argument3 【Kaleidoscope】小组第一次作业

cloverlanpusUID: 2606441

                 In this argument, the arguer concludes that Megalopolis should offer the graduates more benefits and incentives and reduce their working hours in order to appeal more graduates. To justify this conclusion, the arguer provides evidence that many graduates choose to work at small, general practice firms where they can get greater job satisfaction, instead of the large, corporate firms with higher salaries. In addition, the arguer cited a survey of the firstyear student that they prefer job satisfaction than salaries. However, this argument suffers from several critical fallacies.
             First, the argument fails to have reasonable evidence to support the graduates' perforation of the small, general practice firms. The 15% decline may due to other reasons. For example, it is entirely possible that there aren't as many vacant positions for graduates as three years before in the large, corporation firms or the graduates' academic abilities falls in recent three years so that the large firms no longer want them to join in. Since the arguer doesn't take these alternative explanations into consideration, he cannot make any sound conclusions concerning the decline.
           Second, even if the graduates indeed prefer small, general practice firms, the arguer's explanation of this perforation, that the graduates think higher of the job satisfaction, is unsound. He cited a survey of the first- year student at a leading law school. However, this survey fail to cover the all the direct samples, the graduates in all law schools. There is possibility that the fist-class students with any dreams would chose the job satisfaction, but the practical graduates would not. In addition, the students in average schools would care more about their basically things like salaries than the students in a leading school. Thus, unless the arguer could provide more data, it would not serve to validate the assumption.
           Third, even if the graduates prefer the small, general practice firms for their job satisfaction, it is not indispensable that the large firms need to offer more benefits and incentives and reduce the working hours. The arguer provides no evidence that the benefits and incentives in large, corporation firms are not enough and the workers complain about the long working hours. It may be that serious competition that leads to the lack of job satisfaction. It is not impossible that the graduates who go to work for large firms are still few, even if the working condition is improved.     
        To sum up, the arguer fails to justify his claim directly and efficiently. To strengthen the argument, the arguer need to provide direct evidence that the graduates prefer small, general practice fires than large, corporation firms for their job satisfaction. And to evaluate the argument, we need more information that if Megalopolis offer more benefits and incentives and reduce the working hours the graduates will surely work there.   

wdassfmUID: 2542447

1# cloverlanpus
  In this argument, the arguer concludes that Megalopolis should offer the graduates more benefits and incentives and reduce their working hours in order to appeal more graduates. To justify this conclusion, the arguer provides evidence that many graduates choose to work at small, general practice firms where they can get greater job satisfaction, instead of the large, corporate firms with higher salaries. In addition, the arguer cited a survey of the first year student that they prefer job satisfaction than salaries. However, this argument suffers from several critical fallacies.
对第一段怎么写有争议，队长可以看看这个链接
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=134092
             First, the argument fails to have reasonable evidence to support the graduates' perforation of the small, general practice firms. The 15% decline may due to other reasons. For example, it is entirely possible that there aren't as many vacant positions for graduates as three years before in the large, corporation firms or the graduates' academic abilities falls in recent three years so that the large firms no longer want them to join in. Since the arguer doesn't take these alternative explanations into consideration, he cannot make any sound conclusions concerning the decline.
           Second, even if the graduates indeed prefer small, general practice firms, the arguer's explanation of this perforation, that the graduates think higher of the job satisfaction, is unsound. He cited a survey of the first- year student at a leading law school. However, this survey fail to cover the all the direct samples, and the graduates in all law schools. There is possibility that the fist-class students
with any(all kinds of) dreams would chose the job satisfaction, but the practical graduates would not. In addition, the students in average schools would care more about their basically things like salaries than the students in a leading school. Thus, unless the arguer could provide more data, it would not serve to validate the assumption.
           Third, even if the graduates prefer the small, general practice firms for their job satisfaction, it is not indispensable that the large firms need to offer more benefits and incentives and reduce the working hours. The arguer provides no evidence that the benefits and incentives in large, corporation firms are not enough and the workers complain about the long working hours. It may be that serious competition that leads to the lack of job satisfaction. It is not impossible that the graduates who go to work for large firms are still few(minority), even if the working condition is improved.     
        To sum up, the arguer fails to justify his claim directly and efficiently. To strengthen the argument, the arguer need to provide direct evidence that the graduates prefer small, general practice fires than large, corporation firms for their job satisfaction. And to evaluate the argument, we need more information that if Megalopolis offer more benefits and incentives and reduce the working hours the graduates will surely work there. (个人觉得编辑的目的是找有效的方式解决这种不平衡，会不会work是不会知道的；或者，是不是最后一个从句结构有问题，这里是同位语从句吧~)

队长语言功夫很强大啊~~不过展开方式如果再多变一点可能更有感觉~

cloverlanpusUID: 2606441

2# wdassfm

我开头restate部分太长了些，不过个人还是觉的有必要的。简化语言是关键，看了些范文都有一些restate但都很精简，一般不超过十几词。

cloverlanpusUID: 2606441

From the argument present to us above, we can see clearly the ether's willing to balance the number of graduates accept as employees in Megalopolis(M)'s large and small firms. However, the arguer's conclusion based on the subjective assumption of graduates’' satisfaction and the seemly supportive survey of first-year students at a law school demand more scrupulous consideration, which otherwise may reduce the quality of large firms.

Fist of all, I strongly doubt the assumption that more graduates' preference for small firms resulted from their pursuit for job satisfaction rather than high salaries. However, What is job satisfaction? How can a job possibly satisfy our sense of self-value if we can hardly sustain our lives at a common level with too low a salary? (很有力，但毕竟不是演讲，还是正式的书面语为好）Here the arguer just takes it for granted that the sense of satisfaction has nothing to do with money without giving any explanation, thus leaving the readers wondering a lot.（还可以再深入些）

Even if the assumption is reasonable, the survey of a leading law school's freshmen apparently lacks strength. To research the reason why the more graduates choose small firms, the survey, however, was conducted among the first-year students regardless of internal and outside environmental changing. During the college years, a student becomes mature with a broader scope of both academy and society. It is entirely possible all the experience could lead to a changed value sense, maybe the tendency of pragmatism, which can affect the credibility of the survey. （好！）Besides, the only research on the leading law school suffers weakness in both number and randomicity.（后面仓促了）

Finally, the partial assertion that M's big firms should make the concession on more benefits and working hours, if accepted, can have many passive effects. Not only the quality of workers in these big firms will be decreased, but also the virtual notion of many graduates may be eroded gradually in such cozy working environment, which would in turn harm the profits of their firms.

Suffering from so many cursoriness, both the reasoning and its eventually conclusion fail to make a over-all consideration, which certainly can not serve to reach the ether's aim of balancing.（提出一些增强论证的手段）

明显仓促了。撇开这个，我觉得在段末或文末加一些纠正谬误增强论证的意见是必要的，可以体现个人的想法。在一些范文中也是这样组织的。
最后关于模版这东西，我不好评判，不过把自己组织结构确定下来并练熟是有好处的。毕竟ETS只看到一篇文章，并不会知道其实我写的所有的文章都是一个套路的。我觉得这样效率高一点。