Issue120 [决战AW] 第一次作业 OcM(我惨不忍睹的第一篇Issue)

oceanmasterUID：2594404

经历了难以言表的内心煎熬和精神折磨，我的第一篇Issue终于出炉了。
这篇文章充分暴露我面对GRE写作的准备不足：

没有背诵最基本的开头结尾套路；素材严重不足；语言积累匮乏；思维僵硬。事实上我感觉甚至不如平时作文。
然而这次写的过程却让我真正了解了所要面对的问题。明确了摆在前面的目标。


特别要对帮我修改的同学说声抱歉，可能会消耗你很多耐心。但也请你务必狠狠的拍拍我这篇菜鸟作，我在这里默默地祈祷你2009大吉大利，多福多寿，牛气冲天，高分冲G,..............（以下省略1500字）~~~
总之一句话：多谢！！！

题目：ISSUE120 - "So much is new and complex today that looking back for an understanding of the past provides little guidance for living in the present."
字数：428          用时：XXXX(严重超时)          日期：2009/1/25 20:36:05

Admittedly, our society has changed in so many aspects thus becoming very different and more complex than ever before.However, the speaker arbitrarily asserts that this fact will lead to the uselessness of learning from the past,which I can not agree.As I see,understanding of the past still plays an irreplaceabe role for reasons listed below.
At first, the complexity of this new era is made up of comparably simple factors discovered or created in the past. Out of the embedding or reusing of the achievements of our ancestor we create and enjoy what they would not even imagine. For example, the appearence of modern computer benefits from the thoughts of Von Neumen,the invention of electron tube and the ingenious design of its processing architecture which almost never changed in the past decades. Cars , electricity and the Internet ,which symbolize our century , are also dependent on countless work done by the precursor. Besides the technology , forerunner’s work also blooms and fruits in other fields such as politics. January 24th 2009,the first African-american president in the history of United States came into power, which can be seen as a indirect beneficiary of Martin Luther King or President Lincoln .The past exists in every corner of today's society ,thus study of the past is an inevitable section in the way of understanding or improving the present.
Secondly,many problems in the past prove to appear repeatedly in history.Take economic crisis for example.From the year 1825,economic despressions,bigger or smaller ,have occurred periodicly in the following decades.Having noticed their differences in detail ,we have to confess that there is a potential inheritance or relationship in the causes of or remedies for these economic problems.In fact ,it is by reviewing and analyzing of antecedent economic crisis that we gathered a series of measures to delay the occurrence and achieve quick recovery of a economic depression nowadays. In this aspect,turning to history for help is still a helpful first reaction to many problems today.
However, we should also be aware of the danger of emphasizing in the past too much. We have to face the fact that change may happen everywhere at any time, which decides we shouldn’t see the new world always in an old eye. A more practical idea is to remain a good balance between remembering the past while paying enough attention to the new change.
To sum up, from the points listed above , we can draw a conclusion that understanding of the past remains important in a even newer and more complicated era and its existence is still meaningful.

yanlinglinUID：2404070

等我大脑清醒且比较闲的时候帮你改哈~~~
先说一个非常非常至关重要的问题：
1.写一段。打两个回车再写新的一段
2.每个标点符号之前不要加空格，标点符号之后要空格

yanlinglinUID：2404070

Admittedly, our society has changed in so many aspects thus becoming very different and more complex than ever before. However, the speaker arbitrarily asserts that this fact will lead to the uselessness of learning from the past, which I can not agree. As I see, understanding of the past still plays an irreplaceabe role for reasons listed below.(一开头就admittedly好奇怪~~，不过还是达到了陈述你个人论点的目的，以后加点背景陈述就好了吧)
At first, the complexity of this new era is made up of comparably simple factors discovered or created in the past. Out of the embedding or reusing of the achievements of our ancestor we create and enjoy what they would not even imagine. For example, the appearence of modern computer benefits from the thoughts of Von Neumen, the invention of electron tube and the ingenious design of its processing architecture which almost never changed in the past decades. Cars, electricity and the Internet, which symbolize our century, are also dependent on countless work done by the precursor. Besides the technology, forerunner’s work also blooms and fruits in other fields such as politics. January 24th 2009, the first African-american president in the history of United States came into power, which can be seen as a indirect beneficiary of Martin Luther King or President Lincoln. The past exists in every corner of today's society, thus study of the past is an inevitable section in the way of understanding or improving the present.我的感觉是这一段在狂说现在社会如何发达，以前的人是如何想象不到，但是与你的论点历史对现在的作用没有进行相关论证

Secondly, many problems in the past prove to appear repeatedly in history. Take economic crisis for example. From the year 1825, economic despressions, bigger or smaller, have occurred periodicly in the following decades. Having noticed their differences in detail, we have to confess that there is a potential inheritance or relationship in the causes of or remedies for these economic problems. In fact, it is by reviewing and analyzing of antecedent economic crisis that we gathered a series of measures to delay the occurrence and achieve quick recovery of a(an) economic depression nowadays. In this aspect, turning to history for help is still a helpful first reaction to many problems today. 这段例子举得很好，很与时俱进

However, we should also be aware of the danger of emphasizing in the past too much. We have to face the fact that change may happen everywhere at any time, which decides we shouldn’t see the new world always in an old eye. A more practical idea is to remain a good balance between remembering the past while paying enough attention to the new change.

To sum up, from the points listed above, we can draw a conclusion that understanding of the past remains important in a even newer and more complicated era and its existence is still meaningful.

个人语法和词法水平也不高，期待牛人帮你改语法和词法吧。以后上传的时候把我之前说的问题注意一下，还有就是先在word里面把基本错误纠正了再传。。。完全可以避免修改者的痛苦~~~

irvine666UID：2575525

我来帮着看看

Admittedly, our society has changed in so many aspects thus(这里应该是that带的从句,如果一定要用thus, thus前面要加逗号,后面变成it become...) becoming very different and more complex(典型错误,and引导的并列结构+than的时候,and前后都必须是比较级,所谓的同型) than ever before.However, the speaker arbitrarily(用词不当,这个词带有非常强烈的贬义色彩,推荐几个这种场合的词汇(argument经常用的)hastily/rashly/imprudently) asserts that this fact will lead to the uselessness of learning from the past, (with阿,agree with sth的with漏掉了)which I can not agree.As I see,understanding of the past still plays an irreplaceabe role for reasons listed below.

At first(at first一般用于陈述事实类文章的开头,尤其是描述事件起因的时候用到,而非issue这种议论文里面的开头,平时要多积累,first and foremost/ primarily/first of all都是很不错的词), the(这里的complexity是泛指,不用article) complexity of this new era is made up of comparably(comparable) simple factors discovered or created in the past. Out of the embedding or reusing of the achievements of our ancestor(我们的祖先就一个么?ancestors. 而且这个分句没搞明白...) we (这里最好用进行时态表达持续的意思)create and enjoy what they would not even imagine. For example, the appearence of modern computer benefits from the thoughts of Von Neumen(这个错误太致命了,居然把例子里的人名拼错,还好我是学CS的,计算机的祖师爷叫Von Neumann.冯.诺依曼),the invention of electron tube and the ingenious design of its processing architecture which almost never changed in the past decades(不是10年,1946年提出的理论结构.). Cars , electricity and the Internet ,which symbolize our century , are also dependent(depended) on countless work done by the precursor. Besides the technology , forerunner’s work also blooms and fruits in other fields such as politics. January 24th 2009,the first African-american president in the history of United States came into power, which can be seen as a indirect beneficiary of Martin Luther King or(and) President Lincoln .The past exists in every corner of today's society ,thus study of the past is an inevitable section in the way of understanding or improving the present.

Secondly,many problems in the past prove(proved时态错误) to appear repeatedly in history.Take economic crisis for example.From the year 1825,economic despressions,bigger or smaller ,have occurred periodicly in the following decades.Having noticed their differences in detail ,we have to confess(这个词用在a punishable or reprehensible deed,usually under pressure,坦白从宽的坦白就是confession) that there is a potential inheritance or relationship in the causes of or remedies for these economic problems(前面提到take economic crisis for example, 这里怎么会变成these problems的).In fact ,it is (明显这里是个被动语态,这里的动词呢?)by reviewing and analyzing of antecedent economic crisis that we gathered a series of measures to delay the occurrence and achieve quick recovery of a economic depression nowadays. In this aspect,turning to history for help is still a helpful first( first helpful,形容词并列的顺序问题) reaction to many problems today.

However, we should also be aware of the danger of emphasizing in(去掉,emphasize是vt) the past too much. We have to face the fact that change may happen everywhere at any time, which decides we shouldn’t see the new world always in an old eye(in conservative eyes,其实推荐把红色短语改成:through conservative and obsolete spectacles). A more practical idea is to remain a good balance between remembering the past while(between...and) paying enough attention to the new change.

To sum up, from the points listed above , we can draw a conclusion that understanding of the past remains important in a even newer and more complicated era and its existence is still meaningful.

看一遍真是头痛啊,基本上语法错误都挑出来了.没时间给你分析文章内容了
楼主驾驭语言的能力还嫌不够,稍微写长一点的句子或者加一点倒装,疑问句就会出现漏掉重要成分的错误
这里稍微提醒一下,不会用的词,千万别乱用阿,从金山词霸或者文曲星里面选词汇来用不是个好习惯.

sakuraanneUID：2253519

Admittedly, our society has changed in so many aspects thus becoming very different and more complex than ever before.However, the speaker arbitrarily asserts that this fact will lead to the uselessness of learning from the past,which I can not agree.As I see,understanding of the past still plays an irreplaceabe role for reasons listed below.

At first, the complexity of this new era is made up of comparably simple factors discovered or created in the past. Out of the embedding or reusing of the achievements of our ancestor we create and enjoy what they would not even imagine. For example, the appearence of modern computer benefits from the thoughts of Von Neumen,the invention of electron tube and the ingenious design of its processing architecture which almost never changed in the past decades. Cars , electricity and the Internet ,which symbolize our century , are also dependent on countless work done by the precursor. Besides the technology , forerunner’s work also blooms and fruits in other fields such as politics. January 24th 2009,the first African-american president in the history of United States came into power, which can be seen as a indirect beneficiary of Martin Luther King or President Lincoln .The past exists in every corner of today's society ,thus study of the past is an inevitable section in the way of understanding or improving the present.

Secondly,many problems in the past prove to appear repeatedly in history.Take economic crisis for example.（这里应该逗号，和后文连成一体，后面的句子也不要太短，意思过于松散，bigger or smaller economic depressions from the year 1825, depression拼错了）From the year 1825,economic despressions,bigger or smaller ,have occurred periodicly in the following decades.Having noticed their differences in detail ,we have to confess that there is a potential inheritance（这个词用的怪，最好不要，和后面的relationship意思重复） or relationship in the causes of or remedies for （明确说是哪个）these economic problems.In fact ,（it is 去掉）by reviewing and analyzing of antecedent economic crisis that we gathered a series of measures(measurements) to delay the occurrence and achieve quick recovery of a (the)economic depression nowadays. In this aspect,turning to history for help is still a helpful first reaction to many problems today.(主要应该讲这个怎样help了而不是举出例子说历史上发生过这个事，因此历史有用，让考官自己琢磨，考官就雷了。前面一段的例子感觉不错，不过又拼错了)

However, we should also be aware of the danger of emphasizing in the past too much. We have to face the fact that change may happen everywhere at any time, which decides we shouldn’t see the new world always in an old eye. A more practical idea is to remain a good balance （第一段表明是支持学习past，就应该主要论述支持，次要论述不支持，最好不要变成balance，观点不明确）between remembering the past while paying enough attention to the new change.

To sum up, from the points listed above , we can draw a conclusion that understanding of the past remains important in a even newer and more complicated era and its existence is still meaningful.

上面的改的很认真，我没很多要说的。你把群上的名字改一改，和这上面能对上号。
有点虎头蛇尾，不过我也这样。每段要空一行。下次发上来要好好在word里面改一下，至少要把拼错的单词和人名改掉，不要因为自己好不容易写完了很痛苦而让改的同学也很痛苦。
不少句子结构诡异，使用英语思维不够。自己写完最好再斟酌一下。你喜欢前后用两个短语，中间用一个or连接，这样不见得表现逻辑严密，倒是容易把人看晕，且画蛇添足。

oceanmasterUID：2594404

或许回复得有些晚了，不过还是衷心的谢谢帮我修改的同学们。
谢谢我们组的组长和yanlinglin同学~~
特别是irvine666板油，极其感谢你的认真修改，同时也非常羞愧自己有这么多语法错误。
希望下次能有机会让你修改我的思想和结构，呵呵~~