20天托福110分复习计划，由于另一个帖子楼数太高，现在本帖也开始为各位改作文

lightgUID: 2620543

LZ还在改啊。。。支持~谢谢~

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

对啊，这段时间没有事情做，天天就是泡在网上，陪陪女朋友……

阿泰UID: 209473

还没准备办签证的事？

daney68UID: 2582640

182# 腾格里旅狼
那就帮忙看看我重新修改的吧。呵呵。谢谢。

glamorouskyUID: 2459211

旅狼辛苦了:loveliness:

daney68UID: 2582640

这篇文章写的时候语言组织的不是很好，不过请看一下文章的逻辑和观点是否清晰。


Do you agree or disagree with the follow statement? In university,students should take the history courses no matter what field they study in.


There is thorny debate on whether students should take history courses whatever field they study in.Although some people argue that it is not necessary in that the additional course will  increase the burden of students' study work.However,they fail to see that history have a positive impact on their study as well as their whole life.I am probably wilI always be, one of those who believe that  history not just reflect culture of one country but also be considered as precious experience for us solving problems.

learning history could spire students to comprehand all- round the culture of one country.Great Wall,the symbol of Chinese culture, it is not just one of Eight Wonders in the world people appreciate and go sight-seeing,what is more important,it is astonished and impressed by the fact that the Great Wall is the production of tens of thousands of industrious Chinese commoners.It is Great Wall that symbol of the bravery and wisdom of Chinese people. Not only could we foster nation pride by learning history,but also we tend to appreciate the distinct alien cultures and value.For example,when it come to Statue of Liberty,it could easily associate with American Revolution,which American colonies struggle for civic liberty leading to the foundation of a new nation.

It is fairly precious experience that learn from history when people deal with complex problems .Since human beings had been punished by neglecting the envrionment pollution during economic development,more and more cournties begin to focus on pollution and take efficient measures to protect the envrionment.For instance,Great Smog,a notable event of air pollution,cause the death of at least 4,000 Londoners and compel the governments to make regulations restricting the use of dirty fuels in industry and banning black smoke.Only when people really realize the improtantance of history experience and lessons can people better solve complex problems efficiently.

In conclusion, students would be benifitial to learning history with profound understanding the culture of one country as well as obtaining abuntant expericence for their problems-solving more efficient.

arise1229UID: 2546408

牛人果然都是逼出来的啊，自己先汗颜一个！

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回复daney68：你的句子已经写得很简洁了，看起来很爽朗。但是议论和举例的关系还不能掌握的很好，给我的感觉不是整段举例，就是整段议论。“cause the death of at least 4,000 Londoners ”这种数字型的例子最好少出现，一旦出现了最好保证这是事实，考官对这种例子（应该说美国人对这种例子很在意）如果你看过一些美国大学的新闻就知道，在美国大学中出现这种例子就是“剽窃”，后果很严重的。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回复daney68：你的句子已经写得很简洁了，看起来很爽朗。但是议论和举例的关系还不能掌握的很好，给我的感觉不是整段举例，就是整段议论。“cause the death of at least 4,000 Londoners ”这种数字型的例子最好少出现，一旦出现了最好保证这是事实，考官对这种例子（应该说美国人对这种例子很在意）如果你看过一些美国大学的新闻就知道，在美国大学中出现这种例子就是“剽窃”，后果很严重的。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

光记着去申请斑竹了，把自己的帖子给忘了，大家继续发文章啊，我还会给大家改的

duolami936UID: 2629812

向LZ学习

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

呵呵，等下把自己的帖子都汇总一下，做成一个总贴

nlhustUID: 2404239

这是上次作文小组的作业，写出来一直都没人改，伤心。。。
发过来给楼主看看，帮忙改改,麻烦楼主了！

Doyou agree ordisagree with the following statement? It is important toknow events happeningaround the world, though sometimes they areunlikely to affect your daily life.Use specific reasons and examples tosupport your answer.


The advent of television and computerhave a profound effect on our everyday communication. It become easierand quicker for us to get access to the events happening all around theworld with a simple click on the internet. Facing theexploding information, many people are addicted to surfing the internet,scanning news about recent events. It seems nonsense to do that. Thoughpaying attention to what happened around can help us know more about theworld, knowing too much information does not benefit us more.

Knowing events that is relevant to ourdaily life or our subject can no doubt benefit us alot. Sometimes, iteven contribute to successes of work and study. For instance, caringabout the current economic climate, we could understand our nationsdomestic economic policies better. Then, we are able to adjust ourfinancial plan in order to suffer less from the global recession. Also,reading the recent scientific discovery is a good way to learn moreabout our subjects. What's more? The experiments or creative work done byother people might even inspire us so that we can make a great progress.

But we should carry out our duties andhardly have enough time and energy to learning all the events happeningaround the world. A lot of work on our major subjects stands in line sothat we can't help but paying a considerable amount of attention on it.How could we have so much part-time to be acquainted with eventsthat almost have nothing to do with us? Moreover, it is nonsense forsome people to spend time on news like whether Tom Cruise divorced or how Britneybroke up withher husband and become insane. Reading those gossipsis just a waste oftime. If we just want to enjoy fun and have a relax,why don't we turn to somemore meaningful things such as movies, booksor do some outdoor activities just like hiking.

It is undeniable that we should know someevents happening all around the world. After all, we human beings aresocial animals and cannot live isolated from the world. However, whatmakes more sense is to choose those useful ones and avoidlosing ourselves in an enormous amount of information.

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回复：nlhust
1，明确一下，我不该语法，还请原谅。
2，进入正题：第一段写的太罗嗦，我都快看完了也没看出来你什么观点。记住，第一段一般来讲是帮助考官梳理你的文章的，所以一定要简明，清晰。想show你的语法和美文等到2-4段再说。
3，第二段举例根写的不是很好，你可以用一些自己的例子，比如看到经济新闻对你或者对你身边人的影响。整段文章导论的东西都太空，好像都在上面浮着，没有真正的分析什么。而且中心不明确，我看了你文章的第二段看了2遍才明白你要写些什么……托福考官可没我这样的雅兴……
4，第三段和第二段的毛病相仿，不过这句话是亮点“How could we have so much part-time to be acquainted with eventsthat almost have nothing to do with us?”虽然我不提倡写反问句，但是你这句话用的地方和时机都相当好。
5，总结段是要总结文章并给出你的观点……我在你的总结段中又一次迷茫了，希望能用一句明显的简单句作为你文章中心的阐述。

kevin_diUID: 2610919

不提倡反问句这点我相当赞成。

回复：nlhust
1，明确一下，我不该语法，还请原谅。
2，进入正题：第一段写的太罗嗦，我都快看完了也没看出来你什么观点。记住，第一段一般来讲是帮助考官梳理你的文章的，所以一定要简明，清晰。想show你的语法和 ...
腾格里旅狼 发表于 2009-4-16 22:46