考完托福了，跟大家分享一下有帮助的网站（响应版主号召，本帖现在开始为大家改作文）

88michaelUID: 2400770

楼主，你说的很切要害哦，我非常认可你的说法。
我现在的水平确实达不到一定的高度，但是听说ETS改作文时要看句子结构，只有复杂一点的句子才被青睐，不知道你怎么看这个问题哦？:)

88michaelUID: 2400770

嘎嘎！
从前是挂别人，昨天遭报应，被挂了;d:

chineseladyUID: 2403976

Extended family is not as important as it was in the past.

Since the social structures have been changing due to development of industry and economy, humans’ life and careers become different from decades ago. Especially in China, the living condition has been improved a lot, and modern people accept many modern views and lifestyle, which bring another family pattern, the nuclear families, a couple and one child. Therefore, I tend to assume that extended family is not as important as before because that structure of family almost disappeared in modern society.

Currently, young people have desire to show their independence and distinctive personalities. Living with parents and grandparents will limit them in many ways. The parents may urge their next generation to have kids as soon as they get married, if young people do not that plan with in a short time. It happened in some families that when young generation did not follow elder generation’s desire, they may be regarded as disrespecting to parents. In China, some advanced people still keep traditional views, such as to describe working in one position as persistence. However, it is hard for young people who struggle in the modern society to accept. Under the serious competition and rapid development, it is easy for young generation to move out to pursue their dreams. The new model working system provides both opportunities and stress for diligent people. Lifetime work position did not exist any more except being a professor. Therefore, parts of the youngster plan to experience in different areas to practice themselves. On the other hand, when they just graduated from university, a new environment and how to cooperate with co-workers become primary issues should be tackled. That is an unstable situation for many young people in modern times. Their parents’ generation who prefer working in the same place with whole life will criticize them on job jumping. The different views between two generations will not bring agreement on this point, thus lead to frustration to the family.

Meanwhile, young couples live by themselves as nuclear families could encourage each other. With the similar opinions about the future and society, they can have an appropriate plan on life. For instance, they may go back to university for graduate programs after working for several years. It probably will not be eligible for elder generation: to quit the profession, then study in university. Some may try to adopt DINC family, double incomes no kids. But those can never be mentioned in extend family.

Finally, due to the benefit for young generation live individually, extended families will be fewer. The rapid social development brings modern lifestyles, which makes humans from different times equip every distinctive ideas. Therefore, I tend to assure that extend families are not as significant as before.

chineseladyUID: 2403976

狼，你辛苦了！你的点评我收纳。而且在你的指导下写了新的一篇。改了不少的内容和例子。Reformation 我是想表达新的时代啊什么的，不想提政治。我好像是说advanced people, 老人，不是family～～哦。请看看新的多指教！:handshake :handshake

阿泰UID: 209473

UP

abdmenUID: 2536727

红色是我自己改的:-)
Have you ever been frustrated at the compulsory courses when you were in the high school? Have you ever been disappointed at your immaturity when you graduated from high school? Have you ever pondering on the perplexing question which major you would choose after graduation from high school?

If all the above questions are answered with "Yes", (you would probably agree with the statement that) then it is absolutely reasonable that high schools should allow students to study the courses that students/they want to study.

The first reason is, of course, choosing a course according to one's interest would catch one's attention in the class, thus he/she could endeavor his/her best to accomplish the task, and what's more important is that high school students are just old enough to decide on their own which course interests him/her and which major he/she would pursue in the near future. It is never too difficult to find that many students are sleeping during class or even chat with his/her deskmate. May it be possible that he/she dislikes study or lacks a sense of self-discipline, but it is often the case that it is due to the unappealing course that lulls him/her to sleep or chats with others.

Another reason worths mentioned here is that one would learn to be more independent after making a series of decisions like this. As a matter of fact, one's life is bound up tightly with decisions, and learning to decide on one's own in one's early years can never be a bad thing. For example, one of my classmates in high school discovered that she loved drawing very much immediately after our first semester in high school, soon she transferred to the drawing class which is permitted in our high school till now. At present, she is a painter well known in my hometown. All the decisions she made contributed to her now fully independent life, and it seems certain that she has gained a lot from this important decision.(If it is not her quick decision, she could never become a person the way she loves to be.)

The third reason is that choosing an interested/interesting course in high school could deeper one's understanding about the related field, hence one's specialised knowledge of the field. A good case in point is that, many students in China choose their majors only when they get the admission into the university, (and)/but to their disappointment, they find the courses boring and complicated when they study in campus for a year or so. And it is difficult in China to transfer among different majors. Conversely, if these students are allowed to choose courses that interest them most back into high school, cases like that would probably not happen.

In conclusion, starting early to choose an interesting course in high school is always beneficial to students. It helps them to foster an independent character and better their understanding of the related majors, which would be a great assistance in their future career. In that way, students could (prepare for future career better, and) work more efficiently in their jobs. As a famous person once said, "Opportunities look only for prepared minds".

abdmenUID: 2536727

:funk: 没有红色了……

abdmenUID: 2536727

忘记说了，这个题目是：
高中生应自选课程，你同意否？

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

1，如果语法也没问题，第一段堪称完美。我不该语法，所以不晓得语法有没有错。
2，第二段也得闭上一次好，但是段子写的太拖拉。就是比较啰嗦。尤其是第二个举例，写的相当的啰嗦，看了半天发现，你把一个观点用不同的句子翻来覆去的说了好几遍。最后的结尾句是个亮点。如果能把离子中的话在简练一些就完美了。
3，这一段又回归了……我感觉这一段你想写的还是人们的理念不同。和第二段基本上重复了。而且论述的时候也没有第二段那么精彩了……
综合：你这篇文章终于有回规第一篇一二段的趋势了，内容很精彩，缺点我以给你指出。另外，你这里面有两句话是加分句：“which bring another family pattern, the nuclear families, a couple and one child. ”和“Some may try to adopt DINC family, double incomes no kids.”你的文章中用的长句子还是比较多，有些你与其用逗号隔开，还不如另起一个新的句子。效果会更好。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

老兄……哪里有红色啊……
你这篇文章标新立异，用三个问句开头，我很欣赏，而且你的文章整体结构没有乱。另外你每一段的论述和离子举得很好，尤其是你写的那个画家。用你自己的视角写的自己身边的例子，只要不是太扯，就是好例子。
但是在写“old enough”的时候，最好解释一下为什么你认为高中生“old enough",ETS出的每一个题目一般都会有两个方面，比如这个题目，就有两个主要的对立，高中生是否old enough以至于能够自己选课。有很多人对这个问题持否定观点的原因就是年龄。而你在文章中却对如此重要的观点一笔带过不做解释。
综合来看，你的作文能够像25分以上冲刺以下。从你的写作方式和文章内容看，你已经有足够的能力去驾驭文章（如果这篇文章能够反映你的真实水平）。但是你在一些细节方面把我的仍然不够。比如我提到的年龄那个问题。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

版主，我举报你发水帖……

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

配女朋友玩了一天。所以大家的文章没有及时改，真是对不起。:handshake

阿泰UID: 209473

FAINT!:funk:

亏我对你这么好，还给你申请勋章了呢:o

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

我连个勋章带子都没有见到……;)

阿泰UID: 209473

:rolleyes: 大版主在外面出差呢，正忙呢，你得等等