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[未归类] 范文分析及例子积累 每天一点进步一点思考 [复制链接]

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Golden Apple

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发表于 2005-12-19 13:00:53 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
我打算从今天开始停下来好好做些思考和学习积累的工作,争取每天做一些,每天进步一点,每天获得一点知识和养料.
之前的一个月我写了一些作文,感觉越来越不知所措了,对于论证和语言都明显感到无法进步的苦恼和焦急.正好马上要考试了,完整的写很多作文也是不现实了,我打算静下心来好好学习积累一点东西,范文的学习和语言思路的积累.
恩恩,我会争取每天都做好这个工作的,希望大家鼓励和督促:):);P;P

[ Last edited by 果小冻 on 2005-12-21 at 17:38 ]
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Gemini双子座 荣誉版主 QQ联合登录

沙发
发表于 2005-12-19 13:02:56 |只看该作者
up~沙发
人生太短
出手要更大

旁观者不需理解
  
赢得风光
豪得精彩

自己偏偏感觉失败
  
自尊心都可以出卖
忘记我也是无坏  
连幸福都输掉醉在长街

依然是我最大  

连梦想洒一地再任人踩 依然笑得爽快

WELCOME TO GRE作文版

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板凳
发表于 2005-12-19 13:12:04 |只看该作者
good
小小加油

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Golden Apple

地板
发表于 2005-12-19 13:23:59 |只看该作者

12月19号,范文思考

Issue test1
"Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."  

6
Technology, broadly defined as the use of tools, has a long history. [一个大背景] Ever since Erg the caveman first conked an animal with a rock, people have been using technology.  For thousands of years, the use of tools allowed people to move ever closer together.  Because fields could be cultivated and the technology to store food existed, people would live in cities rather than in small nomadic tribes.[这三个句子说的都是科技带来的正面作用,每个句子都是恰当且适得其所的,从现象-作用-原因,这让我想到了自己对于论证一向的疑惑,对于每个句子的关系我一直把握的不好,是否应该从连接词的合理使用,内容的层层深入来做好呢?另外范文的语言都是很实在的]  Only very lately have Erg's descendants come to question the benefits of technology. [这里很好的提到了题目,并且也没有用那些老的要死的话,I agree with或者disagree with之类的] The Industrial Revolution introduced and spread technologies that mechanized many tasks.  As a result of the drive toward more efficient production and distribution (so the ever larger cities would be supported), people began to act as cogs in the technological machine.[语言都很形象] Clothing was no longer produced by groups of women sewing and gossiping together, but by down-trodden automation's operating machinery in grim factories.[读到这里我突然想,之前我们写的文章开头都很模式化,简单的表明观点,句子也就三个左右搞定了,这篇范文的开头虽然长但觉得一点也不多余,每个句子都有着特殊的作用]

The benefits of the new technology of today, computers and the internet, are particularly ambiguous.  They have made work ever more efficient and knit the world together in a web of information and phone lines.  [看到这里我感觉到,范文都是先出一个总领性强的句子,然后接着会有一个具体化的阐释句子,连接的很好,相辅相成]Some visionaries speak of a world in which Erg need not check in to his office; he can just dial in from home.  He won't need to go to a bar to pick up women because there are all those chat rooms.  Hungry?  Erg orders his groceries from an online delivery service.  Bored?  Download a new game.  And yet...[这里的句子很活泼,并且并列的很好]

Many people, myself included, are a little queasy about that vision.  Erg may be doing work, but is it real work?  Are his online friends real friends?  Does anything count in a spiritual way if it's just digital? [承接上段,给出了疑问,其实也很好的点了题目,句子还是一样的活泼] Since the Industrial Revolution, we have been haunted by the prospect that we are turning into our machines: efficient, productive, soulless. [生动] The newest technologies, we fear, are making us flat as our screens, turning us into streams of bits of interchangeable data.  We may know a lot of people, but we have few real friends.  We have a lot of things to do, but no reason to do them.  In short, the new technology emphasizes a spiritual crisis that has been building for quite some time.[句子的结构并列的很好,然后显得很有气势,但也没有一味的陈列现象,而是都扣紧中心的,和上文照应的,最后的总结很贴切]

As I try to unravel which I believe about the relative merits of technology, I think it is instructive to remember technology's original result.[上面是展示一些现象,现在开始思考,开始给出作者自己的观点,这个句子很明显的引出了下文]  A better plow meant easier farming, more food, longer lives, and more free time to pursue other things such as art.  Our newest technology does not give us more free time; it consumes our free time. [前后的对比很强] We are terminally distracted from confronting ourselves or each other.  We stay safe, and lonely, in our homes and offices rather than taking the risk of meeting real people or trying new things.[还是觉得形象,恩]

While I am certainly not a Luddite, I do believe we need to look for a bit more balance between technology and life. [观点,我突然想到,作者这样在后面才明确说出自己的观点,没事吗?]We have to tear ourselves away from the fatal distractions and go out into the world.  Technology has given us long lives and endless supplies of information.  Now we need to apply that information, use the time we're not spending conking our dinner with a club, and find our reasons for living.


COMMENTARY
This outstanding response displays cogent reasoning, insightful, persuasive analysis, and superior control of language.  The essay immediately identifies the complexities of the issue and then playfully explores both the benefits and the drawbacks of technological developments over the course of human history.  The writer maintains that a "balance between technology and life" is necessary if humans are going to abate the loneliness that is part of modern existence.

[这个范文让我想到了写那类好处和坏处并存的事物的作文,文中的对比时时被作者强调着,句子很活泼,前后照应的很好]

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Golden Apple

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发表于 2005-12-19 13:27:07 |只看该作者

希望大家也可以把自己的思考留在这里,呵呵

恩恩,一起写作文,一起学习,一起积累

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发表于 2005-12-19 16:31:12 |只看该作者
喜欢小小!支持小小!
小小一定要把这个贴继续下去啊,安婧打算在此常驻了!
加油哦!

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Golden Apple

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发表于 2005-12-19 16:47:56 |只看该作者

好的饿,嘿嘿

安婧,我们一起做下去,到成功的那天为止

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Golden Apple

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发表于 2005-12-19 16:58:28 |只看该作者

12月19号 学习帖子 关于用词思考

有个帖子,是关于语言的,觉得很好.看了很有帮助,大家可以看看
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1
恩,之前我的语言一直是自己头疼的地方,句式单调,用词重复,然后就造成了论证上的重复,哈哈又臭又长,就是我的作文了.现在总结一下:
1,词语要注意变化,这方面可以通过积累来弥补,也许没办法做的象那些优秀作文那样出彩,但天道酬勤,我永远相信这个.不要用来用去总是那么几个老的掉牙的词.
2,句子多变,用了设问等多种句式,然后长短句结合,有些词语的重复起到了很好的强调作用
3注意运用恰当的连接词,可以让文章显得有条理.
恩,暂且总结到这里,想到再补充,大家有想法欢迎跟哦.呵呵

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发表于 2005-12-19 19:14:35 |只看该作者
还有我也加入一个,觉得思考真的很重要,小小这个建议很好。也希望大家都对文章发表意见
让我们在寄托里相互帮助鼓励,一同寻找生命里的寄托

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Golden Apple

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发表于 2005-12-19 22:03:15 |只看该作者

恩恩,呵呵

来吧,一个人的思考是有限的,大家一起努力才好呢

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Golden Apple

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发表于 2005-12-19 22:41:22 |只看该作者

12月19号 积累教育类的例子和材料

恩恩,从11姐姐整理的东西上学到很多
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;page=1#pid2151960

大学教育的缺陷之一
Any serious educational theory must consist of two parts: a conception of the ends of life, and a science of psychological dynamics, i.e. of the laws of mental change. Two men who differ as to the ends of life cannot hope to agree about education. The educational machine, throughout Western civilization, is dominated by two ethical theories: that of Christianity, and that of nationalism. These two, when taken seriously, are incompatible, as is becoming evident in Germany. For my part, I hold that, where they differ, Christianity is preferable, but where they agree, both are mistaken. The conception which I should substitute as the purpose of education is civilization, a term which, as I mean it, has a definition which is partly individual, partly social. It consists, in the individual, of both intellectual and moral qualities: intellectually, a certain minimum of general knowledge, technical skill in one's own profession, and a habit of forming opinions on evidence; morally, of impartiality, kindliness, and a modicum of self-control.这里的展开很好,可以用到自己的文章里撒 I should add a quality which is neither moral nor intellectual, but perhaps physiological: zest and joy of life这个提法好的很. In communities, civilization demands respect for law, justice as between man and man, purposes not involving permanent injury to any section of the human race, and intelligent adaptation of means to ends. If these are to be the purpose of education, it is a question for the science of psychology to consider what can be done towards realizing them, and, in particular, what degree of freedom is likely to prove most effective.

On the question of freedom in education there are at present three main schools of thought, deriving partly from differences as to ends and partly from differences in psychological theory.其实这个句子用在自己的文章里,在过度方面都是很好的呢 There are those who say that children should be completely free, however bad they may be; there are those who say they should be completely subject to authority, however good they may be; and there are those who say they should be free, but in spite of freedom they should be always good. 哈哈,好整齐的句子哦,不仅让我获取了知识,还学会了写作方法This last party is larger than it has any logical right to be; children, like adults, will not all be virtuous if they are all free. The belief that liberty will ensure moral perfection is a relic of Rousseauism, and would not survive a study of animals and babies. Those who hold this belief think that education should have no positive purpose, but should merely offer an environment suitable for spontaneous development. I cannot agree with this school, which seems to me too individualistic, and unduly indifferent to the importance of knowledge. We live in communities which require co-operation, and it would be utopian to expect all the necessary co-operation to result from spontaneous impulse. The existence of a large population on a limited area is only possible owing to science and technique; education must, therefore, hand on the necessary minimum of these. The educators who allow most freedom are men whose success depends upon a degree of benevolence, self-control, and trained intelligence which can hardly be generated where every impulse is left unchecked; their merits, therefore, are not likely to be perpetuated if their methods are undiluted. Education, viewed from a social standpoint, must be something more positive than a mere opportunity for growth. It must, of course, provide this, but it must also provide a mental and moral equipment which children cannot acquire entirely for themselves. 这里的论述真的是妙啊,呵呵恩恩,收下了

The arguments in favour of a great degree of freedom in education are derived not from man's natural goodness, but from the effects of authority, both on those who suffer it and on those who exercise it. Those who are subject to authority become either submissive or rebellious, and each attitude has its drawbacks.

The submissive lose initiative, both in thought and action; moreover, the anger generated by the feeling of being thwarted tends to find an outlet in bullying those who are weaker. That is why tyrannical institutions are self-perpetuating: what a man has suffered from his father he inflicts upon his son, and the humiliations which he remembers having endured at his public school he passes on to Ònatives" when he becomes an empire-builder. Thus an unduly authoritative education turns the pupils into timid tyrants, incapable of either claiming or tolerating originality in word or deed. The effect upon the educators is even worse: they tend to become sadistic disciplinarians, glad to inspire terror, and content to inspire nothing else. As these men represent knowledge, the pupils acquire a horror of knowledge, which, among the English upper-class, is supposed to be part of human nature, but is really part of the well-grounded hatred of the authoritarian pedagogue.

Rebels, on the other hand,, though they may be necessary, can hardly be just to what exists. Moreover, there are many ways of rebelling, and only a small minority of these are wise. Galileo was a rebel and was wise; believers in the flat-earth theory are equally rebels, but are foolish. (这个例子也可以用来论述新手老手的那道题) There is a great danger in the tendency to suppose that opposition to authority is essentially meritorious and that unconventional opinions are bound to be correct: no useful purpose is served by smashing lamp-posts or maintaining Shakespeare to be no poet. Yet this excessive rebelliousness is often the effect that too much authority has on spirited pupils. And when rebels become educators, they sometimes encourage defiance in their pupils, for whom at the same time they are trying to produce a perfect environment, although these two aims are scarcely compatible.

What is wanted is neither submissiveness nor rebellion, but good nature, and general friendliness both to people and to new ideas. These qualities are due in part to physical causes, to which old-fashioned educators paid too little attention; but they are due still more to freedom from the feeling of baffled impotence which arises when vital impulses are thwarted. If the young are to grow into friendly adults, it is necessary, in most cases, that they should feel their environment friendly. This requires that there should be a certain sympathy with the child's important desires, and not merely an attempt to use him for some abstract end such as the glory of God or the greatness of one's country. And, in teaching, every attempt should be made to cause the pupil to feel that it is worth his while to know what is being taught-at least when this is true. When the pupil co-operates willingly, he learns twice as fast and with half the fatigue. All these are valid reasons for a very great degree of freedom.

It is easy, however, to carry the argument too far. It is not desirable that children, in avoiding the vices of the slave, should acquire those of the aristocrat. Consideration for others, not only in great matters, but also in little everyday things,很好的句子 is an essential element in civilization, without which social life would be intolerable. I am not thinking of mere forms of politeness, such as saying "please" and "thank you": formal manners are most fully developed among barbarians, and diminish with every advance in culture. I am thinking rather of willingness to take a fair share of necessary work, to be obliging in small ways that save trouble on the balance. Sanity itself is a form of politeness and it is not desirable to give a child a sense of omnipotence, or a belief that adults exist only to minister to the pleasures of the young. And those who disapprove of the existence of the idle rich are hardly consistent if they bring up their children without any sense that work is necessary, and without the habits that make continuous application possible.

There is another consideration to which some advocates of freedom attach too little importance. In a community of children which is left without adult interference there is a tyranny of the stronger, which is likely to be far more brutal than most adult tyranny. If two children of two or three years old are left to play together, they will, after a few fights, discover which is bound to be the victor, and the other will then become a slave. Where the number of children is larger, one or two acquire complete mastery, and the others have far less liberty than they would have if the adults interfered to protect the weaker and less pugnacious. Consideration for others does not, with most children, arise spontaneously, but has to be taught, and can hardly be taught except by the exercise of authority. This is perhaps the most important argument against the abdication of the adults.

I do not think that educators have yet solved the problem of combining the desirable forms of freedom with the necessary minimum of moral training. (从MORAL的角度来论述教育工作者工作的缺陷)The right solution, it must be admitted, is often made impossible by parents before the child is brought to an enlightened school. just as psychoanalysts, from their clinical experience, conclude that we are all mad, so the authorities in modern schools, from their contact with pupils whose parents have made them unmanageable, are disposed to conclude that all children are "difficult" and all parents utterly foolish. Children who have been driven wild by parental tyranny (which often takes the form of solicitous affection) may require a longer or shorter period of complete liberty before they can view any adult without suspicion. But children who have been sensibly handled at home can bear to be checked in minor ways, so long as they feel that they are being helped in the ways that they themselves regard as important. Adults who like children, and are not reduced to a condition of nervous exhaustion by their company, can achieve a great deal in the way of discipline without ceasing to be regarded with friendly feelings by their pupils.

I think modern educational theorists are inclined to attach too much importance to the negative virtue of not interfering with children, and too little to the positive merit of enjoying their company.If you have the sort of liking for children that many people have for horses or dogs, they will be apt to respond to your suggestions, and to accept prohibitions, perhaps with some good-humoured grumbling, but without resentment. It is no use to have the sort of liking that consists in regarding them as a field for valuable social endeavour, or what amounts to the same thingÑas an outlet for power-impulses. No child will be grateful for an interest in him that springs from the thought that he will have a vote to be secured for your party or a body to be sacrificed to king and country. The desirable sort of interest is that which consists in spontaneous pleasure in the presence of children, without any ulterior purpose. Teachers who have this quality will seldom need to interfere with children's freedom, but will be able to do so, when necessary, without causing psychological damage.

Unfortunately, it is utterly impossible for over-worked teachers to preserve an instinctive liking for children; they are bound to come to feel towards them as the proverbial confectioner's apprentice does towards macaroons. I do not think that education ought to be anyone's whole profession: it should be undertaken for at most two hours a day by people whose remaining hours are spent away from children. The society of the young is fatiguing, especially when strict discipline is avoided. Fatigue, in the end, produces irritation, which is likely to express itself somehow, whatever theories the harassed teacher may have taught himself or herself to believe. The necessary friendliness cannot be preserved by self-control alone. But where it exists, it should be unnecessary to have rules in advance as to how "naughty" children are to be treated, since impulse is likely to lead to the right decision, and almost any decision will be right if the child feels that you like him. No rules, however wise, are a substitute for affection and tact.


总的来说,这篇文章的观点是what freedom to children should be included in education, 但是具体引用,可以把这个观点推广,就是说明大学教育的缺陷问题

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Golden Apple

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发表于 2005-12-19 22:44:28 |只看该作者

至此

2005年12月19号做了一个很好的开头
哈哈,我很开心,很高兴,很充实,恩恩,明天继续,做好分析以及积累工作

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发表于 2005-12-19 23:25:38 |只看该作者

来晚了~~~~

小小好样的!今天来不及了,明天我也来!作文不能放松的

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发表于 2005-12-19 23:38:32 |只看该作者
小小真是很活跃那~~~加油~~~!
小小以前的作文也写得很好的, 缺点每个人都是有的~~~
一起加油!!

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发表于 2005-12-19 23:47:45 |只看该作者

恩,不错!

提个小小的建议:
对我们小组已经写过得分类和相应的题目可以,好好总结或者找一些素材!
拾漏补缺,在还有印象的时候强化一下,才会成为自己真正的东西,而且印象也会比较深刻了!

加油!:victory:

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RE: 范文分析及例子积累 每天一点进步一点思考 [修改]
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