈哈哈哈

JiayiiUID: 2589450

可不可以帮我看看#346 的作文啊，我自己改了两遍却不知道问题在哪
请多指教，这周末就考，谢谢谢谢

cwxa99UID: 2533774

谢谢腾格里旅狼   呵呵 根据您的建议 我会重新组织俺的作文  谢谢指导:)

cwxa99UID: 2533774

请问“说明太少”是啥意思？嘿嘿  谢谢啊

顺便问一下 你在看作文的时候  觉得语法错误多吗？
ps：不用给俺改  告诉偶即可 呵呵

[ 本帖最后由 cwxa99 于 2009-1-14 16:16 编辑 ]

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

对不起，没看到，这位朋友真是抱歉，我现在给你改去
:handshake

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

不该语法，不改语法……
1，典型的模板首段……我再重申一下我对模板的看法，背模板最重要的是要背模板文章的行文结构，如果你结构好了，就算没有什么长难句，分数一样不低。
2，你的文章中模板占了不少字数（相比其他简单的模板而言），但是你组织的还是不错的，虽然有一点乱，但是答题还可以。
3，文章中最好有能够涉及到自己生活的离子，这样更有说服性。比如你就可以在第四段里面写上你自己的学校对你的影响，因为我们也算是发展中国家啊。这样不但解决了你文章不饱满的问题，更解决了你无离子可写的弊端。
4，你的文章中说明太少，好像就是模板钾离子，希望增家说明的分量。:handshake

glamorouskyUID: 2459211

旅狼真是一只好狼:) :handshake

JiayiiUID: 2589450

非常感谢

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

up,哈哈有想改作文的发上来