【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】1.29号作业 by genius_east

genius_eastUID: 2185742

刚开始练作文，写个300+字觉得好累啊  
     
agreeor disagree? It is more important for students to understand ideas and conceptsthan it is for them to learn facts.



     Facts are events that have occurred or have been experienced, while ideas and concepts are just abstract conclusions drawn by people. Obviously, itis much more important for students to learn facts. It varies from person to person to get an idea or concept, but facts exist unchangeably. It is more convinced, more attractive and more unforgettable.
    To begin with, people would like to believe facts rather than concepts.We are living not in others' brain but in a real world. It deserves to doubt an idea or concept learned from others, but a fact is undisputable for it really happened. If an idea or concept is unacceptable, how can we learn it? What if it is concluded by a lie? In my opinion, an idea or concept only can be learned based on a fact.

     Then, people would love to listen to stories rather than concepts. For instance, when I was having a mathematics lesson, I always fell asleep. It is so boring for me to learn so many abstract definitions and concepts. But, in contrast, when I was in a history class, I was attracted by those facts that really happened before. We love facts and stories even when we were children,for what are sources of our curiosities. And we need curiosities when we learn.

      Moreover, facts especially we experienced will keep in our memories for a long time. A well-trained soldier who hasn't battled is not a good one. Even if a theory or concept is well-known by us, it is also possible that we are at a loss when we use it the first time. However, if it has been already experienced, nobody can steal it from us for it has become a part of us.

      In conclusion, compared with ideas and concepts, facts are not only closer to the truth but also easier to convince, attract and remember.

紫苜蓿UID: 2587531

我也想参加这个活动 在页面也报了名的 请问……作文题在哪儿啊

genius_eastUID: 2185742

2# 紫苜蓿
第二楼啊

紫苜蓿UID: 2587531

谢谢~~看到了：）

紫苜蓿UID: 2587531

恩 我觉得lz的作文观点很新 我写的时候都想不到这些，，

再说说我觉得有问题的地方 首先题目说的是students的choices 文章主要在讲两者之间的权衡 却很少提及students 这个行为的主体。

细节方面 第一段 最后一句三个more 可以去掉两个。。第一个分论点把最后一句提前作主题句会更加清晰，其他分论点如果能在段首归纳一下也许会好些  还有觉得末段加点展望会更好。。

奔跑蜗牛UID: 2579189

字数过少 先不定时 文章写完整 慢慢加快速度

ibt9.12UID: 2581152

呃~
1.开头和结尾可以再优化一下，特别是结尾。
2.三段的topic sentence:
To begin with, people would like to believe facts rather than concepts.
lz给的原因是concept可能是谬论~那么，facts也有真相和假象之分啊
Then, people would love to listen to stories rather than concepts.
呃，我觉得这句话还比较表面，能不能further一点
Moreover, facts especially we experienced will keep in our memories for a long time.
3.student是主体~lz好像忽略了

nirvanahmjUID: 2534352

Facts are events that have occurred or have been experienced, while ideas and concepts are just abstract conclusions drawn by people. Obviously, it is much more important for students to learn facts. It varies from person to person to get an idea or concept, but facts exist unchangeably. It is more convinced, more attractive and more unforgettable.
第一句定义fact和idea and concept的开头方式很不错，但是个人觉得后面马上跟一个obviously有点小突然。还有就是建议把后面的两个短句拼成一个长句。
To begin with, people would like to believe facts rather than concepts. We are living not in others' brain but in a real world. It deserves to doubt an idea or concept learned from others, but a fact is undisputable for it really happened. If an idea or concept is unacceptable, how can we learn it? What if it is concluded by [from] a lie? In my opinion, an idea or concept only can be learned based on a fact. [facts]
     Then, people would love to listen to stories rather than concepts. For instance, when I was having a mathematics lesson, I always fell asleep. It is so boring for me to learn so many abstract definitions and concepts. But, in contrast, when I was in a history class, I was attracted by those facts that really happened before. We love facts and stories even when we were children, for what are sources of our curiosities. And we need curiosities when we learn.
    个人认为这一段不能很好的证明观点，有点偏题。人们喜欢，乐于听facts不代表facts重要，就像我们喜欢听音乐不喜欢听听力，但不能说音乐比听力重要。
  Moreover, facts {,} especially {that} we {have} experienced {,} will keep in our memories for a long time. A well-trained soldier who hasn't battled is not a good one. Even if a theory or concept is well-known by us, it is also possible that we are at a loss when we use it the first time. However, if it has been already experienced, nobody can steal it from us for it has become a part of us.
In conclusion, compared with ideas and concepts, facts are not only closer to the truth but also easier to convince, attract and remember.
结尾就一句话有点短了，而且得到的结论是facts的几点优点，而没有提到题目中的important。
总体来看，文章的思考方式比较新，但是说明不是很清楚。不过刚开始写的话，这样也很不错了。文中简单句用的比较多，个人建议以后可以稍稍多写一点长句。土人建议，仅供参考。