20天托福110分复习计划，由于另一个帖子楼数太高，现在本帖也开始为各位改作文

amber1230UID: 2600679

请楼住使劲拍一下，高分120考试状态下写的。很差劲。

Should the children do exercise regularly?

When speaking of the problem whether children should do exercise regularly, different people might have different views owing to their background. Some people, such as most of students, may think it costs too much time to do exercise, so that they have no enough time to do other interesting things, such as watching TV, reading etc. However other people, especially teachers and parents, believes in that children should do exercise regularly due to the three reasons: first it is good for children' s body directly; second, it has a great influence for their spirit development; what's more, their whole lives benefit from doing exercise regularly in childhood.

There is no denying that doing exercise regularly is a good way for children to build a good body. Doing exercise can help them develop their body height and strengthen their body quality. A good example is about me. Since I was five-years old, my mother let me do some jogging in the morning with her. And in every weekend, my father also brought me to swim in one public park. Until now, I have a good habit that I get up early to do some movement in the near park. As a result, I have a healthy and tall body, and I really have no chance to catch a cold.

Furthermore, doing exercise enables children to develop one strong spirit. If they stick to do one sport regularly, they can get a good chance to build their spirit, such as insistence. When they meet some trouble in the study, they can adapt the same way to overcome the difficulty. Doing exercise, itself, is also good for children's spirit, because that is a good method to help them relax and relieve the stress from study. By doing exercise, they can change their bad mood to good one.

It is universally acknowledged that a good body and a strong spirit are indispensable for children's future lives. On the one hand if they have no a good body, and often are sick, they will feel bad and have no enough strength to realize their dream. Such as my brother, he wants to be pilot, but he has a heart disease, so that he can not qualify as a driver. On the other hand, if people has no a strong spirit, they will lose their great chance when the emergency time. For example, one classmate of mine, she always loses in the key point. Why? She told me she always feels frighten in the key time, she almost can not work at that time. If she often did exercise since she was one child, she can use the strong spirit to control herself.

Finally, we can not emphasize the importance of doing exercise regularly for children too much. If you are one adult, please help your kids to get accustom to do exercise regularly. However, if you are one child, please do it now.

amber1230UID: 2600679

你同不同意现在的人们没有以前friendly了

As a matter of fact, this issue that people currently are less friendly than before is a convoluted and contentious one, which arouses a pretty hot debate nowadays. Different people have different perspective owing to their background. As far as I concerned, I do not think people currently are less friendly than before.

There is denying that in current society, with the development of globalization, people has to face more people from different countries in their companies. So, they must be more friendly and carefully to deal with the relationship with foreign friends or colleagues. A good example is about me. I am working one Germany Company, and I have many foreign colleagues and clients from many different countries, such as Germany, France, England or America etc. Because we have different culture background, sometimes maybe we will misunderstand each other in one program. But I always keep friendly to face them in order to keep one good work relationship.

Another key aspect is that in family people is becoming more friendly. As we know, it has been becoming convenient to communicate with families by telephone, email and online chatting and camera. Sometimes people always want to quarrel with their families when they meet some trouble things in their daily lives. At that time, they can calm down themselves and then adapt another method, such as telephone, email and online chatting and camera, to communicate with their families to solve the question. If so, they can talk about with each other friendly to face the problem. Apparently, by modern technology, people can realize friendly more easily.

Finally, one point that is worth to emphasize is that people nowadays, especially people in big cities, is so busy, and they have to face great stress from many directions, so they tend to ignore the friendly some time. When they take buses, they try to rush to the first; when they wait in one line, they want to cut in line; when they need to obtain one chance, they adapt some bad approach to make it. All above phenomenon mainly is because they have to face too much impress. If they realize this point, they might restore their friendly action.

nlhustUID: 2404239

194# 腾格里旅狼
多谢楼主指点，我很有收获。

之前互改大部分是在进行语法错误的修改，然后就是从整体上说思路，一直没有意识到这些问题，写这篇文章时还一直以为想第二段讲到financial plan 及第三段说关于Tom Cruise新闻的那个就算是例子了，看了楼主的评论很受打击啊..后来和同学讨论了一下，终于想明白了这大概就是所谓的泛例，说来说去还是浮在表边上的说理。对我来说，这可以说是观念上的改变啊。要不是有楼主一语指出，说不定上了考场我还在写着这样的例子还自以为很不错呢。再次谢谢楼主！！

另外还有一点想请教一下的就是这篇文章中词汇运用和句式变化方面有没有问题？我觉得和很多人的习作比较起来我用的词都好简单啊

daney68UID: 2582640

接着写，麻烦看看。


should the government focus on preserving natural environment and less on economic development?

As a popular saying goes, "everything has two sides." Now the public are benefiting more and more from technological and economic developments.On the other hand,the progress of economic developments have brought a lot of trouble, especially environment pollutions.Therefore,I definitely believe that the government should steer more funds toward natural environments rather than economic developments.


Frankly speaking,environment pollution has been taking on the trend of gradual deteriotation with threat to the planet we rely on.Global warming, resulting from a wide range of house gas released by the burning of fossil fuels,has caused a rise in sea level that flood a great amount of low-lying countries and areas,even the cooling of Earth.Like the scenarios of the movie "Day After Tomorrow",the city has been buried under massive snowstorms as an new ice age overnight occurs.Still,it just a fiction around climate changes,but if we don't take effective measures immeditiately,maybe it will become reality as sence depicted in the movie.


In addtion, it is natural environment pollution that has endanger public health, what is more serious, has badly impact on quality of life. In the past years, residents in our community could enjoy clean atmosphere and take a walk in the park with ease.However, since a large amounts of factories flowed into our community,the picture had been changed completely.A large quantily of poisonus gases are emitted by the factorities into the air we breathe,with the sky always being smogy.Apart from that,the chemicals we use for cleaning and wastes from factorties go into our water systems and pollute the water we drink and fish we eat. Our daily life has been threaten by the environment pollution.


In conclusion,we has been benifital for the comfortable modern life due to economic and technology development.However,our natural environment is being badly contamined as result of pursuing maximum profit alone. Therefore, it is responsible for governments to take urgent measures to protect our planet we rely on and maintain a sustainable evironments for futrue gengeration.

amber1230UID: 2600679

谁给我改一下？谢谢。

amber1230UID: 2600679

2。to slove the problems present and future,is it necessary to understand the past?

As the saying goes, “history is a mirror to the future”. As for individuals, the past also is a mirror to the present and the future.
In other words, understanding the past helps people solve the questions at present and in the future. I want to interpret this perspective from three aspects as follows.

There is no denying that the failure in the past can teach us much. Although failure makes people frustrated, the lesson and experience given by the failure can motivate us to success next time, and also can help us avoid the same fault. A good example is about me. Last two months, I was lost in one examination. At the beginning, I felt very painful and empty, and I did know what I should do next. But after one day’s pain and thought, I realized why I could not pass, what the reasons are, what I should do next. As a result, I made it in last month.

Another important aspect is that the success that we made in the past is a good model for future. As we know, we tend to obtain confidence from them. What’s more, success in the past provides us a good psychological hint, and lets us believe in that we will make it at this time. For instance, I am good at running and I always get the prize in racing. Last year, in one sports meeting in our university, I took the 800 meters running racing. Some of my “opponents”were from department of physical education and they had a stronger ability than me. But, I was encouraged by my classmates, and they said you knew you always were the prize taker. As a result, I got the second prize.

Finally, it is worth to emphasize that the past things whether failure or success are the past things after all. We should absorb the positive factors and discard the negative factors. From positive angle, we should absorb lessons and obtain confidence from them. Unfortunately, some people would like to stay in the past. In other words, they are controlled by the past things. An extreme example is that some people can not go out from the shadow after failure, and they begin to give up themselves, such as kill themselves; another extreme instance is that some people may be in the exultation of success and lose themselves, such as some officers graft using their power.

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

197# amber1230
1、第二段是败笔……到最后我也没明白你要说什么，完全跑题了。你本来想证明人们是否友好，但是你的论点和论据所证明的东西分明是“人们应该更小心的处理人际关系”。这里你弄错了一个地方，小心并不意味着要友好。就如同“日本人”还带个“人”字呢……
2、我看了你的中间部分以后，发现你对题目有一点轻微的误解，虽然无伤大雅，但是你这篇文章在考场上最高只能得20分。题目问“现在的人是不是没有以前友好了”，关键字：人们，以前，友好。是一个和说明友好度和以前比的关系，如果要证明，至少应该先说现在人和以前人一样友好，然后才是又提高。你这篇文章跳过了中间这个过程，直接说现在的人比以前还有好。虽然不错，但是总感感觉却一点东西，哪怕你就在第一段添一句话，说现在的人不仅仅和以前一样有好，有的时候甚至比以前更友好。你的这篇文章就能上一个档次。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

198# nlhust 我不喜欢去纠缠这些句法一类的东西，我认为作文托福这样的考试，他仅仅就是为了考察你对英语的使用能力，是一个基本的考试，所谓“基本”，就是不会对你的句法，用词有什么太高的要求，很多美国学生就算到了大学毕业作文也写不好，他们没有必要要求你一个外国人在一项“语言基本能力测试”中用太高深的句法。如果你想得28分以上，句法很重要，如果是保证25-27，注意一下基本的东西先。（另，我的句法能力不怎么样，如果要改，你可以去坛子里参加一下作文小组。谢谢）：）

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

199# daney68 你的文章的例子和文章组织已经挺好了，没有有太大的失误。下一步你可以尝试把题库里的作文题目拿来读一下，不用些什么文章，之需要拿来每个都看一下，然后考虑一下就好，写一下第一段就行了。通过你这篇文章，你目前最重要的任务就是理解题目：比如你这篇文章，我不知道你怎么理解的文章题目，我们就从第一段看，你对题目的理解是，“因为经济污染环境，所以应该投更多的钱给环境”，如果你这样理解，你显然弄错了economics 和 growth of economics。 是因为经济的快速增长，而且企业对环境的关注度低，所以才导致这种情况。多考率一下题目。不过话又说回来了，你的例子这次写的不错，虽然没有个人例子，但是切入点不错，鼓励。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

200# amber1230 这位兄弟说着话真不地道，你明知道这里就我一个人改作文，我又没说不给你改，只是昨天有些忙没顾得上上，你写这话给谁看啊……真生气……:@

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

201# amber1230
下次发作文注意分段：）
1，第一段的引用尤其精彩，本来想憋着不说呢……但是用的太好了……
2，第二段的例子用的很好，但是没有总结，感觉看到一半突然停了，好像评书里“下回再续”。
3，第三段是典型的劣势段，没头没尾，例子写的还很无厘头……我看了两遍都没明白，从写一下吧。
4，最后一段虽然写的不错，但是太浪费了，题目是“是否必要”，你写了一大堆“正反面的影响”，这种内容一两句就够了，你写的太多了……

freeburnUID: 2620235

lz ， 你的英语底子应该比较好

amber1230UID: 2600679

1 先说对不起，出来匝到没有摸清情况。
200# amber1230 这位兄弟说着话真不地道，你明知道这里就我一个人改作文，我又没说不给你改，只是昨天有些忙没顾得上上，你写这话给谁看啊……真生气……
2 你的评语很受用，以针见血的感觉。我就是老是打不开思路。自己觉得自己的例子什么的很勉强，脑子里面就是浆糊的感觉。
3 谢谢。
4 :handshake

amber1230UID: 2600679

楼住的话给了我很大的启发。仿佛一束光芒从头顶穿过。正所谓的菩提灌顶。重头再来。看看这次怎么样。

你同不同意现在的人们没有以前friendly了

题目理解：一种关系（现在人的友好&过去人的友好）

框架：
第一段：提出观点 现在人的友好〉=过去人的友好
第二段：=， 个人角度：最近做公交车没带钱，别人帮付；10年前，发生同样的事情。所以，=。
第三段：〉，社会角度：更加友好的社会环境。盲道，孕妇座，残疾人专用设施，资助儿童。所以，现代社会友好所处可见。
第四段：尽管〉=，但是太忙有时候忽略，不是大问题，仍旧友好。意识到，改了就好。

When speaking of the question whether people currently is less friendly than before, different people have different perspective owing to their background. As far as I concerned, I do not think people currently is less friendly than before. In other words, in my view, people currently are the same as friendly comparing to before; even nowadays people are more friendly than before.

There is denying that “Friendly” is not exclusively a phenomenon that only happened in the past; in modern society people, for the individual, still would like to give friendly one hand when they find other people meet some trouble. A good example is about me. Last month, in one Monday morning, I found I forgot to bring my wallet on the bus to my company. So I had no money to pay the driver. But, luckily and expectably, one nice boy helped me to pay the expense. When I said thanks, he told me that was not a big deal. He really gave me one hand friendly and helped me go out of the dilemma. Actually, the same thing occurred 10 years ago when I was a high school student. It can clearly be seen that people currently are the same as friendly comparing to before.

Another key aspect is that nowadays people are more friendly than before. With the development of modern society civilization, people are becoming more willing to care about disadvantage groups. For example, in the road, there are special roads for blind person; in the bus, there are several seats which locate at the most convenient place for old people, kids and pregnant women; in most of public places, there are also some particular seats and instruments for disable people. To say nothing of the phenomena, there are so many people living in the big cities would like to provide help for children living in the small villages, all of those kind and friendly people buy books, notebooks, pencils and clothing for those poor kids, even some of them pay the school tuition from elementary school to college for those kids. Obviously, “Friendly” are happening everywhere in current society.

Finally, one point that is worth to emphasize is that people nowadays, especially people in big cities, is so busy, and they have to face great stress from many directions, so they tend to ignore the friendly some time. For example when they wait in one line, they want to cut in line; when they need to obtain one chance, they adapt some bad approach to make it. However, these can not mean that people nowadays is less friendly than before. If they realize this point, they might restore their friendly action in their daily lives.

amber1230UID: 2600679

修改过的过去现在未来。我觉得outline是首要重要的。
对题目的理解：为了解决现在和未来的问题， 有必要理解过去。重点在：一个关系（现在未来&过去），究竟存在什么样关系，看从什么方面着手了。
结构如下：
第一段：提出问题（过去是现在未来的镜子）
第二段：一面是失败，失败给人教训，从而激发斗志，避免失败。例子：两次考试。
第三段：一面是成功，成功是一盏灯，给人自信和好的心理暗示。例子：跑步经常得奖，面对将强对手。自信，暗示，从而胜利。
第四段：尽管要。。。，但是毕竟过去，正确看待，才是好镜子。

to slove the problems present and future,is it necessary to understand the past?

As the saying goes, “history is a mirror to the future”. As for individuals, the past also is a mirror to the present and the future. In other words, understanding the past helps people solve the questions at present and in the future. I want to interpret this perspective from several aspects as follows.

There is no denying that the failure in the past can teach us much. Although failure makes people frustrated, the lesson and experience given by the failure can motivate us to success next time, and also can help us avoid the same fault. A good example is about me. Last two months, I was lost in one examination. At the beginning, I felt very painful and empty, and I did know what I should do next. But after one day’s pain and thought, I realized why I could not pass, what the reasons are, what I should do next. As a result, I made it  last month. It can clearly be seen that the past failure provides me a motivation and an experience.

Another important aspect is that the past success is a bright light for present and future. One famous research reveals that 80.5% people tend to obtain confidence from the past success; another investigation shows that the past success provides people a good psychological hint. For instance, I am good at running and I always get the prize in running racing. Last year, in the university sports meeting, I took the 800 meters running racing. Amongst some of my “opponents” were from department of physical education and they might have one huge preponderance comparing with me. But, I was encouraged by my classmates, and they said you knew you always were the prize taker. So, I told myself I could win. As a result, I got the second prize. Obviously, I obtained confidence from the past success and this good psychological hint also gave me encouragement in that racing.

Finally, it is worth to emphasize although it is necessary for us to understand the past for solving the questions at present and in the future, the past things whether failure or success are the past things after all. We should absorb the positive factors and discard the negative factors. Namely, we cannot be not only too negative owing to the past failure but also too positive because of the past success. If so, this“mirror” can be a good “mirror”.