笑笑的直属作文当铺

zenglingyuanUID：2773905

欢迎光临 货不精致 却个个用心 期待你的宝贵意见

目前三大问题
1. 拼写错误过多 语法不牢——参加《一日一写 每天健康又快乐》 和薄冰实用语法
2.实例不够——————暂时没想到
3.联系题目——————反复审题  准备理由分类 没看清题目之 前不动笔

zenglingyuanUID：2773905

  With the high level of industrialization,most of the land is used for constructing the urban,such as building a house or business mall.consequently,the resource of land runs shortage.As things stand now, giving the land for portecting the animals or making human lives a better life becomes a heated issue that triggers a conversaton among many scientists. In my perspective, giving the land to human is more reasonable and meaningful.

  First of all, improving the quality of human’s life will surely contribute to improve the enthusiasm of protecting animanls .Which in turn save animal`s life.The Poverty encourage a growing number of people sacrifice their moralities and even violate the law to gain some illegal benefits. The numeber tells a better story than anything else,accroding to a healthy organisation`s research，80％dweller think that buying a house costs too much and most of them cannot affod it.The homeless rummage through trash cans for food. The poor workers,with an inadequate income,have no choice but to live in a dingy and run—dowm apartment.even the well eduated workers have to spend most of their income on paying rent for the high rent. How can you prospect a homeless person help endangerous animals?They even cannot raise himself .Thus,using the extra land for these people who struggle to live is the first problem we should solve. only then can we protect the animal more efficient.  % V9 O" {7 I

  In addition, Land is not the only key to save the endangerous animals,I even doubt it would not be a profitable bussiness.There are countless factors influence the number of endangered animal.For example,on the evening of April 20, the Deepwater Horizon oil rig exploded, between 93.5 million and 184.3 million gallons of crude have been spilled into the gulf of Mexico.casing hundres of anmals ,include some precious species,dead and the gulf of Mexico will never ever go back as it before. we can named it the death gulf now. Needless to mention the global warm ,poullted air or forst fires. So I believed the problem of land is not the first thing we need to deal with

I cannot deny that reserving the land for endangered animal is an useful way to draw people’s attention to protect endangered animals,but the disadvantages of the lans?  for animal clearly cannot outweigh the drawbacks.we need a more efficient and flexible paln for endangered animals.Therefore I strongly support reserving land for human being is more important than for endangerous animal.

伶女UID：2797207

It is widely believed that to reserve land for endangerous animals is more important than for human being,because human have the responsiblity to  the  anmal,which almost die out by human"s kill, perhaps we might burde the ersponibilty. But I do not think to reserve land for the animal could save the problem. on the contrast, Gaven land to human being will be more reasonable and acceptable.
    First of all, improving the quality of human’s life will surely contribute to endangerous animals, the去掉 people who support to reserve land for endangerous animals is fail to take into account that prvoerty is a essential threaten这里是对的 to the animals. The homeless rummage thourgh trash cans for food. The poor worker,with a inadequate income,have no choice but to live in a dingy and run—dowm apartment.even the well eduated have to spend most of their income on paying rent. Neddless to say很中文,if living in such a situation,no wonder（it is no doubt that） the number of smuggle grown用will grow好点 year by year. With high profit provided ,many people ignore the morality ,the law , even thire own life.so extra land to these people ,what就is like就行 water is to fish.only then can we protect the animal more efficient.  
  In additional, reserving land for animals cannot save all the problems,I even doubt it would not be a profitable bussiness.There are countless factors （that could） influence the number of endangerous animal.such as a earthquck or fire （can） cause hunders of animal dead,the global warm affect the number and quailty of grass,which ,in turn, would bring a famine. Needless to mention（no mention就行了） the harmful of polluted water. So I believed the problem of land is not the first thing we need to deal with7 h9 w. J! X2 J" [
    I do not deny that reserving the land for endangerous animal is a useful way to draw people’s attention to protect endangerous animal,but the disadvantage of the land for animal clearly not outweigh这个词很好 the drawbacks.we need a more efficient and flexible paln for endangerous animal.Therefore I strongly favor这后面可以接句子吗 reserving land for human being is more important than for endangerous animal.

很多小问题，单词拼写错误，大小写，单复数，基本搭配，等等等，希望楼主下次写的时候要仔细一点
另外有些地方说法有点中文的味道，要注意
内容方面第二点的理由不够充分，虽然两个理由一个正面说一个反面说最后总结这样的结构挺好的
大致看的话字数有限，应该多加一点内容在第二点理由里

whhckUID：2604077

我喜欢用长句，希望可以给你点帮助：
Struggling in this situation, a growing number of people have learned to sacrifice their moralities and even violate the law for the illegal benefits.

zenglingyuanUID：2773905

4# whhck   谢谢你 正需要长句的润色

hyacinthUID：2184492

it's either 'in addition' or 'additionally'

zenglingyuanUID：2773905

Nowadays , a hot conversation emerges that as to whether students would receive a better, effective education if they were required to attend classes for 11 months of a year.Considerated as a ridiculous policy,countless students object it. on the other hand, some teachers  are supports  it . For me, I deem that there is no one have rights to force sudent studying.
    First of all ,It is necessary for student to rest. NO mattter how talent a student is , he always need time to adjust himself.just like the realtionship between machine and lubricant .spending 11 month on studey will make student exhaustion.image this ,a athlete who try thier best to train even on his vocations,hoping to get a prefect performance on the next semester,find the rueslt more often than not frustratingly unsatisfactory.noly flexible plan and enough restless can bring ultimate success.
    Furthermore, No matter how many hours a student,who lack of interests.spend on studying,and it is doomed to fail and be fooled by fater.as old going says, interests is the best teacher. If there no more time to travel but only enormous homeworks. If there is no more time to learn a new skill,but only  have to pay all your attation to calss days and nights. If there is no more picnic but only stay at school to face the monotony life.Under such a situation,how can you study with passion ?not  moentin ,studying efficient.
    In addtion, student also need voactions to pratice.Obviously, study should not the noly centra of student "s life .It is in vain,if a student cannot apply thier konwledge into life.and It is also esstential that try to connect to the society,which must be a priceless treasure in thrie future.if anyone need to be able to konw more about the society for sxhooling and study,it is a student.
    I do not deny the long-term studny is a chance for both techers and studnets to understand each other better.but  the advantage of studying 11 months clear outweigh the drawbacks.Therefore I strongly supports Students cannot receive a better, effective education if they were required to attend classes for 11 months of a year

ilnlhUID：2641884

needless to say  是标准英语表达方式，韦氏字典也有解释
as is self-evident or to be expected

后面那个可以用not to mention

伶女UID：2797207

Nowadays , a hot conversation emerges that as to？ whether students would receive a better, effective education if they were required to attend classes for 11 months of a year.Considerated as a ridiculous policy,countless students object it. on the other hand, some teachers  are supports  it . For me, I deem that there is no one have rights to force sudent studying.5 }. |9 t8 |/ \; F
    First of all ,It is necessary for student to rest. NO mattter how talent a student is , he always need time to adjust himself.just like the realtionship between machine and lubricant .spending 11 month on studey will make student exhaustion.image this ,a athlete who try thier best to train even on his vocations,hoping to get a prefect performance on the next semester,find the rueslt more often than not frustratingly unsatisfactory.noly flexible plan and enough restless can bring ultimate success.1 |; O& Z" a! l$ C& S9 M
    Furthermore, No matter how many hours a student,who lack of interests.spend on studying,and it is doomed to fail and be fooled by fater这句没懂.as old going says, interests is the best teacher. If there no more time to travel but only enormous homeworks. If there is no more time to learn a new skill,but only  have to pay all your attation to calss days and nights. If there is no more picnic but only stay at school to face the monotony life.Under（In） such a situation,how can you study with passion ?not  moentin ,studying efficient.放到how前面去，句子中E4 i4 R9 k1 j/ q* p! S
    In addtion, student also need voactions to pratice.Obviously, study should not the noly centra of student "s life .It is in vain感觉不怎么合适,if a student cannot apply thier konwledge into life.and It is also esstential that try to connect to the society,which must be a priceless treasure in thrie future.if anyone need to be able to konw more about the society for sxhooling and study,it is a student.: D# C* ~! k7 f. r8 }% A: d, R: N
    I do not deny the long-term studny is a chance for both techers and studnets to understand each other better.but  the advantage of studying 11 months clearly outweigh是比。。。重要，用这不恰当～ the drawbacks.Therefore I strongly supports Students cannot receive a better, effective education if they were required to attend classes for 11 months of a year

楼主的小问题很多呢～～因该仔细一点～
内容方面，第一个是学生需要休息才有效率，第二个时间长消磨学生热情，第三个学生需要时间接触社会，我觉得都挺好，但是论证的时候有点乱，条理不太清晰
再来句法和词汇上需要加强，这点我和楼主一样，一起加油！！

zenglingyuanUID：2773905

9# 伶女 谢谢 接下来我重点突破写作

ilnlhUID：2641884

need 在表达需要的意思时作及物动词，所以是
he always needs time to adjust himself

zenglingyuanUID：2773905

11# ilnlh   谢谢:)

zenglingyuanUID：2773905

写这片文章的时候就以及骚掉了不少头发了 ，打完更是出气多进气少了。。。错误可能有点多不好意思
  As things stand now, a hot conversation emerges that  it better to watuch serious movies that help people think than to watch movices that  ammuse and entertainment people.some people supports this idear,but others deem its just a prejudice. In my perspective, I am in faovr of the latter asseratiob in term of  my  education and experience.
  First of all,one great thing about comedies is that, you can release yourself form the pressure of study.Laughing is the best healer,No matter how depressed you feel,seeing the exaggerate face ,and funny plot,you will come back to life again.we never forget the master of comedyChaplin，who bring the laughing to the  whole world,and wipe out the sadess during the second world war．
　What"s more，sociological studies have found　that a person，who watching comedy movies,is more easy to keep a　positive　attitude to life．laughing is to people,what water to fish.Once you laugh ,your desire to better life become stronger. since,comedy movies is not just good for your feeling,but for your healthy as well.Forgetting all the despairon yesterday,so we can start a new adventure today.That"s what we can benefit from the comedies.
  In addition, seldom people do realized that comedies still help people thinking.when you noticed a actor"s choice,which you maight be made totally the same,result in a funny ending. you must think over after meeting the same satuation in your own life. one essential difference between comdeies and tragedis  is the extent to which use a happiness to draw audience attention,which is use saddess to draw it.
  I don not deny the serious movies live a deeply impression and moved a lot of people,but the advantages of comedy is clearly outweigh the drawbacks.So,to conclude,It is not better to watch serious movice that help people think than to watch movices that could amuse people

leiqin1521UID：2735936

笑笑，打完之后先放到word里检查一遍拼写错误，把它订正了，这样就节省了大家的时间，看起来也舒服，俺就是这样干的，呵呵
稍后批了发上了

leiqin1521UID：2735936

As things stand now（就目前情况来看，用的不错）, a hot conversation(debate) emerges that  it beeter(better) to watuch(watch) serious movices(movies) that help people think than to watch movices(movies) that  amuse and entertainment people. some people supports this idear(idea),but others deem its just a prejudice. In my perspective, I am in favor of the latter in term of  my  education and experience.

那个conversation之后可以是which is better，the movie that…, or the movie…
In term of…,不知道能不能这样用，还请高人给确认。而且要是自己的阅历的话，后面的主语都应该是I了，而不是you，我觉得啊。我就图省事，直接说for the following reason了。


  First of all, one great things（单数） about comedyis（comedies） that, you can release yourslef（self） form the pressure of study. Laughing is the best healer, No matter how depressed you feel, seeing the exaggerate face, and funny plot, you will come back to life again. we never forget the master of comedy Chaplin，who bring the laughing to the  whole world, and wipe out the sadness during the second world war。

拼写和断句的问题有点让人抓狂，其他的都好了。

　What"s more，ｓｏｃｉｏｌｏｇｉｃａｌstudies have found　that a person，who watching comedy movuces, is　more easy to keep a　postivtive　attitude to life．laughing is to people, what water to fish. Once you laugh ,your desre to better life become stronger. since, comedy movices is not just good for your feeling, but for your heathy as well.  Forgetting all the despairon yesterday, so we are going to be a new adventure today. That’s what we can benefit from the comedy.

有那个study使得说理有力多了，学习啊！还有最好在第一句点出该段的分论点。然后开始展开来论证你的这个分论点。

  In addition, seldom people do realized（原形） that comedy still help people thinking. when you noticed a actor"s choice, which you maight be made totally the same, result in a funny ending. you must think over after meeting thr same satution in your own life. one essential difference between comdey and tragedyis the extent to which use a happiness to draw audience attention, which is use saddess to draw it.- \9 e+ n2 J" p, U. _7 p4 k

第一个论据支持的不太好，后面不是应该思考，而且不由自主的让人去思考，和严肃电影一个效果。最后一个长句也就是第二个论据好似说服力也不强。

  I don not dent the serious movices live a deeply impression and moved a lot of people, but the advantages of comedy is cleary outweigh the drawbacks. So, to conclude, It is not better to watch serious movice that help people think than to watch movices that could amuse people

让步句是亮点，很好。最后可以不要说宁肯看喜剧而不是正剧，觉得应该说看喜剧的advantages。


笑笑，不错，继续加油，多加注意你的拼写和断句哦