08的作文修改小铺子

jiang08UID：2391146

最新写了一篇，恰了时间做了，望拍砖7 ]4 M4 A6 E# v
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41)        Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy — computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation.) {- q% u# P. u6 H3 \/ x
你的学校有一笔钱足够为学生购买计算机或者为图书馆买书。 学校该买什么？* e;4 ]8 P% Z$ w; ^# l, Q
Which one should be purchased, computers for students or books for the library, considering that our school has enough money? Since schools are established to teach students not only what to learn but also how to learn, a purpose（purpose是谁的同位语？） to teach them the means of learn anything in their daily life, I agree with the decision that our school should buy some computers for students.

Admittedly, （first,多余） with the same amount of money, decision-makers could buy a larger quantity of（这个是用在不可数上的） books than computers, because the prices of books are highly（换成more更好） competitive. （That多余） one hundred dollars means just a monitor of a single computer, but for books, it can fill a small bookshelf.（其实100刀真的不能买几本书……5本最多了……还不如就写RMB的情况） Apart from the point I just made above（缺逗号） our school also have （单数）plenty of choices to buy different books for library which range from physics to chemistry and from music to painting. 学校可以买各种不同的书对学生/学校发展有什么好处？要写完整

However, that is not to say, computer is less important to students than books, especially nowadays.注意论点不要偏离，说得是你们学校买哪种？不是哪个对学生更重要 First let us look at （缺the fact）that the knowledge on books will not update itself. As a result of the unbelievably rapid development of our science（“我们的' 科学? ） and society, they(they指代什么？如果是科学和社会，那么这句话就是：因为A发展的很快，所以A每分钟都在变化)  are changing dramatically every minute even every second. Using computer can not only help students know the latest about the course they are learning, but also build an avenue of how to learn from internet through internet tools such as google. To give a demonstration, when I once wrote my final paper for the graduation, I found that the books in our library is not sufficient to meet my request, therefore I turned to the internet that contained virtually everything I needed.（其实大家都知道正经的论文还是要靠书的，wiki之类的太水了，这个例子有点反作用） Moreover, just as the school must have enough room to store so many books, so a large number of books require a larger library sooner or later. Unlike the cost of books, the cost of building a larger library is massive. Finally, sitting and learning in front of a computer is much easier than running among the shelves and picking up and back（？） the books. If you really did a research before, you must know what I am talking about. 最后这句话有点多余，现在图书馆不都有电子索引么？不用跑来跑去吧。。。

In conclusion, for the most part, I support the proposal that the decision-makers of the school should purchase the computers for students instead of the books. I believe that computers can do what books can do, but conversely maybe not.
momoi 发表于 2009-8-11 19:17

题目里有一个词Your，所以你可以针对你们学校的情况（编造之）来写，会更容易些。

jiang08UID：2391146

谢谢MM
Test2 - Topic 5
Which is better, doing work by machine or doing work by hand?

@7 }! }& H
In the modern world, technology is developing very fast. Thanks to the technology, we don't need to do things with our owe hands, because we can use machines（ to do things多余） instead （of us多余）. And the advantages of doing work by machina are very obvious. The reasons are as follows.
i
First of all, the machine can do the work much faster than the human beings,（句号） in other words, it means that machine is more efficient than us.这句多余了，在上一句faster后面加上and efficient就可以替代这句话了 The machine will never be sick, 句号we don't have to worry about when it is not able to work because of its health problems. Besides, the machine can work all day long, while our human beings have to go to sleep in the evening. My uncle runs a factory which produces the TV sets. Since he bought the machines which were used to produce the TV sets instead of workers, his（是工厂的生产力） productivity has been greatly increased.虽说IBT很多时候可以自己编造例子，但是也要靠铺。生产力提高的证据呢？以前生产/组装一台电视机需要多久？现在呢？
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The second reason is that by using the machine to accomplish the work can save a lot of money. Machine does not need income. They can work without weekends or holidays and you do not have to pay for them even one cent.（机器的初期投入和人工是不能相比的） Meanwhile, machine will never be hungry, and the owner of the factory does not have to provide the machine with meals during the work time. And in this way, the cost is saved.虽然机器不吃饭，但是需要维护费用，其本质是一样的3
Finally, I would like to say that machine can  do a lot of work which requires accuracy. （You see,口语化，多余） while we do work by our owe hands, we may not fully control our hands. We may shake our hands during the operation. And in some occasions, even the slight shake may cause the failure of the operation. （And at this time, we do need  the help of the machine. It can help us do the the work which should be very accurate.这两句多余） For example, when a patient needs a operation in the heart's tissue, we do need the help of the machine to finish the task.9 L6 t+ L0 h, A3 ^) ~
All in all, I think machines can be very effient, reduce the cost of production and do a lot of work that we can't do. So while doing the work, the machine will be better. （So machine outdoes human workwise.）
keppel_tu 发表于 2009-8-11 23:00

论证的时候考虑问题可能比较表层/片面了，导致有些观点站不住脚，建议逻辑性还是要增强一点

jiang08UID：2391146

268# jiang08  

谢谢jiang08的修改和对我的肯定  这个小暂停什么时候能恢复呢  我30日考试还想请您指教两篇呢 呵呵
perception 发表于 2009-8-23 14:43

今天把历史遗留问题都解决了
恢复啦 呵呵

semvoceUID：2661058

lz帮我看看作文吧~谢谢啦~:loveliness:
题目：182 Many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their birds, cats, or
other animals as members of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or
why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In the contemporary society, some people have very close relationships with their pets. They treat their pets just as their family members, however, argues against this kind of close relationship also exist. Opponents believe pets are pets in nature and they should not intervene in people’s life too much. In my opinion, I firmly support the close relationship between human and their pets, since they help and love each other sometimes more than we can imagine.

To begin with, pets are the emotional reliance of some lonely people. In some families, the only child’s accidental passing away leaves their miserable middle-aged parents wallowing themselves in sorrow all day long. At this time, an advent of a pet dog in the family will somehow heal the pain of losing child. The parents treat the pet as a child, look after it, foster it and love it. In return, the pet will welcome its host when they come back home just like children waiting for parents. Therefore, we cannot deny pets can light the lonely people’s dim world up.

In addition, pets will help and save their host’s life in some emergency situation. I once heard of a story saying that a man and his pet dog were trapped in the car after a serious accident. It was in the evening and no passerby noticed this. The host was seriously injured and on the verge of life and death. To save its host, the pet dog spared no effort to bark to draw other’s attention. Fortunately, some people eventually found the fellow and he was saved. As we can see, sometimes pets plays vital role in helping and saving people’s life.

Last but not least, keeping close relationship also help pets to lead a good and happy life. Have you ever notice the tramping dogs and cats in the streets? They forage for scraps and sleep rough. If some guy are kind enough to bring them home and foster them, their condition will completely change. There’s no doubt that the pets have relatively higher living standard and can live happily.

All in all, I maintain that the close relationship between pets and their host are beneficial for both sides. Only by shielding this relationship can we build a better world in harmony with animals.

jiang08UID：2391146

lz帮我看看作文吧~谢谢啦~:loveliness:
题目：182 Many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their birds, cats, or 5 i" }$ D* z* q
other animals as members of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or
why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.*

In the contemporary society, some people have very close relationships with their pets. They treat their pets just as their family members,(句号) however, argues（argument） against this kind of close relationship also exist. Opponents believe pets are pets in nature and they should not intervene in people’s life too much. In my opinion, I firmly support the close relationship between human and their pets, since they help and love each other sometimes more than we can imagine.

To begin with, pets are the emotional reliance of some lonely people. In some families, the only child’s accidental passing away leaves their miserable middle-aged parents wallowing themselves in sorrow all day long. At this time, an advent of a pet dog in the family will somehow heal the pain of losing child. The parents treat the pet as a child, look after it, foster it and love it. In return, the pet will welcome its host when they come back home just like children waiting for parents. Therefore, we cannot deny pets can light the lonely people’s dim world up. (light up放在一起比较好)$

In addition, pets will help and save their host’s life in some emergency situation. I once heard of a story saying that a man and his pet dog were trapped in the car after a serious accident. It was in the evening and no passerby noticed this. The host（host指宴客相对的主人，这里不妥） was seriously injured and on the verge of life and death. To save its host, the pet dog spared no effort to bark to draw other’s attention. Fortunately, some people eventually found the fellow and he was saved. As we can see, sometimes pets plays vital role in helping and saving people’s life.

Last but not least, keeping close relationship also help pets to lead（close relationship with their owners also leads pets toward） a good and happy life. Have you ever notice(d) the tramping dogs and cats in the streets? They forage for scraps and sleep rough. If some guy are(someone is) kind enough to bring them home and foster them, their condition will completely change(副词放这里). There’s no doubt that the pets have relatively higher living standard and can live （more）happily.'

All in all, I maintain that the close relationship between pets and their host are beneficial for both sides. Only by shielding this relationship can we build a better world in harmony with animals.semvoce 发表于 2009-8-26 06:29

语言相当流畅，从人和动物两个角度来写也很好。只是host这个词用得欠妥

节俭的D同学UID：2625249

我纯粹来支持08重新开铺的~~~

gaovenivvUID：2617157

谢谢

恭喜开张

tigerzxUID：2669737

题目：being creative 比 planning carefully更能解决问题，同意与否

Few days ago, one of my best friends complained to me that he failed to finish the last step in the synthesis of a macrocycle following a careful designed plan. Here comes an ever existing debate that whether being creative or planning carefully will solve a problem efficiently and effectively. I am strongly supportive of the argument that being creative is important for finding the best solution.

First of all, being creative means to creative something new. New ideas and new methods that will well fitted the new problems. On the contrary, a plan is mostly based on existing rules or experience. When new problems are out of the reach of old solutions, being creative exhibit its advantages. For example, when the silicon semiconductor reaches its maximal efficiency, the question how to further improve its mobility comes out, and this brings the organic semiconductor into birth. In this sense, being creative help to analyze whole situation and then solve the problem by creating new ideas and skills.

Furthermore, rather than creating new ideas or methods, being creative, in my opinion, also means to rearrange the existing things in a new order which will contribute to analyze the problem in a new way and help to find the solution. For instance, in my synthesis of a drug, the rearrangement of two steps- the protection of double bond and the oxidation of aldehyde- help to solve the unnecessary reaction- oxidation of double bonds and save a lot of time to try new methods. From this way, being creative extends the application and makes full use of old solutions

Last but not least, carefully planning calls for exact prediction of future which is impossible in human society. And as known to all, there is no single problem. A problem is linked with other problems or divided into several small problems. Due to the complexity of problem, it increases the difficulties to  make out a plan that cover all the existing problems or the prospective ones, even for a man with super talent. Being creative- in another word, staying alert with any new coming problems or new conditions and then thinking actively about the whole situation- will help to solve a problem effectively and efficiently.

Based on the reasons listed above, being creative is a crucial to find the best solution for a problem, especially in such a complicated society with fast-extending science, technology, economy and any other fields.

谢谢08^_^

MTRL2009UID：2664551

我也是来小小的狗腿的tease一下08mm, mua~:loveliness::$

fancywwUID：2583671

太好啦 呵呵 那我就贴过来咯 谢谢08mm

Letting a friend make a mistake is better than saying or doing something that may destroy the friendship.

Friends are people who like us in spite of our faults and who listen to us and tell us the truth. So in my opinion, I strongly maintain that we should point out a friend’s shortcomings and help him/her prevent from making mistakes.


To begin with, it violates the principles of real friendship that knowing a friend is going to do something wrong without reminding him/her. It is said that whenever you need to hear the bitter truth about yourself, go to your real friend. Real friends will never lie to you, just to please you and win your favors. So to be a true friend we should timely tell a friend when he/she is wrong. Although our actions or words may be harsh, they are really needed and helpful. Besides, just think it over, we certainly hope our friends be honest with us, and correct us when we are at fault. After all, being foolish in front of one or two friends is so much better than being laughed at by a crowd. In brief, holding back opinions about our friends’ shortcomings never makes us a real friend.



In addition, the results of non-interference may be more serious than telling the truth. On one hand, seeing our friend suffer from his/her own mistake, we may feel guilty and remorse. On the other hand, our friends may blame us for not correct them before they make mistakes. Here is an example of my own. At the end of last quarter my friend Sue was too busy to cope with her anthropology paper. So she just downloaded a paper and did little change. I was her study partner and found out about it, but I did not dissuade her from handing that copied paper for I thought she might be unhappy. However, when she was finally caught and seriously punished, I was and still feel regret that I did not stop her and let her almost ruin her reputation. In a word, comparing to the worse results of standing by, it is better for us to do or say something before our friends make unredeemable mistakes.

Furthermore, it is possible for us to be candid with our friends while not harming the friendship. We can use some strategies to help us be a helpful and welcome friend. For example, we can speak or do things with the intent of caring for our lost friends, not in a way that hurts them or brings them down. Just remember not to be rude and degrading, and put on a “sugar coat” for our rough but helpful advice. Another way is to be willing to listen and help our friends. It is unwise to point our friends’ flaws and then walk away, leaving them alone in trouble. Our friends may have some feedback or need further help regarding what we have said or done. In short, following such methods we can actually strengthen our friendship while being honest to our friends.

To sum up, I can hardly agree that we can sacrifice the integrity and essence of friendship in the name of protecting the friendship. In the long run, frankness and openness is the key to a healthy friendship, while insincerity and “white” lies are the deal breakers.

tomato100UID：2608246

恭喜开张，又要麻烦lz咯
“能力重要还是创新重要”
In current days, there appears a debatable issue that whether the knowledge or the creative thinking is more important for one’s success. Upon which, people’s idea are totally diversity. Some people argue that knowledge learnt form books and experience is the more important for someone who want to be successful in the society, while others, including me, holding the idea that creative thinking is the essential element of being successful.

The most important affect of creative thing is that it is the connection between abstract theory and reality uses. After leaning some theory and facts form textbook, it is not as easy as most of us imagine for applying them into truth. Using it means one have to understanding the theory deeply, which is nearly impossible if there is no creative thinking.

Another benefit we can get form creative thinking is that it is inevitable for the putting forward a new theory. Obviously, a new theory is a way of consideration a familiar fact form a totally new aspect. Without creative thing, one can only follow other people’s steps. Just imagine, there is on possibility for a one who have read a lot of book but have no idea form himself can write a novel or a passage with attractive ideas. Only what he can do is to repeat the old ideas again and again. It is same in the scientific research. It is not terrible if children have strange ideas and questions; what the terrible problem is children accept everything without a creative thinking.

Based on those details and facts, we can draw the conclusion that though knowledge is necessary for being successful, creative idea is the essential composition of success. Not only can it connect theory learnt form book connected with the reality, but also it is the basic requirement for providing some new theory.

打字太慢，只来得及写四段，这样行么

jiang08UID：2391146

太好啦 呵呵 那我就贴过来咯 谢谢08mm

Letting a friend make a mistake is better than saying or doing something that may destroy the friendship.

Friends are people who like us in spite of our faults and who listen to us and tell us the truth. So in my opinion, I strongly maintain that we should point out a friend’s shortcomings and help him/her prevent from making mistakes.

To begin with, it violates the principles of real friendship that knowing a friend is going to do something wrong without reminding him/her. It is said that whenever you need to hear the bitter truth about yourself, go to your real friend. Real friends will never lie to you, just to please you and win your favors. So to be a true friend we should timely tell a friend when he/she is wrong. Although our actions or words may be harsh, they are really needed and helpful. Besides, just think it over, we certainly hope our friends be honest with us, and correct us when we are at fault. After all, being foolish in front of one or two friends is so much better than being laughed at by a crowd.这里其实已经说得很具体了，可惜就是例子没有写出来，你把关键词“foolish” "laughed at by a crowd"连成例子更能说明问题 In brief, holding back opinions about our friends’ shortcomings never makes us a real friend.

In addition, the results of non-interference may be more serious than telling the truth. On one hand, seeing our friend suffer from his/her own mistake, we may feel guilty and remorse. On the other hand, our friends may blame us for not correct（ing） them before they make mistakes. Here is an example of my own. At the end of last quarter my friend Sue was too busy to cope with her anthropology paper. So she just downloaded a paper and did（made） little change. I was her study partner and found out about it, but I did not dissuade her from handing that copied paper for I thought she might be unhappy. However, when she was finally caught and seriously punished, I was and still feel regret（注意词性） that I did not stop her and let her almost ruin her reputation. In a word, comparing to the worse results of standing by, it is better for us to do or say something before our friends make unredeemable mistakes.

Furthermore, it is possible for us to be candid with our friends while not harming the friendship. We can use some strategies to help us be a helpful and welcome friend. For example, we can speak or do things with the intent of caring for our lost friends, not in a way that hurts them or brings them down.这句没怎么看懂 Just remember not to be rude and degrading, and put on a “sugar coat” for our rough but helpful advice. Another way is to be willing to listen and help our friends. It is unwise to point our friends’ flaws and then walk away, leaving them alone in trouble. Our friends may have some feedback or need further help regarding what we have said or done. In short, following such methods we can actually strengthen our friendship while being honest to our friends.

To sum up, I can hardly agree that we can sacrifice the integrity and essence of friendship in the name of protecting the friendship（it代替）. In the long run, frankness and openness is the key to a healthy friendship, while insincerity and “white” lies are the deal breakers.
fancyww 发表于 2009-8-26 10:43

这篇写得也很好哇 再表扬下语言

jiang08UID：2391146

恭喜开张，又要麻烦lz咯
“能力重要还是创新重要”

In current days, there appears（这个搭配比较weird，is就好了） a debatable issue that whether the knowledge or the creative thinking is more important for one’s success. Upon which（定语从句要注意修饰的对象呢？）, people’s idea are totally diversity（注意词性；diversified）. Some people argue that knowledge learnt form books and experience is the more important for someone who want to be successful in the society, while others, including me, holding the idea that creative thinking is the essential element of being successful. 一个很重要的事情，题目“能力”用的是哪个词？knowledge嘛？如果不是的话要注意你有跑题的危险

The most important affect of creative thing（impact of creativity） is that it is the connection between abstract theory and reality uses. After leaning some theory and facts form textbook, it is not as easy as most of us imagine for applying them into truth (to apply them to reality). Using it means one have to understanding the theory deeply, which is nearly impossible if there is no creative thinking. 这段写得太抽象了，你所知的学科/领域里 哪一个是需要创造力来联系两者的呢？比如某些工科要学会自己设计实验？

Another benefit we can get form creative thinking is that it is inevitable for the putting forward a new theory. Obviously, a new theory is a way of consideration a familiar fact form a totally new aspect. Without creative thing（thinking？）, one can only follow other people’s steps. Just imagine, there is on possibility for a one who have read a lot of book but have no idea form himself can write a novel or a passage with attractive ideas. Only what he can do is to repeat the old ideas again and again. It is same in the scientific research. It is not terrible if children have strange ideas and questions; what the terrible problem is children accept everything without a creative thinking.

Based on those details and facts, we can draw the conclusion that though knowledge is necessary for being successful, creative idea is the essential composition of success. Not only can it connect theory learnt form book （connected多了） with the reality, but also it is the basic requirement for providing some new theory.

打字太慢，只来得及写四段，这样行么
tomato100 发表于 2009-8-26 11:04

4段可以的。但是要注意 这个题目是在比较两者，和单纯问A为什么重要是不同的。所以你论证的时候要抓住两者的优势差别来写。尤其是第二个论点，没有写出和knowledge的关联。
不过计时是个好习惯，多练练打字就会快了。

libra5UID：2676988

谢谢修改喔。
那个类比我还是别用。第4段我觉得没有直接和涨价这个来比，逻辑上还是有点问题的其实。要和涨价比较，才能说明涨价不是最好的方式。攻击最高级这个点。

还有个问题啊，平时30分钟计时写作文，构思和开头就用了10分钟了，后面基本没时间写了。开头发现写起来最慢，难道要做个属于自己的模板么？或者思维框架？

jiang08UID：2391146

谢谢修改喔。
那个类比我还是别用。第4段我觉得没有直接和涨价这个来比，逻辑上还是有点问题的其实。要和涨价比较，才能说明涨价不是最好的方式。攻击最高级这个点。

还有个问题啊，平时30分钟计时写作文，构思和 ...
libra5 发表于 2009-8-26 11:45

自己做个模板当然好，写开头的时候就开始构思分论点。然后写分论点第一句话的时候开始构思后面的例子。不要把脑和手分开活动，多练练。构思+开头 10分钟时明显太长了