坚持求改，要是mpromanus能多改一段时间就好了

royjohnsUID：2581730

120 Decisions can be made quickly, or they can be made after careful thought. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The decisions that people make quickly are always wrong.

Use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion.

To make a decision, especially important decisions which may have enormous influence on our future, is of great significance. Although we should take careful thought when we are to make such decisions, it is not to say that decisions that people make quickly are always wrong. In other words, I disagree with the statement.

One primary problem with the statement is that it is ignorant to the fact that we are able to make right decisions if we have grasped the key points of the event. To extract the main points from the numerous factors that affect our decision helps us make decisions quickly.
Let's say an employee is called to his boss's office and his boss wants him to be transferred to another department to act as the leader of a newly started project. But he has to decide whether to take the new job or to stay where he was. The employee makes a quick decision to accept the mission. Although there is little time for him to take every factor into consideration, he has made a right decision because he grasps the key point. One is that his boss would not send him to do the job if he is not capable of doing that. Also he deems this a good opportunity to show his talents. In a word, grasping the main points we are able to make quick and right decisions.

The statement that decisions that people make quickly are always wrong suggests that every decision should be make after careful thought. However, in reality, I would say it is not the truth.  For example, on a cold winter day, a little girl suddenly fell into a river and was yelling for help. A young soldier heard her voice and he quickly jumped into the freezing water, swam to the little girl and finally brought her to shore. Though the soldier made the decision quickly, it was right because he saved the little girl's life. If the soldier hadn't made a quick decision but spent time considering all the consequences that would jumping into the cold water would bring about, like the bad effect the cold water would cause to his health, or he would miss the appointment with his girl friend, the little girl would have already drowned.

From what I have discussed above, we can see that there is some time when we have to make quick decisions and holding the key points helps us get to a quick decision. That is the main reason why disagree with the statement that decisions made quickly are always wrong.

mpromanusUID：2565872

To make a decision, especially an important decisions (Try to keep the singular/plural form consistent in one sentence. That way readers will be less confused when the 'is' comes up after the comma.) which may have enormous influence on our future, is of great significance. Although we should take careful thoughts when we are to make such decisions, it is not to say that decisions that people make quickly are always wrong. In other words, I disagree with the statement.

One primary problem with the statement is that it is ignorant to the fact that we are able to make right decisions if we have grasped the key points of the event. To extract the main points from the numerous factors that affect our decisions helps us make decisions quickly.

Let's say an employee is called to his boss's office and his boss wants him to be transferred to another department to act as the leader of a newly started project. But (Again, avoid starting sentences with 'and', 'but' or 'so' in formal writing. Use 'furthermore', 'however' and 'therefore' instead.) he has to decide whether to take the new job or to stay where he was. The employee makes a quick decision to accept the mission. Although there is little time for him to take every factor into consideration, he has made a right decision because he grasps the key points: (If you end the sentence here with a full stop,  readers will question whether you're going to explain what the key points are. Therefore it's better to use a colon, which clearly signals them that you ARE going to explain - this keeps the curiousity high and reduces guessing, making the reading experience more pleasant.) one is that his boss would not send him to do the job if he is not capable of doing that; also he deems this a good opportunity to show his talents. In a word, by grasping the main points, we are able to make quick and right decisions.

The statement that decisions that people make quickly are always wrong suggests that every decision should be made after careful thoughts. (This is a very hard turn from the last paragraph. You could use more lead-ups like 'furthermore'.) However, in reality, I would say it is not the truth.  For example, on a cold winter day, a little girl suddenly falls (以下同. 这不是过去真实发生的事件，而是一个描述性的叙述，所以不必用过去时.) into a river and was yelling for help. A young soldier heard her voice and he quickly jumped into the freezing water, swam to the little girl and finally brought her to shore the bank ('shore' is more often associated with the sea/lakes.). Though the soldier made the decision quickly, it was right because he saved the little girl's life. If the soldier hadn't made a quick decision but spent time considering all the consequences that would jumping into the cold water would bring about - like the bad effects the cold water would cause to his health, or he would miss the appointment (This sounds very formal. Wouldn't 'date' be better? :)) with his girlfriend - (This is a very long sentence, so it's necessary to layer it clearly. If you keep using commas, readers can easily get lost by the time they reach this 'or' because they don't know when this part about the 'consequences' would end. The dashes provide them a clear signal that this part is extra information - and they know they can safely ignore it if they don't have thte time to read the whole sentence. This kind of assurance helps them to relax during a long sentence because they know you're not losing them.) the little girl would have already drowned.

From what I have discussed above, we can see that there is some time (I guess you mean 'there are occasions'?) when we have to make quick decisions and holding the key points helps us get to a quick decisions. That is the main reason why I disagree with the statement that decisions made quickly are always wrong. (I think you had two main points, not one.)

总结：

不得不说你的文章真的让俺读得很舒服，因为语言干净，虽然简单但是意思清楚。论点和论述也都很有条理。俺的评语基本上是已经超过托福所需要的 让读者明确了解作者的论点 这个级别了，大部分是关于更好地组织语言以让读者获得更加愉快的阅读经验。你的基本功很好，也很有潜力，多加留心应该能够达到很好的文学水准。

[ 本帖最后由 mpromanus 于 2008-12-29 22:05 编辑 ]