0910AW SPECTACULAR之【同主题写作】ARGUMENT65 by 【galloper】A19.peng

pengzhu405UID: 2580434

In the memo, the president argues that to improve profits the company should limit the inventory of imported cheeses. To support this argument, the president cites last year’s five best-selling cheeses in its newest store which are all domestic cheeses and a recent survey which shows the increasing preference of the respondents for domestic cheeses. However, the argument is flawed in several critical respects.

To begin with, the fact that domestic cheeses sell well at the newest store is not sufficient to draw a conclusion that it is the same at all of its stores. It is likely that the taste of the consumers changes a lot from the newest store to the others, and that the consumers of the other stores prefer the taste of the imported cheeses. Therefore, without the sale details of the other stores, I can not accept the generally conclusion.

In addition, the president cites a magazine survey in which a growing tendency to choose the domestic cheeses for its subscribers is shown. However, the president fails to provide any information about the number of respondents. The fewer respondents, the less reliable the study’s results. Also, we are not informed the nationality of the respondents; therefore, it is impossible to determine whether the survey results apply to the United States. Thus, as it stands the magazine survey is statistically unreliable and lends no credible support to the president’s clusion.

Finally, even assuming that all of the consumers prefer the domestic cheeses, the president’s conclusion that the company will enjoy increased profits by limiting the imported cheeses is unwarranted. Perhaps the profit from the imported cheeses sale is much higher than that from domestic cheeses sale. Therefore, it is entirely possible that the imported cheeses will become popular among consumers next year.

In sum, the argument is weakly supported, and therefore I can not accept the conclusion provided by the president. The president should provide sufficient evident to support that the domestic cheeses are more popular among the consumers of all the stores, and that the limitation of the supply of the imported cheeses will lead to increased profits.

DoDoLooUID: 2609921

B27来改啦~
In the memo, the president argues that to improve profits the company should limit the inventory of imported cheeses. To support this argument, the president cites last year’s five best-selling cheeses in its newest store which are all domestic cheeses and a recent survey which shows the increasing preference of the respondents for domestic cheeses. However, the argument is flawed （flaw是名词，可改为has some flaws)in several critical respects.(应是aspects？)
To begin with, the fact that domestic cheeses sell well at the newest store is not sufficient to draw a conclusion that it is the same at all of its stores. It is likely that the taste of the consumers changes a lot from the newest store to the others, and that the consumers of the other stores prefer the taste of the imported cheeses. Therefore, without the sale details of the other stores, I can not accept the generally(general) conclusion.

In addition, the president cites a magazine survey in which a growing tendency to choose the domestic cheeses for its subscribers is shown. However, the president fails to provide any information about the number of respondents. The fewer respondents, the less reliable the study’s results. Also, we are not informed the nationality of the respondents; therefore, it is impossible to determine whether the survey results apply to the United States(+or not). Thus, as it stands the magazine survey is statistically unreliable and lends no credible support to the president’s clusion(conclusion).

Finally, even assuming that all of the consumers prefer the domestic cheeses, the president’s conclusion that the company will enjoy increased profits by limiting the imported cheeses is unwarranted. Perhaps the profit from the imported cheeses sale is much higher than that from domestic cheeses sale. Therefore, it is entirely possible that the imported cheeses will become popular among consumers next year.(这两句的因果关系不是很理解呢，因为进口芝士的利润比国内芝士的利润高，所以进口芝士在下一年会受顾客欢迎？个人以为这段的论证重点在于进口芝士可能带来更高利润，而国内芝士因为一些原因反而利润低。）
In sum, the argument is weakly supported, and therefore I can not accept the conclusion provided by the president. The president should provide sufficient evident to support that the domestic cheeses are more popular among the consumers of all the stores, and that the limitation of the supply of the imported cheeses will lead to increased profits.(也许指出应提供那些信息来support the conclusion 更好）
总体来说全文结构清晰，论证有条理。逐一指出flaws，并各个击破，只是在finally的那点上论证不足。
词句也较为流畅，发现很喜欢用因果论证呢~总是用Therefore，也许可以试着用些其他词替换。