08的作文修改小铺子

fancywwUID：2583671

谢谢lz修改。

这句：
For example, we can speak or do things with the intent of caring for our lost friends, not in a way that hurts them or brings them down.这句没怎么看懂

我是想说,我们应该用一种关心朋友的态度指出他们的错误。可能lost用得不当吧，我本想指“在迷途中的朋友”，这样改是不是好些呢： for example, we can point out a friend's flaws with the intention of caring for them, not in a....

perceptionUID：2299669

请jiang08指教！
Successful people take new things and risks rather than the thing that they've done well.

        We often heard stories of successful people trying hard for new things and bear huge risk to earn a glorious victory at last. These stories are really impressive. But could we thus safely conclude that successful people take new things and risks rather than the thing that they've done well? I think it is arbitrary and hasty to say so.

        In the fist place, any people who do their work well should be seen as successful people too. It is true sometimes we need to try new things and take risk to ensure the proceeding of the things we work on. An innovative idea and a brave attempt may be a requisite to achieve our goal. However, this by no means implies that the rest of our work, the daily and routine parts are inferior or insignificant to those exciting and breathtaking components. Anyhow, the majority of our daily lives and the order of the society depend on millions of people who do things they have done well. For example, train and bus drivers never drive on new paths or take risks as they please, but they timely and safely carry millions of people to different parts of the city and the country day and night. Employees in the running water companies seldom try new things or take risks when they produce water for us, but they ensure there is always clear water available to every tap. The accomplishments of these people seem rather plain and not worth noticing. However, I shall say they are successful people. They have done a great work which should not be undervalued. They managed to maintain the important aspects of public utilities as well as the peace and order of the society day by day and year by year. You can imagine if these people failed to do such work effectively, what a terrible chaos we would witness.

        Furthermore, the success of people taking new things and risks are also supported and guaranteed by their doing things that they’ve done well. If people do not make full use of the things they could do excellently, their success would not be got just because of their adventurous attempts. Success lies not so much as in luck as in hard work. For example, when a team of soldiers aim to take a military assault, their success is only partly dependent on the risk taking itself, more are determined by whether in this action they could realize their potentials, whether they manage to do things they are good at in the train-ings, such as moving quickly and firing accurately. A scientist with fresh ideas would be successful only if he combines those with other skills he already grasp well, such as collecting and analyzing data to test his arguments.  

        To sum up, the claim that successful people take new things and risks rather than things they've done well is unfounded. Taking new things and risk may contribute to success in some circumstances, but people should also do things they have done well to ensure their success. And people who only do things they have done well should also be regarded as successful, as long as the result is really good.

jiang08UID：2391146

题目：being creative 比 planning carefully更能解决问题，同意与否

题目：being creative 比 planning carefully更能解决问题，同意与否6 W- S8 P- s/ @, c: v6 z) f  T

Few days ago, one of my best friends complained to me that he failed to finish the last step in the synthesis of a macrocycle following a careful designed plan. Here comes an ever existing debate that whether being creative or planning carefully will solve a problem efficiently and effectively. I am strongly supportive of the argument that being creative is important for finding the best solution. 末尾这句，要点出 more，才回答了题目（哪个，更）；这个实验的例子里没有说careful planning和creativity的抗衡，我觉得用来引出观点有些偏了。

First of all, being creative means to creative（creating） something new.(后面是something new的同位语，用逗号) New ideas and new methods that will well fitted the（suitable for） new problems. On the contrary, a plan is mostly based on existing rules or experience. When new problems are out of the reach of old solutions, being creative exhibit（单数） its advantages. For example, when the silicon semiconductor reaches its maximal efficiency, the question how to further improve its mobility comes out（arises）, and this brings the organic semiconductor into birth. In this sense, being creative help（单数） to analyze whole situation and then solve the problem by creating new ideas and skills. 果真看不懂你的例子，无法评论是不是贴切。。。 = =

Furthermore, rather than（besides，这两个意思不同，你说的是“其它”，而不是“而非”） creating new ideas or methods, being creative, in my opinion, also means to rearrange the existing things in a new order which will contribute to analyze the problem in a new way（contribute to a new way to analyze the problem） and help to find the solution. For instance, in my synthesis of a drug, the rearrangement of two steps- the protection of double bond and the oxidation of aldehyde- help to solve the unnecessary reaction- oxidation of double bonds and save a lot of time to try new methods. From this way, being creative extends the application and makes full use of old solutions. 这个观点是很好啦，可惜我又看不懂例子。。。

Last but not least, carefully planning calls for exact prediction of future which is impossible in human society. And （缺is）as known to all, there is no single problem（there are no problems independant from others）. A problem is linked with other problems (others) or divided into several small problems. Due to the complexity of problem, it increases the difficulties to  make out a plan that cover all the existing problems or the prospective ones, even for a man with super talent. Being creative- in another word, staying alert with any new coming problems or new conditions and then thinking actively about the whole situation- will help to solve a problem effectively and efficiently. 这段虽然论点上没问题，但总感觉太抽象了点。。。看着像哲学讨论

Based on the reasons listed above, being creative is a crucial to find （crucial in finding）the best solution for（to） a problem, especially in such a complicated society with fast-extending science, technology, economy and any other fields.

谢谢08^_^
tigerzx 发表于 2009-8-26 10:38

看完以后 回答你在另一个帖子里的问题。关于专业方面的例子，我现在觉得有点过了。因为你完全可以用其它方面的例子来支持论点的。我不知道rater们是不是都十项全能，不过有可能会遇到像我一样看不懂你再说什么的rater。。。这样就比较负面了，像某个同学说的，还是多用符合美国人价值观的，大家都能看懂的例子吧。

jiang08UID：2391146

谢谢lz修改。

这句：
For example, we can speak or do things with the intent of caring for our lost friends, not in a way that hurts them or brings them down.这句没怎么看懂

我是想说,我们应该用一 ...
fancyww 发表于 2009-8-26 15:04

就是lost的用法了
该过之后句子没问题了~

tigerzxUID：2669737

谢谢08^_^

eboocffUID：2644671

先谢谢08MM了啊，多多指教

题目Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Where do you want to live? A big city or a small town?  This is a hot topic nowadays, and people may have different answers, while I will choose to live in a big city. I had been living in a small town for more than 15 years, and I also live in Shanghai, the biggest modern city in China, for about 6 years, from my experience, I believe that the advantages of living in a big city are superior to the drawbacks.

Firstly, there are much more chances in a big city than in a small town. Living In a small town, it is hard to image that how many job opportunities there are in cities, for example,  there might be only one or two companies or factories in a small town, so if you lose your job for some reasons such as bankrupt of that company or factory, it will be difficult to find a job again,  however, if you live in a big city as Shanghai or New York, it will be relatively easier to find a suitable job; there are also many another chances, such as more hospitals to choose once you are sick, more products to purchase when you walk in a supermarket. In addition, it is much more convenient to live in a big city. In a word, I believe that a big city can offer me more chances not only about jobs but also many other aspects.

Secondly, education condition, especially for my child. In China, almost all universities and colleges locates in big cities, so if some one want to attend university without living in a strange place, they have to live in cities. Moreover, primary schools, high schools and even kindergartens in big city is usually better than these in a small town. In addition, nowadays people have to study all the life, so there are also more education chances for the adults. So considering these situation, I will choose to live in a big city.

Of course, there are also some disadvantages to live in a big city. As we all know, environment pollutions such as water pollution and air pollution are very serious now in the city, which would be harmful to human; traffic jam is another disadvantage compared to a small town, it may take a couple of hours to go to work in the morning. But all of such problems will be solved with the development of the society and technologies.

From what have been discussed above, I safely draw the conclusion that living in a big city has much more merits than living in a small town, so I will choose to live in a big city, but it is also a good idea to live in a town for a short time as a holiday.

lxririsUID：2664356

一段时间不写作文就生疏了...唉...麻烦修改。谢谢！

TOPIC:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of a country?

" Knowledge is power" is one of the most instructive saying of Francis Bacon, which demonstrate the indespensable role which plays by the knowledge, to be more specific, the education in the school. Therefore, when asked whether improving school is the most important factor in successful development of a country, I would give an affirmative anwer without hesitation.

To begin with, knowlege is the fundamental impetus of the advancement of a country, and school is the very place that knowledge is disseminated. We spend more than ten years in school to polish our ability and to enrich our knowledge. After our graduation, we dedicate ourselves into applying the knowledge to every fields of our society, hoping to make contribution to our motherland. Without school, there will be no scientists, no government officials and no talented workers, as a consequence, no advancement of the country. Take Janpan as a example, after the second World War, Japanese government attached  great importance to education and put most of its national expense on education improvement. In the following decades, their amazingly revival suprized the whole world.

In addition, improving school can enhance the quality of the whole population. As the development of the country tightly bind to the quailty of its people, it is increasingly important to improve the awareness of citizens. Moreover, there is no denying that people in developed countries always tend to behave more civilized, such as obey the traffic rules consciously or abide by the regulation of pubilc places. Thanks to the citizens’ high quality, their country always devloped rapidly and smoothly. Nowhere in the history has the issue been more visible, therefore it is truly a wise forward-looking decision to improve the school.

In conclusion, school is the strong assurance of the successful development of a country. Not only can school provide the original impetus of the country’s futrue plan, but also help to improve the population quality.

无敌小番茄UID：2684290

Do you agree or disagree: The best way to travel is in a group led by a guide

There are two main ways to have a travel: traveling alone or participating in a group with a guide. I prefer the latter one.

First of all, we can enjoy a comfortable and safe journey by traveling in a group lead by a guide. We will never worry about where to live and have dinner, how and when to take ticks. Because the agency would amangemt them ahead. Only can we do is that focus on enjoying the journey itself. In addition, a guide will maximize our security. He or she always protects the tourists from accessing to potential risks, and teach them some tips and skills like how to deal with emergency.

Next, a good guide with profession knowledge and rich experience will make our journey more efficient and enjoyable. When we arrive a new place, we want to the history and geology information about there. Then a knowledged guide will explain carefully to us. For example, he or she can tell a story about a temple which was build 600 years ago. Also, after a good guide's leading, we can not miss any valuable spots.

What is more, I had a terrible experience of traveling independently last summer to visit the city of Beijing. At first, I though I could have a cheap and freedom journey, so I chose to travel alone. Unfortunately, I missed so many interesting and valuable things. First, I didn't make a reasonable schedule. When I arrived there, I didn't know how to start my journey. And that is so bad I lost way in the busy street, when I know where is my aim place, it was afternoon. It was too late to visit it. I had to visit the next day. Even so bad was that I confused about the explanation of the Palace museum.

As we discussed above, with so many advantages by traveling in a group led by a guide, I would like to travel with a group of people, especially having a good guide. I am looking forward to a next wonderful journey.
写得很干涩，都写好详细提纲了，结果还是写不出多少字，开头和结尾都快没写完，然后在限时后又加了句。
熟悉的题目都写成这个样子，不知道新鲜的题目回事什么样子。
PS. 已经用word查过错词了
谢谢指点作文

jiang08UID：2391146

请jiang08指教！
Successful people take new things and risks rather than the thing that they've done well.

We often heard stories of successful people trying hard for new things and bear huge risk to earn a glorious victory at last（注意at last修饰的是动词，不是victory，想修饰名次的话要用形容词）. These stories are really impressive. But could we thus safely conclude that successful people take new things and risks rather than the thing that they've done well? I think it is arbitrary and hasty to say so.

In the fist place, any people who do their work well should be seen as successful people too.（根据你这个too，要先说一下可能大家认为的成功人士的形象） It is true sometimes we need to try new things and take risk to ensure the proceeding of the things we work on. An innovative idea and a brave attempt may be a requisite to achieve our goal. However, this by no means implies that the rest of our work, the daily and routine parts are inferior or insignificant to those exciting and breathtaking components. Anyhow（Anyway？不太理解这里的语气）, the majority of our daily lives and the order of the society depend on millions of people who do things they have done well. For example, train and bus drivers never drive on new paths or take risks as they please, but they timely and safely carry millions of people to different parts of the city and the country day and night. Employees in the running water companies seldom try new things or take risks when they produce water for us, but they ensure there is always clear water available to every tap. The accomplishments of these people seem rather plain and not worth noticing. However, I shall say they are successful people. They have done a great work which should not be undervalued. They managed to maintain the important aspects of public utilities as well as the peace and order of the society day by day and year by year. You can imagine if these people failed to do such work effectively, what a terrible chaos we would witness.

Furthermore, the success of people taking new things and risks are also supported and guaranteed by their doing things that they’ve done well. If people do not make full use of the things they could do excellently, their success would not be got（attained） just because of their adventurous attempts. Success lies not so much as in luck as in hard work. For example, when a team of soldiers aim to take a military assault, their success is only partly dependent on the risk taking itself, more are determined by whether in this action they could realize their potentials, whether they manage to do things they are good at in the train-ings, such as moving quickly and firing accurately. A scientist with fresh ideas would be successful only if he combines those with other skills he already grasp well, such as collecting and analyzing data to test his arguments.  

To sum up, the claim that successful people take new things and risks rather than things they've done well is unfounded. Taking new things and risk may contribute to success in some circumstances, but people should also do things they have done well to ensure their success. And people who only do things they have done well should also be regarded as successful, as long as the result is really good.
perception 发表于 2009-8-26 15:38

当中2段论证的都非常漂亮，开头结尾也不拖沓，我放到1楼当范文拉^^

jiang08UID：2391146

先谢谢08MM了啊，多多指教


题目Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Where do you want to live? A big city or a small town?  This is a hot topic nowadays, and people may have different answers, while I will choose to live in a big city. I had been living in a small town for more than 15 years, and I also live in Shanghai, the biggest modern city in China, for about 6 years,句号 from my experience, I believe that the advantages of living in a big city are superior to （outweigh）the drawbacks.

Firstly, there are much（chance可数） more chances in a big city than in a small town. Living In a small town, it（注意从结构上分析it这里指的是living in small town，这件事情无法自己想象） is hard to image（imagine） （that多余） how many job opportunities there are in cities,句号 for example,  there might be only one or two companies or factories in a small town, so if you lose your job for some reasons such as bankrupt（bankruptcy） of that company or factory, it will be difficult to find a job again,句号  however, if you live in a big city as Shanghai or New York, it will be relatively easier to find a suitable job; there are also many another chances, such as more hospitals to choose once you are sick, more products to purchase when you walk in a supermarket. In addition, it is much more convenient to live in a big city. In a word, I believe that a big city can offer me more chances not only about（in） jobs but also many other aspects.

Secondly, education condition, especially for my child.这句话不完整 In China, almost all universities and colleges （缺动词are）locates in big cities, so if some one want to attend university without living in a strange place, they have to live in cities（什么叫做奇怪的地方？？而根据上一句，乡镇上很少能有大学）. Moreover, primary schools, high schools and even kindergartens in big city is usually better than these（those） in a small town.要写为什么会有这个情形呢？师资好？硬件好？ In addition, nowadays people have to study all the（their） life, so there are also more education chances（opportunities） for the adults（哪里成年人的教育机会多？要写清楚地点）. So considering these situation, I will choose to live in a big city. 最后一句多余

Of course, there are also some disadvantages to live in a big city. As we all know, environment pollutions such as water pollution and air pollution are very serious now in the city, which would be harmful to human; traffic jam is another disadvantage compared to a small town,句号 it may take a couple of hours to go to work in the morning这里要加地点状语修饰. But all of such（these） problems will be solved with the development of the society and technologies.

From what have been discussed above, I safely draw the conclusion that living in a big city has much（many） more merits than living in a small town, so I will choose to live in a big city,句号 but it is also a good idea to live in a town for a short time as a holiday.最后一句画蛇添足了，和题目，前面的论证都没有关系。
eboocff 发表于 2009-8-27 12:41

句子基本结构再复习一下，一句话一个动词原则，标点符号不要乱用。

奔跑蜗牛UID：2579189

我是进来加分的

jiang08UID：2391146

一段时间不写作文就生疏了...唉...麻烦修改。谢谢！

TOPIC:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of a country?

" Knowledge is power" is one of the most instructive saying（复数） of Francis Bacon, which demonstrate（单数） the indespensable role which plays by the（of） knowledge, to be more specific, the education in the school. Therefore, when asked whether improving school is the most important factor in successful development of a country, I would give an affirmative anwer without hesitation. 知识是否就=学校呢，这个关键词要区分开

To begin with, knowlege is the fundamental impetus of the advancement of a country, and school is the very place that knowledge is disseminated. We spend more than ten years in school to polish our ability and to enrich our knowledge. After our graduation, we dedicate ourselves into（to） applying the knowledge to every fields of our society, hoping to make contribution to our motherland. Without school, there will be no scientists, no government officials and no talented workers, as a consequence, no advancement of the country. Take Janpan as a example,句号 after the second World War, Japanese government attached  great importance to education and put most of its national expense on education improvement. In the following decades, their amazingly revival suprized the whole world.

In addition, improving school can enhance the quality of the whole population. As the development of the country tightly bind to  (is closely knitted with）the quailty of its people, it is increasingly important to improve the awareness of citizens.要提高哪一方面的觉悟？关注教育如何能提高这个觉悟呢？ Moreover, there is no denying that people in developed countries always tend to behave more civilized（这是形容词; in a more civilized way）, such as obey the traffic rules consciously or abide by the regulation of pubilc places. Thanks to the citizens’ high quality, their country always devloped rapidly and smoothly. Nowhere in the history has the issue been more visible, therefore it is truly a wise forward-looking decision to improve the school. 后面都在说全民觉悟对整体素质的重要性，那么这些和学校教育有什么关系呢？这段和education脱钩了

In conclusion, school is the strong assurance of the successful development of a country. Not only can school provide the original impetus of the country’s futrue plan, but also help to improve the population quality.
lxriris 发表于 2009-8-27 15:57

文章稍微短了一点。
另，单纯从国家/全民的角度不好写。可以从小往大写：教育对每个孩子的重要性+孩子是国家的未来--〉教育对国家重要

perceptionUID：2299669

谢谢jiang08

Should the government invest more money on the access to internet, or public transportation?

        The access to internet and an advanced public transportation are both important factors for the development of a society. Because of them, people could better communicate with each other. But when facing a budget constraint, a government still may have to make the hard decision of which one deserves more investment. The opinions of this issue are varied. Personally, I think the government should focus primarily on developing the access to internet. Though improved conditions of public transportation could facilitate people to do things better, the access to internet may bring about a revolutionary change to people.

        The first major superiority of internet is that it could help people make full use of the resources all over the world. The public transportation systems usually are separate and limited within the scope of a city, whereas the internet could promise you a whole world. A human being with an access to internet can hold the same amount of information stored in a big library, his capacity to solve problems may be multiplied at once. For instance, now when a scientist or engineer encounters difficul-ties in the work, he or she could search the internet for answers or visit some professional websites run by foreigners. No longer limited by the talents and equipments available in local labs or companies, people could conduct the researches and productions more efficiently. Also, business men could utilize the internet to collect and distribute more information, so as to promote their goods to other countries and look for cheaper raw materials around the earth. This is beneficial for the prosper-ity of countries in an era of economic globalization and booming foreign trades.

        Another significant advantage of internet is that it is not only a means to develop economy, but an efficient method to educate people. The World Wide Web is called by many “a university without wall”. It teaches us an abundance of knowledge and thus effectively expands our horizons. My country is in a process of transformation, numerous old institutions need to be reformed, numerous stereotypes need to be got rid of, so the changes in people’s ideas is critical important. The internet not only shows us in a vividly and detailed way what the other parts of the world are, what kinds of thoughts and views other people hold, but also provides us with a cheap and convenient way to exchange ideas with people around the earth. Hence it has a vital role to perform in the evolution of public opinions. It is no wonder that our younger generations are relatively more open minded, since they are more exposed to the internet. In contrast, public transportation could contribute little for this significant ideological mission.

        To sum up, the access to internet is more essential than public transportation because it could contribute more in the economic development as well as illuminate people’s mind. It deserves more investment.

jiang08UID：2391146

Do you agree or disagree: The best way to travel is in a group led by a guide

There are two main ways to （have a 多余） travel: traveling alone or（and） participating in a group with a guide. I prefer the latter one. 这开头稍微过分简短了一点，更接近口语表达了，适当地说一些比如“base on my personal experience” "for the following reasons" 之类的更好

First of all, we can enjoy a comfortable and safe journey by traveling in a group lead （led）by a guide. We will never worry about where to live and have dinner, how and when to take ticks（？）. Because the agency would amangemt（arrange/manage？） them ahead. Only can we do is that（The only thing we have to do is to） focus on enjoying the journey itself. In addition, a guide will maximize our security. He or she always protects the tourists from accessing to potential risks 这里加个举例更好（比如cliff之类的）, and teach them some tips and skills like how to deal with emergency.

Next, a good guide with profession knowledge and rich experience will make our journey more efficient and enjoyable. When we arrive （缺at）a new place, we want to （缺动词，应该是粗心了吧？）the history and geology information about there. Then a knowledged guide will explain carefully to us. For example, he or she can tell a story about a temple which was build（built） 600 years ago. Also, after a good guide's leading, we can（will） not miss any valuable（这个词用在值钱物品/经验上比较好，在这里不妥，great/fantastic之类都可以） spots. 这里如果能对比一下自己旅行时没有人来讲解当地建筑/风俗/历史，而且不知道应该去哪些景点，就更丰满了

What is more, I had a terrible experience of traveling independently last summer to visit the city of Beijing. At first, I though I could have a cheap and freedom journey, so I chose to travel alone. Unfortunately, I missed so many interesting and valuable things. First, I didn't make a reasonable schedule. When I arrived there, I didn't know how to start my journey. And that is so bad I lost way in the busy street,句号 when I know where is my aim place（when I knew where my destination is）, it was (加个already) afternoon. It was too late to visit it. I had to visit （缺宾语）the next day. Even so bad was that I confused about the explanation of the Palace museum.这句前半部分没看懂. 从你个人的经验写可以，但是不应该以一个例子作为论点。你可以开头说 由于我个人的性格和特质（容易迷路等），更适合跟团走。然后开始说你的经历。

As we discussed above, with so many advantages by（in） traveling in a group led by a guide, I would like to travel with a group of people, especially having a good guide. I am looking forward to a（the） next wonderful journey.
写得很干涩，都写好详细提纲了，结果还是写不出多少字，开头和结尾都快没写完，然后在限时后又加了句。
熟悉的题目都写成这个样子，不知道新鲜的题目回事什么样子。
PS. 已经用word查过错词了
谢谢指点作文
无敌小番茄 发表于 2009-8-27 22:49

问一下你的提纲是中文还是英文写的呢？不建议用中文写，因为中英文思考方式不同，而且中文作文咱写惯了空话。
写不出慢慢来，至少这篇我没觉得很干涩。

lxririsUID：2664356

谢谢批改。我觉得这篇文章很棘手。都不知道如何树立观点。果然还是写跑题了。
请问楼主从什么观点写这篇文章比较好呢？