诚心请大家来拍~要猛烈些啊~

ministry10UID: 2666141

TOPIC: ARGUMENT216 - The following appeared in a magazine article about planning for retirement.

"Because of its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate, Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. As a bonus, housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly during the past year, and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. Nevertheless, Clearview's mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. Retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average."
WORDS: 521
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2009-8-13 10:54:42

In this argument, the author exerts efforts to convince readers that Clearview, in terms of its stellar natural beauty and unvarying climate, is supposed to be the first choice for people searching for a place to retire. To lend support to his conclusion, the author has listed several advantages of Clearview which include low housing cost, low real estate taxes than neighbouring towns, mayor's promises to improve schools, streets, and public service, plus outstanding health care retires could enjoy. While it is laudable that the author has given several reasons why Clearview is an idea place for retirees, his argument is not well founded.

At the outset, one should be careful in taking home the message that the weather in Clearview is suitable for. The author said the climate in Clearview is consistent but he fails to state clearly whether weather is mild or the temperature is neither too high nor too low all the time. It's sobering thought if the weather in Clearview is either freezing cold or hot all year around which makes it crystal clear that it's not an appropriate place for aged people to live in.

Second, the author claimed that the housing costs have fallen dramatically last year. Low as it is, the author does not prove that housing costs in Clearview is lower than neighbouring towns. It’ possible that housing costs in Clearview remain relatively higher than other towns even after it declines. Even if it is lower than other town last year, it's highly possible that it will go up again now and into the future.

Therefore, the declining housing costs in Clearview is not a strong evidence to persuade aged people to settle in Clearview, on the other hand, it might suggest that
negative factors, including rising criminal rate, inconvenient traffic, bad air quality, make the housing cost fall during the past year. If this holds true, the author’s conclusion to ask retirees to live in this place seems ridiculous.

Another reason why the housing cost is low might be the backward economy in Clearview. If that is the case, one may raise doubt about the advancement of local services, potential social problems like unemployment, unsatisfactory layoffs associated with slow economy which render Clearview an insecure place for retirees to live in. Although the mayor has promised improvement in schools, streets, and public services, it’s unclear which stage the improvement will carry on or whether any lack of public services would exist after improvement.

In addition, the author says greater number of physicians in Clearview can result in excellent health care, and this assertion is ill founded since the standard of health care doesn't depend much on the number of physicians, instead, the abilities of physicians are of greater importance in attaining and maintaining a better health care for aged people.

Finally, the author ignores other substantial factors in deciding where to live after retirement which might contain the number of old people in the area,

In conclusion, the author's reasons are not enough to support the statement that Clearview is a top choice for retirees. The argument could be better supported if the author manages to include opinions from retirees who are currently living in Clearview, use statistics to prove the housing cost in Clearview is lower than other towns but not due to slow economy, and the health care is advanced in Clearview.

蘅芜雪UID: 2646650

考前两天，攒人品中……

第一段第一句可以再简短。
对于第一段的写法，我忘记具体哪篇帖子了，应该就在寄托里，找一下，是建议第一段分析题目逻辑链的。个人认为这个写法非常好。你可以参考一下

第二段的谬误我认为没什么太大价值……只是个人认为。

第三段的谬误分析得还不够。除了可能暗示出来的这些问题以外，还有可能尽管房价降低了，但是一般人还是承受不起。总之再多几个possibilities啦~

还有那个公共设施的那个……为什么要改进？是不是因为现在的情况不好？如果要改进的话需要多长时间？何况改进肯定需要资金，这项资金会不会造成未来可能的税收增长？这个大谬误没有分析有点可惜。

总结：
找谬误找的都不错啦~~~其实每个谬误的分析可以再扩展，再多加几个possibilities的……可以看看寄托上关于argu的帖子~我受益匪浅~~总体来看不错不错~~~加油加油~~~~

linyang42UID: 2407584

有这篇文章的所有错误， 但我觉得考场时间很紧，充分驳斥三个足矣
1.        The variation in the housing costs does not indicate that Clearview has advantage in housing costs. (confusing comparison and variation) ★★★★
2.        We cannot guarantee that housing costs in Clearview will not increase in the future. (P→F) ★★
3.        We need to know the average real estate taxes of the whole nation; non-neighboring cities might enjoy even lower real estate taxes. (I.C) ★★★★
4.        We do not know other conditions in Clearview which would influence retirees’ decisions, such as commodity price, transportation, etc. (I.I) ★★★★★
5.        We do not know if the mayor can keep his promise, and how long does it take to finish those improvements. (U.A) ★★★
6.        The mayor’s promise might just indicate that those facilities are in bad condition now. (negative evidence) ★★★
7.        The number of physicians does not necessarily indicate the quality of health care.(U.C) ★★★★
8.        Although the number of physicians in Clearview is relatively high, the per capita number might be relatively low. (V.D) ★★★

linyang42UID: 2407584

互拍了，谢谢ministry10的修改。
TOPIC: ARGUMENT216 -The following appeared in a magazine article about planning for retirement.

"Because of its spectacular natural beauty andconsistent climate, Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a placeto retire. As a bonus, housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantlyduring the past year, and real estate taxes remain lower than those inneighboring towns. Nevertheless, Clearview's mayor promises many new programsto improve schools, streets, and public services. Retirees in Clearview canalso expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number ofphysicians in the area is far greater than the national average."
WORDS: 521
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2009-8-13 10:54:42

In this argument, the author exerts efforts toconvince readers that Clearview, in terms of its stellar ？natural beauty and unvarying climate, issupposed to be the first choice for people searching for a place to retire. Tolend support to his conclusion, the author has listed several advantages ofClearview which include low housing cost, low real estate taxes thanneighbouring towns, mayor's promises to improve schools, streets, and publicservice, plus outstanding health care retires could enjoy. While it is laudablethat the author has given severalreasons why Clearview is an idea place for retirees（可删）,his argument is not well founded.
(第一段太长了，author的evidences 点到即可，把主要精力放在2—4段比较好)

At the outset, one should be careful in taking homethe message that the weather in Clearview is suitable for. The author said theclimate in Clearview is consistent but he fails to state clearly whetherweather is mild or the temperature is neither too high nor too low all thetime. It's sobering thought if the weather in Clearview is either freezing coldor hot all year around which makes it crystal clear that it's not anappropriate place for aged people to live in. （第一段最好攻击一个主要错误。这段攻击第一句--天气情况，admittedly，这里天气不适合老人居住，但这个说服力较小。并且天气状况是作者最自信的证据，because of。。。）

Second, the author claimed that the housing costshave fallen dramatically last year. Low as itis, the author does not prove that housing costs in Clearview is lower thanneighbouring towns. (理解作者的意思，但这句写得比较ambiguous, 是否可这样改：although the realestate taxes of Clearview remain lower than those in neighboring towns, but weare informed nothing about the real estate taxes situation in these neighboringtowns. Perhaps the taxes of these neighboring towns is the highest in thenation, and Clearview…..）It’ possible that housing costs in Clearviewremain relatively higher than other towns even after it declines. Even if it islower than other town last year, it's highly possible that (可加个小注释，由于供求关系，金融危机)it will go up again now and into the future.

Therefore, the declining housing costs in Clearviewis not a strong evidence to persuade aged people to settle in Clearview, on theother hand, it might suggest that negative factors, including rising criminalrate, inconvenient traffic, bad air quality, make the housing cost fall duringthe past year. If this holds true, the author’s conclusion to ask retirees tolive in this place seems ridiculous.

Another reason why the housing cost is low might bethe backward economy in Clearview. If that is the case, one may raise doubtabout the advancement of local services, potential social problems likeunemployment, unsatisfactory layoffs associated with slow economy which renderClearview an insecure place for retirees to live in. Although the mayor haspromised improvement in schools, streets, and public services, it’s unclearwhich stage the improvement will carry on or whether any lack of public serviceswould exist after improvement.

In addition, the author says greater number ofphysicians in Clearview can result in excellent health care, and this assertionis ill founded since the standard of health care doesn't depend much on thenumber of physicians, instead, the abilities of physicians are of greaterimportance in attaining and maintaining a better health care for aged people. （一段就一句，不如个人觉得这句写得很好！
如果再加些内容更完美了，National average是什么水平，如果很低呢？clearview的医生服务态度如何，是否收红包等）

Finally, the author ignores other substantial factorsin deciding where to live after retirement which might contain the number ofold people in the area, (这段删掉，鸡肋啊，非但没有加分，反而减分了，没有任何论证---argument大忌。还不如把上段写的更具体些)

In conclusion, the author's reasons are not enough tosupport the statement that Clearview is a top choice for retirees. The argumentcould be better supported if the author manages to include opinions fromretirees who are currently living in Clearview, use statistics to prove thehousing cost in Clearview is lower than other towns but not due to sloweconomy, and the health care is advanced in Clearview.

总评：词句，语法没问题了，（自己这方面老出错，汗），楼主找到了许多错误，很好。但个人感觉其实攻击3—4个就差不多了（是个人意见，保留）。这道题的确错误比较多，另外，有一个重要点楼主没有攻击，那就是Nevertheless, Clearview's mayor promises
many new programs to improve schools,streets, and public services。
到底这些program真的有必要吗，会见效吗，对老人的生活有改善吗？school的受益者似乎是儿童哦？。天气那个点没必要攻击。
就说这么说了，希望对楼主有帮助。很晚了，先去睡了。

ministry10UID: 2666141

多谢！~意见很中肯啊~
祝你AW考试成功！！高分高分哈！！加油！
2# 蘅芜雪

ministry10UID: 2666141

恩~谢谢~我会认真看看~！
3# linyang42

ministry10UID: 2666141

改的好仔细啊~谢谢！互相帮助一起努力啦！
4# linyang42