远远在笑的作文贴~

远远在笑UID：2742022

练啊练，练啊练！

远远在笑UID：2742022

6.17 Do you think success is important, or it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail?


Nowadays,many people believe that wining is the only way to make their lives meaningful.Once they are lost,or failed,they became too frustrated.For me,I believe that it's more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail than getting success.



In the first place,I would like to say that failure is not a bad thing,that's why we should remain happy and optimistic.Failure doesn't mean the end of your career,it is just a short stop on your way to success.Once you fail,you must have got something from it,right?So you have the experience to get things right.Thomas Edison failed many times before he invented bulbs,but he never stop trying.It's his optimism that brought him the success he deserved.



Also,remaining happy and optimistic when you fail can make you tougher than ever.Don't be defeated by failure,and once you stand up,you are tougher than before.It's not easy to success,people are always being beaten,but if you don't stand up when you fall,you will never see the bright dawn in the near future.So,don't be afraid of failure,dare to fall,and stand up with happiness and optimism.



Last but not the least,failure can make you appreciate more about success.Being through failure can let you know the preciousness of success,and appreciate more about hard working.When you success and look back what you did and what you paid on the way to your goal,you will finally find out that they are all worthy doing.



Everybody wants success,because success can bring you fame,money,and satisfaction.But the road to win is hard.It's a road full of stumbling rocks and brambles.But without hardship,the road can't be perfect.So,we can't deny the failures in the way,but what we can do is to keep happy and optimistic when we fail,which can lead us to success,and more important than success itself.

FFFMZJBUID：2479141

Do you think success is important, or it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail?

Nowadays, many people believe that wining is the only way to make their lives meaningful. Once they are lost, or failed, they became too frustrated. For me, I believe that it's more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail than getting (我不太确定这里用这个形式的动词是否正确，我感觉应该和remain保持对应，但是又没有什么理由，不知道你的想法是？) success.

In the first place, I would like to say that failure is not a bad thing, that’s why we should remain happy and optimistic (可以换些类似的表达之类的哦，be confident之类的，我觉得就是相同的表达尽量别出现在一篇文章，当然我也有这个问题，就是因为平时积累的少，写的时候又写不出来，还是要多写多积累). Failure doesn't mean the end of your career, it is just a short stop on your way to success. Once you fail, you must have got something from it, right? (这句话的意思我是这样理解的：一旦你失败，你肯定会从中得到些什么。我觉得不管你失败不失败，不管你成功还是失败，总归在做的过程中都会得到经验的，你这里说一旦失败就肯定会得到经验我感觉不是很妥，就是说表达的意思不是很地道。You can get lots of relative useful experience though you fail in the end. 或者 no matter success or failure, you will get some useful experience from the process)So you have the experience to get things right. Thomas Edison failed many times before he invented bulbs, but he never stops trying. It’s his optimism that brought him the success he deserved. (爱迪生的例子和强调句都写的很不错，赞)

Also, remaining happy and optimistic (还是表达上的问题) when you fail can make you tougher than ever. Don’t be defeated by failure, and once you stand up, you are tougher than before. It’s not easy to success, people are always being beaten, but if you don't stand up when you fall, you will never see the bright dawn in the near future. So, don't be afraid of failure, dare to fall, and stand up with happiness and optimism.(这段要表达的意思是失败可以使人变得更严格，更坚强之类的意思，是吧。给你的文章看到这里，我突然想到一点，如果我们在写到这个点上的时候举个反面的例子，就是失败了然后放弃了然后肯定没有成功的例子，不知道这样会不会对文章有比较大的起色)

Last but not the least, failure can make you appreciate more about success. Being through failure（这里确定需要放上being？我感觉不放being也可以） can let you know the preciousness of success, and appreciate more about hard working. When you success and look back what you did and what you paid on the way to your goal, you will finally find out that they are all worthy doing. (不管怎样，享受成功带来的喜悦， 失败带来的痛苦，这才是真实的生活，不错的idea)

Everybody want success, because success can bring you fame, money, and satisfaction. But the road to win is hard. It’s a road full of stumbling rocks and brambles.(不错的比喻，呵呵) But without hardship, the road can't be perfect. So, we can't deny the failures in the way, but what we can do is to keep happy and optimistic when we fail, which can lead us to success, and more important than success itself. (结尾简短的总结前面表诉的观点即可)

俺是菜鸟，我也刚刚写了这篇文章，然后看到你的就给你修改了一版，你写的比我的好多了，跟你学习。

一起修改，一起进步，一起加油

远远在笑UID：2742022

3# FFFMZJB 谢谢你哈！我觉得你的反面例子的观点很好，我下次一定用上！还有对我前面那句的改写很好！明天我去学习学习你的~

hjhjhj1984UID：160270

我的作业已交，烦请帮忙修改一下，谢谢
https://bbs.gter.net/viewth ... 89055&page=1&extra=

3楼

你的作业我会今天下午或晚上修改
3# FFFMZJB

hjhjhj1984UID：160270

已改，见附件

2# 远远在笑

远远在笑UID：2742022

6# hjhjhj1984
谢谢修改！
我们两个在the的用法上有些出入，有些地方到底要不要加the我也搞不清,我给你加the你给我删the...直接晕了...

远远在笑UID：2742022

6.19
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement :It is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than to save money for the future(09.03.14)

Many people like traveling.But,with the emerge of the economic crisis,saving money for the future is becoming more and more popular.Many people believe that it is necessary to save money because money are harder to earn now than in the past and it is still a wonder whether we can afford the bill we need to pay tomorrow.However,I still believe that spending money on traveling and vacation is more important.I will illustrate my reasons in the following paragraphs.

First of all,traveling can make us relax.After a long period of hard working,staying at home and watching the scene you see day after day isn't a good choice.Boring life will give you much burden andl finally kill you.So,going out and setting foot in the places you eagerly want to go may be a wise choice.Fresh air and wonderful views are always sounding attractive,and you can leave the workload behind so that you will have the chance to enjoy the imaginary life without being pushed by your boss and the pressure of living.

What's more,traveling may gain you the opportunity to work better.Why do I say so?Because if you travel to anther place,you may occasionally find some inspiration that can contribute to your work,or open anther door to your career.Lots of people have the experience,and my uncle is one of them,He was working in a multinational company but didn't work well and felt overloaded.So he went on a trip to Germany.During his vocation,he drank a kind of black beer and liked it.Later he introduced the beer into my country and left his work to began his new work:beer selling.Now he's doing very well and felling very enjoyful.

There are also other good aspects of traveling,like making friends and making yourself knowledgeble.So,although saving money seems to let you hold lots of deposits,I think spending money on  traveling and vacation will be a better choice.It's another form of investment,is'nt it?

kaolaliangUID：2758807

Many people like traveling.But(but 貌似没有however、thus等正式哦 不看下文，以为这里是你要表达的论点，一般转折后就是论点吧，个人认为这样一目了然， 而下文又有however， 所以这里最好用别的连接词),with the emerge of the economic crisis,saving money for the future is becoming more and more popular.Many people believe that it is necessary to save money because money are harder to earn now than in the past and it is still a wonder whether we can afford the bill we need to pay tomorrow.However,I still believe that spending money on traveling and vacation is more important（er）.I will illustrate my reasons（感觉比较累赘 不如： my reasons list） in the following paragraphs.

    First of all,traveling can make us relax.After a long period of hard working,staying at home and watching the scene（？ the same thing？） you see day after day （that）isn't a good choice.Boring life will give you much burden and（then 好点？） finally kill you（口语化了点~）.So,going out and setting foot（好~） in the places you eagerly want to go may be a wise choice.Fresh air and wonderful views are always sounding attractive,and you can leave the workload behind so that you will have the chance to enjoy the imaginary life without being pushed by your boss and the pressure of living.3 V5 q6 f( Q: V* @

    What's more,traveling may gain you the opportunity to work better.Why do I say so（？）?Because if you travel to anther place,you may occasionally find some inspiration that can contribute to your work,or open anther door to your career.Lots of people have the experience,and my uncle is one of them,He was working in a multinational company but didn't work well and felt overloaded.So he went on a trip to Germany.During his vocation,he drank a kind of black beer and liked it.Later he introduced the beer into my country and left his work to began his new work:beer selling.Now he's doing very well and felling very enjoyful（可以这样feel enjoyful?）.
O7 r$ i3 h

    There are also other good aspects of traveling,like making friends and making yourself knowledgeble.So,although saving money seems to let you hold lots of deposits,I think spending money on  traveling and vacation will be a better choice.It's another form of investment,is'nt it?

conclusion： 优点：全文逻辑清楚，结构紧凑
                   缺点：楼主你有些地方写的蛮啰嗦的，不知道是不是为了凑字数。。 呵呵
                   建议：2个分论点之外，最好单独能有个让步论点，这样子会显得饱满许多~

远远在笑UID：2742022

Many people like traveling.But(but 貌似没有however、thus等正式哦 不看下文，以为这里是你要表达的论点，一般转折后就是论点吧，个人认为这样一目了然， 而下文又有however， 所以这里最好用别的连接词),with the ...
kaolaliang 发表于 2010-6-22 07:53

这篇文章写让步段实践不太够，所以就没有写了~
thanks~

kaolaliangUID：2758807

前两天太忙了，没来的及改，sorry

远远在笑UID：2742022

6.22
Sometimes, if you can not say anything nice to someone, you should say nothing at all

What would you do if you can not say something good when someone want you to comment about him?Would you just be straight and tell him what you really think of him?For me,I would rather say nothing at all in such situation.Here are my reasons.

First of all,speaking straightly can hurt the listener's confidence and happy mood.Imagine that when you hear someone tell you that you are not good,how will you react?Most people will be disapointed and feel depressed because what they expected to hear are something good,not the opposite things.Although you didn't mean to hurt anyone, you have actually let your listener down.

Additionally,sometimes telling the truth to someone can hurt the relationship between you and him.No one thinks that he himself is bad.And when you tell people things that they don't want to hear,they will condemn you for your not giving them the praise they deserve.Thus,estrangement appears between you two and your friendship seems to be less intimate than before.

Last but not the least,if you say something inappropriate to someone,other listeners will regard you as a man who likes to judge and criticize others.Being in this situation,others will stay away from you and sooner or later you will find that your friends are getting less.

We must admit that speaking the truth is a honest morality,but sometimes if you say something that your listener does't what to hear or even hates,you will get your self in some difficult situations.We all know the saying:Don't trouble troubles until trouble troubles you.So why do we have to get ourselves in troubles?Keeping our mouth closed in some tough situations can be a better choice.

So,as a conclusion,my opinion is that in order to let ourselves out of troubles and keep a good relationship with others,we should say nothing at all when we can't say something good.

junedreamjuneUID：2700743

What would you do if you can not saysomething good when someone want you to comment about him?Would you just bestraight and tell him what you really think of him?For me,I would rather saynothing at all in such situation.Here are my reasons.

First of all,speaking straightly can hurtthe listener's confidence and happy mood.Imagine that (delete) when you hear someonetell you that you are not good,how will you react?Most people will bedisapointed and feel depressed because what they expected to hear are (is) somethinggood,not the opposite things (delete).Although you didn't mean to hurt anyone, you haveactually let your listener down.

Additionally,sometimes telling the truth tosomeone can hurt the relationship between you and him.No one thinks that hehimself is bad.And when you tell people things that they don't want tohear,they will condemn you for your not giving them the praise theydeserve.Thus,estrangement appears between you two and your friendship seems tobe less intimate than before.

Last but not the least,if you say somethinginappropriate to someone,other listeners (outsiders) will regard you as a man (建议改成person-if the judger is a feminist) who likes tojudge and criticize others.Being in this situation,others will stay away fromyou and sooner or later you will find that your friends are getting less.

We must admit that speaking the truth is ahonest morality,but sometimes if you say something that your listener does'twhat to hear or even hates (say what your listeners don't want or even hate to hear),you will get your self in some difficultsituations (a dilemma).We all know the saying:Don't trouble troubles until trouble troublesyou.So why do we have to get ourselves in troubles?Keeping our mouths closed insome tough situations can be a better choice.


Basically, 文章结构清晰主旨论点明确，句式用语除了有些地方拖沓了一些都还不错（其实我也是这样的毛病），
不过感觉立论有些问题：say nothing if one cannot say nice words=say nothing if truths hurt sb? 如果立论更恰当一些，可能example proposition就会更好了~

远远在笑UID：2742022

13# junedreamjune

谢谢修改！改的比较到位！

potpourriUID：2834146

What would youdo if you can not say something good when someone want you to comment abouthim?Would you just be straight and tell him what you really think of him?For me,Iwould rather say nothing at all in such situation.Here are my reasons.

First ofall,speaking straightly can hurt the listener's confidence and happymood.Imagine that when you hear someone tell you that you are not good,how willyou react?Most people will be disappointed andfeel depressed because what they expected to hear are something good, not the opposite things(用rather than 或者 instead of 连接更好吧). Although you didn't mean to hurtanyone, you have actually let your listener down.(恩恩写的地道，学习)

Additionally,sometimestelling the truth to someone can hurt the relationship between you and him.No one thinks that he himself is bad(有点别扭).And when you tell people things thatthey don't want to hear,they will condemn you for your not giving them thepraise they deserve(condemn you for stinting your appreciation更简洁).Thus,estrangement appears between youtwo and your friendship seems to be less intimate than before.

Last but notthe least,if you say something inappropriate to someone,other listeners willregard you as a man who likes to judge and criticize others.Being in this situation(去掉being),others will stay away from you and sooner or lateryou will find thatyour friends are getting less.


We must admitthat speaking the truth is a honest morality,but sometimes if you say somethingthat your listener doesn’t what to hear or evenhates to hear(添加) 或者改成your listener disinclines/dislikes even hates to hear,you will get your self in some difficultsituations.We all know the saying:Don't trouble troubles until trouble troublesyou.So why do we have to get ourselves in troubles?Keeping our mouth closed insome tough situations can be a better choice.

So,as aconclusion,my opinion is that in order to let ourselves out of troubles andkeep a good relationship with others,we should say nothing at all when we can'tsay something good.

结构清晰！而且我觉得是不是有递进的安排？挺巧妙的~~~
可能在语言表达上不够出彩，和我的问题很像，有时候中式思维，哈哈，一起加油啦!