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[未归类] TOEFL暑假集结号作文第五次作业 by 文赋 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-7-23 11:52:09 |显示全部楼层
第五次作业:agree or disagree: The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.  (08.3.2) 周六22:00交

思路:best类型的题目,不能同意也不能反对,按照2赞成和1让步去写(和平常一样,就是不用再拉回来就成了),承认其优点,提出其它选择。

Travel is one of the basic needs for modern people. After a hectic working week or a hard-working semester, people are more than happy to get on the road. With the travel agencies mushrooming rapidly these days, the question remains, "Is traveling in the company of others with a guide the best way of traveling?" The way I see it, there are various good options when it coming to traveling. Traveling with a group of people with a tour guide is one of them, but not necessarily the best way.

Firstly, traveling with a group of people is more convenient and economical. Thanks to the discounts of hotels, airplane tickets, we could save lots of money by traveling with a group of people. Otherwise, if we travel alone, we will have to pay full prices. For instance, the Summer Palace in Beijing--the royal residence of the emperors of Qing Dynasty--is among the must-sees list of Beijing, attracting tens of thousands of tourists every year. The full ticket price is as much as eighty Yuan, roughly the equivalent of fourteen dollars a person. However, if we traveling with a big group, more than a dozen of adults, the discount could be fourty percent lower. By this way, the costs of traveling can be cut considerably.

Furthermore, by hiring a professional tour guide, we are enable to gain more interesting and useful information about those ancient buildings or customs. A guide can inform the tourists of the history, background, and interesting anecdotes during the trip. By this way, we can get the maximum amount of information. Otherwise, we perhaps miss some important and valuable story.

Admittedly, traveling with a group of people with a guide has tremendous merit, as cost-saving and gain more information. However, under some certain circumstances, traveling with a group would be an annoying thing. If the group unfortunately has a couple of nasty members, like loud talking all the time or snored at night, this trip could be an unpleasant experience. Therefore, besides traveling with a group, many other options also have their advantages. It is obvious, when we travel alone, we will have more freedom and do not have stick with pre-arranged schedules.

In conclusion, if we wish to save trip cost and gain more information during our travels, the best choice is traveling with a group of people. On the other hand, it is ture that we could enjoy more freedom and leisure time, when we travel alone. Acctually, traveling with a group and led by a guider is just one way to travel for us, but to say it is the best way seems to be overstatement.
背完红宝书了。——2009-8-27
考完GRE之AW了 。——2009-9-10
……
托福95+ 2011-6-11
陶瓷中……

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发表于 2009-7-23 17:26:37 |显示全部楼层
people are more than happy to get on the road 不知啥意思
is among the must-sees list:  among前后要是一类物品才行,这里among前面是city,后面是list。
equivalent of:  equivalent to
if we traveling with
couple of nasty members, like loud talking all the time or snored at night
trip could be an unpleasant experience: experience 和 trip 不是同类物, 不能用be动词链接
guider:- -

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发表于 2009-7-23 17:27:17 |显示全部楼层
记得改下我的。
Tiring the simple live moving between home and school or office all the year, people want to have a trip to some strange places. Many people prefer to travel in a group led by a tour guide. But in my opinion, this is not the best way to travel. We travel in order to get some particular life experience, so we would better to travel by ourselves.

First, if we take the convenience the most important factor of travel, we need not trouble ourselves to have a trip. Although experienced tour guide can make the travel more convenient, but we don't need it. What we real need is particular experience obtain from travel. According to my experience, visiting some places where few traveler visits can get great fun. I used to visit Suzhou, a city was famous with its Chinese Classic Garden. But I visited none of the garden in the city, because there were so many visitors that make me feel uncomfortable. Instead, I walked around normal roads in the city. Found that the Chinese classic style was permeated in the city, not limited in the gardens. I sat alone the cute tiny man-made river to feel the breath of city of Su Zhou with my heart. I saw the real Suzhou.

Second, traveling by ourselves can enjoy much freedom. Different people have distinct interesting, some are interested in beauty of nature, and others are interested in human culture. Some like to travel with a relaxed style, others like to see as much places as possible. If we travel in a big group, we have to promise in order to conform to others. If we travel by ourselves, we can not only easily choose our favorites places to visit, but also easily change our travel itinerary. For example, if we feel tired, we can suspend our plan casually and have a rest. If we find a wonderful place, we can stay there longer than we plan, and decrease or cancel time spending on other places.

Therefore, although we can enjoy much convenience traveling in a large tour group, I prefer to plan and prepare my travel by myself and travel in a tiny group.

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US Applicant 枫华正茂

发表于 2009-7-25 20:02:16 |显示全部楼层
第五次作业:agree or disagree: The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.  (08.3.2) 周六22:00交
思路:best类型的题目,不能同意也不能反对,按照2赞成和1让步去写(和平常一样,就是不用再拉回来就成了),承认其优点,提出其它选择。
b" n" f* d! P  j9 R' Y5 ~
Travel is one of the basic needs for modern people. After a hectic working week or a hard-working semester, people are more than happy to get on the road不解. With the travel agencies mushrooming rapidly these days, the question remains, "Is traveling in the company of others with a guide the best way of traveling(头尾两个traveling个人感觉of traveling没必要,而且第一个of 感觉应该是with后边那个感觉可以换成follow,就不会因为两个with显得单调了?" The way I see it不知道是否地, there are various good options when it coming to traveling. Traveling with a group of people with a tour guide is one of them, but not necessarily (not the only best way?) the best way.观点:有导游不是唯一最好的选择。为了跟末段照应,建议把best去掉。

Firstly, traveling with a group of people is more convenient and economical. Thanks to the discounts of hotels, airplane tickets, we could save lots of money by traveling with a group of people. Otherwise, if we travel alone, we will have to pay full prices. For instance, the Summer Palace in Beijing--the royal residence of the emperors(重复了吧) of Qing Dynasty--is among the must-sees list of Beijing, attracting tens of thousands of tourists every year. The full ticket price is as much as eighty Yuan, roughly the equivalent of fourteen dollars a person. However, if we traveling with a big group, more than a dozen of adults, the discount could be fourty percent lower. By this way, the costs of traveling can be cut considerably. 段中没有提到导游,只是说组团,可以我感觉题目的意思是一个有导游的团队,个人认为这是一个整体,不可分割。感觉可以喝下一段并成一段?

f8 {2 R1 U* E3 k/ t; y9 A
Furthermore, by hiring a professional tour guide, we are enable to(be able to do sth) gain more interesting and useful information about those ancient buildings or customs. A guide can inform the tourists of the history, background, and interesting anecdotes during the trip. By(In比较常见,不过我查了查by也对:) this way, we can get the maximum amount of information. Otherwise, we perhaps miss some important and valuable story. (感觉第二句就是重复第一句,作者可以举一些实际的例子,比如一个导游可以告诉我们颐和园的修建背景,都有哪些事发生在那里,有哪些名人到过颐和园,他们都留下了什么?同样是短短的几句话,不会给人重复的感觉)

Admittedly, traveling with a group of people with a guide has tremendous merit, as cost-saving and gain more information. However, under some certain circumstances, traveling with a group would be an annoying thing. If the group unfortunately has a couple of nasty members, like loud talking all the time or snored at night, this trip could be an unpleasant experience. Therefore, besides traveling with a group, many other options also have their advantages. It is obvious, when we travel alone, we will have more freedom and do not have stick with pre-arranged schedules.让步,很好,思维严谨不过感觉那个打呼噜的例子不太好,就是自助旅游,也有可能在火车上碰到打呼噜的;如果作者指的是旅游中间休息的话,那个旅行社也不会安排游客住通铺啊,如果真是住地方紧张,相信自助游的也会挤通铺的。

In conclusion, if we wish to save trip cost and gain more information during our travels, the best choice is traveling with a group of people. On the other hand, it is ture that we could enjoy more freedom and leisure time, when we travel alone. Acctually, traveling with a group and led by a guider is just one way to travel for us, but to say it is the best way seems to be overstatement.总结,但是首段说的是不是唯一最好,末端是,不是最好。感觉给首段的再改改吧

作者的思路非常清晰,逻辑也很严谨,手法更是近乎无懈可击。超赞!
我写出来的地方,仅仅是一些个人看法,如有不到,欢迎一起讨论,大家共同进步,加油!

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发表于 2009-7-25 22:42:11 |显示全部楼层
问一下,这个思路是你自创的还是from where??好强悍的思路!!! 1# 文赋
fighting for future

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发表于 2009-7-25 22:53:26 |显示全部楼层
Travel is one of the basic needs for modern people. After a hectic working week or a hard-working semester, people are more than happy to get on the road. With the travel agencies mushrooming rapidly these days, the question remains, "Is traveling in the company of others with a guide the best way of traveling?" The way I see it, there are various good options when it coming to traveling. Traveling with a group of people with a tour guide is one of them, but not necessarily the best way. 5 v" H2 m& l- w

Firstly, traveling with a group of people is more convenient and economical. Thanks to the discounts of hotels, airplane tickets, we could save lots of money by traveling with a group of people. Otherwise, if we travel alone, we will have to pay full prices. For instance, the Summer Palace in Beijing--the royal residence of the emperors of Qing Dynasty--is among the must-sees list of Beijing, attracting tens of thousands of tourists every year. The full ticket price is as much as eighty Yuan, roughly the equivalent of fourteen dollars a person. However, if we traveling with a big group, more than a dozen of adults, the discount could be fourty percent lower. By this way, the costs of traveling can be cut considerably. $ Q, U; l  e. n/ ]$ E( J

Furthermore, by hiring a professional tour guide, we are enable to gain more interesting and useful information about those ancient buildings or customs. A guide can inform the tourists of the history, background, and interesting anecdotes during the trip. By this way, we can get the maximum amount of information. Otherwise, we perhaps miss some important and valuable story. 5 |" `* J# ]2 _' w$ B

Admittedly, traveling with a group of people with a guide has tremendous merit, as cost-saving and gain more information. However, under some certain circumstances, traveling with a group would be an annoying thing. If the group unfortunately has a couple of nasty members, like loud talking all the time or snored at night, this trip could be an unpleasant experience. Therefore, besides traveling with a group, many other options also have their advantages. It is obvious, when we travel alone, we will have more freedom and do not have stick with pre-arranged schedules.

q+ v5 E" n
In conclusion, if we wish to save trip cost and gain more information during our travels, the best choice is traveling with a group of people. On the other hand, it is ture that we could enjoy more freedom and leisure time, when we travel alone. Acctually, traveling with a group and led by a guider is just one way to travel for us, but to say it is the best way seems to be overstatement.




很有大将之风,感觉再读一篇满分作文,我不会改也不敢改,怕越改越不好。。

写写读后感:  1,文章行云流水,条理清晰,先说明团体旅游可以省钱,可以得到更多的信息,又说明团队旅行的不足之处。几乎所有论证之处均有恰当例子跟随。
                   2,我觉得我自己写的不是托福作文。。。回去自省了。。。
fighting for future

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Golden Apple 荣誉版主 IBT Zeal IBT Smart IBT Elegance 备考先锋

发表于 2009-7-25 23:07:40 |显示全部楼层
Travel is one of the basic needs for modern people.  真的是这样子吗??应该是奢侈的产物吧

Is traveling in the company of others with a guide the best way of traveling
换成is the best way 从句? 或者写成两句?怎么样  个人觉得你这句写的头重脚轻

总体来说 文斌的文章是很赞的

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发表于 2009-7-26 12:34:22 |显示全部楼层
记得改下我的。Tiring the simple live moving between home and school or officeall the year, people want to have a trip to some strange places. Many peopleprefer to travel in a group led by a tour guide. But in my opinion, this is notthe best way to travel. We travel in order to get some particular lifeexperience, so we would better to travel by ourselves.

First-->Firstly, if we take the convenience the most important factor of travel,we need not trouble ourselves to have a trip. Although experienced tour guidecan make the travel more convenient, but we don't need it. What we real need isparticular experience obtain from travel. According to my experience, visitingsome places where few traveler visits can get great fun. I used to visitSuzhou, a city was famous with its Chinese Classic Garden. But I visited noneof the garden in the city, because there were so many visitors that make mefeel uncomfortable. Instead, I walked around normal roads in(删除) the city. Found主语呢?-->Founding that theChinese classic style was permeated in the city, not limited in the gardens. Isat alone the cute tiny man-made river to feel the breath of city of Su Zhouwith my heart. I saw the real Suzhou.

Second-->Whatis more, traveling by ourselves can enjoy(enjoy的主体一般是人) much freedom. Different people have distinct interesting, someare interested in beauty of nature, and others are interested in-->prefer to (并列忌讳重复内容) human culture. Some like to travel witha relaxed style, others like to see as much places as possible. If we travel ina big group, we have to promise in order to conform to others. If we travel byourselves, we can not only easily choose our favorites places to visit, butalso easily change our travel itinerary. For example, if we feel tired, we cansuspend our plan casually and have a rest. If we find a wonderful place, we canstay there longer than we plan, and decrease or cancel time spending on otherplaces.

Therefore, although we can enjoy much convenience traveling in alarge tour group,(这个点在文中并没出现过,因此很难形成让步关系) Iprefer to plan and prepare my travel by myself and-->or travel in a tiny group.
ur g ...
rabienrose 发表于 2009-7-23 17:27
背完红宝书了。——2009-8-27
考完GRE之AW了 。——2009-9-10
……
托福95+ 2011-6-11
陶瓷中……

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发表于 2009-7-26 12:36:07 |显示全部楼层
问一下,这个思路是你自创的还是from where??好强悍的思路!!! 1# 文赋
taoyukun-daidai 发表于 2009-7-25 22:42


from新东方。。。。囧噢。
背完红宝书了。——2009-8-27
考完GRE之AW了 。——2009-9-10
……
托福95+ 2011-6-11
陶瓷中……

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RE: TOEFL暑假集结号作文第五次作业 by 文赋 [修改]

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