0910AW 同主题写作第一期 ISSUE13 by 大洋彼岸之风

大洋彼岸之风UID：2644427

13 "Many of the world' s lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."

I strongly agree with the speaker that the governments should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct. Here I would explain a few of the most important reasons.


As"globalization" increases, the total number of contemporary languages in the world is not known. Half of the 6,000 or so languages spoken in the world are under threat and a wealth of human knowledge could be lost with them, according to a new study.

People find it easier to conduct business and communicate with those outside their own culture if they speak more widely used languages like Chinese, English or Spanish. Public education, the Internet and print and television media also speed the rate of language loss.

Why should we care? Here are several reasons.

1.The enormous variety of these languages represents a vast, largely unmapped
terrain on which linguists, cognitive scientists and philosophers can chart the full capabilities-and limits-of the human mind.
2.Each endangered language embodies unique local knowledge of the cultures and natural systems in the region in which it is spoken.
3.The languages are among our few sources of evidence for understanding human history.

On the positive side, once a language is determined to be endangered, proposes three factors which may help a language to progress:
1.
have a strong presence in the education system
2.
can write down the language
3.
can make use of electronic technology

Nowadays,we have more time to understand the future trends and provide solutions for those critical issues.On the other hand, fewer languages means better and clearer communications among the majority of speakers. The economic cost of maintaining myriad separate languages, and their translator caretakers, is enormous. But the extinction of languages should be prevented, even as significant cost.

大洋彼岸之风UID：2644427

完全是拼凑出来的 这是我的第一篇 AW 迎接端午节  我的端午节礼物

jessicaluluUID：2471730

恩恩，八错八错~第一篇，写出来就是胜利！
几个小建议：
1、自己检查一下格式什么的，有些单词黏在一起了，看着很不舒服，这样让互改的人也会很麻烦
2、互改之前用word先自查拼写和某些语法错误~

大洋彼岸之风UID：2644427

恩恩，八错八错~第一篇，写出来就是胜利！
几个小建议：
1、自己检查一下格式什么的，有些单词黏在一起了，看着很不舒服，这样让互改的人也会很麻烦
2、互改之前用word先自查拼写和某些语法错误~
jessicalulu 发表于 2009-5-28 00:23

我喜欢机器猫！

jessicaluluUID：2471730

LZ，我向来说话比较直，而且水平有限的其实，尽力修改，态度绝对认真，如果有得罪，多包涵哇~

橙色--赞
红色--有问题的地方
紫色--批注和建议
蓝色-总体感觉

I strongly agree with the speaker that the governments should act to prevent such（指代不明，虽然题目里限定了是lesser-known languages，但是你这里应该重新定义或者明确一下） languages from becoming extinct. Here I would explain a few of the most important reasons.开头倒是简洁明快，但是距离写得丰富且吸引人，有提纲挈领的效果，还有一段距离。建议看下cmj的文，或者ECO，会有很大启发。关于开头如何进行，俺也是小菜鸟~


As"globalization" increases, the total number of contemporary languages in the world is not known.（想表达什么呢？没懂~） Half of the 6,000 or so languages spoken in the world are under threat and a wealth of human knowledge could be lost with them, according to a new study. （这段我猜你是想表达，全球化带来了小语种的extinct，随之而来一系列恶果。这段还可以好好扩充一下，利用草木的同主题资料，可以写到很丰富。看到现在，还没跟政府扯上关系，暂且认为你是想逐步引入政府作用吧~静待~）

People find it easier to conduct business and communicate with those outside their own culture if they speak more widely used languages like Chinese, English or Spanish. Public education, the Internet and print and television media（两个以上并列，逗号隔开。。。没有这种and and 表达。想表达印刷品？presswork?） also speed the rate of language loss（感觉loss用的不是太合适）.

Why should we care?（care 啥子？继续写下去...I'm waiting for your sequel~~ ） Here are several reasons.

1.The enormous variety of these（指代不明） languages represents a vast, largely unmapped terrain on which linguists, cognitive scientists and philosophers can chart the full capabilities-and limits-of the human mind.（这句话是什么意思呢？我弱小了~麻烦解释一下~）
2.Each endangered language embodies unique local knowledge of the cultures and natural systems in the region in which it is spoken. 这句写得好~赞！
3.The languages are among our few sources of evidence for understanding human history.这句写得也好~赞！
（格式错误，标点符号后统统空一格）

On the positive side, once a language is determined to be endangered, proposes three factors which may help a language to progress:（这句话的主语是？）
1.
have a strong presence in the education system
2.
can write down the language
3.
can make use of electronic technology（I don't know what's your mean...你是想说，电子产品上要有能使用这些小语种？）

Nowadays,we have more time to understand the future trends and provide solutions for those critical issues（those仍然指代不明哇~）.On the other hand, fewer languages means better and clearer communications among the majority of speakers. The economic cost of maintaining myriad separate languages, and their translator caretakers, is enormous. But the extinction of languages should be prevented, even as significant cost.

sigh，强烈感觉楼主没有看草木的同主题破题哇？几个关键词都把握了么？where is "government"?
我觉着楼主这篇文digress了哇。讨论核心在于，“政府”该不该采取措施保护濒临灭绝的语言，楼主写的全是这些语言的重要性，应该保护以及如何保护哇~~
呵呵~不过第一篇，难免的，继续加油哈~持续关注ing~~
此外，我不确定你这种1,2,3的文体，在GRE作文中是否规范。这个还要请各位大牛帮助解答。但是我觉着，即便是1,2,3的形式，每个点点还是该写成一句完整的话会比较好~当然这个只是我的判断哈~无任何理论基础~
恩恩，aw刚上路，每一步都是艰辛的，一起携手共同走过~dies in flames, and reborn from the ashe.

大洋彼岸之风UID：2644427

5# jessicalulu
谢谢！！！:p

jessicaluluUID：2471730

6# 大洋彼岸之风
我文中提出的小问题，我们可以再讨论讨论哇。还有那句话，帮我解释一下吧，感觉挺强大，就是没读懂。

archaeologyUID：2598252

恩恩，第一篇写出来就很不容易。jessi的指点很到位，楼主认真看一下。不过我还是建议下一篇ISSUE写出成文来，毕竟写完整和列提纲是很不一样的。这篇拼凑的文章（请不要介意我这么说，嘻嘻）我就不改了，我觉得自己改一篇成文还是更好一点，而且如果是楼主‘痛苦挣扎’写出来的话，别人的点评可以让你收获更多，进步更快。所以楼主下一篇写好后PM我。我给你改，就当补偿这篇同主题啦！OK？