20天托福110分复习计划，由于另一个帖子楼数太高，现在本帖也开始为各位改作文

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回复：violetress，
你的文章进步了不少，至少没有很多反问句了，呵呵。
针对写人的文章我不建议你写很多，因为出题的几率很小。
你这篇文章依然没有针对我提的意见进行改进。通篇都是介绍李宁是谁。我们现在有google，ask,甚至还有百度，人家根本不用你介绍。考官希望看到的是你结合自己的生活，然后告诉他们为什么你想见李宁（或是其他的什么人都可以）。考官看重的不是他有多吸引你去见他，而是他的人生和你的人生有什么重合点，要结合自己的生活，自己的例子。
我坚信的认为，托福作文中一定要结合自己的生活，因为你是最独特的，你自己也是你最了解的。脱离了自己的生活而空洞的谈一些大道理使得不了高分的。呵呵。
个人愚见。如有冒犯，望见谅！

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回复：阿泰
我看到了，就是弄不明白你是怎么弄的，我弄了一晚上也不行，不能注册相同的名字啊。郁闷，斑竹就是牛，有权限无敌啊。

阿秦UID: 2619567

回复：阿泰
我看到了，就是弄不明白你是怎么弄的，我弄了一晚上也不行，不能注册相同的名字啊。郁闷，斑竹就是牛，有权限无敌啊。
腾格里旅狼 发表于 2009-3-26 15:26

看清楚~
旅狼
不是一个人
冒牌的在这里~~

阿泰UID: 209473

分明就不是一个人好不好

grace.TTUID: 2534695

麻烦lz帮我看看思路吧！:)
Schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers.Do you agree or disagree?

Teaching is a difficult job.Not only do teachers have to learn how to teach material effectively,but must learn how to deal with a wide variety of personalities.However,there is no consensus among people as to evaluating teachers.Some people maintain that schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers while others may disagree.From my personal angle alone,the former point coincides with mine and a number of factors may contribute to my opinion.

To begin with,students should have the right to express their opinions of their teachers for the simple reason that they are one of the important elements in the education.Day by day,students directly receive lessons from their teachers.It is no exaggerating to say that no one but they can evaluate the teachers.

Secondly,if a teacher knows that at the end of the term,the students will be evaluating his/her work,then the teacher will be driven to do a very good job.If there is no pressure from evaluation,.a teacher might be prone to doing a less than perfect job.I believe that everyone needs an occasional evaluation to ensure they are doing their job correctly.In the case of a teacher,the students will give the most important evaluations.

Moreover,it is obvious that asking students to evaluate their teachers would bring many benefits to the schools.For one thing,it helps to promote teachers’ methods of teaching.For another,the schools themselves would be able to have the best teachers working on campus if schools ask students to evaluate their teachers.If a teacher scored too low on an evaluation,a replacement could be found.This is a much better method than waiting for students to complain about a teacher.Then the quality of the schools will be raised.Their reputation will be gained.

In conclusion,I am fully convinced that it is better for schools to ask students to evaluate their teachers.I have a dream that one day we can express our evaluations freely,for paradise is just a place where we can have a better understanding between teachers and students.

阿泰UID: 209473

grace什么时候考？

caifuUID: 2423900

你太有钱了，呵呵！好运！

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回“阿泰”阿泰：镜子中的镜子。看的朦朦胧胧，真真假假。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回复grace.TT：
1.在使用短语之前清查一下用法，有很多短语用的很不规范。而且有些短语用的太中国化了，如“personal angle”，这种词语英文中不会出现的。
2. 少用长句，从你的文章来看长句并不是你的长项，不如写一些短句，突出你的长处，呵呵。
3.行文太泛。你的文章基本上是中心句，然后议论两句，结尾。最好在你的文章中加入一些例子，能使你的文章更丰满，尤其当你加入的例子是和自己有关的，会给你文章带来很大的提升。

violetressUID: 2611683

感谢楼主！我的准备时间不多，但你给的建议很中肯。
今天考完了，希望能达到自己的目标。

jstzfishUID: 2542893

楼主帮忙改改作文吧，本人第一次写，胆战心惊的  - -!!

In recent years, when it comes to whether college student should live in the dormitory or join in a apartment out of campus there would alway be an campus-wide discussion.Some people would claim that live with 4-6 roommates in the dorm is more satisfied,But others,in contrast deem an off-campus life might as the premier choice.Coincident with the opinion of the former group is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that ,it is sagacious to choose a place out of campus because the advantages of living in an off-campus apartment carries more weight than those of owning a dormitory life.Among countless factors which influence the choice these are a few conspicuous aspects as follows.

No issue is more significant than the one that living in an apartment outside campus may easily provides one a highly private settings, Facts witness an present many instances as below : In an off-campus apartment ,everything is under his/her control.Comparatively readily can one get involved into any personal affairs by secluding him/herself in his/her own"wordlet",without any chaos nor disturbance. Such as concentrating on his/her academic assignment ,chatting with e-friend on the net ,or just staring at the ceiling with contemplate thoughts.Whatever happens, whoever passes by outside,there is nothing to with him.Not a single person could intrude upon his/her "peaceful  heaven"Don`t you think it is extraordinarily satisfying.

The convenience is another leading and dominating reason that I have chosen to put there.It is no better illustration that can prove the view , only by living in a off-campus apartment can he/she lead a relatively expedient life . Take the case of shopping for example. There are always numerous supermarkets an shopping centers not far away from the apartment. One could easily purchase what he/she is short of by a discount without delay .Also, to have a celebration or get-together with several friends in a pleasing restaurant is no longer a untouchable dream , but a usual custom. There are typical of dozens I have encountered .If you can see that,you can understand it more deeply .
Although it is unwise to deny that there may be a couple of merits of living in dormitory, I fell that the considerable drawbacks are more impressive .Imaging that 4-6 people squeezing in a airtight dorm, no sunshine, no gentle breeze ,isn`t it a terrible circumstance for both studying and living.What is more unpleasant is that one of the members of the dorm may possibly be a filthy guy with unacceptable manners which may possibly drive others crazy.Take the case of one of my roommates ,He is an addictive cigarette-lover,Who just keeps smoking, anytime, anywhere, especially in the dormitory, causing the whole room filled with annoying smoke and disgusting odor . Though extraordinary the pleasure he obtains is , any other on could hardly breath nor speak at all. Similarly , a rock an roll zealous fan who usedthat any other one even could not breath nor speak :Similarly, an rock an roll zealous fan who used to turn on the music loud every night may almost kill others by his\her so-called melody. Imagine that one is sleeping deeply , an earsplitting sound bursts out without any omen , could he/she keep on dreaming ? The answer to this is irrefutable "no".
Taking into account all these evidence,we could safely arrive at the conclusion that owning an off-campus life in a cozy apartment may be a more advisable option . In fact ,not only do I prefer to live in an off-campus apartment , but also would love that  colleges could build couples of apartments outside campus , so that more an more students would feel pleased.

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回复：jstzfish
1，我非常不喜欢你的第一段，全都是长句，我看到一半都没有明白你到底支持谁。根据个人经验，考官一半都不会有耐心看你这么长的段子.....切记，我们希望考官给我们好的分数，而不是尝试挑战考官分析长句的能力。:lol
2，请分段。
3，再些住校外举例的时候，如果能结合自己的生活举例，会令你的文章增色不少。个人例子永远都是托福作文的王道。
总体来看，你的语法估计很不错，或者是对自己很自信。但是长句在文章中出现一两处足以显示你的长处，如果满篇都是长句，考官不会给太高的分数，比如我现在给我外教写作文的时候，他都会尽量让我用简单句阐述我的观点，美国人比较懒哈。:lol 你的例子讲的挺不错的，但是缺少和自己的联系，如果能够用一些和自己有关的例子，会令你文章曾色不少，美国人喜欢读到你自己的经历，毕竟这个时间你最了解的就是你自己。

lightgUID: 2620543

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

It is apparent to all that for a modern university, there is a large amount of facilities to be improved. Like the libraries, students’ sport activities. Faced with the problem with the distribution of fund, quite a few universities prefer to give more money to libraries rather than students' sport activities. But other universities conceive differently, they give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries. However, as a undergraduate, I believe the second one is a better option to choose indeed.

Before I develop my ideas, I prefer to cite my university as a single instance. Commonly, there is not a large quality of support for students' sport activities. Subsequently, if sometimes we students need to do some exercise or hold a sports game, there is no way but to go somewhere out of the campus. And I remember when I was a freshman and so excited about the first campus sports competition that I took part in two events including 100-mile race and high jump。I prepared for them everyday. To my disappointment, on account of lacking in gyms and space, eventually,they decided to change the place of race from campus into a stadium which is,unfortunately,very far from the campus. As a result, I had to spent 2 hours returning to campus from stadium to take part in high jump. Without a doubt, I only got the last position in high jump, because I was too echausted.To the already my examples, a numerous further examples may be added. My best friends Rachel and her classmates, those who took part in relay race, had a car accident on the way back campus, because they were so rushed, and exceeded the speed limit. I strongly believe that if only the university had supplied enough money for sport activities, we could devote all the energies, only,to the competition instead of the staffs I encountered. And we could, undoubtedly,have an excellent sports competition as well.

In the libraries, oppositely, many studying room have been empty, only if there will be some exams soon. Can you imagine the quality of our libraries is four times than the gyms? It is actually a waste of resource.Thus, there is no denying that giving more money to university libraries is an unreasonable choice. First of all, more libraries is an misleading illusion that the only object for students in university is to have a deeper knowledge of their major. As it is well known that for the future career, one should to be a person with both knowledge and energy, which mostly depends on the sport activities and exercise he/her does. Moreover, with less money support, students' enthusiasm for sport activities have turned sour, which brings the campus a spiritless and lifeless ambience.

From what I have mentioned, we can definitely get a better option: universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Why not? Not only can we have a exciting and convenient life in campus, but also realize the spirit of teamwork and cooperation from the sport activities. I believe it is as significant as the academic knowledge. Additionally, the university can collect proper expense for the use of gyms or other sport facilities, which is much more beneficial than the income from the libraries. Furthermore, the atmosphere of campus will become more and more active and dynamic, and it is a excellent stimulation or impetus to cultivate the emotion of loving school. To sum up, there will be an army of advantages to improve the advancing of the sport activities. So why can not the sport activities get the same amount of money?

多谢LZ了，还没怎么写过T的作文~顺便问下，如果实在不能联系自身怎么办，比如那个你是否认为我年后汽车会越来越少的topic？

jstzfishUID: 2542893

谢谢楼主。但还是有有点困惑，请楼主再给解释一下
我上过戴云的班，话说文中应该尽量少的出现个人经历和事实，尽量让观点能推广出去，这样比较有说服力。
还有说理的时候，尽量以第三人称出现，多举“第三者”的例子。这点和楼主说的恰好相反啊？ 迷茫。。。

BTW:首段这句话是表明了我的观点的 “Coincident with the opinion of the former group is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that ,it is sagacious to choose a place out of campus because the advantages of living in an off-campus apartment carries more weight than those of owning a dormitory life”，是不是一定要用正常的语句表明主旨啊？  希望楼主别嫌我烦哦，谢谢了先！ 132# 腾格里旅狼

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回复：lightg， 通篇看过你的文章后感觉你写作文的感觉很好。这里就简单说一下你文章的问题。
1，首先就像你说的一样，文章没有办法结合自己怎么办，实际上所有文章都可以结合自己的，并不是一定要以自己为中心，为主角，而是写和自己有联系的生活，就是自己的周边生活，但是最好是和你有关的。
2，你的文章太长，读起来感觉有一些拖沓，实际上托福作文还是和中国的论文有很多的相同点的。比如都要求简单直入，都要求言简意赅。
3，最好在段首提出你的论点，能够是你的作文看起来比较清晰，当然，如果你的作文能力实在强的感觉想爆发小宇宙一样，委婉一下也无妨:)
总的来说，文章也得中等，在例子和句子精简上多下一些功夫会是你的文章提升一个新高度的。呵呵