TOEFL4-6 Dark-Tournament小组第9次作业by liurui8802

liurui8802UID: 2595045

Agree or disagree? technology cause children show less creative than they were in past

Children born in the Information Age have treated technology as an indispensible element in their daily lives. They talk with their friends on the mobile phones; they kill their spare time by playing games on PSP; they use computers as a toy to find out most interesting things. Some people claim that technology, by making lives easy and comfortable, has made our children less creative. As far as I am concerned, it is technology that provides a new world for their imagination, a new outlet for their creativity, and a new way to perceive this world.


Modern technology has made imagination come true on TVs and in movies. Today it is normal that we can observe strange-looking creature from outer space and laser weapons firing in the universe. Youngsters are preoccupied by these magnificent views and they imagine themselves as the heroes and heroins fighting with the evil. They are, compared to us when we are their age, more imaginative as to think out fancy stories we can never illustrate,which is a good sign of creativity.


Besides, having mastered modern technology, especially the internet which is a wonderful outlet for their pent up energy, children are able to propel their dreamland into reality. It is not surprising to see young talents pass some tests of computer skills even formidable for adults. They are a new generation of designers, programmers and scientists,whose work involve creativity and will open new world to human beings. An Indian girl, 7 years old, has passed the standard tests designed by Microsoft to select qualified programmers. She aimed to become a computer scientist which demands creativity as well as skills.


Further more, learning to master some kind of modern technology itself is as creative as using it for entertainment. A study carried out by educators found that text messaging have in fact incited a new way of communication among young people, such as new abbrivations, new phrases,etc.These addicts also get high scores  in the American standard tests of reading. The  result, surprising to some people, has alleviated worries that children's ability to write well will decline because they spend too much time on text messaging.


In conclusion, modern technology has opened a new world for children's creativity, they will, no doubt, open a new era in human's discovery in science and other endeavors.

Word Count: 352

soilinkinUID: 2163892

Children born in the Information Age have treated technology as an indispensible element in their daily lives. They talk with their friends on the mobile phones; they kill their spare time by playing games on PSP; they use computers as a toy to find out most interesting things. Some people claim that technology, by making lives easy and comfortable, has made our children less creative. As far as I am concerned, it is technology that provides a new world for their imagination, a new outlet for their creativity, and a new way to perceive this world.(第一段感觉入题太慢了，内容似乎有点过多，主题句非常不错)

Modern technology has made imagination come true on TVs and in movies. Today it is normal that we can observe strange-looking creature from outer space and laser weapons firing in the universe. Youngsters are preoccupied by these magnificent views and they imagine themselves as the heroes and heroins fighting with the evil. They are, compared to us when we are their age, more imaginative and creative as to think out fancy stories we can never illustrate.（这段的观点似乎是把想象力和创造力划了等号，个人认为有些牵强，段落前部分在强调imagination，最后突然就多了creative，有些突兀，也没有逻辑联系）

Besides, having mastered modern technology, especially the internet which is a wonderful outlet for their pent up energy, children are able to propel their dreamland into reality. It is not surprising to see young talents pass some tests of computer skills even formidable for adults. （此处通过考试是否就是propel their dreamland into reality了，保留意见）They are a new generation of designers, programmers and scientists. An Indian girl, 7 years old, has passed the standard tests designed by Microsoft to select qualified programmers. She aimed to become a computer scientist in the future.（这一段似乎和主题的创造力也没什么联系，只是再说科技可以帮助实现梦想）

Further more, learning to master some kind of modern technology itself is as creative as using it for entertainment. A study carried out by educators found that text messaging have in fact incited a new way of communication among young people, which can be proved by the higher score these students get in the American standard tests of reading.（这里的阅读高分和发信息之间的联系没有推理说明，或者也可以利用数据说明是那些经常发信息的学生得了高分） This result, surprising to some people, has alleviated worries that children's ability to write well will decline because they spend too much time on text messaging.（本段也没有具体谈到创造力）

In conclusion, modern technology has opened a new world for children's creativity, they will, no doubt, open a new era in human's discovery in science and other endeavors.

全文语句比较通顺流畅，但是缺乏论据对论点加以支持，一些概念似乎是LZ理解失误，对“科技提高创造力”这一主题缺乏讨论，应多注意逻辑联系.

liurui8802UID: 2595045

我想的是这样的 孩子有充分的想象力 能够想象出成人想不出来的故事 这是创造力的一种体现 创造就是造出不存在的和新的东西 那么有充分的想象力是不是一种证明呢
其次 第二段的论点是掌握了新的技术 比如计算机 孩子们能成为新的设计家 计算机专家 等等 而这些专家无疑是人类开创新事业和领域的精英 孩子们因为掌握新技术 而可能成为未来的创造者
第三段开头第一句已经说明 孩子们发短信息不但没有降低他们的书面语言表达能力 反而催生了新的交流方式 这是不是一种创新 体现了一种创造力？
本人没有考GRE 所以对这种严密的推理不是很习惯 对文章做了些修改 经我以上解释 不是楼上认为如何 2# soilinkin

soilinkinUID: 2163892

个人看法...
首先承认想象力和创造力是有联系的...但是这种联系是基于你的推理上...你的整段一直都是提的imaginative...最后总结的时候突然出现creative...忽略了由想象力如何体现创造力...如果你能加上这种想象力如何可以变为创造力就完美了...
其次...如你所说...掌握新技术可能成为未来的创造者...但是你的思路是年轻的天才可以通过一些考试-新一代-例子-他目标成为科学家...在这中间还是没有创造力出现...
第三段不说了...问题和前面一样...

简单来说...LZ的问题在于推理只进行了一半并未得出结论...或者在推理过程中偷换了概念...虽然toefl的推理不如GRE要求严格...但是至少在reasoning的过程中要得到目标的结论...切不可将reasoning的任务留给读者...或者想当然的认为两个概念是相同的...有联系不等于相等...一定要在reasoning的过程中体现这种联系...

说的这些是我的理解...LZ如果有意见欢迎讨论...
呵呵...俺也不是高手呃...

soilinkinUID: 2163892

by the way...LZ的文笔还是很不错的...

grace.TTUID: 2534695

建议lz可以找个外教，看看自己的文章，提提意见。

grace.TTUID: 2534695

请教一下，写托福作文，可不可以两面观点都论证？